by Rose Pearson
“It is nearing time for you both to retire,” he heard Miss Edgington say to the children. He looked down at his plate for a moment so that he might regain his composure and not betray his flurrying emotions to any of them. “Do bid your father good evening.”
Mary was by him first, coming close to whisper a ‘good evening’ in his ear before flinging her arms about his neck with the happiness of a child who was content and happy. Stephen held her tightly for a few moments, brushing a kiss to her temple before letting her go.
“I bid you good night, sweet Mary,” he said, seeing her giggle. “And tomorrow, we shall go for a walk in the gardens and you shall tell me which of the flowers are your favorite.”
Mary’s eyes lit up with excitement. “Then I shall go to sleep straight away so that tomorrow might come with all the more swiftness,” she said, stepping away from him and making her way to the door. “Do come on, John!”
John was by Stephen’s elbow and, even though he knew that there was still something of a reservation there with his son, Stephen reached out and held his son tightly for a moment or two. His son was a little abashed and perhaps soon would be too old for such gestures of affection, but for the moment, John seemed content.
“Good evening, father,” John murmured, looking towards Miss Edgington. “And good evening Miss Edgington.”
“Good evening, John,” Miss Edgington replied, with a slight smile on her face. “I shall look in on you both before I retire.”
“Good evening, John,” Stephen said, as John turned away. “And we shall arrange our trip to town very soon. I promise.”
John smiled over his shoulder, nodded and then quit the room. Stephen waited until the door was closed before turning back to Miss Edgington, seeing her eyes still lingering on the closed door and a small smile playing about her mouth.
“Might I trouble you for your thoughts, Miss Edgington?” Stephen found himself asking, suddenly intrigued by what it was she was thinking at that very moment. “You look to be lost in memories.”
She laughed then, the sound making him grin in response. Her eyes were twinkling as she looked back at him, a few tendrils of hair bouncing lightly about her temples as she smiled. “I was just considering how changed John is,” she replied, with a quiet lift of one shoulder. Her smile faded to a look of calm reflection, her gaze tugging away from his. “You may find it rather difficult to believe, Your Grace, since you were not at home to witness it, but your son was……”
“A tyrant?” Stephen suggested, making Miss Edgington’s eyes jump back to his, her lips curving into a broad smile. “I have heard from Thomas and from Mrs. Blaine that they were exceptionally difficult.”
A long sigh escaped from Miss Edgington and she shook her head, although a faint note of amusement crept into her voice. “I fear you have stumbled upon the truth,” she admitted, with a sparkle in her eyes that did not, Stephen thought to himself, reveal the truth of how difficult she must have found it. “Neither of them wished me to be here. Mary would lie on the floor and scream, refusing to do a single thing that was asked of her. At times, she would not even allow the maid to dress her!” She shot a rueful glance towards Stephen, who felt himself suddenly ashamed of his own children’s behavior. “John made his displeasure at my presence here more than apparent.” Again, she shook her head, as though lost in memories. Silence enveloped them for a few moments as she considered all that had gone before. “How glad I am to see them so changed now,” she finished, softly, her eyes filled with love for her charges. “It has been a delight to witness.”
“I am truly sorry for what they did to upset you,” Stephen replied, fervently, feeling responsible for the actions of both John and Mary even though he had not been present. “I did not consider what effect it would have upon them for me to remove them from their home and return them to England.”
Miss Edgington looked surprised. “You need not apologize, Your Grace,” she said, plainly, holding up one hand to him. “Please. The children are a joy to me, truly. Nor would I have left this place when things were difficult for them both, for I knew all too well that their grief and pain was too troubling for them to endure.” Again, her gaze softened. “They are markedly changed now and for that, I am truly glad.”
Stephen looked into Miss Edgington’s face and felt his heart swell with a fondness that took his breath away. He had not expected to feel anything such as this towards anyone again, given that he knew he would always love his late wife. Surely, it could not be that he was drawn toward Miss Edgington in much the same manner as he had once been drawn to Martha?
His thoughts began to become tangled, his heart quickening as he tried to consider what he felt. Aware of the guilt that was beginning to crowd into his heart, Stephen drew in a long, slow breath, grateful that the staff was busy removing crockery and the like from the table since the meal was now at an end. To be fond of another seemed almost wrong, for was it not a betrayal of his late wife? He had loved Martha with a deep, abiding love that still held his heart, so there surely could not be room for affection for another?
And yet, as he looked at Miss Edgington, seeing her smile up at one of the footmen who took her plate and glass, Stephen felt another wave of affection crash over him. It was both unsettling and astonishing in equal measures, for to consider Miss Edgington in such a manner meant that he would have to, one day, think on what their future might be like together. Would he marry again? Would Miss Edgington have him as her husband? Yes, he was a Duke and she a simple governess, but her status did not matter to him. It was her character that held his heart, for his admiration for her knew no bounds. Besides which, he was certain that his children loved her dearly, and that was of the utmost importance to him.
