by Blue Saffire
She nods and swallows. “I know what you mean. I think I’m finished here.”
She reaches for her wallet. When she pulls out a few bills, I stretch my hand out across the table and cover hers. Her eyes meet mine.
I shake my head. “This is on me.”
That sweet smile returns. “Not this time, but thanks.”
“Danita—”
“I want to treat a friend to breakfast. Let me.”
Her words sting a little. She woke in my arms this morning. We slept all night with her wrapped around me. We felt like more than two friends. However, she wields that word like a shield.
I nod and release her hand. I’m officially done with my food as well. I pull out my phone to text my brother for a ride.
I shouldn’t be bitter. I know she’s not ready for a relationship beyond our friendship, but it doesn’t bite any less. I’m growing feelings for her and I can’t stop them.
It’s like we take two steps forward and a million back. Last night was something different; I felt it and I know she did too. For now, I’m done pushing the limits of our “friendship.” I’m ready to go lick my wounds in private.
“Where can I drop you? Is your house finished?”
Hearing her mention my home makes this burn more. My empty home. The one I want to share with a wife and kids someday.
The home I see her in when I think about it. Aye, I need to go. “Don’t worry about me, love. I’ll be fine,” I reply.
* * *
Danita
I can’t stop thinking about the hard edge to Kevin’s words at the end of our breakfast. Today is my oldest brother’s birthday. I know my mind had been elsewhere as I thought about what my family is probably up to. Forty, that’s a big one. Five years away, and I’ve missed so much.
Yet the constant fear that if I contact my family or walk away from my assignment, I could be putting everyone’s life in danger lurks over my head. So much anxiety builds when I think of calling on my brothers for help. I’d never be able to live through knowing I’ve brought the same fate as Cal to my family’s door. I’m barely holding it together as it is.
I was so lost in feeling sorry for myself and longing to be with my family, I don’t know what I said to make Kevin angry. Although it was clear that he was pissed. I expected at least a kiss to my forehead or cheek when we separated.
I only received a curt nod and a “see you later.” It left me feeling cold and wondering what I’d said wrong. Again, I hate the position I’m in.
My phone rings, pulling me from my thoughts. I look to see it’s Harris. I purse my lips and release a breath through my nose. I’m not in the mood, but I know I need to answer in case it’s important.
“Hello.”
“Hey, I wanted to see if you put any more thought into playing in the baseball game. Ordering the jerseys and I wanted to know if I should get you one.”
I scrunch my face up and move the phone to look at it. Sunny lifts his head from his bed and starts to bark. I guess his BS meter is swinging as well.
“Quiet, boy,” I say to Sunny first, then I reply to Harris. “No, I don’t think I’m going to join. I have some personal things I need to focus on.”
“Trouble in paradise already? Does that mean you’re free for dinner?”
“No and no.”
There’s a pause and I swear, I’m tempted to hang up. Harris has to be delusional. I’ve never given him the idea that I’m interested in his arrogant ass.
“Yeah, all right. Let me know if you change your mind. About the date and the game. I’ll be waiting.” With that, he hangs up.
He’ll be waiting a hell of a long time. I suck my teeth and toss the phone. I think about sending Kevin a text to check in, but it feels like something a girlfriend would do.
Suddenly, it hits me. I called him a friend. After that, his attitude changed. I huff and let my shoulders slump.
Damn it. This is my fault. I keep allowing the lines to blur. I know I can’t have a normal relationship with Kevin, but that doesn’t keep me from craving one the more time I spend with him.
Last night, I fell asleep in his arms so easily. His warmth and strong embrace felt so natural around me. Especially after his simple touch had my entire body on fire.
A part of me felt like Kevin made love to my soul. His touch and sweet words are everything and more. They spoke to the longing growing inside me.
Kevin would be perfect for the fun-loving, free-spirited, family-missing Demaris. Danita, on the other hand, can’t afford to fall in love. At the moment, the two are warring within me. I know the difference between right and wrong, but I’ve been under for so long, I’m starting to question if maybe I should start to settle into this life I’m trapped in.
“Too dangerous,” I say to myself.
My doorbell rings, causing me to jump. Rubbing at my forehead and muttering to myself, I get up to answer the door. Sunny beats me there, his tail wagging. I know from his reaction exactly who’s on the other side. Not that I get any visitors as it is.
I think I’m as excited as Sunny when I open the door. My heart leaps into my throat as I take Kevin in. His hair is damp, causing it to curl and the strands to look a darker red.
He has on gray slacks and a white dress shirt that’s open at the collar. I feel like I’ve opened the pages of a magazine as I look at him. His green eyes are so intense as he stares back at me.
He holds up a bag. “I have ice cream,” he says without a smile or any indication of his mood.
I step back and allow him in. Locking the door after closing it, I try to gather myself before I turn to face him. When I do turn, I groan out loud.
His tight ass looks amazing in his slacks. It’s already bad enough that his cologne has permeated the space, causing my mouth to water and my heart to race. Come on, how am I supposed to fight this attraction when he walks in here like this?
