There was the sound of sea hitting shore, but the space was otherwise silent. That regular swirl of light offered a sense of strength and safety. It was the ultimate in serene isolation.
But when she turned, she was finally able to see his face and she realised that her sense of safety was very wrong.
‘Alvaro?’
He stood still and silent and so strong.
‘Alvaro?’
‘Don’t,’ he muttered. ‘Don’t say anything.’
But how could she not say anything when he’d just stripped off his sweater, together with his tee, leaving him bare-chested? How could she not when he moved towards her with such intent?
‘What are you doing?’ she asked, even though she knew. Even though she wanted it with every ounce of her being. ‘I’m leaving soon.’
Her heart pounded as she said it to remind herself too.
‘I know,’ he muttered. ‘That’s good.’
‘Is it?’ She shook her head with a sad little smile.
‘Jade...’ His voice was rough and gravelly. ‘You know I’m right. You know that this can’t...’
‘I know.’
‘And you know we can’t not do this now.’
In the sweep of light from the beacon, the intensity in his expression was revealed. She swallowed. The lighter sexiness of that first night had been replaced by something stronger. There was almost ruthlessness in his intent—as if the hunger had deepened and the resulting, revealed pain needed to be assuaged. This time would be different. This time, she truly feared for her heart.
It’s too late already.
She closed her mind to that secret whisper. It didn’t matter. Because it was too late. And because it was too late, there was no denying this now. She lifted her chin and he stepped close to meet her, to cup her jaw in his large, gentle hands. She closed her eyes at the first kiss. She’d missed him. And now she breathed him in—that musky scent, the heat of his body, the surety of his touch.
They barely undressed. They barely had time. There were too many kisses to enjoy and it didn’t matter. In the swirl of light that swept over them every other second, they glimpsed all that was needed—desire, willingness, need.
‘Please,’ she whispered, her arms tight around his shoulders.
He hoisted her into his hold, pressing her back against the wall. Leaning so close she ought to be crushed. Instead she was elated.
‘Don’t be polite, darling,’ he begged. ‘Demand what you want from me.’
‘What word do you want to hear, if not please?’
He groaned against her and then uttered a command. It was blunt and coarse, yet he whispered it gently in her ear. That was him. An impossible contradiction of demand and patience.
‘Do you have any—’
‘Of course.’ He slammed the condoms on the wall beside her head. ‘I wouldn’t hurt you for the world, Jade.’
She was saddened for a second that he considered creating something magical together would be so destructive for them both. But he was right. And then her need overruled everything. ‘Hurry, then.’
Because denying him. Denying herself. Was impossible.
Moments later he groaned her name—a long sigh of searing need and looming satisfaction as he slid home.
‘You’re so ready for me,’ he added in an awed whisper.
‘I’ve been ready all week,’ she confessed.
‘Why didn’t you say so sooner? Wasting time.’
‘You went away.’
‘Ran fast as I could,’ he growled and pressed closer still. ‘Stupid.’
‘Why did you?’
‘Because it’s like this,’ he said simply. ‘Too good.’ He stared into her eyes as if seeing her for the first time in so long. ‘You should get to have all the fun, Jade.’
Did he think so? Right now, she thought so too.
‘Give it to me, then,’ she asked softly.
The flickering light fell on his gorgeous face, his expression burnished in the alternating lamp light and shade of night. They were alone in the world. There was only them, only this. And Jade was utterly lost, utterly captured in his arms, deliciously lost in his intensity, in his tender passion and the brute strength of his body.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
JADE OPENED HER EYES to a beautiful winter’s day—the wide window showing the gorgeous blues of the wide ocean and sky. Last night he’d carried her from the tower straight to this big bed. They’d made love for hours. Not had sex—that was not what it had been for her. She’d loved him as hard as she could for as long as she could stay awake. Now she took in the coastal blue and creamy white paintwork, the warmth of natural wool rugs and the worn wooden floor and that low-burning flame of the cosy fire.
