by R. J. Lewis
I swallow, bracing myself. “And what happened?”
He doesn’t skip a beat. “She’s living with me as of four hours ago.”
A rush runs through me. I’m so happy to hear that, and yet I’m very aware we can’t jump into this blind. On some level I’m still trying to process that I’m separated, or single, or whatever the word for it is because I certainly don’t know. And Aidan doesn’t know a fucking thing about relationships. Or does he?
“You told me in the coffee shop you got involved with the wrong woman. What did you mean?”
Again, he’s unbothered by the question. I keep thinking there are boundaries I need to respect, but Aidan is being open.
“She was a distraction,” he clarifies. “We had a very physical relationship.”
I smile brazenly. “Very tasteful use of wordage, Mr West.”
He grins, shaking his head. “There was nothing tasteful about that woman.”
“Why were you with her then?”
“Think of a flame, Ivy. What makes a flame grow bigger?”
I give him a questioning look. “Fuel?”
“That was Nina. At my worst, she fed my fire more fuel and loved what I turned into. She loved seeing my destruction, and I loved feeling myself burn.” He shakes his head, looking disturbed. “Not sure I make any sense with that.”
“You make perfect sense. Two people can be drawn to chaos.”
“She wasn’t just drawn to my chaos, Ivy, she…absorbed it. We were really nasty people.”
Wow. I watch him carefully. “I hope she’s out of your life now.”
He appears content. “That’s an understatement.”
Good.
“That’s what you have to do, Ivy,” he adds now. “You have to cut out the people who keep you from growing in life. You have to leave them behind forever.”
He’s referring to Derek, and I know he’s right.
I simply nod at him.
He begins packing away his papers, sorting them in folders. I take that as my cue to leave. I begin to stand.
“I’ll walk you back to your room,” he tells me quickly. “Just need to pile this up.”
As I wait, I look around the room again. Now that I’m taking another look, it’s sort of messy.
“This is the most lived-in space,” I comment. “You’re in here all the time, aren’t you?”
“I am.”
He comes up behind me. I feel the heat of him draw close, but he’s always just a breath away from touching me. I turn around to look up at him.
“Come,” he says, passing me before I can study his face.
He walks me to my room. The silence creeps in again. I look at him, waiting for him to meet my eye, but he doesn’t. He stops by my door. I twist it open and turn to him. I catch him staring at my lips for the quickest moment before looking away.
“Good night, Ivy,” he tells me softly.
He begins to walk away when I grab him by the arm. “Aidan…”
He stops and looks back at me, this time staring me in the eyes. I look at him in the darkness, searching for words. He’s not giving anything away. I want the cocky man. I want him to push my back against the wall, to run a hand through my hair and tell me the things he wants to do to me, but he’s not here right now.
I let go and smile weakly. “Good night, Aidan.”
I quickly disappear into my room and shut the door behind me. I stand still, listening to his footsteps trailing away. His door opens and closes, and the silence is back again.
Aidan
“You must take it easy,” Ruth says from the phone as I get ready for another shower. That’ll be twice I’ve showered tonight, but I need to think, I need to ask myself how far I’m willing to go with this girl.
I slip my shirt off and toss it on the counter. Then I stand by the sink, looking down at the phone I propped up.
“She makes me feel alive, Ruth,” I admit quietly. “I can’t describe it. I can’t…think without thinking about her.”
“Are you falling in love with her?” she asks, and I detect concern in her tone.
I shut my eyes, and even then I see Ivy in the darkness, looking back at me.
“Is it that?” I wonder. “Or is it obsession?”
“Obsession was what you felt for Nina. Are there similarities between the two?”
“Fuck no,” I say vehemently. “She is nothing like her.”
“She needs time.”
I nod, but there’s a fire in me, a fire that burns for her, and it may be stronger than my willpower. “I think she’s over that man.”
“She isn’t.”
My jaw tenses. “You think she wants him still?”
“No,” she says quickly. “I think she’s out of that dynamic and she’s not going to go back. She’s well and truly finished with him, but…listen to me closely, Aidan. There are footprints in your soul a person leaves behind when they vacate from your life. They leave marks that aren’t erasable. A person needs time. Time to feel that scar, to be able to run their finger along it to understand how deep they are. Scars tell a story that your lips sometimes cannot. She’s healing. She needs time.”
“Okay,” I say robotically.
“Like you need time.”
I scoff. “I don’t need time, Ruth.”
“You do. You’ve not yet healed, either.”
I glance at myself in the mirror. My eyes run over every tattoo I’ve inked into my skin. Tattoos I don’t even remember getting from all the times I buried myself in those stupid fucking drugs. Tattoos that speak of my pain. Even in my drug induced craze, I was reaching out to myself, begging for a change to the madness.
How could I have tasted all that success – worked so fucking hard for it – and then lost myself straight after? These kinds of questions gnaw at me.
I get off the call shortly after and stand under the hot shower. I try to silence my thoughts, but I’m fucking that up because I’m thinking too much about fucking that temptress down the hall from me.
If she were to come to me, baring herself, ready to be touched, what the fuck am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to resist her?
“She would feel so good,” I whisper.
I stroke myself slowly. I jerk to her, and it feels so fucking good because she’s attainable now. She’s down the fucking the hall from me. She’s within reach.
And she would feel so fucking good.
I groan through my release, wishing she were here, kneeling before me, staring up at me with those big doe eyes, whispering, “You taste so good, sir.”
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.
The Messenger
Ana: Oh my God, Ivy. I’m still trying to take in what you said on the phone. I am mindblown. I am so happy you’re out of that toxic apartment, but I’m kinda shitting bricks for you right now. You’re living with West and I’m so fucking jealous. Are you in his bed yet?
