by Blue Saffire
“Hey, you all set?” Jo-jo calls into the phone excitedly.
“My bags are packed and at the front door. Kevin is taking me to the airport in the morning.”
“That’s the boyfriend? Why isn’t he coming?”
My brother’s question stings. Why won’t I let Kevin come? Because that means merging my worlds, something I’m not ready to do.
“I think I need to make this trip with family first. He can come next time.”
“So what, dude ugly or something? Why you trying to hide him?”
I laugh. “Shut up, Jo-jo. He’s not ugly. You’re so stupid. I just don’t want to add too much to the mix. Mommy and Papi are already going to be overwhelmed with me coming back from the dead.”
“Okay, I can understand that, I guess. We still want to meet him, though.”
“You guys will.”
“Bet. Your flight is actually a connecting flight to mine and Diego’s. When you land in Miami, we board.”
“Awesome. I thought I was going to have to run through the airport when Diego said you guys wanted to fly with me,” I reply.
“You know I had you. Emil was the only one that couldn’t leave on our schedule, but he’ll fly out tomorrow night. Papi is going to lose his shit. Yo, I’m so glad you’re alive. It’s been so hard. I think we all blamed ourselves. Seeing your face…that was… I’m glad you’re okay. I love you, Demaris. Whatever you need, I’m here. You know that, right?”
“Yeah, Joaquin. I know.”
“A’ight, I’m going to get my things ready. Oh, by the way, I sent something over for Emil to look at before I called. I don’t want to get your hopes up, but I think I found something useful. I’ll have my laptop so you can take a look tomorrow.”
“That’s great. I hope it’s something. Do you mind if I give you Kev’s brother’s email? Maybe he can link it to what he’s working on,” I say and chew on my lip.
Once again, I’ve been keeping my two worlds apart. Rationally, I know they could probably work better together as one, but my brain has me convinced the two worlds shouldn’t touch until I’m ready to deal with the fact that I’m feeling split in two.
“Yeah, okay. Text it to me. I’ll send it over as soon as I can. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Love you, Jo-jo. See you tomorrow.”
I end the call and my thoughts swirl. This trip is going to be a big deal. I’m a ghost coming back to my parents. I can’t shake the eerie feeling I have about tomorrow.
Instead of dwelling on it, I get up and head for the bathroom. Tossing my phone on the counter, I look into the mirror. What are you doing, Dem? Why won’t you let him go with you?
I quickly shut the questions down. I don’t want to open that Pandora’s box with everything I have going on. I push off the counter and turn from the mirror.
Stripping from my clothes, I step into the shower to wash away my wandering thoughts. I turn on the spray and let the water cascade down on me as I place my forehead against the tiles. My chest feels so tight.
I’ve never questioned myself more in my life. Kevin checks all the boxes. He didn’t run when he found out the mess that my life has become. He has loved me through it all, and yet, I don’t know what tomorrow brings and that limits how much I can freely give.
“While you’re away, I need you to remember how much I love you.”
A chill runs through me as he speaks the words against the back of my hair. His arms are on either side of my head as he cages me in. His presence always makes it harder to think.
When he surrounds me like this, he’s all I feel, and it feels right. So, when he places a kiss on my shoulder, I know that I may keep this wall up, but I’m not going to deny him anything tonight. Not because I’m weak, but because I want to be wrapped in his comfort and that’s something I need above anything else.
* * *
Kevin
I drag my hands down the tiles, not touching her, yet surrounding her. When my hands are level with her hips, I move to rest my palms against her wet, soft skin. Inhaling her hair, I remind myself that she can take care of herself and this is something that’s long overdue. She needs to go see her parents.
“I know you do,” she says.
There it is. That wall she’s been building between us. It started slowly, but has increased over the last few days.
It’s been painful to watch, but I’ve allowed it because I know she’s struggling. She’s so close to her freedom, yet so far away. It’s changing her.
Sometimes I don’t know whether to say the changes are because she’s allowed her true self to come through or if it’s the stress of it all. All I can do is observe and continue to love the woman I know, as I have this entire time. Losing her is not an option.
“Do you?” I lick her neck and slide my palm up her belly, pausing over where she would carry our child.
I want Dem swollen with my baby so much, it hurts. I want the ring I’ve had in my top drawer for over a month on her finger. I want her name tatted on my arm, announcing to the world the day we get married.
“Yes, you tell me all the time.”
“Sometimes words are too much and sometimes they’re not enough,” I reply.
Kissing the back of her soaked waves, I reach for her shampoo and pour some into the palm of my hand. Once I start to massage the shampoo into her hair, she releases a moan and relaxes her shoulders.
I let my fingers do the talking, running through her strands and across her scalp. Once done, I guide her under the spray to rinse it out before putting in her conditioner and covering it with her cap. I turn her to face me, lifting her chin with my fingertips.
“Kevin—”
I shake my head to silence her and kiss her on the lips. If we talk, this uneasy feeling I have is going to cause me to say more than I know I should. She’s a grown woman. I need to let her do this without coming off as an insecure asshole. She’s right; she can take care of herself and her brothers will be there with her.
