by Lisa Swift
Friends with Benefits
Cover
Title Page
Dedication
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty-One
Chapter Thirty-Two
Chapter Thirty-Three
Chapter Thirty-Four
Chapter Thirty-Five
Chapter Thirty-Six
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Epilogue Eight months later…
A letter from Lisa
Acknowledgements
Copyright
Cover
Table of Contents
Start of Content
Friends with Benefits
Lisa Swift
For Mark
Chapter One
‘Sophie asked if I can stay at hers on Friday. That’s OK, right?’
Lexie tore her eyes from the morning paper to look at her stepson Connor, sitting across from her at the breakfast table. He was shovelling mountainous spoonfuls of Cheerios into his mouth with one hand while tapping at his phone with the other, his face half-hidden by the oversized Warhammer hoodie he’d pulled on over his school uniform.
‘Sophie invited you to sleep over?’
‘Yeah. I said you’d be fine with it. You are, aren’t you?’
‘I thought me, you and Uncle Theo had a date this Friday night. Homemade nachos and the new Spider-Man film, remember? Last one in our Marvel marathon. You said you couldn’t wait.’
Connor looked up from his phone. ‘Well yeah, I couldn’t, but we can do that any night though. Soph got the MTG Ikoria booster packs for her birthday and I really want to play with her.’
Lexie hesitated, pretending her eye had been caught by a headline in the paper as she tried to decide on the right approach to this morning’s out-of-the-blue terrifying parenting challenge.
‘Which birthday did Sophie just have?’ she asked casually. ‘Fifteen? She’s four months older than you, isn’t she?’
Connor had already reattached himself to his phone and only nodded vaguely.
‘Look, Con.’ Lexie folded the paper and dipped her head to catch his eye. ‘I know I’m not your mum…’
He smiled. ‘You’re always saying that.’
‘I know. Sorry. What I mean is, I don’t want to be some bossy parent person throwing down rules all the time, and I know I can trust you, but I’m not sure I’m all that keen on you staying overnight at your girlfriend’s right now. Not until you’re a bit older.’
Connor looked up to blink puzzled brown eyes at her. ‘Why not?’
Oh God. Lexie had known the day would come when this was all going to get complicated. Fourteen was exactly the age a growing lad could use a father figure around to counsel and advise him. But Daryl was no bloody use to them where he was – in fact he’d not been much bloody use when he was at home – so Connor was going to have to make do with her.
Her stepson had always been a sensible boy. Lexie had been both surprised and pleased when he’d announced that he and his bright, pleasant friend Sophie, one of the little gang of role-play gamers he hung out with at school, were now an item. But sensible was one thing, and teenage hormones were completely another. Plus Sophie was older than Connor – not by much, perhaps, but a few months made all the difference at their age. Obviously no such thoughts had occurred to Connor, who was still rather naive about the opposite sex, but who knew where a moonlight game of Magic: The Gathering over a romantic glass of banana Yazoo could lead? When Lexie remembered the sort of thing some of the kids she’d gone to school with had been getting up to at that age… God, she shuddered to think.
‘Are Sophie’s parents happy for you to stay over?’ she asked, deliberately dodging his question.
‘Yeah, they said it was fine.’
‘And you’d be sleeping in separate rooms?’
Connor nodded. ‘Me and Oli are going to sleep on the bunkbeds in Sophie’s brother’s old room.’
‘Oh. So it’s not just… Oliver Foster’s sleeping over too, is he?’
‘Mmhmm,’ Connor said, still fixated by the all-absorbing phone. ‘It’s sort of a late birthday thing for Soph.’
‘In that case… look, let me have a word with Sophie’s mum and check on the arrangements. I’m sure it’s probably OK.’
‘I don’t have to tell Dad about it, do I?’ Connor pulled a face. ‘Every time I mention Soph, he starts coming out with all that lame “so my boy is becoming a man” crap. Soooo embarrassing.’
