It takes a little while, but eventually we begin talking, just making polite conversation. I tell him about work, leaving out how I’ve been scrimping to decorate the babies’ room. Leaving out how my clothes fit me, or anything else that sounds like a complaint. I tell him that I enjoy the work, and I really do .
We talk for a long time, and I realize I don’t want it to be over. I’m not ready to go home yet .
“I was wondering,” I sigh as the waiter takes away the dishes. “Maybe… it’s pretty late. Do you think I could just stay over? At your place ?”
His eyebrows go up, but he doesn’t tease me or anything. “I’d love that .”
Perry is waiting outside with the Rolls when we’re done with dinner and he drives us back to Ethan’s condo building. We don’t say anything, but I don’t even know what I would want to say right now anyway .
As soon as we’re alone, his hands find my hair and he holds me, rocking slowly back and forth, dancing that silent dance that I remember from the patio at the beach house .
Inhaling against my hairline, he smells my hair like he always does. The little details somehow escaped me before. But now I appreciate them when my body feels so weird. I guess I took everything for granted before. Easy things are hard now. I have to be conscious of where I am and what hurts and what feels good all the time. I feel conspicuous and swollen, worried that people are judging me all the time .
But when he pulls away, I don’t see any of that. There’s absolutely zero judgment in his eyes as he tugs on the straps of my dress, pushing it from my shoulders. He smiles sweetly, drinking me in. I’m not embarrassed at all. I’m not even as shy as I was when we first met .
He picks me up as though I’m as light as a feather, and carries me to the bedroom. We kiss all the way, eager and thirsty, needing to find each other .
We make love quickly, both of us finding relief, finding the path to ecstasy without stopping, without meandering. I’m so grateful to be close to him, to feel this familiar comfort, I almost cry .
He gazes into my eyes when he comes, holding my head in his hands, forceful but careful not to hurt me. I want to tell him he doesn’t need to do that—I’m sturdier than I look. But I think it is sweet that he’s thinking about it .
As we drift toward sleep, I watch his face change, becoming more relaxed, outlined by the silvery moonlight that comes through the window. Did I really give this up? Did I really push him away ?
Here in his silent room, his hand casually cupping the fullness of my swollen belly, his breath bathing my breasts in sweet warmth, I think it could’ve been possible. Maybe if we both tried a little bit harder, it would have been possible for us to stay together. To explore this whole thing together .
Or maybe not. Because he is different. There were layers of phony Ethan I used to have to press through to get to the real Ethan. Those layers are gone without a trace tonight. What’s left seems so real, I can’t imagine why he kept it hidden .
Chapter 43
ETHAN
I hear a whole parade of footsteps on the porch, but I give it a few seconds more before opening the door. Quietly, I stand on the other side, just listening. Aden sounds hopeful, but a little nervous. It sounds like he’s bargaining for the release of hostages .
Bea is sassy, yet holding back. She’s trying to be reasonable, to move everyone forward .
Aden says something to his mother, and I hear her murmured response. She’s not yelling, so that’s good .
After a few more moments I hear that unmistakable grunt. Ava’s father. I’m not sure what to make of that sound, at all .
I open the door, pretending that I haven’t just been standing there eavesdropping. I couldn’t hear the words, but I was right about the tone. They all start talking immediately and turn toward the door, plastering smiles on their faces that vary in degree of sincerity .
Ava’s father Bert doesn’t bother. He’s not planning on smiling .
“Come in! Please come in,” I say, stepping aside and opening the door with a flourish .
Aden shrugs as he walks past me, making a face like he tried, but failed. He was supposed to butter them up, so they’d get here hating me slightly less. I guess it didn’t work .
Bea just rolls her eyes instead of saying anything to me. I guess I have to work on that too .
But Ava’s mother Evelyn is as polite as ever. Even if she’s little cold, she is still a lot like Ava. She never entirely gives up .
“Here, let me take that for you,” I offer, lifting the bags from her hands .
“You have a beautiful home,” Evelyn says politely, looking around .
“He better,” Aden announces. “He’s been working on it day and night for the last three and a half months .”
Evelyn’s eyebrows go up. “Is that so? Well, it shows .”
I can’t help but smile. It’s nice to get a little bit of affirmation, especially after so long .
“Well, we better get started,” Bea announces as she heads down the hall toward the kitchen. “Holy cow! Evelyn! Come look at this !”
Evelyn smiles fondly. “I guess I need to go look at the kitchen,” she sighs apologetically, leaving the foyer .
Bert looks at Aden, and Aden glances at me. We stand there uncomfortably for a few more seconds, wondering how the hell we’re supposed to get through this .
“So, who wants to get drunk?” Aden finally asks .
“It sounds a great idea,” I admit .
Bert just grunts .
We sit in the parlor, drinking bourbon even though it’s not even noon yet. It’s just a bourbon kind of day. Bert scowls at everything in the room, piece by piece .
“So, when are your guys getting here?” I finally ask Aden .
He takes a nervous swallow. “I’m catering this shindig,” he explains to his father. “Remember Danny? The chef? I got rid of him. I have a new chef. You’re gonna love it .”
