With a weak smile, I sit next to her, trying to look casual .
“Listen, I’m sorry if I was too harsh,” she sighs .
“Oh, no. Don’t even worry about it,” I say, trying to hide the pain in my voice .
She holds her hands out, palms up, then lets them fall against her knees. “It’s just that… everything is so complicated. Keeping this a secret… not being able to tell my parents about us… it’s too hard. How can I show up with an engagement ring? Even if you did really love me? Like really love me ?”
I nod, not knowing what else to say .
“That’s what an engagement is for, Ethan. I don’t want a proposal out of duty .”
Duty. That’s a strong word, in my book. It’s a good reason to do most things. Her rejection stings, lancing through to the center of me. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this awful .
She leans back, tipping her face up to the sky. “It’s really beautiful up there. You can see the stars tonight, did you notice ?”
“I did notice .”
Her hand reaches out and finds mine, and she curls her knuckles against my palm like she always does, nestling her fingers inside my hand like a bird inside a nest. After a few seconds I shift on the sofa, leaning back as well. The moon is full, illuminating streaky clouds from behind .
Quietly she crawls along the cushions until she’s half on my lap, her head against my chest, gazing up at the sky with me. She pulls my arms around her and holds my hands over her swelling belly .
“We’ll figure it all out,” I whisper into her hair, kissing the top of her head. I need to figure this out. I need a plan. It can’t just stay like this. She’s right .
She shifts, turning around to face me, sitting astride my hips with a mischievous smirk on her lips .
“I’m totally impressed that you put all this together, though,” she smirks. “Candles and starlight? That’s really pretty awesome .”
My hands automatically find her hips and I slide my thumbs under the hem of her shirt so I can feel the warmth of her skin .
“Anything for you, Ava. Did you see how I got you a full moon and everything ?”
She nods, opening her eyes dramatically .
“You got full moon, just for me?” she coos, beginning to giggle .
“I am a billionaire, after all,” I shrug .
“That you are, Boss,” she sighs, leaning forward to kiss me. As she shifts her weight, I feel the outline of her bones and muscles rocking against my cock. I’m instantly hard, wanting her immediately. Even as she gets more pregnant, I find I only want her more, want to impress every part of me on her .
Her lips are gentle, sliding back and forth across mine as her hair curls over my shoulders, tickling my neck. She runs her tongue over my upper lip, teasing me by rolling her hips against me .
“Oh my God, you’re so hard,” she sighs, opening her mouth to bite gently at my lower lip. She moans softly and rocks, pulsing against me .
My thumbs find the sides of her panties and pull, tugging the elastic down over her ample thighs. She frees my cock from my trousers with one hand, stroking my shaft and purring with satisfaction. She balances herself over me, teasing me, making me wait. Her warmth and wetness drift over me, making me crazy .
“Do it, Ava,” I beg her, gripping her hips tightly .
She raises her eyebrows playfully. “Do what?” she asks innocently .
I groan with need. “Fuck me, baby,” I moan. “Get on my cock .”
With a smile, she lowers herself onto me. I could feel every ridge of her hot, deep pussy as it slides millimeter by millimeter over my quivering shaft. Slowly she retreats, then back down she comes, tight and slick. Her hips circle luxuriously, taking every inch of me up to the hilt. She buries me inside her beautiful, fertile body, making me a part of her .
We go more slowly than we ever have before, watching each other, letting the passion build and build. Letting the stars witness what we’ve made together. When we climax, it’s a mixture of passion and pain, with all the emotions flooding out like something has broken free .
I bury my face against her neck, not wanting her to see through me, to see how wounded I feel. She’s so close, yet still so far away .
Chapter 40
AVA
B ea taps vengefully at the keyboard, making disgusted faces at the screen. I try to ignore her as I shuffle around the room, kicking stubbornly at boxes, trying to imagine how this is ever going to accommodate a couple of babies .
