Because the thin, worn woman she was standing next to at a slight distance? Their mother—Alice. That formerly beautiful, once celebrated actress. In this wretched instant-print snap, she was holding a glass at an angle and her addiction on her face. All the vitality she’d once had, sucked out of her.
But she’d known so little about her mother and of the world that Juno had grown up in. And seeing this discharge form now? From a city hospital where her mother had been briefly admitted to ‘rehydrate’?
Jade had grown up in an abnormally strict world, but Juno’s simply hadn’t been safe. She’d been alone and dealing with adult things from such an early age. Because there it was—her sister’s handwriting, filling in the utilities forms when the banks were foreclosing. These few pieces of paper revealed so much.
Jade almost snatched up her phone. But she and Juno had vowed not to make contact unless there was a crisis. And this could hardly be called a crisis.
But her heart ached for her sister. For everything they’d missed out on together. They’d not been able to support each other the way they should have.
She thought about Juno’s reasons for wanting these weeks in Monrova—they’d been layered. Juno had looked after their mother. And now she’d wanted to look after Jade regarding that marriage of convenience. But she’d not told Jade these details from her life here. She’d not confided in her.
Jade had been protected for so long. Jade, whom Juno still wanted to protect—from the big bad wolf she’d seen King Leonardo as.
As if Jade couldn’t make decisions for herself?
And she’d not. She’d done everything her father had told her to. She’d only been considering that stupid marriage contract because of her father.
Why? Because she’d been too scared not to. Because she’d always been too scared.
No one seemed to think she could manage on her own. That she could handle these decisions. They all wanted to guide her, to protect her. To have her as Queen, yes. But only ever a dutiful one. Because she’d not been vocal enough. She’d not said what she wanted.
Not the way Alvaro had encouraged her to. Not in any aspect of her life. Except the most intimate now. He wanted nothing more than for her to scream her desire. He wanted to please her, but not in the same way as so many others in her life wanted to please her. Not as Queen and servant, or Queen and subject, or as Queen and someone simply curious. But as equals.
He’d dared her to be open and honest about the littlest of things and she’d struggled with that. She’d spent her life being careful not to upset anyone—trained to be the ultimate diplomat.
Or was that doormat?
A low anger throbbed within her.
She loved that her sister wanted to care for her, but she didn’t need her to. She didn’t want Juno to feel that she had to protect her. That was the problem—that there was this assumption that Jade was somehow rarefied...more fragile, or more precious than other people?
Of course, she wasn’t.
She’d been a coward. She should have stood up to her father years ago when he’d been awful to Juno, awful to her mother, awful to her. She should have challenged his old advisors. If she’d only had courage. Regret swamped her. The horrendous feeling of failure submerged her in acid. She presented this facade of capability, of being a perfectly studied monarch, when she was so far from it. When she was a far less than perfect person.
She’d not been naive in her consideration of a political alliance. She’d known what it would have meant and only a couple of weeks ago she’d been willing to accept discretion—to turn a blind eye while having no lover for herself. But what she’d said to Alvaro this afternoon was her truth now. She didn’t want to marry. She couldn’t.
That you could fall in love quickly? That was possible. She was horribly sure of it. It was about the only thing she was sure of right now.
The knock on her door startled her. Alvaro. She couldn’t face his all-seeing eyes like this. She couldn’t hide the truth of her heart.
But he knocked again. ‘Jade?’
She could hear his concern. She couldn’t ignore him—he’d have security up here in a heartbeat.
‘One second,’ she called out as she got up and went to the door. She opened it a fraction. ‘I’m sorry—’
His gaze narrowed instantly. ‘What’s wrong?’
He’d pushed her door wider and stepped into the room before she had the chance to answer. His gaze hit the scattered papers on the floor—and that awful photo of her formerly glamorous mother and her strained-looking sister.
Jade knelt to gather the papers, but her hands were shaking. He was beside her in less than a second, helping her—emotionlessly, so politely not even looking. But she knew he couldn’t avoid seeing it.