“Your Grace?”
Miss Edgington’s eyes were filled with concern as she caught his attention. Realizing that he had been staring at her, Stephen flushed and dropped his gaze.
“Do forgive me, Miss Edgington,” he said, aware of heat climbing into his face and neck. “I was simply lost in thought for a few moments.”
“Are you quite all right?” she asked softly, still looking at him with a little concern. “You are not unwell or lost in….” She trailed off, her gaze dropping to her hands which lay in her lap.
Stephen smiled softly, aware of what she feared and finding that he wanted to reassure her, to remove her doubts entirely. “I shall never return to that darkness, Miss Edgington,” he said, quietly. “I shall never be as lost as I once was. I have truly set that behind me, and from the day that I did so, I vowed to look to the present and to those who surround me still.” Which includes you, he thought to himself, aware that his desire to be in her company was growing steadily.
“I am glad to hear you confirm such things,” Miss Edgington replied, excusing herself and rising from the table. “I must now go to look in on the children. Good evening, Your Grace, and thank you for a wonderful dinner.”
He rose too, feeling a trifle unsteady. “Which I hope you will join me for again tomorrow evening, Miss Edgington?”
A faint blush rose in her cheeks and she nodded, her lips curving gently as she looked away. “I would be glad to, Your Grace.”
“And perhaps a ride?”
Where such a suggestion had come from, Stephen did not know, but the urge to find ways to spend more time in her company had grown so steadily within him that he could not contain himself. Miss Edgington looked up into his face with evident surprise, although her eyes were bright.
“I know that you enjoy riding, Miss Edgington,” Stephen said, by way of explanation. “Perhaps you might care for a ride tomorrow afternoon when the children are partaking of luncheon? I should be glad to show you any parts of the estate you have not yet explored.”
“It is vast,” she agreed, her cheeks now a dusty pink which, Stephen thought, added a gentle beauty to her features. “I thank you for your kind suggestion, your Grace. Yes, I would be glad to join you. I thank you.”
&nbs
p; “Of course.” He bowed, feeling his heart soar with delight. “Until tomorrow then, Miss Edgington. I look forward to continuing our conversations.”
“As am I,” she replied, with a warmth that brought a happiness to his heart. “Good evening, Your Grace.”
“Good evening.”
Stephen sat back down heavily in his chair after Miss Edgington quit the room, surprised at how empty he felt now that she had left the room. A small smile lit his features as he thought of tomorrow, glad that he would have some of the afternoon with Miss Edgington as well as sharing dinner. Perhaps, he considered, toying with his linen napkin, he might ensure that one of the maids was asked to stay with the children for most of the afternoon so that Miss Edgington would have no need to return to the estate with any swiftness. Stephen smiled to himself, aware that the longer he could be in her company, the happier he would be. His heart was beginning to fill with her, and even though it both confused and even troubled him, Stephen was determined not to allow it to pull him down to the depths of confusion. He would allow his heart to draw towards Miss Edgington and would quietly consider what was to be done about his growing feelings, if they came to anything. It seemed his heart was able to hold a love for his late wife and a growing affection towards Miss Edgington. And even though guilt and a twinge of uncertainty came with it, Stephen refused to let it trouble him. He would simply accept what it was he felt and allow things to progress in their own way. This house, his children and even his own heart could not be without Miss Edgington, it seemed. She was to be a part of their life for many years to come and, if he were honest, Stephen knew that he did not even want a day to go by without being in her company.
“Let us hope the day is fine,” he muttered to himself, before pushing himself away from the table and rising to his feet, leaving his unfinished wine and decanter of port behind.
Chapter Fifteen
“This was left for you, Miss Edgington.”
Jenny caught her breath as she walked into her room to see the maid gesturing towards a riding habit. It was clearly very well made and the dark red shade would suit her very well. Her heart leaped into her throat as she ran one finger down it, aware that the Duke must have sent this to her.
“You are going riding within the hour?” the maid asked, giving Jenny a quick smile. “Shall I help you put this on?”
“Of course,” Jenny murmured, aware of just how quickly her heart was beating as she looked down at the beautiful gift. The Duke had, somehow, managed to procure such a thing and had sent it to her to wear this afternoon. She, as the governess, had no such thing and had often gone out riding in an older, slightly worn gown, and a coat should it be cold. To have something such as this was a gift indeed.
As she changed, Jenny tried not to let her mind think on the Duke but discovered that she could not think of anything else. Lord Carrington had changed vastly in the last few days, to the point that at times, she did not believe it to be the same gentleman. He had spent time with his children every single day and had ensured that he always bid them good night. John, who had been unsure as to whether his father would truly do such a thing, whether he would really be able to keep his word, had become a good deal more trusting now that he saw his father do precisely what he had promised. Jenny knew that the children looked forward to seeing their father each and every day and she delighted in just how happy and affectionate they had become. For the Duke himself, she considered, as the riding habit was carefully placed on her head and pinned – albeit painfully – to her head, she was happy for his change in character. There was so much more happiness in his eyes than before and to see him smiling at her and at the children with such regularity told her that his heart was truly content.
