“I’m pretty much completely deaf in my left ear. Probably have been since I was born although it wasn’t picked up until I was about five. Then I had to wear these horrible hearing aids. I hated them. Destroyed a couple of them to my mother’s exasperation.” Her father had been furious. But she’d rather not think of that. She remembered the yelling, though. The way her father’s face had grown almost purple with rage. She hadn’t understood why he was so angry. Then. Now she knew.
Because he’d demanded perfection. And she’d been broken. Which made him furious. Not that her father had needed much to send him into a rage. How many times had Freddy stepped between her and that giant bastard, prepared to defend her?
She took in a sharp breath. She didn’t want to think of him right now. This wasn’t the place.
“I guess if this is a problem for you, it’s best to find out now, right?” Because, if it was, she wanted nothing to do with the ass. So she wasn’t perfect? So what? Didn’t make her less of a person. She wasn’t a jerk who kicked puppies or knocked over old ladies. “I’m just going to get dressed and get out of here, and we need never talk about this again.”
Because she never intended to talk to the douchebag again.
“Freeze,” he commanded as she turned away.
To her shock, she immediately stilled. Damn it. And damn him and his stupid Dom voice. Why did she have to be so susceptible to it?
“Ria, you seem to have jumped to one hell of a conclusion. You didn’t even give me a chance to reply after telling me about your hearing. You just immediately decided that I would . . . what? Find you lacking? Be turned off because you wear a hearing aid? I assume you’re wearing a hearing aid now since you don’t seem to have any problems hearing me.”
She nodded.
“Words.” His voice couldn’t get any colder. In fact, she felt a chill slide across her skin. Shit. Why hadn’t she kept quiet?
Because she hated lies. She hated having to hide who she was. And even though she’d done it to protect herself from any more hurt, she just couldn’t keep this to herself. Not if she wanted to do this with him. And maybe once he was gone, she’d might consider playing in the dungeon again. If she did that . . . yeah, she had to lay it out. Because if it was found out that she’d lied on her contract a second time she knew she’d lose all of this. Her membership and most likely her job.
Her only family.
“Yes, Sir. I wear a hearing aid. It fits into the ear canal and you can’t see it.”
He nodded. “So why didn’t you tell me earlier? Because you thought I was going to react badly? Did you think I would be angry because you kept this from me?”
“Maybe a little,” she whispered.
He studied her. “That wasn’t really it, though, was it? You wouldn’t get that upset over my anger. That’s something you could deal with. So what was it? You thought I’d be horrified? Disgusted?”
She flinched.
“Who did you tell who turned away from you? Who reacted negatively?”
She let out a humorless laugh. “Almost everyone.”
“Who, Ria?”
She couldn’t tell him. She wasn’t ready.
His gaze narrowed. Fuck, she’d disappointed him. “Okay. I can see you’re not willing to talk about that. Right now.”
What did that mean? That he thought she might later tell him? Did that mean he wasn’t turning her away?
“Someone hurt you over this, which is why you just tried to push me away before I could do the same to you.”
She sucked in a breath.
“But you judged me too quickly and unfairly,” he told her in a stern voice that had no bend. “We haven’t known each other long, but I don’t believe I’ve done anything that would indicate I am the type of man who would give a flying fuck that you wear a hearing aid. Well, not beyond how it affects your health and safety. I’m glad you were honest and told me since it’s something I needed to know so I could take care of you properly. I am not happy at the way you just took what someone else did to you, someone else’s reaction, and projected it onto me.”
“He rejected me,” she whispered.
“What?”
“After I told him. We’d just . . . oh, fuck, we’d had sex. He was my first. And I thought I could tell him anything. I thought he fucking loved me. And when I told him, he looked at me like I was trash. Like I was worth nothing. He dropped me off at my car. We’d fucked in the backseat of his, classy, huh? And then he didn’t take any of my texts or calls.”
Even worse, the asshole had told everyone. He might have gone to a different school but news traveled fast.
Poor little deaf girl.
“That little fucker.”
The words surprised her. But the way he tucked her in against his body, wrapping his arms around her shocked her. This hadn’t been the reaction she’d expected. Oh, she knew that Connor wasn’t that asshole, Archie. And, deep down, she’d known he wouldn’t react in the same way. But she’d been rejected enough in her life to not want to feel it anymore.
It wasn’t even Archie’s rejection and subsequent humiliation of her that hurt the most.
It was her father’s.
But she didn’t want to think about that right now. She really didn’t want to talk about it with Connor. That was a whole other issue that she didn’t intend to blurt out in the middle of a BDSM club while she was naked, and about to get her butt pounded.
That was if he still wanted to play with her.
He ran his hand up and down her back, rocking her slightly. She took a deep breath in then let it out slowly. “I can’t believe I just told you all that while I was naked.”
He snorted. “All the best conversations happen when you’re naked. It’s when all your shields come down. Literally.”
She had to laugh a little at that. Then she forced herself to draw back. Time to face the music. She might want to put it off. But Cardello’s weren’t cowards.