I wish things could be different. My thoughts jumble as I move into the living room once again. My mind goes back to my brother and his birthday as I twist the ring he gave me around my thumb.
Kevin sighs, pulling my attention to him standing in front of me with two pints and two spoons. He hands me my favorite—salted caramel truffle—bringing a smile to my face. I question how this man has come to know me so well.
He takes a seat beside me. “Are you going to tell me what’s been eating at you today?”
My smile falls. I want to talk about this with him, but I can’t. It’s for the best if I don’t. I open the ice cream slowly as if it’s the most important task in the world.
I lift my shoulders as I look down into the container. When I do look at him, those penetrating eyes search for answers. It aches that this can’t be simpler.
I give him a pleading look. He releases another heavy sigh and reaches out to wrap an arm around my shoulders. Tugging me into his warmth, he encases me in a cocoon of comfort I’ve been needing more than I know.
“Whenever you’re ready to talk, I’m here. I’m a vault; it will be safe with me.”
I close my eyes. I know this. I’m just not ready to bury him in my world.
Chapter 19
In the Details
Danita
“Come on, boy,” I say as I grab my keys and Sunny’s leash after my stretch.
I scroll through my phone to find a playlist as I head for the door. Sunny starts to bark and a smile comes to my face. We have a visitor, and I know exactly who it is.
I wasn’t expecting Kevin until later. He said something about spending time with the kids. I hope he was able to finally get something out of Conroy this time.
Looking at my watch, I’ve let this day get away from me. After binge-watching more Netflix with Kevin all night, I decided to sleep in. Things between us have been interesting, to say the least.
We’ve
sort of eased back into the friend zone, but the sexual tension has almost doubled as has the connection I shouldn’t be allowing to form. When I open the door to find him in sweats and a T-shirt, I have no doubts why the attraction has increased.
He makes the simplest outfits look like fine tailoring. His hair is a little messy as if he didn’t take the time to style it after his shower. However, I know he’s showered because I can smell his fresh body wash and cologne.
“Going somewhere?”
I clear my throat and hold up the leash. “Taking Sunny for a walk, might get in a run while I’m at it,” I reply.
“Sounds like I’m right on time.” He nods toward the street. “Come on, they’re talking about rain. We should get a move on.”
I look up, but the skies are still clear. I shrug it off and head out of the door and lock it. Kevin takes the leash from me and hooks it to Sunny’s collar. We start for the dog park in silence.
I get lost in my thoughts for a bit, until Kevin bumps me with his shoulder. I look up into his green eyes, and I’m entranced for a second, causing me to trip over my own feet.
Ay, just great, Demaris.
Kevin reaches out an arm and catches me before I face-plant, tugging me into him. My breasts squish up against his hard chest, and I melt into his hold. My lips part and I stick my tongue out to wet them. Kevin’s gaze drops to my mouth and follows the movement.
This time, he’s the one to clear his throat as he releases me. I take a step back, and we both begin to walk again. My palms start to sweat as if I’m a teenager on my first date.
“I talked to Con today.”
“Did he say anything?”
“No, I think you should spend some time with him again. You’re the one we need him to trust. I think seeing you around the family will loosen him up,” he says as we stroll.
I nod. “Sounds good. I’m ready to give anything a try.”
His eyes are on me, but I don’t turn to face him. I can feel the questions on the tip of his tongue. I know it’s getting harder for him not to ask them. They haven’t gotten any new leads, not even with the file I gave them.
Not able to help myself, I chance a peek at him. He’s examining me closely. He tilts his head and squints a bit.
“You’re not a natural brunette,” he says, almost as if saying it to himself.
Shit, I meant to dye my roots this weekend. I noticed them showing a few days ago, but between work and the time I’ve been spending with Kevin on the case and as friends, I haven’t had the time yet. I lift a shoulder and squat to release Sunny from the leash.
When I stand, Kevin searches my face and hair closely. “You’re a redhead,” he says as if he’s in awe.
“Not really red. A reddish sandy brown. In the summers, it tends to look more red.”
He bobs his head, lifting his hand to brush my temple. “What else don’t I know about you?” he murmurs.
“Kevin,” I warn.
He opens his mouth as if to protest, but he clamps it shut just as quickly and shakes it off. We begin to walk again. I’m startled when he reaches to lace his fingers with mine.
Looking down at our joined hands, I smile, only to frown at myself. This feels too real. Not like we’re putting on a show for whoever could be watching.
“I forgot the popcorn in the car,” he says randomly.
“Huh?”
“The popcorn. We ate the last of it last night. I told you I’d pick some up. It’s in my car.”
“Oh, okay. Were you planning to hang out late again tonight?”
I hate the hope that I hear in my voice. Although what I hate more is my reaction to the breathtaking smile he turns on me. God, this man is so gorgeous.
With the fading sun at his back, all his features are on display. The light causes the reds and golds in his hair to stand out. The wrinkles around his green eyes say he laughs a lot and smiles plenty.
I want to reach out and brush his cheek—like he often does mine—to feel the light stubble that has started to grow. I have to demand my body not to move closer to him. He’s like a magnet all in himself.
