We load up and begin driving around to the front of the warehouse, stopping briefly at Justin and Maddie’s house to grab a few personal items. It’s cold, wet, nasty weather but the street is deserted allowing me to breathe easier. We wind our way back traversing the same road we came on. Things are quiet and peaceful as we circle around the crash once again. We turn right, following the train tracks until we’re nearly at a huge intersection, which is filled with a large crowd of crazies. We’d have to back track a lot to avoid this group, likely facing large groups on other main roads. We try to circle around them, but there are so many that it’s slow going and they start beating on the trucks. My gut twists adding to the ache in my chest. “What should we do?”
“Let’s crack the windows and tell them to back off so we don’t hurt them,” Jonathan, who is now driving Jake’s truck, suggests.
I open the window a crack. “Back off guys! We won’t hurt you if you give us room.” My gut rumbles. Some of them seem to back off, but others don’t. Jonathan hits one, who falls down. Many more surge forward. We’re in the front and have to decide what to do quickly. Realizing we can’t subdue this large group with calm talk or medicine, my chest constricts further, while my gut roils. I stick my longest knife out at someone near my window, “Back! I don’t want to hurt you!” Jonathan sticks his gun out the window and shoots over their heads. More back off but the group is large, surging forward. They seem to be chanting something that’s hard to understand. I hear a gun shot and stab at the hands reaching toward me. I hear screams, one falls, taking several others with him as my breath stops, eyes widen, while we move forward. More come at us as my breath hisses. Jonathan plows some of them down with the force of the truck, pushing them to the side. We can’t avoid violence at this point. I’m on high alert, my breath short, stabbing at the hands that reach for us. Nick is in front with Jonathan, his gun pointed out the window. Shots are fired and I have no idea where they’re coming from or what’s happening.
All the sounds fade away as I detach from the trauma around me, continuing vigilantly, to stab at hands as they come, my heart hammering, my mind racing. It feels like time is standing still and moving fast at the same time. Then I realize that the group is opening up and we’re moving through them. We break out of the group and I begin to hear the noise again as my racing heart seems to skip beats. I look back, watching Justin’s truck barely making it through the crowd. They also have their windows cracked. Jake is shooting crazies down, avoiding our truck. I grab a gun, shoot above the group. I’m trying to back them off, making space for Justin’s truck, my stomach still tight with concern.
We near the turn off, slowing down, and waiting for Jose’s truck. Finally, I see it, breathing a sigh of relief. I suck in a deep breath, trying to make up for lost time, relaxing my tight muscles and stomach. We turn left, speed up, and watch first Justin’s truck, then Jose’s, round the bend. “Thank God, thank God!” I hiss at the empty, quiet street. We make it to the back of the strip mall, turn right, heading around behind Home Depot and Fred Meyer. The rain pelts down harder if that were possible as we slide through the intersection, avoiding the cars. Bailey Hill appears empty, barren, even at the big intersections, as if crazies don’t want to be out in the pouring rain.
“Wow, what a relief,” Jonathan finally speaks. “Are you guys okay?”
“I think so,” I say looking at my hands, which appear strange, distant, encrusted blood on my knuckles. Then I look at Nick. “Are you okay, Nick?” I’m so totally not okay.
“I’m fine. My hands are a little scratched up, fingernails or sticks, maybe, I don’t know.” He sounds okay, if a little strained.
I look more closely at my hands. “We need to wear gloves when we go out,” I tell him in a dazed voice. “How are you, Jonathan?”
“I’m physically okay.” He doesn’t say any more.
We turn onto Todd street as sighs of relief fill the truck’s cab. Other than that, the silence is heavy, leaden like my chest and the lump in my throat. Did we kill people?
We arrive to find the driveway cleared, the other cars in the street. They’re ready for us. We pull in, making room for Justin’s truck next to ours. Jose pulls along the end of the driveway. Help comes pouring out of the house. The garage door opens from the inside. I climb out of the truck, hugging Eli and Gracie, “God, it’s good to see you guys!” I cling to them for a minute or two, grateful they tolerate it.