It was perfection. And she told herself she could suppress the yearning inside—she’d suppressed pain for a long time before. She could live with an aching heart. She wouldn’t let it ruin this couple of days.
‘Good morning.’ In just black boxers and nothing else, he was a gift.
But he’d brought her coffee too; she could smell the invigorating strength of it and see the steam curling from the blue mug.
‘Merry Christmas,’ she whispered, curling her toes at the sight of him.
‘Shh.’ He bent and gently silenced her with a touch of his finger to her lips. ‘Not yet.’
‘No?’ She frowned.
He shook his head and laughed. ‘First we start with an Easter egg hunt.’
‘A...what?’ She raised herself up on two elbows as he sat on the edge of the bed beside her.
‘Easter egg hunt.’ He looked at her blandly.
‘You...’ She cocked her head to study him more closely. ‘It’s Christmas.’
‘Yeah, but I figure, if you didn’t really get a Christmas, I bet you didn’t get Easter either. Or Halloween. Obviously not Valentine’s Day...’
‘Obviously...’ Her heart thudded and she couldn’t help but slide into the warmth of his smile.
‘So. We might not do them in the exact right order...but an Easter egg hunt.’
His playfulness astounded her. So did the lighthouse’s cottage. In the course of the hunt for gold-foil-wrapped chocolate decadence, she discovered the other decorations gilding the beautifully refurbished cottage. So many decorations. There was Christmas in the kitchen. Valentine’s in the bathroom—champagne and a giant heart balloon above the bath, which had that amazing view across the ocean. She peeked in to discover Halloween in the study with a witch’s hat and a cauldron and a carved pumpkin jack-o’-lantern on the side table next to a plush reading armchair. At each of these small decorated settings sweet treats were stationed. The effort and thought he’d gone to put a lump in her throat.
‘Alvaro...’
‘Silly, I know.’
‘Not silly.’ She faced him and slung her arms around his neck. ‘I love that there are themed snacks in every room for us to refuel.’
‘Holiday candy can’t be beaten.’ He tugged her closer. ‘And I’m glad you got my plan. Season’s Eatings.’
But she didn’t eat. She kissed him. Lazily and playfully and with such sweet gratitude—showing rather than saying how his gesture made her feel. He’d put in so much effort. Already the fires were lit in the bedroom, kitchen and study, making the whole cottage gorgeously warm.
‘This must have taken you ages.’ She hugged his arm as she gazed around again in absolute awe.
He laughed. ‘I’d love to take the credit, but it only took me a few phone calls. I have a person who checks on the place and he got a party company to deck it out. I had to hide most of it from you last night.’ He shot her a look. ‘I paid them very well given it is the holiday season, but they didn’t seem to mind.’
‘I bet they had a blast.’ Who wouldn’t want to come to this magical place?
‘Alvaro...’ She suddenly felt dreadful; she had no gift for him.
‘Don’t panic.’ He chuckled as he caught the distressed look she shot him. ‘This isn’t from me. It’s from Ellen.’
Jade’s heart beat a flood of warmth around her body. She reached into the felt stocking and pulled out a gorgeous soft green winter hat.
‘Knitting is her hobby—though she’s slower now. She has a collection she chose from.’
‘I love it.’ She was so touched.
‘She chose well,’ he said softly. ‘It matches your eyes.’
‘What did you get?’ She peered eagerly.
His was a matching soft wool hat, only in dark grey.
‘It looks good on you.’ She giggled. Especially with just the boxers he had on.
‘Why don’t you go into the study? I’ll be there in a moment.’
She’d already decided the study was her favourite room—aside from the bedroom, of course—with its stunning views of the ocean, and the cosy comfort of its whitewashed walls, bookcases and plump, soft furniture.
Two minutes later Alvaro appeared carrying a tray, on top of which was a gorgeous chocolate cake and a single lit candle.
‘What’s this?’ She stood to meet him.