Can babies sleep in bunk beds? Can they sleep together? This room is so small, I can’t believe I’m paying for two bedrooms. It’s basically a closet, with another closet in it .
Babies. Oh my gosh. Every time I say that to myself, I freak out just a little bit .
“Okay, what the hell is a breast pump?” Bea sneers. “Aren’t your breasts big enough already, right now? They’re scary big, Ava. Terrifying .”
I can’t help but glance down, and she’s got a point. My breasts are ginormous, verging on absurd. The rest of me hasn’t caught up yet, even though I’ve gotten a little bit thicker. But in comparison to the boobs, my belly hasn’t really gotten significantly bigger .
“A breast pump is for storing milk. You pump it out, not pump the breasts up .”
“Milk?” she raises an eyebrow at me .
“Breast milk,” I explain. “Did you not pay attention at all in healthcare class? Any of those women’s studies classes cover this at all ?”
“Women studies has absolutely nothing to do with actual women stuff, I’ll have you know,” she informs me archly. “Mostly we talked about the patriarchy .”
“Well, that’s messed up,” I sigh, considering a mural on this wall. Babies like murals, right ?
“You’re telling me. Okay… a changing table? One or two ?”
“Zero. Mom says changing tables are a waste of space. And babies can fall off of them. I’ll just use the bed or floor or something .”
“Well, that’s terrifying,” she scowls, stabbing at the keyboard again .
“What website are you on, anyway?” I ask, suddenly curious .
“Craigslist,” she says distractedly. “How about a racecar bed? Is it too soon to get one of those? Those are cool .”
“Hold on. I am not buying anything for my babies on Craigslist, okay? Everybody on there’s just a scammer anyway, trying to get you to a parking lot to sell you drugs or bash you over the head and steal your purse .”
Her eyes widen and she snaps the laptop closed. “Well, I did not know that. You learn something new every day, I guess .”
“If you’re lucky,” I quip .
Raising my arms, I turn in a half circle. What do I really, really need in here anyway? Crib? Dresser? Baby stuff can’t possibly take up that much room .
In fact, I could live in here and give them my room. If I have to have two cribs, the bigger space would really come in handy .
“Hey, maybe your mom still has some of your baby stuff. Did you ask her?” Bea suggests helpfully .
“Oh… that’s a really good idea. Yeah, let me just text her. I could probably run up this weekend and — ”
“And what ?”
My breath is caught in my throat. I stare at the face of my cell phone, beginning to tremble .
“Ava? You okay? Are you in labor ?”
I can’t answer her. I’m still trying to make sense of the alert on the front of my phone. It’s an email for my mother. Just the first fifteen words, but it’s enough .
“Ava?” she says again, carefully reaching for my phone. She takes it from my hand and glances at the front. “Oh my God .”
“I’m going to kill him .”
“You can’t kill him. You’ll go to jail! You’ve got babies on the way !”
I barely hear her as I rush to the living room, snatching my bag off the table and swooping out the door. I’m all nerves, filled with a bright crimson fog that blots out every thought as it starts to boil to the
surface .
When I arrive at Ethan’s condo, he’s sprawled on his sofa, headset in his ear, talking at the ceiling about something or somebody in Malaysia, how he’s leveraging something or other. He holds up one finger and smiles when he sees me, silently asking me to wait .
I glare at him, almost boiling over .
“Yeah, Digger? I’m gonna have to get back to you,” he mutters carefully, squinting at me like I’m a bomb that might go off. “Just shoot me an email with the details. We will work it out .”
Plucking the headphone from his ear he stands up, with his hands out. “Now, Ava, I want you to think really carefully about whatever it is you want say to me. You know I would only do what I thought was best for — ”
“You told them!” I spit out, trembling so hard I think I’m going to fall over. “You went behind my back and you told them ! ”
He takes a step toward me, but I take a step back. There are at least three things within arm’s length that I could throw at him, so I hope he doesn’t try to get any closer. I really don’t .
