Jess: Definitely, I'm about to do some food shopping. These boys of mine try and eat me out of house and home. How about I call you? x
Me: Call me and I'll be there. Have fun shopping!
Jess: Later, chick. X
Me: Bye, babe. X
I feel relief. Jess is still the same Jess and she's going to kill me when she finds out that I never called her about losing the baby. She'll understand eventually. I never want to hurt her; I just couldn't face the pity in her eyes, in anyone's eyes. I don't know if anyone other than Jess will find out and I'm okay with that. Plus, she has enough on her plate right now, Owen's being released in a few days and she's dreading it. One; he'll be mad about Emme, that is until he meets the four-year-old sweetheart and he'll instantly fall in love. You can't not fall in love with Emme, she has this presence that is indescribable. Whenever I'm around her I'm happy and that's rare to come across. Within seconds of being around her my mood instantly shifts. Secondly; Jess is a stripper. She's a damn good one and is the best that Pleasure Palace has and she kills it every night, but Owen will kick off and if he upsets her I'll kill him.
I used to fancy the pants off Owen when I was younger; going to Jess' house was something I looked forward to. He was always nice to me; I put that down to being Jess' best friend. He was way too serious for his age. He was eighteen when Jess and I were fifteen and he was in charge of the family because their mum is a selfish cow. She doesn't think about anyone but herself. All she wants to do is get drunk, she doesn't care about the four kids she has. Since Owen was in charge of looking after the kids, it meant that he had to come up with the money to pay the bills along with putting food on the table. He took the only option he thought was available to him—he joined a gang and started dealing drugs. He did it for a while and they were going good, they were happy until Jess fell pregnant and Owen got caught dealing. He was sentenced to seven years but he's getting out on good behaviour or something. He has to realise that Jess did what he did, she took the only job available to a sixteen-year-old with three kids to feed—she became a stripper.
I'll back Jess every step of the way, just as she has done for me. We're more than best friends, we're like sisters. Both of us have been through hell and back, we always come back stronger and with smiles on our faces. We've never let anything defeat us, no matter what, we have worked hard to be where we are. Sometimes, something can bring us to our knees. It's those times that you need to lean on the other for support; but in the end, you'll end up coming out of it stronger. This time, I'm not sure if I'll be better; I'll be stronger, there’ll just be a piece missing from me.
Chapter Four
It's been six weeks since I've told Jess what happened to me. God, telling her was hard. I never thought saying it would hurt but it did. I finally managed to grieve and Jess has been so supportive. She's been texting me daily making sure that I'm okay and I love that she does. Things with her have been stressful to say the least. Firstly: Owen came home and as I predicted went mental. He told her she was a whore, well, in so many words.
Secondly: a dickhead named Hunter O'Shea returned and messed up her head. See Hunter is the twat who got Jess pregnant and he told Jess that he was happy that she was pregnant, then he changed his mind but he got his cow of a mother to inform Jess. The word scum was used to describe Jess and I swear that woman was lucky that I wasn't anywhere near her or she'd have been picking her false teeth up off the floor. Cheeky mare! Anyway, so Hunter came back and he too called Jess a whore when he found out that Jess hadn't had an abortion—as he was led to believe—but had kept their child. He accused her of keeping Emme away from him. Then he's gone like the wanker he truly is and no one has seen him since. I for one am fucking glad that he's gone and I hope it's the last we see of him.
I’ve been going to a support group whenever I get the chance. It’s held in St Guy’s hospital and it’s really helped me out. Knowing that I’m not alone, that I’m not wrong for feeling the things I’m feeling, everyone blames themselves. It’s what I’ve been told, but the thing is, I do believe that it is my fault. Had I known that I was pregnant I wouldn’t have been drinking, I would have taken better care of the both of us. The support group is helping me come to terms with my loss, helping me find a way to move on but still remember my little one.