‘The carry-all is an old bag of Juno’s. I didn’t realise it had anything in it,’ she explained quietly without looking at him.
She put them back into the bag. She’d explain to Juno that she’d borrowed the bag, and she’d seen the hidden contents by accident.
‘I once looked it up on the Internet,’ she muttered on. ‘My parents’ romance was all so well documented. She was a famous actress, he was a handsome king...you know, the stuff of fairy tales.’
But not long after their marriage her mother had grown miserable, unable to cope with royal life in Monrova. And then, after the split, when sent away with one of her daughters, she’d been unable to cope with her ‘freedom’ back in the States.
Suddenly, to Jade, a life swamped in duty seemed safer after all.
‘I had no idea how bad it was for Juno with our mother,’ she said. ‘I wish she’d told me.’
‘Could you have done anything if she had?’
She shrugged. ‘I don’t know...but I didn’t even get the chance. She should have confided in me,’ she said sadly, leaning back in a heap against the end of the bed. ‘She shouldn’t have had to deal with all that on her own.’
‘You dealt with things on your own too.’
‘Not the same, Alvaro.’ She shook her head. ‘So not the same.’
‘You can’t beat yourself up for not knowing what she was dealing with. You were on the other side of the world, you had limited contact and you were barely an adult yourself. You didn’t have much power to help either of them, Jade.’
‘I could have been a support to Juno,’ she whispered. ‘But she didn’t want that.’
He was silent a while. ‘She probably wanted to protect you.’
‘I don’t need protection.’ She hated the thought of people thinking she couldn’t cope or that she wasn’t wise enough to make her own decisions. Or didn’t have something to give other people besides a smile and a polite wave. ‘She didn’t need to do that for me.’
‘You want to protect her too,’ he pointed out with a wry smile. ‘That works both ways, Jade. She feels that you have burdens of your own that she’d wished she could ease for you...the Crown, for one thing.’
She shook her head again. ‘I had it easy compared to her.’
‘Did you?’ He sat next to her on the floor, his leg running the length of hers. ‘You were left with an unloving father who didn’t bother to get you anything for Christmas. Let alone anything more meaningful. You were probably terrified that if you messed something up, he’d boot you out too.’
She stared at the floor, her eyes stinging with tears. Because it had been exactly that. She’d been terrified of stuffing up. Of him yelling at her the way she’d heard him yell at Juno. Of being banished the way her mother had.
She’d worked so hard in every way to do and be all that he wanted. And he still hadn’t noticed, hadn’t softened...hadn’t cared.
‘Jade?’ Alvaro cupped her face with his hand in that careful, tender way and turned her to look at him.
She couldn’t speak, couldn’t push past that lump in her t
hroat as she gazed into the warmth of his eyes.
‘Is that how it was?’ he asked.
She was so stiff with agony, she could barely nod.
‘I’m sorry,’ he muttered.
‘I...’ She breathed in a hard breath. ‘I just wish she’d talked to me.’
‘It can be the hardest thing to say something painful...’ he said softly. ‘Even to someone...’
She nodded again. She knew.
That was how it was for him, wasn’t it? Impossible to say something personal, even to a friend.
The silence between them grew as she gazed into his beautiful, beautiful eyes and wished for other things to be different too.
‘Jade...’ His voice was strained. ‘We really need to get out of this room.’ He lifted his hand and ran his fingers through his hair.
She glanced up at him and attempted a feeble joke. ‘You want to go to the gym?’
His face lit up at the thought she truly hadn’t meant for real. ‘Now that is an excellent idea.’
‘I wasn’t serious.’ She really, really wasn’t serious.
But he was already on his feet. ‘There’s one on level three.’
‘You know that? Oh, my...of course you know that.’
‘Come on.’ He extended his hand to her and, heaven help her, she took it.
‘I thought you wanted food,’ she groaned.