Lexie smiled. ‘Well, not if you don’t want to. Come on, finish your breakfast. You don’t want to miss the bus for school.’
* * *
‘I really don’t see what the problem is,’ Theo said as he and Lexie laid out fresh tablecloths in the Blue Parrot that sunny April afternoon. ‘This is Connor. The most debauched thing he’s likely to get up to with a girl is letting her paint one of his orcs.’
Lexie sighed as she smoothed out the wrinkles in the vintage floral tablecloth. ‘Still, I can’t help worrying. I feel completely out of my depth with him these days, Theo. This is dad territory, all this teenage stuff. And let’s face it, I was struggling enough in mum territory.’
‘Give over, you’ve done great. I could never have coped the way you did, getting thrown in at the deep end like that.’
‘Thirty’s too young to have to deal with this. I feel like I need at least another decade of life experience to handle it.’
The door to the restaurant opened, and what appeared to be a cloud of rainbow in human form floated in. A woman in her sixties approached them, sweeping the floor with her oversized boho dungarees.
‘Hiya Tonya,’ Theo said to her. ‘If you’re here for the meeting, you’re a bit early. It’s not until four.’
‘Hello, darlings. No, I just dropped in with some bunting on my way to town. I’ll be back later for the meeting.’ She gave Lexie a kiss and helped herself to a seat. ‘Sewed my fingers to the bone, so the pair of you had better be grateful.’
‘Well, we are grateful,’ Lexie said, smiling. ‘Let’s face it, we need all the help we can get.’
Tonya rummaged in her canvas bag and handed Lexie a folded string of handmade bunting. ‘Here you go. Now don’t say I don’t love you, Lexie.’
Lexie frowned as she unfolded it. ‘Rainbow bunting? I mean it’s very you and all, Ton, but it’s a bit more Pride than 1940s festival, wouldn’t you say?’
‘Well it can’t be all red, white and blue. The village’ll look like a National Front rally.’ She pursed her lips as she glanced around at the Union Jack bunting and wartime propaganda posters that adorned the Blue Parrot. ‘This place is bad enough.’
Theo leaned over Lexie’s shoulder to examine the bunting. ‘It’s not very historically accurate, Tonya. I don’t think you could get those dyes in 1945.’
‘Oh, sod historical
accuracy,’ Tonya said, tossing her own multicoloured tresses. ‘If I have to help out with this jingoistic celebration of Empire you two insist on organising, I need to do it my way.’
‘Well, we’re hoping we won’t actually have to organise the thing – at least, not all of it,’ Lexie said. ‘I see our role more as a sponsor. You know, getting the ball rolling with this new committee so Theo and me are free to focus on the restaurant. That was the whole idea behind us putting it to the parish council, to drum up a bit more business for this place – not that we don’t think it’ll be a good thing for the village too, obviously.’
‘You actually don’t have to help, Tonya,’ Theo said. ‘You volunteered, remember? Resisting all efforts of both me and your soon-to-be-ex-daughter-in-law here to talk you out of it.’
‘Soon-to-be-ex-daughter-in-law by marriage,’ Lexie corrected him.
‘Is that right?’ Tonya said. ‘I think you need to add “once removed” or something.’
‘We really ought to find a snappier term to describe how we’re related, Ton.’
‘Oh, but it’s such fun to watch people’s eyes glaze over when we try to explain it.’
Theo ignored them. ‘Anyway, Ton, it’s not a jingoistic celebration of Empire. It’s a celebration of our triumph over the forces of darkness. Of Home Front camaraderie, the Dunkirk Spirit, survival against the odds, and… I dunno, George Formby.’
Tonya snorted. ‘You’d think that’d be reason enough not to bother.’
‘Look, you don’t have to help out. You don’t even live in the village. Don’t you have a cruise to go on?’
She grinned. ‘No, I’ve made sure I’ll be between cruises for the festival. Just for you, Theo.’