I fucked up in that length, I slept with Owen, I'm so stupid. I like him, I really do but I don't love him and I'm so sorry that I don't. He's the nicest, kindest guy you'll ever meet and the fact that I've hurt him pains me. I didn't intend to sleep with him, I invited him over so he could get away from the madhouse for a while. It must be hard, going from prison to living with three kids and your sister. We talked all night long, we were getting on like a house on fire. Both of us telling the other things we never thought we'd tell anyone. I told him all about James and the baby and he told me of the hell he lived while in prison. Telling our stories brought us closer and I wish with all my heart we had kept it as friends, we should never have moved it further. The first time I slept with him, I bawled my eyes out crying as soon as he left, hating myself for even doing it. We didn't try again for a week but we continued to hang out and just be friends. The second and last time it happened I hated every second of it. I think Owen knew that I didn't enjoy it. All I kept thinking about was what James and I were like, that we had a much stronger attraction. How we were better together and we complemented each other better. I hate that I did that because I've lost a friend in the process and that hurts.
James' wife is starting to harass me, she's been hounding me constantly. She broke my window last week and I came home from work yesterday to find the word “homewrecker” written on my front door. I have no proof that it's her but I bet all my money it is. She's been calling me non-stop, hell she even called Midnight Lovers. I would’ve loved to have been a fly on the wall when she got through to Penelope. I called the cops after yesterday and, so far, I've not had any calls but it's only been 24 hours. Here's hoping she's finally stopped.
James still hasn't stopped calling me; he should know by now that I won't answer him. He's burned that bridge and I don't want to see him as there's nothing he can say or do that will change my mind. I don't do cheaters and to think he made me into the other woman. I hate him for that alone. I swore after my mum died that I wouldn't be apart of anything like that, that being involved with a married man was never going to happen. I wouldn’t do that to someone else, knowing what my mum felt. I would never intentionally make someone else feel that way. Do I love James? I think so, but I can't forgive him and I won't forget what has happened.
Nat is still around, still clamming up if anything about her past is mentioned. And I've been good; I've not asked her a single question about it. I wouldn't, not now that Pen has explained the situation. We need her to stay here, so that she's safe and has family and friends around her. We've grown closer over the past month, we've both been attending the same functions and having her there helps pass the time. She's actually really fun to be around; we've spent nights off going out and having fun. She's extremely skittish sometimes. If she's off in her own world and you frighten her, she'll begin to shake and she'll scoot away. She'll be scared but as soon as she realises where she is, it'll be like flipping a switch, she'll be back to the confident Natalie again.
"What are you frowning about?" Nat's voice cuts into my musing and I look over at her. We’re at the Autumn Gala and thankfully our dates for the evening are Tim and Gary.
It was Tim's idea, he wanted everyone to get to know Gary as the socialite before him being introduced as Tim's husband. Oh yeah, they got married two weeks ago and I was a bridesmaid along with his sister. Gary's family were all present, happy that Gary had found someone who made him blissfully happy.
"Nothing, just thinking. Do you think this will be over soon?" I hope to God it is. I don't want to be here anymore; my head is starting to pound and my feet are killing me. I should never have worn these heels straight out of the box. I shoul
d have broken them in as I usually do.
"God, I hope so, usually these things are fun. This is boring as hell. Who the hell has a gala in the afternoon anyway?" She's right, a gala on a Saturday afternoon is not my idea of fun, and the sooner we can go the bloody better. "Ah, there's Gary, just the man I was looking for," she calls sauntering up to him. Every man's eyes on her arse, her dress is tight against it—she has a Kardashian arse. "How long does this go on for?" She tries to be quiet but it doesn't work. This place is quieter than a museum.
"I'm wondering the same bloody thing myself. Tim told me I'd have a blast here but it's drier than a virgin's..."
Natalie bursts out laughing. "God, you can't say stuff like that." She crosses her legs and does the wee dance. "Shit, I'll be back in a minute." She legs it to the loo, leaving Gary and me alone.
"I love that girl, she's so fun to be around. So, Ms Wiley, want to tell me why you've a face like a slapped arse?" A smile on his face, his eyes alight with humour.