‘I thought, if the main festival days were impersonal, what were birthdays like in recent years?’ He looked at her gently. ‘I had a hunch that maybe not all queens got to eat cake?’
Her heart melted all over again at his astuteness. And his consideration.
‘No.’ Her birthday had barely registered on her father’s mind.
She’d missed her sister and her mother so much at those times. Once they’d left there’d been nothing personal—a brief greeting from her father, a signed book, and a reminder to stay calm and study hard.
‘So we’re having cake for breakfast?’ she asked. ‘Because it’s a treat day?’
‘Why not, right? It’s Christmas.’
It certainly was. Jade’s heart filled as he sank into the big armchair by the fire and watched her, a smile on his face as she blew out the candle.
‘Did you make a wish?’ he asked.
‘I’m not telling,’ she teased. She carefully cut into the cake with the enormous knife he’d brought with him and marvelled as a mountain of candy-covered chocolate pieces cascaded out, spilling all over the pretty plate. A couple of pieces even hit the floor.
‘Oh, wow!’ She giggled. ‘That’s awesome.’
She could see the chocolate cake itself was rich and decadent and then with that mess of colour in the centre?
‘It’s the birthday cake I would have adored as a kid,’ he said softly.
Her heart burst and she turned to face him. ‘Would have?’
Alvaro shrugged as he watched Jade carefully put a slice of cake on a small plate. The flush in her cheeks, the smile that hadn’t left her face since she’d woken, they were the best presents he’d ever had. She didn’t cut a second slice, instead she came with the plate and fork and, with a wriggle of her hips, wordlessly asked to sit on his lap. She was the sexiest thing. He teased the thin strap of her negligee as she settled over his thighs and offered him a bite. How could he resist?
‘You like?’ she asked.
Somehow it had flipped, as if he were the one receiving the gift—yet he wasn’t quite comfortable. He should be pleased and at ease. He’d checked on Ellen, he’d come to his sanctuary, he had Jade back in his bed and she’d loved his little ‘festival of festivals’. Now he had cake and warmth and the most beautiful woman in the world on his knee.
Yet the strangest wall of emotion slammed into him—hitting him so off track, he couldn’t even figure what it was. As it sank beneath his skin, he felt exposed and somewhat mortified that he’d done this at all. And now? Now she was looking at him with gleaming eyes and a smear of chocolate just below her sweet lower lip and—
‘It’s gorgeous,’ he muttered.
His body ached and it shouldn’t. It ought to be sated and in some soporific state of recovery, yet now he hungered for things more than physical. It hurt. His chest, his gut. It really, really hurt.
‘You didn’t ever get a cake like this?’ she asked gently as she offered him another bite.
‘You know I didn’t,’ he said huskily.
A frown gathered in her eyes. ‘But I’m sure Ellen did something?’
He heard the curiosity in Jade’s voice, saw it in her eyes.
‘Ellen did her best. Always.’ He couldn’t say anything more.
Ellen was a carer; she’d taken in the most unwanted of unwanted things. More than stray dogs or waifish children, but the absolute rejects. She’d been tough but she’d had to be. They wouldn’t have survived otherwise.
Jade was watching him. Sure, the basic details were out there—he’d been given up for an adoption that hadn’t worked out and Ellen had taken him in. But the specifics hadn’t been that straightforward. He didn’t ever go into those. And yet here those details were, cramming in his head—memories of birthdays and Christmases gone by in which there’d been...anger and hurt and rejection and such loneliness.
He wanted to tear his gaze away from her. He wanted to clear his throat. He wanted to escape...yet he couldn’t move. And he certainly couldn’t speak. He couldn’t tell her the whole of it. He’d never told anyone. Not even he and Ellen had discussed it. It was in the past, long, long buried.
In the end Jade glanced away, faint colour running under her skin. She caught sight of the whiteboard on the wall above his desk and seized on it. ‘You were serious about this usually being a strategy day?’