Lexie shook her head at Theo, smiling. ‘I don’t know why you let her wind you up, Teddy.’
‘Because I know it’s the highlight of her week,’ Theo said, patting Tonya on the shoulder. ‘I’d hate to disappoint her by not rising to the occasion.’
‘What the festival will actually be – we hope – is an excuse for adults to play dress-up, everyone to have a lovely time and us to make a bit of dosh.’ Lexie folded up the bunting and went to stash it under the bar. ‘Anyway, thanks, Tonya. I hope we get a few more crafty-type people turning up for this meeting later or you might find yourself becoming a one-woman bunting sweatshop.’
‘Where did you announce it?’
‘I put a notice in the window of the post office, and posted in that Leyholme residents group on Facebook. Plenty of Likes, and Stevie Madeleine said she’d definitely join, but mostly it was just noncommittal “see if I can make it”-type comments. I hope we get enough for a decent committee.’
‘We’ll be fine,’ Theo said. ‘It’s Leyholme. There’s never any shortage of busybodies with too much time on their hands willing to join things.’
‘And how’s my handsome grandson?’ Tonya asked, retrieving her bag from under the table as she prepared to leave. ‘Breaking hearts, I hope.’
‘Breaking hearts is the least of my worries,’ Lexie muttered.
When Tonya had gone, Theo and Lexie went back to setting tables.
‘The committee’s going to have fun with her,’ Theo said. ‘I can just see Ryan Theakston’s face if she starts up with that “jingoistic celebration of Empire” stuff.’
Lexie frowned. ‘Ryan’s not joining, is he?’
‘I’ve got a strong suspicion he will do. He’s in one of those war re-enactment groups. Anyway, you know he’s addicted to joining committees. I think it might actually be some sort of fetish for him.’
‘Christ. You’re right: him and Tonya are a punch-up waiting to happen. I don’t think her pacifist principles would stand a chance against Ryan in full bureaucrat mode.’
‘Ah well, it’ll keep things interesting.’ He glanced up at her. ‘You all right, Lex?’
‘Why wouldn’t I be?’
‘You look worried, that’s all. You’re not still brooding about Connor, are you?’
‘No.’ She sighed. ‘Maybe.’
Theo finished smoothing his tablecloth and straightened up. ‘All right. Let’s do this properly then.’ He took her arm and guided her to the restaurant’s bar.
She laughed. ‘You what?’
‘Come on. You round that side.’ He unbolted the hatch to go through to the other side of the bar, then picked up a bar towel and started wiping down the surface. ‘Right then.’ He assumed a sympathetic expression. ‘Rough day, darling?’
She smiled. ‘You daft sod.’
He poured a gin from the optic, topped it up with tonic and pushed it to her. ‘There you go, on me. Now, let me provide salve for your troubles by drawing on the ancient, mystic wisdom of the barman. What’s up?’
She sighed as she took a sip. ‘Oh God, I don’t know. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and wonder how the hell this turned out to be my life. I mean, I always wanted kids, but I never expected to suddenly find myself playing mum to a seven-year-old at twenty-three. It was hard enough when Daryl was still around, but now he’s gone, I’m having to be both mother and father to a kid who’s only sixteen years younger than I am. And when I’ve got adolescence to cope with as well… shit, it doesn’t feel like yesterday that I was going through the whole wretched business myself.’
‘Lex, you worry too much,’ Theo said. ‘Connor’s got his head screwed on.’
‘Yes, but he is also fourteen. What did you used to spend all your time thinking about at fourteen?’
‘Well, girls, obviously. I’d estimate that the opposite sex, their attached breasts and how I might achieve greater intimacy with all of the above occupied about 99.9% of my thoughts.’
‘Exactly,’ she said. ‘You know where I’m coming from, don’t you? The two of them spending the night together, hormones, one thing leading to another…’
He picked up her G&T and helped himself to a mouthful. ‘Course I do. But honestly, Lex, you don’t need to worry. If I didn’t get laid at fourteen then Connor sure as hell isn’t going to.’