“Was it bad out there, Mom?” Eli asks.
“It was worse this time. The crazies are grouping up. It was hard to get by them and it got violent.” Everything feels distant, like I’m watching my life on a stage.
Jose comes over then and hugs me. “Are you okay?” He asks.
“Yeah. You?” He nods. “Everyone in your truck okay?”
“We got scratched up a bit and I think Sam got bit, but we’re okay.”
I walk over to Sam, “I want to see what happened.” She shows me her hand. It’s red, bruising, and marked like teeth.
“It isn’t that bad,” she insists. “The guy had to bite through my gloves. They protected me from exchanging fluids. Do you think I would have gotten sick if I hadn’t had gloves?”
“It seems more likely,” I acknowledge. “Come here a minute, okay?” I grab her hand, walking to the other side of the yard for privacy. “We killed people, didn’t we?” I ask her, struggling to believe it.
“We did.” She looks down with shame, then looks me in the eye. “We had to, Elli! It was them or us! I don’t think we had a choice. Do you?”
“Not really. It just feels awful, wrong, but I can’t think how we could have avoided it.” I’m hanging my head now, feeling terribly guilty. “If we hadn’t, they would have blocked our cars and we’d have gotten stuck. They could have damaged our vehicles, broken windows, hurt or killed us…” The guilt fades a bit as I process with her.
“I really don’t think we had a choice,” she affirms. She puts her arm around me and we walk back to help unload.
“Wait a minute,” I tell her, stopping her by my medicine cupboard. I grab the salve and rub it on her bite. She smiles her thanks.
Morgan and Katie are out along with Nadir, Alex, Dixie and Jessie.
“If we all work together maybe we can get these trucks emptied, stored, and catalogued before dinner.” I start grabbing what I can carry, using the distraction, finding Jedaiah at my side. I hand him something small to carry.
“I’ll go get our hand trucks,” Jose offers.
“We brought candy, chocolate chips, and lots of flour. I think you could bake if you wanted,” I suggest to Gracie and Dixie.
“As soon as we’re free, right Dixie?” Gracie gets animated. “Talk about timing. We were out of chocolate and flour!”
“Darn right.” Dixie puts her hand over Gracie’s. “We’ll make everyone a reward for all the hard work.”
“Dinner first, ladies!” I force a chuckle out. They always make me feel better, but deep inside my chest aches with grief. We unload boxes of grains, granola, nuts, and dried fruit. We make an assembly line to the cellar, where Jessie is cataloguing what we have.
“Ooh, look at all this sugar!” Gracie coos.
“And there’s xylitol and stevia, way more than we got at Grower’s!” I exclaim, trying to feed on their excitement. Hours go by until we’re all tired, hungry, and have unloaded the last of it. I head out to the chicken coup to deal with the trauma of the day. I pick up a friendly chicken, sitting on a bench, petting her, meditating a little until the tears come. I remind myself we had to protect ourselves. When my tears abate and my chest is relaxed again, I walk inside, grateful that a small group of us quit working earlier to start cooking. I can smell it.
“Aah! They’re making chili and cornbread!” Maddie exclaims.
“I’m already drooling,” Justin adds.
“You’ll be in heaven!” I tell them, finding them organizing in the garage. “We’re good cooks.”
We sau
nter inside while Jose shuts the garage door manually.
“It smells like heaven in here!” Justin remarks, sidling up to Gracie, who is stirring the chili. “You really know how to cook!”
He’s flirting with her. I wonder what she’ll think. I realize he’s a good-looking young man, fit, lean, and tall, six feet easily. He’s got golden brown, curly hair cut very short on the sides. His skin is light but not pale and he has dimples.
Simon is right behind him. “Morgan, you are cooking up a feast!” He gives her all the credit, ignoring Dixie completely.
“Yeah, and I’m chopped liver!” Dixie teases.
“Actually, they’ve done most of it. I’m just the back up!” Morgan responds, modestly.
“Okay, does everyone have what they need?” Dixie asks before sitting down.
“This food is marvelous!” Maddie exclaims.