"I’m bored, this is the worst event Tim's ever brought me to. What's wrong with him tonight anyway?" He's hardly been around any of us. I look around the room trying to see if I can spot him.
"Did you see the old bat with the stupid hat on her head, the one that looks like a dead animal?" Gary's got a smirk on his face now and it tells me this isn't the first time he's called her an old bat.
"You mean the old woman that looks like Davy Crockett?"
He clicks his fingers. “Yes, that's it. I was wondering who the old bag looked like. Anyway, that is Tim's grandmother. She's a right old bat, she holds the purse strings and if Tim wants to put himself through art school he's going to need that money. Hence, why we keep it a secret."
"That must hurt, not being able to be who you truly are in front of everyone?" He blushes and I've overstepped. "Sorry, me and my big mouth, forget I said anything."
"Said what?" Tim asks coming to stand beside us.
"She's wondering what happened to you?" Gary teases him and Tim starts to blush. “Usually these things are great but you brought us to a dud on a Saturday afternoon." Gary starts to tut at him and I watch the relief fill Tim's eyes. "So, can we leave?" Gary begs him as I look at him with the best puppy dog eyes I can do.
"Fine, we can leave." Tim gives in and I smile. Thank God.
"We're free?" Nat asks and she sets Gary off laughing. “We're finally free. Oh, what shall we do?" she says in a singsong voice.
"Get the hell out of here before they try and stop us," I quip and even Tim laughs.
"Sorry, ladies, for a truly terrible afternoon. I owe you," Tim says taking my arm and leading us towards the exit, Nat and Gary following behind us.
"That you do and I only accept Channing Tatum tied to a bed." Her grin is salacious and I shake my head, nothing with this girl surprises me.
We leave the guys at the street corner and I turn to Nat. “What do you want to do?"
Her eyes bug out as she answers, "I'm starving. Those cheapskates skimped on the food. What kind of gala doesn't have food?"
"Where the hell do you put it all? Seriously, Nat, you eat all the time." I can't believe the amount she eats and she's fit as hell. The woman has the body most women would die for, her hair is black, thick, and glossy. She's drop-dead gorgeous but she doesn't flaunt it.
"I have an arse and tits for a reason. Come on before they disappear." She takes my arm just as Tim did and we walk towards the deli on the other side of the park. "So, you seem distracted today, is everything okay?" She's actually asking me something personal?
"I don't know, my head’s kind of messed up at the moment. I hurt someone I care about and I don't know how to fix things."
"Stef, the fact that you want to fix things is why you will. Hurt feelings heal, we all know that sometimes it just takes time."
I look at her, shocked by her answer. “When the hell did you become so wise?"
"Cheek! I've always been this wise, just some people don't listen to me." We walk into the deli and order sandwiches,
"So, what did you do to hurt this guy?" she asks as we walk back out into the street and towards the park.
"I slept with him," I tell her honestly.
"Come on, Stef, there has to be more to it than that?"
"Yeah, he's my best friend’s brother and I'm in love with someone else. I think he's in love with me." There, the real reason I hurt him is out.
"You think or you know? Did you agree to anything serious?" We take a seat on the park bench. “Did you agree to anything?”
I shake my head. “No, we didn’t even know what it was, it happened twice and I hate that I’ve upset him.”
“Christ on a bike. Look, Stef, you can’t be held accountable for what happened. Nothing was agreed on and the fact he took it to mean something completely different isn’t your fault.” She stares behind me, her face going a greyish colour.
“Hey, Nat, are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” I turn and follow her line of sight and see Jess and Richie, her boyfriend. They’ve been dating for about a month now and it seems to be going okay. I wave to Jess and she waves back as both her and Richie start to walk over to us. Turning back to Nat I see that she’s gone, she’s walking fast in the opposite direction. What the hell just happened?
“Hey, Stef, who was that?” Jess asks and Richie is staring in the direction that Nat just went, his expression one of shock. I’m so confused right now. “Hello, earth to Stef, you okay?”