“I had planned to stick around. If you have something going on, I can head back to my place to change or something,” he says.
“Oh, no, you don’t have to change or anything. I was only asking,” I say, tearing my eyes away from him.
He releases my hand and wraps an arm around my shoulders to tug me into his side. With a gentle squeeze and a kiss to the top of my head, he leads me closer to where Sunny is chasing a butterfly. Again, that feeling of this being right slams into me.
“So, you plan to cook for your man tonight?”
The question jars me a little as it speaks to so many of my thoughts. I know he’s only teasing, but the title feels way too accurate. Especially when he shifts my body in front of his to embrace me from behind as he buries his face in my neck.
“You promised me some of your famous chicken egg rolls. Wait, no, I think I’m more in the mood for spaghetti. You were talking big junk about your spaghetti,” he teases.
“I’m making you neither. You’ll have empanadillas tonight. I’ve been craving them, and I have everything at the apartment.”
“Sounds good,” he breathes against my skin.
I fight not to squirm as his breath fans my neck and causes butterflies to build. I immediately feel the loss of him as he releases me and whistles for Sunny to come over. I watch him as he stands and waits for my dog to run to him.
I take in every gesture, every move. He runs a hand through his messy red locks as a genuine smile lights his face. He squats to play with Sunny, only turning to look up at me as I’ve been watching them for a while.
“I think your mum has a lot on her mind today,” Kevin says to Sunny.
Sunny barks his agreement, bringing a smile to my face. I shake my head clear. “Maybe,” I reply.
“You can talk to us, love. We’re listening.”
“I’m good. I won’t be needing a seat on Dr. Sunny or Dr. Blackhart’s couch, thank you.”
Kevin puts his fingers to his chin thoughtfully. “Dr. Blackhart. You know, I never thought about it, but that would have had a nice ring to it.”
I laugh. “It’s never too late to start over,” I joke.
He looks me in the eyes. “Aye, love. Ya speak a truth there.”
I look away, checking my watch. “Want to get in that run with me?”
He lifts to his full height and starts to stretch. “Sure, why not?”
While he stretches, I make myself busy with finding my playlist and getting my buds in. Not that I’ll use either. Kevin has the stamina to run and talk. The first time we jogged together, he challenged me and showed me that there are levels of fitness, and I wasn’t on the level I thought I was.
“Okay, ready?” he asks as he pats my ass, snapping me out of my thoughts again.
I blink at him as he jogs backwards away from me, Sunny following after him. I growl at Kevin and start after him. “I’m going to kick your ass for that.”
“You have to catch me first, baby,” he taunts before turning and taking off.
I give chase, but not without taking notice of the pang in my chest. If he were any other man, I would have slammed him to the ground and tried to break his damn arm. Instead, I can’t stop thinking of his touch.
Crap, I’ve fallen for him.
* * *
Kevin
“This is so good,” I say as I eat my mint chocolate chip ice-cream cone.
“It sure is. Look at how fast you’re devouring it.” Danita laughs. “Come here, you have some on the corner of your mouth.”
We pause so she can reach up and wipe away the sweet treat from my face with her fingertips. I remind myself this is one of those moments when we’re in the friend zone, and I don’t turn to su
ck her fingers into my mouth to clean them. Instead, I smile and we begin to walk again.
“You know we’re defeating the whole purpose of that run, right?” she says beside me as she licks at her ice cream.
I wink at her. “Live your life, lass. You only get one.”
A look crosses her face, but it’s gone as soon as it appears. Again, I remind myself that in time, I will be able to learn everything about her. For now, I’ll take what she gives.
I wasn’t expecting her to admit that her hair isn’t naturally black. I’d been taken by surprise when I saw it. You’d have to look closely to see the reddish-brown color trying to pop through. It’s the first time I’ve noticed it in all the time I’ve known her.
“It turned out to be a perfect day after all,” she says.
I nod at the horizon before us. “I don’t know. Looks like some clouds are rolling in. I won’t count us lucky just yet.”
“A girl can dream.”
“Tell me one.”
She glances at me. “One what?”
“Dream. It only has to be one. Tell me something no one else knows.”
She seems hesitant as she thinks it over. I watch as she sucks her lip into her mouth. Suddenly, a bright smile takes over her face.
“I wanted to be a chef when I was a little girl. I had planned to open my own restaurant.”
“Yeah?”
“Yup, I had this little kitchen set and I’d cook up imaginary meals and make my own menus. Then, when I was old enough to get in the actual kitchen, I fell in love. I’d spend hours in there, cooking up new recipes.”
“Aye, so I’m in for a treat, then.”
“Maybe.” She smiles. “I’ll definitely need some extra time on the treadmill at work tomorrow.”
I squeeze her fingers and point my cone at her. “Yer perfect the way ya are.”
She giggles. “You remind me of my dad. He has that whole Spanglish thing going on. One minute he’s speaking in English and the next he’s in a full-blown Spanish conversation, and it doesn’t matter who you are or if you comprehend.”
She beams up at me, and it’s clear she hasn’t noticed the slip yet. The first time we met, she told me her father wasn’t in her life when she was younger.