“We use the dinner hour as a time to talk about community needs,” I explain, admiring Jedaiah on Nick’s lap.
“We want to make this a community where people can choose their roles and everyone pitches in,” Rob adds.
“We might start with sharing what we noticed while we were out earlier,” Sam begins. “I thought the infected were gathering into groups. They’re getting more dangerous as a result.”
“That’s true,” Jose agrees. “There were bigger groups, more violence.”
“I think we have to face that we may have to protect ourselves with any means necessary,” Simon states.
“That’s for sure,” Justin shakes his head. “I wasn’t with you guys before, but we were going back and forth between our house and the warehouse. This definitely looks like the situation is getting worse.”
“It’s true,” Maddie agrees. “We occasionally saw a couple crazies together, but nothing like the groups we saw today.” Maddie speaks assertively with a firm tone in her voice.
“I didn’t see any police out there,” I add. “I wonder if there are any officials left in governing positions?”
“I wouldn’t be surprised if there are some, but I’d bet my left tit they’re settled down somewhere safe, just like us,” Jessie adds.
“They’re probably in some underground bunker eating like kings, sending out the lowly National Guard to keep themselves safe.” Jake pounds his fist down on the table, making his dish jump. “Officials are nothing but trouble, full of greed and selfishness!”
“Hey, baby, have you taken your medicine?” Jessie asks him quietly.
“I don’t need any fucking medicine!” Jake hollers. “It just makes me more of a target!”
Jonathan comes over to him. “Hey, man. I don’t like the medicine either. It makes me thirsty, but we have to take it if we’re going to live with our families.”
“I don’t like the medicine either,” Nick adds. “It makes me feel like shit!” He’s getting loud too. He jumps to his feet, knocking his chair to the floor. Nadir is there in an instant.
“Listen Nick, the same goes for you. If you want to live here with family, you’ve got to take the meds.” This all happens simultaneously while Jake shoves back his chair and almost knocks Jonathan over, banging into him.
“This is bullshit!” Jake screams, the veins in his neck pulsating.
Jonathan says in a low, stern voice, “Simon, come help me, now.” Jonathan moves in closer, grabbing an arm as Jake tries to punch the table again. Simon comes in from behind, taking Jake down to the floor in a wrestling hold. At the same time, Nadir and Rob muscle Nick back into his chair as he starts to get violent. The rest of the group has divided, circling to one group or the other as backup. I get meds for each of them, taking water to Nadir. Then I rush back to crush Jake’s medicine in a little jam since he’s on his back.
“Go ahead and give it to him,” Simon encourages. “He’s ready to take it now, aren’t you Jake. You want to stay here with Jessie, don’t you?” Jake squirms a little, yells obscenities, and I spoon the jam in. Nick isn’t putting up much of a fight as Sam gives him his medicine, while Rob and Nadir hold him in the chair.
“What’s going on with these guys?” Justin asks.
“They had the flu and survived,” I explain. “They’d probably be the same as those guys outside but we can control it with antipsychotic medication as long as they take it.”
“I’d be like that too, if I didn’t take mine,” Jonathan explains. “I’ve been diligent about taking mine, three times a day. I got aggressive once when I hadn’t had a midday dose. I won’t make that mistake again.”
“You mean to tell me that every single one of those crazies outside could be controlled with medication?” Maddie asks.
“It’s possible, yes,” Katie confirms. “The problem is that there are too many of them, not enough of us. Statistics were suggesting 8 sick to 1 well. My guess is they were underestimating. There are even fewer doctors.”
“I completely agree,” Jonathan confirms. “We were at the hospital in the beginning. There could have been 20 crazies for every person that didn’t get sick. Everyone who got sick either died or ended up psychotic and aggressive.”
“That’s just creepy!” Maddie shakes her head. “To think that all this could be managed, but we don’t have enough doctors.”
“It’s sad. No doubt about it,” I agree with her. “You guys got this covered?” I ask Nadir and Jonathan. “The rest of us could eat.”
“You go eat.” Nadir shoos us away, holding a crying Jedaiah on his lap. We return to the table while Jake and Nick exchange yelled obscenities.
