Friends With Benefits

by Lisa Swift

  ‘Parcel for you, Theo,’ Charlene said, pulling him out of his thoughts.

  He took the package from her. ‘Oh. Thanks.’

  ‘Anything exciting?’

  ‘Just my costume for the 1940s fest.’ He glanced down at the hairy vintage suit he wore for work. ‘I was going to wear this thing, but then I decided something with a bit more sex appeal wouldn’t go amiss for a day. Hope it fits.’

  Charlene glanced around the handful of customers. ‘Go try it on if you want. I can manage here.’

  ‘Yeah, all right.’

  He nipped upstairs to his flat above the restaurant and put on the costume, a slate-grey RAF officer’s uniform with matching peaked cap.

  ‘What do you think then?’ he asked Charlene when he went back down, gesturing to the uniform.

  She nodded. ‘Suits you, boss. Very suave.’

  ‘Thanks.’ He glanced around the thin smattering of customers. ‘Charl, do you think you could deal with this lot till closing time? I feel like I ought to go check on Lexie. She didn’t sound well at all when I spoke to her earlier.’

  Not wanting to reveal anything personal, he’d told Charlene a bad migraine was the reason Lexie wanted to exchange shifts.

  ‘Yes, I can cope for the last hour,’ Charlene said. ‘You go; tell her to get well soon from me. I’ve got my keys to lock up.’

  ‘Right. I’ll just go change.’

  ‘No, leave it on,’ Charlene said, smiling. ‘I’d say that’s just the thing to cheer her up. It’ll give her a laugh if nothing else.’

  * * *

  When Lexie opened the door to him, Theo could almost believe his own cover story. His friend certainly didn’t look well. She was very pale, her eyes puffy and streaked with mascara.

  ‘Did somebody here order a strippergram?’ he said, gesturing to his uniform.

  She summoned a weak smile. ‘Silly bugger. Why aren’t you at work?’

  ‘It was quiet so I knocked off early. I was worried about you.’

  ‘You didn’t need to come in fancy dress. I mean, not that it doesn’t look good on you.’

  ‘Charlene thought a bit of sexy role play might cheer you up.’ He took in her white face and red, swollen eyes. ‘Lex, you look terrible. Here, let me in.’

  As soon as the door had closed, he folded her in a hug. She let out a muffled sob against his chest.

  ‘Oh God, I’m sorry,’ she whispered. ‘I’m pathetic, aren’t I? Sitting here crying my eyes out because I’m too crap a mum to know what to do for the best.’

  ‘You’re not pathetic and you’re not a crap mum. None of this is your fault, Lexie.’

  ‘Here, come into the kitchen and have a drink while I feel sorry for myself all over you.’

  She led him to the kitchen and poured them each a glass of wine.

  ‘What am I going to do, Theo?’ she asked when they were sitting down. ‘All the years I’ve been looking after that boy, I’ve never felt so utterly lost and helpless. He even told me I wasn’t his mum. He’s never said that to me before.’

  ‘Has he come down from his room since you fetched him from school?’

  ‘No, not even to eat. So now I’ve had to add “potential anorexia” to the list of things that might be wrong.’

  ‘What happened, Lex?’

  She shook her head. ‘That’s what I can’t understand. He started this fight after one of his mates insulted him. Thing is, this kid Crucial’s king of the wind-up merchants; he always has been. They’ve been friends for years and it’s never come to serious blows before.’

  ‘Have you told Daryl?’

  ‘I texted and asked him to call me whenever time zones allow. I’d rather speak to him in person.’ She sighed. ‘He’s going to make such a stink about it though, and that’s the last thing Connor needs right now. If his dad has a go at him, he’s going to close up even more.’

  ‘Do you think it’d help if I talked to the boy?’

  ‘Possibly, but I wouldn’t try today. He’s just a lanky pillar of sulk right now. If either of us badger him any more now, he’s only going to put up more barriers.’

  ‘So when do you think I should try?’

  ‘The weekend? I reckon the best thing would be to work it in casually. Maybe you could take him to the football or something, do some male bonding.’

  Theo smiled. ‘Except he hates football.’

  ‘Well, the cinema then. Somewhere you can make it seem spontaneous rather than looking like I put you up to it.’

  ‘Right. Leave it with me.’