I duck my head to take her nipple into my mouth. This is the only language we need to use tonight. I’m going to miss her while she’s gone. Like having a limb cut off.
Her soft moans spur me on. I tighten my grip on her hips. When she locks her hands in my hair, I suck harder.
Releasing the peak with a pop, I lift to my full height and push my hair out of my face. Dem places her hand in the center of my chest and pushes me against the wall outside of the spray. Gliding her hand up my chest, she keeps her eyes on me until she cups my jaw.
With her eyes still on me, she turns her back to my front. I look down at her, wondering what did I do so right that this angel walked into my life. While she leans her head back and reaches over her shoulder to caress my face, I run my fingertips from her wrist down the length of her arm, down her side, until I place my hand across her belly.
Dem lifts on her toes and our lips connect. I grasp under her chin with my free hand and devour her lips. Sucking her tongue into my mouth, I groan.
Sliding my palm down over her wet stomach, I reach for her mound and find her nub. She spreads her legs for me, and I start to bring her sweet pussy the pleasure it deserves. Breaking the kiss, I place my forehead to hers and continue to stroke her center.
I move my other hand to her breast and begin to roll her nipple between my fingers. In no time, I have her panting and coming for me. The beautiful expression on her face begs me to do it all over again.
Although, she ends up having other plans. Dem reaches for the glass jar of condoms we keep in here and plucks a foil packet out. I shake my head at her and grin, but I cover her hand with mine and bring it to my lips to bite into the pack. Her amber eyes light with lust and amusement.
I take the condom from the foil wrapper and slip it on. With a slow caress of her sides and hips, I watch her pant for me. I kiss her lips and caress her cheek.
We set an easy pace. Not too fast, but right for the depth of emotions surging between us. Our eyes say all that we don’t. Her lips part as she looks up at me. I band my arms around her, rocking my body into her gently.
I imagine this will be what it is like to make love to her as my wife one of these days. In this moment, I make a vow that I’ll die before I live on this earth without her. A week apart will feel like an eternity. I miss her already, and she hasn’t left yet.
“Ah,” the sound leaves her lips as she bathes my balls in her essence.
Widening my stance and leaning back against the wall, I release her to push her forward. That arch in her back is a gorgeous sight. I can’t stop watching my hands dance across her skin. She throws her hips back as I thrust deep inside her.
Not able to hold back any longer, I grasp her hips and start to pound into her. The chatter of her teeth makes me grin. I bite my lip and bend my knees. The shift in angle tears a cry from her lips.
Her legs start to shake. I can feel my own release tingling in the base of my spine. My eyes cross as I release into the barrier between us.
I pull her back to my front and wrap my arms around her once more. Burying my face in the cap on her head, I smile. One of these days, there will be no barriers between us. I will be bare to her, and she’ll be bare to me. No walls, no secrets, nothing that can hold us apart.
“I love you, Kev.”
“I love you too.”
Chapter 38
Breakthrough
Kevin
“The flight has been delayed,” she says into the phone.
The noisy background makes me close my eyes to picture her in the airport. Her face had been glowing when I’d dropped her off for her flight. Those amber-brown eyes had sparkled up at me as I’d held her for one last embrace.
When I open my eyes, frustration fills me as I find myself standing in my bedroom alone. “I wish you would have allowed me to come with you.”
She sighs. “We covered all this last night. I’ve been missing in action for five years. I think I should let them see me first before I introduce you. It’s only fair.”
“Fair to who? You can only make so many excuses, Dem. Commit. It’s not that hard.”
“Wait, where’s this coming from?”
“You knew how I felt before you left. I wanted to go with you. If for no other reason than to make sure you’re safe,” I grumble.
“I’ll be fine. I can take care of myself.”
I roll my eyes and clench my fist. “It’s not about if you can take care of yourself. I wanted—Why are you so stubborn?”
She laughs. “What happened to accepting me as I am?”
I snort. “I’ve accepted you as ya are. I’ve accepted a lot. All I want to know is what exactly are ya asking me to accept this time?”
I grind my teeth, knowing I’ve shifted the tone of the call. It’s like I’ve turned on a vacuum and sucked the air out of the atmosphere. Too late to take it back. I brace for her response.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Exactly what I said. What am I to ya? Where do ya see this going?”
“Kevin, don’t do this now.”
I grunt, doing my best to reel in my frustration. Knowing that Quinn planned to propose to Alicia today has me in my emotions. My brother is moving forward with his life, something I’d like to do as well. I’m not getting any younger at thirty-four, going on thirty-five soon.
I know all the reasons why we’re standing still in this relationship, but for some reason, I can’t keep my mouth shut and call on the patience I’ve built to be with her. It’s like the switch has been flipped and I can’t turn it back. The anxiety that has been riding me gets the best of me.
“Why is yer guard always up with me? Why can’t ya answer the questions?”
“Because I’m not ready,” she yells back.