“You said, remember? You said it couldn’t stay like this, Ava. You’re right. It couldn’t stay a big secret like that. Something had to be done .”
“But they’re my parents! It wasn’t up to you !”
“But you weren’t doing it,” he explains helplessly, holding his hands out .
“I wasn’t ready !”
“Now you don’t have to be ready. That’s good, right? It’s done. The Band-Aid is ripped off. The worst is over !”
The room seems to be getting smaller. Everything falls into a tunnel, with him at the end of it and blackness all around. I can barely breathe, I’m choking on so much emotion .
“Now there’s nobody!” I manage to spit out. “I thought I could trust you, Ethan! Even after everything I know about you… I thought I could trust you !”
He looks hurt, his brow knotting in the middle .
“You can trust me,” he objects quietly .
“How could you ?!”
“Ava, wait,” he says in a small voice. I see the apology on his face, but at this point I can’t care anymore .
“Just stay away from me, Ethan. Just stay away .”
“Ava, you know I can’t do that .”
I point at him, stabbing at the air. “Actually, yes you can!” I yell, letting my voice get as loud as I can. “You just keep away from me, stay away from all of us. You want visitation, take us to court! Just give me a little bit of child support… just a little bit! Just enough to get by. That’s all I want from you, you understand me? That’s it !”
He shakes his head. “No. No way! You can’t do this .”
“I cannot believe I fell for you, Ethan!” I howl, letting the scarlet anger just pour out of me. “I can’t believe I let you jerk me around with that phony proposal, all this bullshit about us being together with our babies. I actually wanted to believe you meant it! I cannot believe how stupid I was !”
“That’s not stupid. That’s how I — ”
“Don’t call me! Don’t text me. Don’t contact anyone in my family ever again !”
“Wait, no!” he blurts out, lunging toward me. “You can’t do this !”
“It’s done!” I practically scream, turning on my heel and almost running back to the elevator. The doors open immediately and I fling myself inside, turning around to see his face just before the doors close again .
I’ll never forget that look. Half anger, half fear. Remorse. Maybe a little shame. Actual emotions on his actual face, how ironic. I finally see what he is really made of, and I can’t stand it .
Chapter 41
ETHAN
A den’s restaurant just happens to be in a building that I thought about buying a couple years back. It’s in an almost-great neighborhood, one of those transitional spaces where it trembled on the brink of being profitable for several years, scaring investors off left and right. It’s limped along ever since .
There are still a few vacant lots surrounded by rusty, bulging chain-link fences, and then some beautiful Victorian constructions. High on a hill, the neighborhood has nothing but potential .
Which, to an investor, means it mostly has “nothing.” Great potential for loss, right now .
But like I said, I really like this neighborhood. I like the old San Francisco with the crazy sloped streets, the candy-colored houses. Downtown is a little bit too congested for me. A little too sleek and sophisticated, if I’m honest with myself. I have the most prestigious addresses, of course, but I have never felt entirely comfortable there .
I walk in front of Aden’s restaurant, considering my options. Maybe my only remaining options at this point. I know reaching out to her parents was wrong, but I didn’t think I had any choices .
On the other hand, reaching out to Aden seems downright impossible. Not to mention, practically suicidal. If she finds out, I am toast .
And yet, here I am. I turn around and walk in front of it one more time, noticing that the lights are on, but the place is empty. Next door is another restaurant, just a narrow carry-out for Lebanese food. But the tables there are full. And next to that, there’s a rather seedy bar, TV blaring a baseball game in progress. A quick glance in the front door tells me every barstool is occupied .
That’s good information .
The interior of Aden’s restaurant is pretty much what I would have predicted. He always used to talk about having a place that was really slick. That’s the word he used: slick . He wanted something elegant but masculine, something to compete with the flashy disco clubs that were popular five years ago. Something different than his parents’ sprawling but homely diner, certainly. Sort of like a cognac and cigar bar, before those were even cool. He had a vision .