“I’m really sorry, Connor,” she told him. She used his name, because she knew she’d hurt the man, not just the Dom. “You’re right, I did try to reject you before you did me. Because I didn’t want to get hurt again. And it wasn’t fair.”
She dropped her gaze. “If you still want to play, I’ll accept whatever punishment you decide to give me.”
He placed his hand under her chin and tilted her face up. “We will still be playing. And you’re still owed punishment for not filling in your limit list properly. But, I won’t be adding to that punishment. I know how hard that was for you and I’m pleased you told me before we started anything. I’d be far more upset if you’d waited and told me later. I don’t want to do anything that might put you at risk of being harmed.
“As for judging me so quickly and trying to push me away, I want you to know this: once we have a contract, that won’t be allowed. I’ll back off if you use your safeword, but otherwise I’m not walking away, get it? No matter what.”
Yeah, well, he said that now, but if he knew everything—that doesn’t matter. He won’t know everything, and he doesn’t have to since he’ll be leaving soon.
“Yes, Sir.”
“Now, then, unless there are any other confessions, I believe you know what position I want you in.”
Well, fuck.
If she’d thought her revelation might have him treating her any differently, she guessed this was proof he wouldn’t. In her experience, people reacted one of three ways, they pulled away from her, like Archie, the fucker; or they treated her with pity; or they tried to wrap her in cotton.
Connor hadn’t pulled back. He wasn’t looking at her like he pitied her. Just as well, because if that ever happened that was it. She wouldn’t be looked at like she was less. Not ever again. She’d figured he might go for treating her like she was too precious and fragile.
But . . . it didn’t seem so. And that was pretty freakin’ awesome.
His eyebrows lowered. “Ria . . .”
She launched herself i
“Thank you,” she whispered.
“For what?”
“For not treating me any differently.” Then she let him go and turned, placing her hands on the chair and pushing her feet out wide. And for the first time in a long time, she felt accepted. Normal and free.
Connor stared at her in surprise. He knew that fleeting hug wasn’t a normal thing for her. She might watch over other people, ready to step in to protect them if she thought they needed it. But she didn’t hand out affection.
Yet, she’d just hugged him, and he wanted more.
He studied her for a moment, that firm ass up in the air, her back arched delightfully so it poked out even further.
She wasn’t the most obedient of subs. Not even close. And he couldn’t imagine her ever changing much. Had her previous Dom followed up with discipline when she’d disobeyed? Or had she always been obedient for him? The woman was a bit of a mystery. And he did love a mystery.
He also enjoyed having rules. And enforcing them. Mostly, he played with subs who happily obeyed him. Not with brats with a bit of an attitude. But had they ever excited him like this? Got his blood pumping? Had his cock hard just by glimpsing them across the room?
Besides, Ria wasn’t a bad person. If anything, she thought about others too much, putting them before herself. If he had the time, he’d work on that too. Teach her that she had worth.
“Sir? Is something wrong?” She looked over her shoulder at him in concern.
“Did I say you could move?”
Her eyes widened slightly at his stern tone then she snapped back around. “No, Sir. Sorry, Sir.”
“That’s five more, little subbie.” Couldn’t have her thinking she could get away with whatever she liked just because he wanted to fuck her. Badly.
What the hell had he been thinking when he said there would be no sex tonight?
“Yes, Sir.”
He ran his hand over her ass. She jumped slightly.
“Your old Dom spank you when you disobeyed him?”
She stiffened slightly. “No, Sir.”
“What did he do?”
“I, um, didn’t really disobey him.”
That was interesting. He wasn’t quite certain how to feel about that. She didn’t disobey because she wanted to please her old Dom so much? Because she felt more for him than she did for Connor?
Okay, calm down. She hasn’t known you long. You don’t know how involved she was with this other guy. Maybe she loved him.
The words soured his gut.
“You didn’t? I find that hard to believe.”
“People change,” she said quietly.
“Not that much.” He rubbed his hand over her other ass cheek. Damn it was a mighty fine ass. How could she think any part of her body wasn’t perfection?
“He didn’t like to spank as a punishment.”
“No? What did he like to do?”
“Withhold affection.”
He paused. Uh. No wonder she’d obeyed him then. The prick. Lots of subs couldn’t deal with that as a punishment. And many Doms didn’t like it either. Withholding affection could hurt them as much as the sub. It didn’t say much, he thought, about the feelings this Dom had for Ria.
“You agreed to that?”
She stiffened. “I had a choice?”
What the fuck?
“Of course you had a choice.” He had to take a deep breath in and let it out slowly. “You signed a contract?”
“Yes, but I . . . fuck, of course I had a choice. Damn it. I just . . . I was a different person back then.”
Yeah, she kept saying that. Didn’t mean that jerk hadn’t taken advantage of her.
“He should have explained it was a negotiation.”
“I suppose I didn’t think he’d want to play with me if I argued.” She looked back at him. “Won’t make that mistake again.”
No, he didn’t think she would.