  She smiled weakly at him. ‘You know, Theo, I honestly don’t know what the pair of us would do without you. Why are you always looking out for us? After the way Daryl did the dirty on you, you’d be within your rights never to want to clap eyes on anything connected with him ever again.’

  He swirled his wine. ‘Maybe that is why. I couldn’t help feeling sort of responsible for you both when he left you up shit creek like that. You’d never have met him if it hadn’t been for me.’

  ‘I know. Possibly the best and worst thing that ever happened to me,’ Lexie said, smiling.

  He quirked an eyebrow. ‘Best?’

  ‘Oh, not for Daryl’s sake. For Connor’s.’ She dipped her head to meet his eyes. ‘And yours. I gained and lost a pretty crap husband, but I got a bloody brilliant son out of it, and an awesome best friend. Two things that make me feel my doomed marriage was worth it.’

  He smiled. ‘We nearly fell out over you, you know. Me and Daryl.’

  ‘Did you?’

  ‘Yep. I think I had a right to be pissed off, given I’d seen you first. I took great issue with him swiping the sexy young croupier I’d called dibs on from right under my nose.’ He looked at her. ‘Why did you go for him and not me?’

  She laughed. ‘Are you kidding?’

  ‘Honestly, I genuinely want to know. Was it the sharp suit? I wasn’t a bad-looking lad, was I, even if I was a bit of a scruffbag?’

  ‘You know you weren’t,’ she said, smiling. ‘You just weren’t a good investment, Theo. I wanted a steady boyfriend, not a roll in the hay – as fun as I’m sure it would’ve been.’

  ‘You bet your ass it would.’

  Her eyes clouded with nostalgia. ‘I tell you what though, those were the days. I felt so glamorous in that job, dealing cards in my little black dress like a Bond girl.’ She glanced down at her current outfit of faded grey jogging bottoms and baggy High School Musical T-shirt. ‘Ugh. And now look at me.’

  ‘Give over, you look great.’ He reached over to remove a false eyelash that had fallen off and stuck to her cheek. ‘I mean, maybe not right now, but generally. You know, I quite fancy you in your waitress gear.’

  ‘Well, thanks. At least someone does.’ She ran a finger over the eagle motif on the front of his RAF uniform. ‘You’re looking pretty hot tonight yourself. I ought to dress you up more often.’

  ‘Here.’ He went to fetch the wine. ‘Have a bit more of this and I’ll order us a takeaway. I’m not leaving tonight until I’ve managed to cheer you up. Two shoulders available for crying on and all the hugs you want on tap.’

  She smiled. ‘Cheers, mate.’

  ‘Hey. That’s what friends are for, isn’t it?’

  * * *

  Theo’s phone alarm went off at seven a.m. as usual. He fumbled blindly for it, then blinked his eyes open when he met a wall of warm, naked flesh where his bedside table ought to have been.

  What? Who…

  ‘Oh shit,’ he whispered.

  ‘Wur?’ Lexie mumbled as the phone alarm intruded into her dreams. Theo reached over her to turn it off, hoping it wasn’t loud enough for Connor to have heard.

  ‘Theo,’ Lexie muttered. ‘What are you doing in my room?’

  ‘If you really can’t remember then honestly, I feel pretty insulted.’

  ‘Oh God.’ She groaned deeply. ‘What the fuck did we do?’

  ‘The second bottle of wine was a bad idea.’ He glance
d at the floor, strewn with the clothes they’d torn from each other when they’d fallen in here the night before. ‘Really, really bad idea.’

  She peeped under the duvet at their two naked bodies and groaned again. ‘What were we thinking? Oh my God oh my God oh my God!’

  ‘Lexie, it’s fine,’ he said soothingly, drawing her into his arms.

  ‘No. Don’t do that. Don’t hold me.’ She wriggled free. ‘This is bad, Theo.’

  ‘Why is it bad? We’re adults, aren’t we?’

  ‘Because we’re mates!’ she hissed. ‘And despite your theories to the contrary, sex isn’t like bloody cricket.’

  ‘Can’t it be? You’re right, we are mates; good mates. I think we can handle this. It’s one shag, Lexie.’ He grinned. ‘Besides, you didn’t think it was all that bad last night.’