“Oh yeah, I’m fine, that was Nat. What are you doing here?” I change the subject, something obviously has happened between Richie and Nat; it mustn’t have ended well if their expressions are anything to go by.
"We're going to get something to eat, I've just dropped Emme off at a party. You look nice, are you going to work?" She doesn't sit down so I know that she's not wanting to chit-chat.
"Just finished, babe. I'll be glad to get home and put my feet up. These shoes are a killer." They're so worth it though, they're gorgeous, Manolo Blahnik, crystal-embellished satin pumps. They were 50% off and at £420 they are a luxury. Jess would have a fit if she found out how much I had spent on them.
"I can tell by your face that they cost a bomb, they're gorgeous though. Anyway, we better get a move on and maybe you should go after your friend?"
"I'll call her and see if she's okay," I tell her, I just hope she answers.
"Or you could just meet her at the gate, she's waiting for you." Jess nods her head at the gate to the park and she's right, Nat's standing against the railing with her phone in her hand.
"Okay, babe, I'm off, will talk to you soon. Have a good lunch." I lean over and give her a quick hug. "Bye, Richie." I wave to him and he gives me a tight smile, his eyes keep gazing to Nat.
I walk over to Nat. “What the hell just happened?"
She gazes over in the direction I just came from and sighs "Long story."
"I've time, so what was that about?" I'm not letting this lie, I know I shouldn't push her but, obviously, something happened.
"I met him about seven months ago, maybe eight, I don't know. Anyway, I was walking back after being with a really aggressive client. I was upset not to mention soaked to the bone as it was lashing. I bumped into this guy, he gave me a smile and brought me to a coffee shop. He bought me a coffee and we started talking. To cut a long story short, we hit it off and I met him the next day. Me being stupid and naive, which by the way, I'm usually not, thought he was into me. I slept with him and today is the first I've seen of him since. He got a freebie and buggered off." She shrugs it off as though it doesn't matter but the look on both of their faces say it does.
"Maybe something happened?" She gives me a look that tells me to get real. Yeah, it doesn't sound good. Why do all men have to be arseholes?
"Anyway, let's go home. Today has been a complete write off and tomorrow I have a date with Ethan." She pretends to gag. Ethan is a creep, he makes Arthur look like a bloody gentleman. Thankfully, I haven't been
paired with him. He's taking a shining to Nat and, bless her, she's stuck with him.
"Where is he bringing you? Tomorrow I've a date with Lloyd. Penelope hasn't told me where I'm going, just to make sure I dress formally."
Nat starts laughing. “Oh God, he's probably bringing you to the prom! Could you imagine?”
Lloyd is older than I am, he looks about twelve though. He's the biggest nerd that I've ever met and that’s saying something with the business I'm in. I've met all kinds of different people, some good, some bad, but the majority have been respectful and polite.
"Har-har, you're bloody hilarious! Now, let's get you home."
"Yes, Mummy! Lead the way!" There's the Nat that I've come to know and love, sarcastic but a joy to be around.
"If I were your mum, I'd have you across my knee, in a heartbeat!" I tell her tongue in cheek.
"Oooh, sounds kinky. Wanna go back to the club, Stef?" I don't know if she's messing or not. A part of me hasn't stopped thinking about it.
I'd love to be tied up but I wouldn't want just anyone to be doing it, I'd need someone that I loved and trusted.
"No, now come on, isn't past your bedtime." We walk to the tube station where we say our goodbyes, because we live in opposite directions. The whole way home I kept thinking about what she said about her and Richie. She shrugged it off as though it doesn’t matter but I could tell by her face that it hurt when he walked away.
Chapter Five
My street is quiet for a Sunday. I suppose the rain isn't helping. As I walk past a house, I see the curtains open and they have the football on. Arsenal's playing Man United. Jess' boys will be watching that for sure, they love their footy. The rain seems to be getting heavier and I'm grateful for my brolly. Even if it is bright pink with white spots, it reminds me of Mr Blobby.
The Scandals of Life Page 4