She jabbed him in the arm. ‘Don’t be rotten. Connor’s a good-looking boy, why shouldn’t girls be interested in him? Anyway, you like Star Wars, you big geek. Stop pretending to be so bloody cool.’
‘I’m not being rotten and I’m not pretending to be cool. And by the way, actually everyone likes Star Wars but you, so…’
She raised an eyebrow. ‘Well then, what are you trying to say?’
‘All I mean is, kids like Con who are hard into all that spaceship and wizard stuff, they’re always late bloomers, aren’t they? The whole idea of sex probably scares the bejesus out of the lad, which is very definitely a good thing from our point of view. As his surrogate parent, seems to me you should be falling to your knees in gratitude in front of the nearest branch of Forbidden Planet.’
‘Hmm.’
‘Look, do you seriously think Connor, our Connor, is at risk of getting this girlfriend pregnant or catching the clap or something?’
‘He might be.’ Lexie propped her chin glumly on one fist. ‘Then the next thing you know he’s walking the streets, selling his body to pay for his crack habit, and it’s all my fault because I didn’t want to sacrifice my reputation as a cool young stepmum by saying he couldn’t stay over with Sophie.’
Theo shook his head. ‘You’ve watched too much Grange Hill.’
‘Well, maybe it’s not that which is bothering me so much – not that there isn’t a part of me that can’t help worrying about him having sex before he’s ready. It’s more the feeling that he’s getting further and further away from me, the older he gets.’ She smiled wistfully. ‘He was such a sweet, shy little thing when I met him. Six is no age to lose your mum, is it? I half expected him to resent me for trying to take her place, but he just seemed to blossom after I moved in with Daryl.’
‘Yes, well, you can thank Daryl for that,’ Theo said, his lips tightening. ‘He was hardly the most hands-on dad.’
‘No. I’ve
loved being Connor’s stepmum though. Watching him grow into a young man his dad and me could be proud of, and feeling that a big share of that was mine.’
‘I know you have,’ he said gently. ‘It’s thanks to you that Connor still is a sweet lad, despite an occasional attack of the Kevins. You’ve done a cracking job with him, Lex.’
‘Thanks.’ She sighed. ‘He’s just got so much going on now; this whole world I can’t be any part of. His life revolves around his friends, his phone, his bloody gaming PC, and I’m lucky if I can get a grunt out of him. I miss the days when he used to tell me things, you know? When he was still all about Minecraft and Doctor Who and life was simple.’
‘No offence, Lex, but if you were my stepmum and I was fourteen, you’d be the last person I’d want to tell things to,’ Theo said, smiling.
‘Oh, right. Thanks for the vote of confidence.’
‘Come on. You think he could talk to you about girls, puberty, changing bodies and all that business without feeling embarrassed? Would you have talked to your dad about that stuff?’
‘I guess not.’ She looked up. ‘I don’t suppose you’d be able to have a word with him, would you?’
‘About what?’
‘Well, all that stuff you just said. Bodies, girls and so on. His dad’s not around to do it, and you are his godfather.’
‘Ugh. In that case can I not just scare him off sex by leaving a horse’s head in his bed?’
‘Come on, Theo. He respects you.’
‘How would I open that conversation? “So, young Connor, I’m told you’re growing into a man. Let’s shoot the shit about our penises for a bit, shall we?”’
She laughed. ‘All right, maybe not that. I just mean, you could have a chat with him before he stays at Sophie’s on Friday. He told me he’s sleeping in a separate room with Oliver, but it’s natural the pair of them are going to want to experiment at some point. I think he’d feel a lot less awkward if you were the one to do the safe sex talk.’
‘Jesus, that sounds excruciating,’ Theo said, pulling a face.
‘Come on, Theo, you’ve had enough bloody practice. The least you can do is help out an old friend by putting your years of lecherous dissipation to good use.’