  ‘Stop it,’ she said, scowling. ‘This was a stupid, stupid thing to do. Christ, and with a kid in the house! I’m a bad parent, that’s all there is to it.’

  ‘Oh, he didn’t hear anything. He’s on the other side of the house. Anyway, we were reasonably sneaky, despite the wine.’

  ‘Jesus, how could I have let this happen?’ She looked at his bare chest and winced. ‘It’s your fault. You and your RAF uniform.’

  He swung his legs out of bed and bent down to retrieve his boxers. ‘Well, you can beat yourself up about it if you want. I’m not going to. Two mature adults who like and respect each other had some safe, healthy, and, I might with all modesty add, bloody enjoyable sex. It’s hardly the crime of the century.’

  ‘It can’t happen again.’

  ‘All right. Shame though, I had a great time.’

  For the first time since they’d woken up, her lips twitched with a smile. ‘I won’t deny it was fun. You’ve no idea how long it’s been for me.’

  ‘I thought you could sort yourself out.’

  ‘Well, yes, but that’s not quite the same.’

  He glanced at the uniform strewn across the floor. ‘So we’ve got a bit of a problem here. I’m going to look pretty conspicuous sneaking out dressed as a World War II flying officer.’

  ‘Borrow something of Daryl’s,’ she said, nodding to the wardrobe.

  ‘Right.’

  He helped himself to a pair of Daryl’s jeans and an old Nirvana T-shirt. It was a bit tight on him but it’d do until he got home.

  ‘This won’t change anything, Lexie,’ he said, while he got dressed. ‘Perhaps it wasn’t the wisest move, but we’re still friends. It doesn’t have to make anything awkward if we don’t let it.’

  ‘No, you’re right. Let’s just go back to normal and forget it ever happened.’

  ‘Forget it? You must be joking. I’m filing it away along with the day I lost my virginity and other cherished memories.’ He sat by her on the bed. ‘Come on then, give us a hug. Show there’s no hard feelings.’

  ‘I suppose I can manage that.’

  She sat up and he drew her to him. He was fully clothed now but Lexie was still naked, and as the duvet fell away he got an eyeful of her upper body in all its creamy, bouncy glory. She looked amazing first thing in the morning, her cheeks pink and her blonde hair attractively tangled. Theo tried not to focus on the breasts pressed up against him as he rubbed a comforting hand over her bare back. He couldn’t help thinking back to last night, her whispered moans of pleasure as she’d sat astride him and he’d caressed her body with his hands, his lips…

  Mentally he gave himself a slap, forcing himself to snap out of it before his own body started responding to the memory. This was supposed to be a friendly hug, for Christ’s sake, not foreplay. Hard feelings were about to be the least of his worries.

  ‘Cheered you up pretty well, didn’t I?’ he whispered.

  ‘Well, yes, I can’t deny you took my mind off things.’

  ‘You’re welcome.’ He kissed her cheek and let her go. ‘Please don’t beat yourself up about this, Lex. It’s the most natural thing in the world. You’ve been doing enough self-flagellating lately as it is.’

  ‘Perhaps you’re right. It was only one night, after all. And I feel a hundred times less stressed out than I did yesterday.’

  ‘See? I told you sex was good for the soul,’ he said, grinning. ‘I’ll see you at work, eh? I’d better sneak out before Connor wakes up.’

  Chapter Ten

  Theo tiptoed downstairs and crouched down to put his shoes on. He was about to creep out when…

  ‘Uncle Theo? What’re you doing here?’

  Shit. Connor. Think, Theo…

  Casually he removed his shoes again, as if he’d just arrived, then looked up to smile at Connor watching him from the top of the stairs.

  ‘Morning,’ he said brightly. ‘Let myself in with my emergency key, I hope you don’t mind. Just some work stuff I need to talk to your stepmum about. Is she awake?’

  ‘Dunno. Don’t think so.’

  Theo felt a wave of sympathy when he looked at Connor’s puffy eyes. Lexie obviously wasn’t the only person in the household who’d spent most of yesterday in tears.

  ‘Well, let her sleep for a bit. I’m in no rush,’ he said. ‘How are you doing? I heard there was some trouble at school.’

  He flushed. ‘Yeah. Got into a fight. Um, Theo…’

  ‘Hmm?’