“What would happen to you guys if we couldn’t find more medicine?” Gracie asks Jonathan.
“We’d probably have to go live somewhere else,” Jonathan says, glumly. “But there’s a lot of this medication around. The only ones that know to use it are psychiatrists and other therapists.” The guys are quieting down.
“Probably not other therapists,” I reassure everyone. “What are the odds that another therapist survived that specialized in treating the severely mentally ill? I think you’re right, Jonathan. The only thing that is going to interfere will be the groups of crazies in the roads.”
“I’m done eating. I’ll take my plate in, then I can take over for one of you guys.” Eli whips into the kitchen, rinses his plate, then returns.
“Why don’t you let Jonathan eat. Eating on a schedule tends to help stabilize instability,” I suggest. Eli takes Jonathan’s spot by Jake so he can return to the table.
“I’ll take over for you,” Jose says, nudging Simon. Katie and I take over with Nick. He doesn’t seem to be resisting.
“Nick, how are you feeling?” Katie asks.
“I’m okay,” He says. I realize it’s been over half an hour. I loosen my grasp as does Katie. “Really, I’m okay guys.” He sounds pretty calm.
“Do you think you took your midday dose?” I ask Nick.
“I’m not sure. I don’t think so.” He hangs his head. “I’m sorry. This really sucks for you guys.”
“I think we just need to make sure everyone comes to the kitchen to take meds at the same time,” Katie suggests. Is that okay with all of you?”
“It’s okay with me.” Jonathan makes a good leader. I’m proud of him. I taught all my kids to pay attention to their bodies so they can take good care of themselves.
“I don’t mind,” Nick adds.
“I’ll agree, so I can stay here with Jessie.” Jake is beginning to sound normal. Both men come to the table.
“Do you guys want me to heat your food back up?” Dixie carries her empty plate to the kitchen.
“That’s okay. You guys have done enough already. This is great, even lukewarm!” Nick raves, digging in.
“Yeah. We’ve been big pains in the ass!” Jake jokes, pointing to his ass.
“I can help at the table if there’s anything I can do here….” Faith suggests a willingness to help, which is reassuring.
“We should go check the seeds!” Eli hops up to go. “Dixie, come help!” He�
�s inviting, not demanding.
Dixie follows him out. “I love your eagerness regarding the baby plants!” Dixie teases him, emphasizing the baby part.
“I have to with you around! You have a babyish charm!” He teases her right back. The door shuts behind them.
“I think we should put the music on, eat some of this candy, and play Cards Against Humanity. Or we could have another salsa lesson! What do you guys think?” I want the kids to suffer as little as possible.
“Definitely! We need to part-ay after the violence we dealt with during the day,” Sam backs me. “Plus, we have candy and Hallowe’en’s the day to eat it!”
“I’ll get the music!” Jessie offers.
“You guys cooked, Justin and I can do dishes. Then we’d love a party! I feel so much better after that incredible meal!” Maddie exclaims.
Justin moans. “I feel human again! Wow! I never realized how badly my body needs meat! Plus, it’s really hard to eat dried goods without a stove…” He peters off. He gets up, heading for the kitchen. “Yeah, I’ll be happy to help with dishes!”
“No candy!” Dixie declares. “Baked goods!”
Twenty-Six
Eliana
New arrivals
I wake up feeling pretty contented. As bad as things are outside, they seem pretty good inside our community. Last night, Jose came to say good night to me, telling me that he, Rob, and Nadir are gradually making paths through the backyards by transferring fence pieces from back to the front. They’ve also been chopping lots of wood, filling our wood shed and the ones next door. The yard to the north has too many trees, interfering with their growth. They’ve been thinning the yard for wood to cure for next year in case we’re still struggling with no electricity.
I meditate, manifesting safety, abundance, and a loving community. I visualize the seeds sprouting up happily, making lots of food, then I do my morning asanas. I find myself imagining Jose and I falling in love again. I wonder if he feels the same.
Considerable Destruction Series (Book 1): Evasion ( Page 24