‘We can get something after. There’s a Christmas carnival down the street. They have flashing lights, I promise.’ He opened the door and went out into the corridor. ‘I don’t know about you, but I need to burn some energy.’
Five minutes later Jade found herself facing Alvaro, who’d already whipped off his sweater to reveal a tee that hugged that masculine vee of his body. Too well did she remember the heated wall of muscle that was his chest.
He danced in front of the boxing bag and winked at her. ‘Spar with me.’
‘You cannot be serious.’ She lifted her hands in surrender instead. ‘You’re way bigger than I am.’
‘I’ll keep one hand behind my back.’
‘And hop on one foot?’ She shook her head and walked over to the equipment rack, leaving him to it. ‘Not going to happen.’
But he was trying to make her laugh and it was working.
‘There are things I could do with that skipping rope, Jade, if you don’t want to use it in the usual way.’
She shot him a look and his laugh was low and sexy and then he turned and took a couple of playful swipes at the bag. She stared at his pure graceful strength and athleticism.
‘You’re not being fair,’ she softly complained.
All the emotions he’d made her feel in the last twenty minutes?
‘And you are?’ he countered quietly. ‘Look at you...just...’
‘Just what?’
‘Standing there.’
Warmth flooded her. He made her feel so wanted—at least in this one way.
‘We both agreed the rules,’ she breathed. ‘We both understood them.’
‘But you’ve broken other rules already this week, Jade. If you’ve done it once you can do it again.’
‘Or perhaps I’ve learned my lesson.’ She stepped back. ‘And all I’ve eaten today are some pastries. Let’s go get something more substantial, shall we?’
‘Oh, fine,’ he growled.
Two hours later they walked back to the hotel. Jade hadn’t laughed as much in years. Alvaro had unleashed his ultra-competitive side and she’d been unable to resist the challenge. With his apparently bottomless supply of quarters, they’d thrown darts at balloons for far too long before eating unidentifiable meat on a stick and piping-hot fries. She’d refused the neon cotton candy because she didn’t need the sugar high to make her heart pound faster.
They’d talked of nothing serious. Nothing of her past or her future, only whether or not they should do the rifle range first or the big six. She’d loved watching his enthusiasm emerge. He had a dynamism like no one she’d ever met. Not recklessness—he was incredibly disciplined and energetic regarding his work, but he had a controlled zest that, once released, was infectious. And killer competitive spirit. In the final tally he won the most—offering her the obligatory oversized ugly plush toy alligator that secretly Jade was sure the operator gave him only because he’d spent so much money on the damn games.
‘Not going to fit in my cabin baggage, sorry,’ she’d demurred.
He’d laughed and given it to a family passing by.
And now, back in the hotel, he paused by her door.
‘Let me know if you need anything,’ he muttered.
And who was being unfair again now?
She stared up at him and that ripple of desire—of promise—made her shiver again. But she’d deny it still—not even say it to herself. ‘I think I can manage everything fine on my own, thanks.’
Amusement and appreciation flared in his eyes. ‘Maybe there’ll come a moment when you can’t,’ he whispered, teasing retribution. ‘Watch out then, Jade.’
And she couldn’t resist responding, ‘Is that a threat?’
He opened her door for her only to then step away. ‘More of a promise.’
He’d meant it only as a joke, another little lightening of the atmosphere after her earlier emotion. But for her, it was all warning.
CHAPTER TEN
‘IT WON’T TAKE LONG, but I need to check on her.’
‘Of course.’ Jade didn’t mind how long it took, she was fascinated to be meeting someone who’d had such an impact on him.
But Alvaro had been quiet on the drive and now they’d pulled up outside a suburban house, his tension was even more palpable as he checked his phone with a frown.
Jade hadn’t bothered even turning her phone on. The morning was too gorgeous and she was too intrigued. Now, as they got out of the car, she scooped up the box of tiny gingerbread houses and carried them up the path. Alvaro had no other gifts with him, which surprised her a little. But he’d just lifted his hand to knock on the door when it opened and an older woman stepped out. She gazed up at him for a moment then nodded. ‘Alvaro.’