  ‘Theo…’ Connor choked on a sob. ‘I’m in trouble.’

  Theo didn’t say anything. He just climbed the stairs and held open the door of Connor’s room for him, then followed him inside.

  ‘I told you not so long ago that if you ever wanted to tell me anything, I’d listen without judging,’ he said quietly when they were sitting down on beanbag and gaming chair respectively. ‘Is there something you want to talk to me about, Con?’

  Connor nodded miserably.

  ‘Is it about girls?’

  ‘Sort of,’ Connor mumbled. ‘You won’t tell Lexie, will you?’

  ‘Well, I can’t promise that until I know what it is. I won’t tell anyone who doesn’t need to know to keep you safe.’

  Connor was silent. Worrying he might have triggered the boy’s defence mechanisms again, Theo tried to think of a prompt that would reopen the dialogue.

  ‘What was your fight at school about?’ he asked.

  ‘Ugh. Crucial. He called me gay because I hadn’t done it with Soph yet so I punched him.’

  Theo frowned. ‘Kids still use gay as an insult, do they? I was hoping it might’ve been consigned to the dustbin of playground insults from the dim and distant past by now.’

  ‘Crucial does. He’s such a twat.’

  ‘Is that why you’re upset? Has he been bullying you?’

  ‘Don’t be stupid, he’s only Crucial. He’s always been like that.’

  ‘Well, then why so angry with him this time?’

  Connor shrugged. ‘Dunno.’

  Feeling he was losing the boy again, Theo tried a different approach.

  ‘Lexie says you’ve been quiet since the sleepover,’ he said. ‘Did something happen with your girlfriend?’

  ‘No,’ he mumbled. ‘I mean, kind of.’

  ‘Do you want to tell me what it was?’

  ‘Guess so.’

  Theo leaned towards him, assuming what he hoped was a sympathetic expression. ‘All right, go on. I’m listening.’

  Connor hesitated before beginning, picking at a thread on his pyjama bottoms. ‘Well… we were in her room on our own for a bit, that night I stayed over. We were kissing and…’ He flushed deeply. ‘She wanted to, um… to touch me. You know, down there. Only I said I wasn’t ready.’

  ‘OK,’ Theo said evenly. ‘Did she put any pressure on you to go further than you were comfortable with?’

  ‘No, she said it was fine. So we… we did some other stuff instead. Like, top halves, not bottom halves, and that was kind of good.’

  Theo felt a wave of relief. If that was all, Lexie had nothing to worry about. That was normal, healthy experimentation for kids their age. It sounded like Con
nor had been very mature about what he wanted, and if Sophie respected that, it must be quite a strong relationship.

  ‘Then what have you been worrying about?’ Theo asked.

  ‘OK, so, Soph had this vodka hidden in her cupboard and we were passing it round while we played Magic – me, her and Oli – till her mum came and took it off us. I think if we hadn’t drunk it then it wouldn’t have happened maybe, but we went a bit silly after and, um… well, do you know there’s this game called Spin the Bottle?’

  ‘I remember it with great fondness.’ Theo frowned. ‘Is that it? She kissed your friend Oli?’

  ‘No.’ He looked up helplessly to meet Theo’s eyes. ‘I did.’

  Theo blinked. ‘Oh.’

  ‘Is that all you’re going to say about it?’

  ‘Well, no. How did that make you feel?’

  Connor’s blush deepened. ‘I… I actually kind of liked it.’

  Theo tried not to let any surprise show in his face.

  ‘And your friend, what about him?’ he asked. ‘Did he like it too?’

  ‘Dunno. I thought he didn’t. Like, he pretended to be into it but it was just messing about for the game, you know? Sophie thought it was hilarious, she was pissing herself laughing at us, and then we stopped and Oli was laughing like a nutter too, like it was all a big joke. So then I laughed as well so they wouldn’t think I was the one who’d been into it. But then after me and Ol went to our room…’

  ‘Something happened?’

  Connor nodded unhappily. ‘We were sitting on his bunkbed talking about Star Wars. Oli reckons droids in the Star Wars universe ought to be given the same rights as people, you know, because they can make decisions and feel emotion and that, so they’re basically people being used as slaves. But I didn’t think that would work, because they can still be programmed to do stuff and that overrides their ability to make moral choices.’