I stand in the waiting area, looking around. Actually, it’s really nice. Slate floors, casual groupings of oxblood leather wing chairs. An LED-lit bar in black walnut with an excellent selection of rare scotches, from what I see .
So why is this place empty ?
I stroll up to the bar, focusing on a Japanese scotch I’ve never gotten around to trying before. The mood I’m in, I feel like I could drink the whole bottle .
And since nobody else seems to be here, I think I just might get to .
After waiting what I think is a polite amount of time, I go to the back of the bar and grab two rocks glasses and the bottle of Kawasaki. I pour three fingers in each, then return to the barstool to wait for what inevitably will happen .
I don’t have to wait very long .
“Just what the hell do you think you’re doing here ?”
I don’t look up, just nudge the second glass toward the empty barstool next to me. I hold mine under my nose, inhaling deeply. Japanese whiskeys aren’t quite as earthy as scotch. They’re brighter, a little simpler. And delicious .
“You’ve got a lot of fucking nerve,” Aden snarls, but I hear he’s tired. A little too tired to kick me out, or try to kick my ass. Not that he could, but it’s never stopped him from trying before .
Aden picks up his glass, contemplating the amber liquid for a long time before gulping half of it at once .
“So?” he asks. “What the hell, Ethan? You just decide to drop in? Haven’t you done enough damage already? Christ !”
“I need your help,” I admit. “I’m all out of ideas. I just need your help .”
He shakes his head slowly. “That ship has sailed, Ethan. You wanted my help, you should have come to me like a man. Doing it now… trying to go around her… it’s ridiculous .”
“I’m not trying to go around her. I’m going to do as she asks. I am. I just want you to help me set it up so she never has to worry about anything. She’s not going to like it. She’s going to act too proud to take it. But if you can help me… we can set up a trust. The kids will never have to want for anything. They can go to college… start their own businesses. They’ll have options .”
He squints at me over the rim of his glass, obvio
usly suspicious. “Why do you need my help to do that ?”
“Paperwork,” I shrug, figuring I’m at about seventy-five percent honesty here. Could I find this myself? Yes. Do I see a benefit in trying to knock on the Harrison door until somebody gets around to letting me in ?
Definitely.
“What kind of paperwork? I can’t afford to take on any more liability, Ethan .”
I look around the bar, sure he’s right. “You put a lot of money into this place,” I nod approvingly. “You did a really good job, by the way. You said you wanted a cool place to hang out. This is it, totally .”
His shoulders slump. “Yeah, well, tell your friends,” he says glumly. “I’m sure I can stay open for another couple of weeks if you guys wanna have a going-away party or something .”
“That bad ?”
He takes a deep breath, letting it out with a barely suppressed groan .
“You know how it is,” he sighs. “I had such high hopes. For the neighborhood… for the restaurant… I thought I was making conservative choices, but I might’ve gotten in a little too deep .”
“What? You?” I tease, remembering his habit of getting in too deep to just about everything. “The way I remember it, too deep is practically your middle name .”
“My middle name is actually Ralph,” he informs me .
My eyebrows go up. “Wow, that is a surprise .”
He smiles, his cheeks crinkling like they used to, with dimples up near his eyes. Damn. I realize I haven’t seen him smile in years. Years and years .
“Well, I did buy a house in the neighborhood. Fixer-upper. I’m gonna need a place to eat, Aden. If you close, I’ll be eating a lot of falafel next door. So I need you to stay open .”
He knocks back the rest of his drink, wincing. “It’s too late for that, Ethan. Maybe if you had asked me six months ago …”
“If the doors are open, it’s not too late,” I reply simply. “You would be amazed what a stupid amount of money can accomplish .”
“I bet you’re right,” he chuckles cruelly. “I’m constantly amazed what a stupid amount of stupid has accomplished, anyway .”
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