‘Ellen.’
It was the briefest hug before the woman turned to scrutinise Jade with sharp interest. ‘Have you brought a friend with you?’
Her audible amazement sent warmth flooding through Jade. She felt outrageously pleased that a woman with Alvaro was an obvious rarity.
‘Ellen, this is—’ Alvaro shot Jade a quick query.
‘PJ,’ Jade swiftly stepped in.
But she didn’t want to lie to this woman. She’d discovered how much she hated lying. ‘It’s a pleasure to meet you, Ellen.’
Warmth—and avid curiosity—swirled from the slightly stooped figure. Ellen was older than Jade had expected, but she guessed the lines on her face were hewn not just from hard work, but from smiles too. Because it also took only a split second for Jade to see that Ellen absolutely adored Alvaro.
Of course, she did.
‘Come in.’ The elder woman hustled them. ‘It’s too cold to loiter out here.’
Jade glanced at Alvaro’s bent head and saw the crooked smile he gave Ellen even though she’d already turned to lead them into her lounge.
Inside Jade didn’t know where to look first. There were shelves stacked with books and board games—not ancient battered editions, but new ones covering every genre, and a wide variety of non-fiction. There were puzzles too. The place had a literal warmth to it, with a cosy fire heating the large room and thick coverings on the floor. She caught Alvaro’s eye and saw his quick wink, heard his low murmur. ‘And the décor says...?’
That Ellen liked to welcome a wide range of people to her home. Jade had expected to like her—this was the woman who’d somehow ‘saved’ Alvaro—but seeing this, meeting her? She liked her all the more.<
br />
Jade held out the box of pastries to her. ‘We’ve brought a few—’
‘Alvaro,’ Ellen turned and scolded him. ‘You know that’s not necessary. You’ve given me far too much already.’
‘Don’t look at me.’ Alvaro spread his hands in mock innocence. ‘These are from PJ.’
Ellen swivelled towards Jade. ‘You’ll forgive me, but finding places to put all the things he’s sent me is impossible.’
This was clearly a source of ongoing banter between them, but Jade could play along.
‘These are miniature cakes, Ellen,’ Jade answered gently. ‘They are most necessary.’
Ellen stared at her for a second, then laughed. ‘Alvaro, you’ve found an ally.’
He just grinned. ‘What do you need me to do, Ellen?’
‘You couldn’t just sit down and talk to me?’
‘No.’ He’d already pushed up his sleeves. ‘Is that firewood delivery properly stacked?’
‘Oh.’ Ellen laughed again. ‘Go on, then, I know you have to see it with your own eyes.’
He glanced at Jade. ‘Want to come see—’
‘Of course, she doesn’t,’ Ellen swiftly answered before Jade could. ‘We’ll find a place to put these pastries.’
‘I didn’t bring her here to be subjected to an inquisition, Ellen.’ Alvaro looked to Jade. ‘You don’t have to answer any questions, there’s no penalty, just so you know.’
Jade felt absurdly shy but followed Ellen through to a large kitchen. She met people all the time in the course of her duties, but this sharp-eyed woman was important to Alvaro, even if he was reticent to admit how much. And that made her nervous.
‘You’ve known Alvaro long?’ Ellen asked.
‘I met him through work,’ Jade replied, smiling as the inquisition instantly began. ‘He’s been a good friend to me.’
Ellen’s gaze sharpened. ‘Has he?’
Jade maintained her smile and went for immediate diversion. ‘Where would you like me to put these? I don’t think they need refrigerating or anything, so I could just tuck them on that shelf over there?’
There was the smallest space because the shelves, like those in Alvaro’s own kitchen, were incredibly well stocked.
The Queen's Impossible Boss (The Christmas Princess Swap, Book 2) Page 12