He rested his head back on the chair and gently stroked her back, unable to resist the contact. It soothed him even though every time he touched her it was as if his vital organs got an electric shock.
‘Companies don’t run by themselves,’ he said. ‘I need to check direction, and there’s inevitably some crisis or other to prepare for...’
‘Yet you continue to expand?’ She turned back to face him. ‘You don’t think you have enough?’
He half smiled at her as he shook his head. It wouldn’t ever be enough and, no, he couldn’t ever rest.
‘Do you worry that one day you’ll wake up and it’ll all be gone?’ she asked softly.
He stiffened. He’d worked hard for what he had and he wasn’t about to lose it. ‘I’m not really that much of a risk-taker, Jade.’ He’d had to be to begin with, but not any more. ‘You’ve seen it yourself. I keep my safe reserves.’
And he was always, always hungry. He didn’t really mean for food or indeed sex. But for that security. Because he always felt that threat looming. He had to keep winning. He knew what happened when you lost. When you no longer had any tangible value.
He picked up the fork and fed her a piece of the cake to stop her asking another question. Yet stupidly he couldn’t help from admitting the tiniest truth to her.
‘When I was little, my birthday was never celebrated. It was nothing to be celebrated.’ Back then he’d only known what day it even was, thanks to Ellen. ‘Ellen made me a cupcake once, when I was nine.’
He remembered it clearly. And the repercussions when the others had found out.
Jade was very still on his lap; he could feel her sudden tension. But her eyes had such light to them—they were so clear and vibrant and he couldn’t look away from her even when it seemed that she was looking right into him and seeing the gnarled lump of nothing inside. ‘You knew her then?’ she prompted so softly.
‘I’ve known her all my life,’ he admitted simply and the long-sealed vat of poison bubbled up, bursting through the crust he’d thought indestructible. And he couldn’t stop
it. ‘My birth mother was young. Her very uptight parents were horrified and the only reason I was even born was because by the time my existence was discovered, it was too late for me not to be.’ He rested his head on the high-backed chair. ‘She was so young she didn’t even realise she was pregnant. Not too young to have a boyfriend from the wrong side of the tracks, though. A boy her father couldn’t have disapproved of more. So, I was given up.’
‘Adopted?’
‘Not through the usual channels unfortunately. My grandfather didn’t want anyone to know, so they sent my mother away and the second I was born they gave me to Nathan and Lena. Nathan had once worked for him—so it was a private arrangement. They were paid to take me, on the condition that there would never be any communication between my birth family and me. Certainly, there would never be any contact between me and my mother. My connection to the whole family would be denied.’
Jade’s jewel-like eyes softened. Of course, she understood the pain of that—she’d experienced similar in her life with her own mother.
He knew she hated being kept in the dark. And she’d shared her secrets with him. What did it matter for her to know she wasn’t alone? And it was because of that—and the softness in her expression—that more spilled from him.
‘My birth wasn’t even registered at the time. But later on, there was contact,’ he said wryly. ‘Because Nathan and Lena only took me for that monthly pay-cheque. They weren’t interested in me, I was just a complete pain. Nor were they interested in working... They only wanted their next fix. They both left all the cooking and cleaning and caring for me to Nathan’s older half-sister.’
It took her only a moment. ‘Ellen.’
‘She did everything. She had done all her life. Everything for everyone. She’d left school early to care for her mother, who got unwell after Nathan’s birth, so she didn’t get a decent education. When their mum died, Ellen struggled to raise Nathan. He took huge advantage of her for years. Lena then did the same—they treated her like their slave. And they used her to look after me. And she was so...worn, so downtrodden with years of that awful treatment, she just accepted it all.’ It had frustrated the hell out of him. ‘But then the monthly money to cover my costs stopped coming. So one day, when Ellen was at work, Lena and Nathan took me back to my grandfather’s house to find out why.’
The Queen's Impossible Boss (The Christmas Princess Swap, Book 2) Page 14