It was wonderful to see and yet, Jenny found that her own heart was beginning to betray her. She was feeling much more for the Duke than she ought, certainly, and to spend time in his company each day was only making matters worse. At first, she had convinced herself that it was merely a happiness that stemmed from seeing him so altered, so changed, but over the last few days she had discovered that it was more than that. Whenever she caught his gaze, her heart would seem to spin in her chest. Whenever he smiled at her, such a warmth spread through her that she was forced to catch her breath. The look in his eyes seemed to hold promises that she wanted to take a hold of, wanted to believe, but instead, she did nothing other than thrust them from her, knowing that she could never become his Duchess. It did not matter what she felt, she told herself, for the Duke could never be anything more than her employer and, mayhap, her friend.
Jenny was still trying to convince herself of that fact some minutes later when she was riding alongside the Duke, aware that her heart was beating so quickly it felt as though it would jump from her chest. Heat had infused her cheeks as he had greeted her, finding his ease of manner and his quick smile very engaging.
“You are quiet this afternoon, Miss Edgington.”
She blushed and looked up to meet his gaze. “I do apologize, Your Grace,” she stammered, aware that she could not tell him the truth of her thoughts. “I was merely considering the children.” It was a complete untruth but Jenny knew she could not tell him that she had been, in fact, considering the state of her own heart and what she should do about it. “They both worked very hard this morning, and John shall soon need a tutor of his own.”
The Duke nodded, his brow furrowing for a moment. “Most gentlemen send their sons to Eton or the like from the age of seven,” he said, slowly, “but I find that I am not at all inclined to do so. My son needs to be at this house, I think. He needs to know that he is loved and cared for and that I am present here with him. After all he has endured, I do not think that now is the right time to send him away.”
“No, indeed not,” Jenny agreed at once, thinking quietly that there would be nothing worse in John’s eyes than being sent away from his house, his sister, his home and his father. “If I may speak plainly, he has only just renewed his relationship with you, Your Grace, and I do not think that it is time for him to depart from it again so soon.”
He nodded, the lines on his forehead smoothing as he began to smile. “It seems we are agreed in this, Miss Edgington.”
“I know that you wish the best for your son,” she replied, truthfully, looking into his face and finding a steadiness there that she had not seen before. “And you recognize that he needs to be in this house and with you and Mary for some time, so that his heart might heal all the more.” She smiled at the thought of her young charge, knowing that soon, he would be more of a man and less of a boy. “There is much kindness and sweetness within both John and Mary, Your Grace. I am glad that you can see it for yourself now.”
“That I can,” the Duke agreed, warmly. “And I have every intention of sharing with John some of the duties of my estate very soon, for he will have to be trained in what will be expected of him when the time comes – although I do hope it will not be for some time yet!” He chuckled and Jenny managed to smile back at him, although her heart lurched at the thought of a life without the Duke’s presence.
The Duke cleared his throat and silence reigned for some time, allowing them to ride quietly alongside each other without the need to say much to one another. Jenny relished the quiet, glad that there was enough of a friendship between them that they could ride in silence without feeling the need to speak or shatter the quiet unnecessarily. At last, she was at peace. At last, there was nothing to concern herself with. She did not need to fear the Duke and did not need to fret over the state of his children. There was, instead, a sense of calm contentment that grew steadily in her heart. Mayhap this was what she would have in her future, stretching out for many years to come. She would be able to continue her work with Mary and John, in whatever way they required it, whilst enjoying conversations and company with the Duke.
But is that all you wish for?
Closing her eyes for a moment, Jenny gave herself a quick shake and refused to permit herself
to think another moment about what it was she wished for. There was no need to consider it for it was more than foolish to allow her thoughts to turn to the Duke again. She was a governess, she reminded herself, firmly. That was all. The fact that the Duke asked her to dine and sought her out for conversations was quite extraordinary given her status. As such, she would have to ensure that she was more than grateful for that. To seek out anything more would be foolish indeed!
“You look lost in thought again, Miss Edgington.”
The Duke’s voice was gentle, and still, another blush came hurriedly onto her cheeks. “Do forgive me, Your Grace,” she stammered, hoping that the Duke would think that the riding could be to blame for her coloring. “I am a little prone to falling into my own thoughts of late.” She shot him a quick glance and saw that he was smiling at her. She found herself smiling back at him without hesitation. “Was there something you wished to ask me?”
The smile faded from the Duke’s face and he nodded, looking at her steadily. “Now that you suggest it, Miss Edgington, there is something that has come to mind of late and I would like to share it with you.” He cleared his throat quickly, now appearing to be quite serious. Jenny felt her heart leap into her throat at the sight of his rather severe expression. What was it he wished to share with her?
“Yes, Your Grace?” she murmured, when he said nothing. “What is it that you wish to ask?”