Bert just grunts .
Aden looks at me, rolling his eyes. This is a little bit more difficult than he was anticipating, I guess .
“So… about two hours,” he continues uncomfortably. “They’ll have everything set up in the kitchen, and people will start coming in about two-thirty, Bea said. Ava will show up at three. Or three-thirty, knowing Ava .”
Two hours. Not sure I can endure two hours of grunts out of Bert .
I turn toward him, holding up my glass .
“Bert, I’m really glad you came,” I begin. He glances at me coldly, as though he is surprised I’m talking to him .
“I have wanted to talk to you for a while,” I continue. “I know everything that went down between my parents and you guys was… fucked up. To say the least. There’s not a lot of other ways to explain it. It was fucked up .”
Bert just grunts, again .
“But I’m not like that,” I say. He looks down. “I’m not like that at all. I’ve been very lucky, but everything I do is above board. In fact I would show you my books if you wanted to see them. I would do that. I want you to feel comfortable .”
He doesn’t say anything, just glares at the bottom of his drink .
I stand up and walk over to the desk, picking up a folder. On my way back to my seat, I hand it to him, holding it out for a couple of extra seconds. He takes it from me begrudgingly .
“What’s this?” he says, his voice barely audible .
“That’s the trust that Aden help me set up for the kids,” I explain. “No strings, just a solid future. Already taken care of. They will have a really comfortable life .”
Bert just grunts .
“I just wanted you to know .”
We sit in silence for little while. I hear Aden rubbing his heel nervously against the floorboards .
“You know, Ethan saved my restaurant,” Aden blurts out .
Bert glances up, his bristly eyebrows knitted together .
Aden swallows audibly. “It’s true. Last couple of months were pretty dire. I didn’t thin
k I was going to make it, but he bought the building. I wouldn’t have been able to do it without him. The restaurant has totally turned around. Four-star rating on Yelp now! Turned around, Dad. Couldn’t have done it without Ethan .”
Bert slowly turns his head toward me. “That true ?”
I shrug. “Everybody deserves a second chance,” I explain. “It’s a really nice restaurant. It didn’t deserve to fail .”
Little by little, Bert sets his drink on the table next to him and opens the folder. His eyes scan the paperwork, absorbing the details of the trust that I set up. I think it’s good, being transparent like this. Normally I would not let people see this deeply into my finances, but it means a lot to me .
I feel like I deserve a second chance too .
When I was a kid, my dad never talked to me about money. In fact, when they first gave me my starter money to try day-trading, all he said was, “Here it is .”
That was it. No instruction, no warnings. No sign of affection, even .
That’s one of the things that always struck me about the Harrisons. They’re really warm to each other. My earliest memories of them are gathered around the swimming pool, Evelyn in one of her flowered coverups, Bert with a beer in his hand. They were always within inches of each other, smiling and laughing. They clearly enjoyed each other’s company .
I was never sure why they were even friends with my parents, other than the convenience of being next-door neighbors. The Mercers are not really known for their warmth. Ruthless and calculating, they made their money the old-fashioned way: mostly fraudulently. Not exactly illegal, but definitely shady .
When the Harrisons turned to them for help with their sprawling but low-traffic diner when we were teenagers, my parents seized upon the opportunity. It was another way for them to funnel assets through a legitimate business. Most people call it money laundering .
The Harrisons didn’t know what they were getting into. Certainly they didn’t know it would be the end of their friendship .
Bert was apparently the one to realize what was up. Being a stiff-backed sort of guy, he was outraged. He couldn’t believe that my parents would tarnish the business he and Evelyn had built over the years. He was astounded that they would imperil what he felt was the family legacy .
My parents were equally surprised, but not for the same reasons. They just couldn’t understand why the Harrisons were so ungrateful. Sure, the extra money that flowed through the diner was technically illegal, but if they got to keep three percent, what right did they have to complain? The diner had been improved with new signage and updated kitchen equipment. Customers loved it. They were making more money than ever before .
But they couldn’t see eye to eye. It wasn’t possible. This single business deal destroyed everything .
I understand why they didn’t give a thought to Aden and me, our friendship. A couple of teenage boys weren’t really even on the radar. When it all came crashing down, Aden had to stick with his family. Blood is definitely thicker than water .
But now that he’s here it’s all coming back to me. Since we’ve reconnected over the last couple of months, I’m constantly amazed how much I missed him. And it’s amazing to me that I didn’t do more to reach out to him .
I never had a brother, so Aden was always the closest thing. In some ways, I guess I was always looking for his equal in the Marines, and afterward. That’s why I wanted my team around me all the time. They were not quite like him, but they’re pretty good .
And now we’re all back together. Or, almost. Everything is almost perfect .
Guests start filtering in while Bert, Aden, and I sit in silence. Every once in a while someone will wander into this room, sense the chilly atmosphere, and then wander right back out again .
I can hear them in the dining room and kitchen, wandering around the living room, creeping up the stairs to explore. This house has twenty-two rooms, of which at least seventeen are done now. I still have some work to do, but I’m only human .