“Eyes away from me,” he ordered. But his voice wasn’t as hard as he’d intended. He squeezed her ass then gave it a firm smack. She jolted, let out a breath, but stayed in place. He smacked her other cheek. Back and forth, he smacked silently until he’d counted out twenty. Her ass was a bright pink. He stopped, checked her breathing, took note of how she held herself. She was holding steady. Her breathing was fast but not erratic. He ran his hand over her ass.
“Just so you know,” he told her. “I won’t ever withhold affection as a punishment. You break the rules, you get yourself spanked. Or plugged. Or both.” He slid his fingers down to the lips of her pussy. Yeah, just as he thought, she was wet.
“If you’ve been really bad, I might get out the ginger. You ever been figged, wildcat?” He pushed a finger deep inside her pussy. He had to remind himself this was punishment. This wasn’t play. Except from how wet she was, it seemed she liked this punishment a bit too much. Damn, but she felt good sucking him in.
“What? No.”
He smacked his hand down on her ass. “No, what?”
“No, Sir. I’ve never been figged. And it doesn’t sound like something I want to try,” she said almost primly.
He had to smile. “Well, then you better make sure you don’t disobey me. You might not like a spanking so much with a piece of ginger inside your rectum.”
“Can I negotiate that we don’t use that as a punishment?”
Uh-oh, maybe he’d created a monster.
“You’re trying to tell me ginger is a trigger for you? Something that will cause you emotional upset?”
“No,” she muttered. “Might not ever be able to look at it the same again, though.”
No, she probably wouldn’t.
“There are other punishments. I could spank you with a paddle then put a clit tickler on you and make you stand in the corner, hands against the wall, legs spread, unable to touch yourself as I drive you to the edge of orgasm over and over.”
“Okay, the ginger doesn’t sound so bad,” she squeaked out.
Yeah, but now he was close to coming in his pants at just the thought of her red butt on display, her little whimpers as he drove her crazy with arousal.
“Ever been denied an orgasm?”
“I went without an orgasm for years.”
She had? Interesting. Even if she hadn’t had a partner didn’t she masturbate?
“You don’t masturbate?”
“Oh, fuck, I can’t believe you asked me that.”
He gave her another five smacks to her left cheek, he now had two fingers up her pussy. He held them still as he smacked her ass.
“You will answer me respectfully when I ask you a question. And remember how to address me.”
“More rules? Sir?” she groaned as he resumed finger fucking her.
“Yes.”
“Let me guess, you were the perfect student? I bet you never got sent to the principal’s office.”
Actually, he’d been the exact opposite. He’d been in so much trouble as a teenager he’d very nearly ended up in jail. But he didn’t intend to tell her any of that.
“Answer the question, little subbie, before I go get my paddle.”
“No, Sir. At least I didn’t use to. I, uh, I have a vibrator now.”
He withdrew his fingers, moved one to her swollen clit to flick it in reward. “Thank you for telling me. But I think you’ll find not wanting to give yourself pleasure very different from being taken to the edge of orgasm then denied falling over.”
“Man, oh, man, I am in deep trouble,” she muttered.
Yes, she was.
He drew his wet finger up between her ass cheeks. She tensed slightly. “I like ass play.”
“You do?” she asked.
“Yep. I like plugging it, playing with it, fucking it.”
“You don’t think it’s kind of dirty?”
“Not in the way you probably mean. It’s very dirty and that makes it hot.” He pressed the tip of his finger against her asshole. “I want to play back here. If you don’t like it then use your safeword and we’ll stop. We can revisit it later or never at all. But you never know until you try.”
She was silent for a long moment. “All right, I’ll try.”
He leaned down and kissed her pink butt cheeks. First the right then the left. “Good girl.”
He liked being the one to introduce her to all sorts of new pleasures. And punishments.
He moved to his bag and pulled out the plug he was looking for, unwrapping it. He’d just purchased this one. It was slim and vibrated when turned on with the remote.
Perfect.
He grabbed the lube and started preparing the plug. He turned to check on his subbie, catching her watching him.
“If you can’t keep your eyes where they’re supposed to be then you must need some help,” he growled at her.
“No, Sir. I can do it.”
“Since this isn’t the first time I’ve had to instruct you to face forward, I don’t think that’s true. But since I’m being so kind in offering to help you, I want you to ask me.”
“Pardon, Sir?”
“I want you to say, ‘Sir I can’t keep my gaze forward, will you pretty please help me?’”
“Pretty please? Seriously?”
“Yes, seriously,” he growled.
There was a beat of silence. Then, in her soft voice, which had a hint of bite he decided to let that pass, “Sir, I can’t keep my gaze forward as I’ve been ordered to, will you pretty please help me?”
“Of course I will, little subbie. You only had to ask.”
She wisely didn’t reply to that one. He had the plug ready by now, so he dropped the lube down in his bag and picked up an eye mask. He walked over to her, keeping the plug out of her eyesight as he placed the mask on the seat of the chair. Something occurred to him and he crouched down, pushing her hair away from her face so he could see her.
“Do you have problems with sensory deprivation because of your hearing?”
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