I rock back on my heels as I stand in my bedroom, staring at the bed we shared last night. The same bed I held her in as her laughter filled the air. I close my eyes.
“Will ya ever be ready? Or am I wasting my time?” The words are harsh, and I want to take them back the moment I set them free.
“Fuck you, Kevin.”
My eyes fly open. I should have kept my mouth shut. I know I should end the call, but I can’t put the brakes on the train wreck coming out of my lips.
“No, I’ve had enough of ya doing that. I want more. I’m not going to allow this wall ya keep trying to place between us.
“One minute I know yer with me, and the next I feel like I’m on the outside looking in. What would have been so bad about yer family meeting me? Ya’ve met mine.
“Damn it, baby. They’ve taken ya in as one of their own. If we can’t get through simple shit like this, how are we supposed to move any further?” I say in frustration.
“Your family took in a lie. Everything they know about me, everything you know about me, lies.”
“That’s a fib and ya know it. I know ya. I know ya better than ya know yerself sometimes.”
“What do you want from me?” she snarls. “You have me in the middle of a crowded airport looking like a crazy person. If you have to have this conversation now, tell me what you want.”
“I want you.”
“You have me.”
I shake my head as a sorrow—so unfathomable I feel it in my bones—takes over me. I’m not sure where all this is coming from, but the feelings run deep. They cut deep and have already started to fester. I inhale, trying to ground myself.
“No, no, I don’t. I want you to dig past all the bullshit to us. From the first time we met, there was something there, something more than the lies you had to tell. We have never been a part of the lies—”
“Oh, yes. Yes, we have. That’s what you don’t see. We have.”
“No, we haven’t. I know we haven’t. Think back to the beginning. Back to us.”
“I’m doing the best I can, Kevin,” she murmurs. “This isn’t easy for me. I’m trying to find my truth again. You fall somewhere in the center of all that. You know how I feel about you. I don’t know what to say.”
“From the beginning ya asked me to trust ya, and I have.” I fall into my accent once again—this time much thicker—as my emotions get the best of me. “Ya took my heart, love. I’m not asking for it back. I’m asking ya to take care with it.”
“You’re asking me to rush something that I can’t,” she protests.
“No, I’m not. I’m asking ya to try. Stop waiting for a conclusion before we start our future. I’m telling ya that I’m here to help you find what’s missing. Even if that means I have to find ya in all that ya’ve wrapped yerself in. Yer not alone. Ya don’t have to go this alone.”
There’s a pause on the other end. Her stubbornness is one of the things I love about her, but it’s also what keeps me outside looking in so often. I get it. She’s had to be guarded to stay alive, but this is different. This is us.
“They’re boarding the plane,” she says.
I shake my head. The conversation wasn’t what I intended. Too much on my mind and the frustration of her being away from me with so many unknowns still lingering over us, I pushed things too far. “Look, enjoy your trip. Check in when you get settled.”
* * *
Danita
“Yeah, right,” I say into the phone and hang up.
Last night was so perfect. Only a few hours ago he held me in his arms for one last embrace. Looking up into his green eyes, I had no questions as to whether or not I would be returning to him.
My phone rings and hope blooms. I don’t want to get on this flight leaving things the w
ay they are. There’s so much more I need to say to Kevin.
However, the name on the screen isn’t his. I bite back the tears and answer before my brother hangs up. I lied to Kevin; that wasn’t my flight that was being called. I just couldn’t fight with him a second more.
“Hey,” I say into the phone as chipper as I can.
“Los tenemos ya! We got it, Cariño! Jo-jo is brilliant. I’m going to kiss him when I see him.”
I gasp and grasp at my stomach. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah, this is it. I know it in my bones. I’m sending over the file to the email you gave him last night.”
I roll my eyes. I should have known Jo-jo would send Quinn’s email through to Emilio first. It doesn’t matter. All that matters is that I’m going to get my life back.
Emil continues when I can’t find the words to say. “This is only a lead, but this is the right lead. I’m shoring it up as we speak.”
“Can you get me the other three names?”
He releases a breath. “Ay, mama. That part we may need to let go. I can get you home, but I can’t promise that case.”
I close my eyes. That’s good enough. There’s a chance I’ll end up with a target on my back, but for now, I’m going to take it. It’s time for this phoenix to rise. Maybe I can cover more ground once I’m brought back to life.
“Emil. Can you call Diego and Jo-jo? Tell them I’m not getting on this flight. I have to finish this. I’ll meet you at the spot, how soon can you get there?”
“It’ll have to be a few hours. I’ll make that call.”
“Thanks.”
I cut the call and make quick work of getting to the baggage claim desk to try to reclaim my bag. Luck is on my side, the girl behind the desk tells me she will have it retrieved and brought to the desk. Usually they will tell you they don’t have enough staff to get your bags right away.
“Excuse me.”
“Yes, ma’am?” the clerk responds.
“I’m going to run to the restroom. I’ll be right back.”
“No problem. I’ll be on the lookout for your luggage. If it gets here before you get back, I’ll hold onto it.”