I know when she arrives, because I hear the voices change. People are excited. I rise from my seat, positioning myself by the fireplace so that I face the door and will be able to see her when she walks in. I want to see what she thinks. I don’t want to miss a moment of it .
Bea runs to the front door, dragging her in by the elbow. It’s like watching a movie, framed in the wide, walnut molding. Bea is smiling. Ava’s laughing, her caramel-colored hair flowing in ribbons behind her. She’s wearing a clingy gray knit dress, perfect for the chilly November weather. Her cheeks are flushed and the tip of her nose is pink. When she reaches the foyer, she stops, her mouth open, her eyes wide with surprise. She looks all around, taking in the details, appreciating where she is .
“Whose house is this?” she asks .
But nobody has time to answer her. Evelyn appears and points toward the dining room. There are about thirty people in there, all talking at once .
The shower begins in earnest when they start serving the food. Aden winks at me as we overhear people talking about how great it is, how delicious. Bea proudly announces to the group that the food is from Aden’s restaurant, and he practically blushes in response .
The last thing I want to do is play baby shower games, but I am really interested to see what happens. I excuse myself from the parlor and stand just out of the way of the dining room, observing the guests. Everyone looks happy, but nobody looks quite as happy as Ava. Her eyes glitter with excitement as people pass her small bits of paper, along with golf pencils. I suppose that’s one of those baby shower games I’ve heard about .
In a little while they break out lengths of ribbon and make her stand in the middle of the room, with her arms up. One by one, the women wrap the ribbons around her middle, measuring it off. She’s pretty darn pregnant at this point. Twenty-three weeks, by my count. And she looks absolutely stunning. The most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen .
After a while, she excuses herself, trotting toward the door. She startles when she sees me and breaks into a shy smile .
“Do you know where the bathroom is?” she asks me. “Is it close? Please tell me it’s close .”
“Right through here,” I say, leading her past the stairs to the convenient first-floor bathroom by the kitchen. She groans in relief and locks herself inside. I wait outside the door, not wanting to hover, but happy to steal her away for just a moment .
When she emerges, she cranes her head around toward the kitchen curiously, then to the glass-enclosed conservatory on the other side .
“This is some house!” she says. “Have you seen this place ?”
“I certainly have,” I admit .
“Whose is it ?”
Her eyes search mine, and I wonder how to explain it. Those big blue eyes… I’m not sure I could ever get tired of looking into them .
“This is your house .”
She takes a step back, narrowing her eyes suspiciously .
“I’m sorry, what ?”
I hold my hands out as though it should be obvious. “This is your house. Do whatever you want with it. Sell it, I wouldn’t mind .”
She puts her hands on her hips, cocking her head, looking adorably pissed .
“What the heck are you even talking about ?”
“It’s a great neighborhood,” I explain. “I finished everything in here with my own two hands. Well… I had a little help. But the neighborhood is solid, and it’s just a couple blocks from Aden’s restaurant. And it’s a great investment. You should have it. You and the kids .”
Realization dawns on her slowly. Her face goes slack with wonder .
“Are you serious? Are you even kidding me right now ?”
I hold my fingers up, Boy Scout style .
“I am one hundred percent serious, Ava. This is your house .”
“I don’t know what to say,” she chokes. “Wait a second… this is your project? The one you talked about when we were at the restaurant ?”
I just smi
le, nodding. Definitely a project. Over the last few months, it’s organized my thoughts. It’s given me a reason to keep going. More than anything, it showed me that the only thing that I really want to be thinking about is Ava and the babies .
“I can live here ?”
“You can live here. The kids can live here. You could even… live here with me .”
Her brow furrows .
“Live here with you?” she repeats .
I step toward her, taking her hands in mine. I’m grateful to feel that she doesn’t pull away .
“It’s totally up to you,” I promise. “But if you wanted… you could live here with me and the babies and we can all be here together because I love you .”
She just stares at me. I have to tell her again .
“I love you, Ava. I don’t want to spend a day without you. I want us to be here together, if you want that. Only if you want that. Even if you don’t want that, I’ll still keep loving you. I can’t help it .”
She takes a deep breath, and I hear the shudder in her chest. Her hands tremble in mine .
“I have… it’s a party. It’s for me. I have to go back to the party,” she says, her voice weak .
“Of course you do,” I shrug. I should probably be disappointed, but I can’t be. Now she knows. I had to tell her. It felt amazing. I’ve done everything I can do .
The rest of the afternoon, everything is perfect. The food is great, Bert utters at least six actual words, and he must have said something to Evelyn because she even gives me a small wave and a smile at one point .
By the time the sun goes down, people begin leaving, bundling up in heavy coats to go back out into the San Francisco cold. I thank Aden and the Harrisons, dropping paper cups into a trash bag as I walk around, imagining what it is going to be like when Ava and the children are living here. Assuming that’s what she wants to happen .
“Really was a wonderful party,” she says to me from across the room. I turn around and smile .
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