Ivy: No, Ana, I’m not.
Ana: I’m shaking my head right now.
Ivy: He rescued me. The more I think about it, the more I realize he went out of his way to make sure I was safe. He fully rescued me.
Ana: Because he wants you.
Ivy: Maybe.
Ana: Not maybe.
Ivy: It’s been two days and I haven’t even seen him. When I get up every morning, he’s gone. When I come home, he’s not here, but I can smell his cologne in the air when I get up, so he must come home super late.
Ana: He runs a gazillion dollar company, doesn’t he?
Ivy: Gazillion, lol?
Ana: He’s a busy dude aaaaand he still rescued you with his busy schedule. My ovaries are exploding.
Ivy: He hasn’t even messaged me, though. I’m so confused.
Ana: Maybe he wants you to settle in.
Ivy: Maybe.
Ana: Are you far from work?
Ivy: Gaston drives me every morning and back again.
Ana: Gaston?
Ivy: The driv
er.
Ana: You have a chauffeur?
Ivy: He’s Aidan’s chauffeur.
Ana: Omfg.
Ivy: It’s too much, isn’t it? I feel like I’m being a sponger. Should I pay Gaston?
Ana: Noooo, Ivy, relax. I’m sure Aidan wants to make sure you’re comfortable and not stressing about transportation.
Ivy: I’m fine taking the bus, honestly.
Ana: Stop. He’s fine with it.
Ivy: I’m just not used to it, Ana.
Ana: The pampering?
Ivy: Everything. I got a freaking key card to his penthouse and he’s got elevator doors as his front door, Ana. It’s so posh. There’s food ready when I’m back and somehow he got my clothing size right and I have a bunch of clothes in my closet. I don’t deserve this.
Ana: First off, holy fucking shit, you’re in paradise. Send me pics of your clothes and the elevator front door thingy. Secondly, that’s your low self-esteem talking, and you deserve the best, Ivy. Just be happy and stop overthinking everything. You have a bad habit of that.
Ivy: You’re right, I do.
Ana: Yeah, just chill.
Ivy: How do I even begin to repay him, though? I’m still going to be paying for my half of the rent with Derek. I can’t ditch my lease commitment.
Ana: Ivy, I just said to stop overthinking everything. Look, I’ll reach out to Derek and be the middleman, okay? We’ll get you off the lease, even if it means reaching out to the landlord. We’ll give Derek the time to stay or find a replacement tenant. This is stuff we can sort through. You’re out of there, that’s all that matters. Derek was a very destructive person to you. He mistreated you and you are away from that hole now. You need time to heal from everything that went down. The rest will sort itself out, and Aidan will be understanding of that. He doesn’t need your pennies right now. Get yourself back on your feet first.
Ivy: You’re right. Okay. Thank you, Ana. I appreciate your support so much.
Ana: I love you. I am always here. No matter what.
Ana: But you have to tell me everything that happens. Like everything.
Ana: I must live vicariously through you.
Ana: If you don’t do this, the world will explode.
Ivy: I will not let you down.
Ana: Good job, soldier.
Ana: Btw, girl, just message the dude. Break the ice.
*
Ivy: Where are you?
A.W.: Been working late hours.
Ivy: Is this normal?
A.W.: I’m doing something big.
Ivy: What?
A.W.: I can’t talk about it just yet.
Ivy: Okay. I will wait patiently.
A.W.: How are you, Ivy?
Ivy: Adjusting.
A.W.: Whatever you need, let me know.
Ivy: You have done enough, Aidan.
A.W.: I truly don’t feel like I have. I want to help with your transition.
Ivy: You spoil me.
A.W.: Anything for you.
*One hour later*
Ivy: Do you miss me?
A.W.: I’m smitten by you. You know this.
Ivy: Is that a yes?
A.W.: That’s a fuck yes, and if you were mine, I’d be punishing you for asking such a ludicrous question.
Ivy: Am I not yours, Mr West?
A.W.: You’ll be mine when I’m inside you and you’re begging me to come.
Ivy: The cocky man returns.
A.W.: Oh, sweet temptress, this is not arrogance speaking.
A.W.: This is truth.
Ivy: Yes, sir.
A.W.: Fuuuuuck.
Ivy: ;)
Ivy: I shall stop distracting you now.
A.W.: I live to be distracted by you, Ivy Montcalm.
Twenty-One
Ivy
It’s late. I lay in bed, staring at the dark ceiling, trying to fall asleep. It’s the third day in this bed. I haven’t seen Aidan yet. He’s never home. I feel like an addict needing to see him for that hit.
I sigh and roll to my side. I shut my eyes, groaning in frustration. “Just sleep, Ivy.”
I can’t sleep. I’ve been hit with insomnia. This is the sort of exhaustion caffeine can’t fix. I can’t shut my brain off. I think of everything. I stress about money, I stress about the lease, about Derek. I haven’t heard a word from him and it’s so weird, sort of like a limb has been ripped from me. But this was a rotting limb. A limb that was going to spread and rot the rest of my soul if I stuck around. Being away has been good for my well-being.
But the loneliness is hurting me. It’s like a separate beast altogether. I feel all this heavy pressure in my chest I can’t expel.
I don’t want to be alone.
Footsteps pull me out of my thoughts. I sit up in bed and hold my breath.
Aidan is here. I hear him walk down the hall. His footsteps pause out front of my room. My heart squeezes as I imagine him staring at my door. Please, come in.
He continues walking. His door opens and closes, and I feel disappointed. Is it sad that I sort of got a dose of him just listening to his footsteps and knowing he was on the other side of my door?
Yes, Ivy, super sad. Like beyond sad.
I lay there for the next twenty minutes, tense and wanting. I think about his last texts.
You’ll be mine when I’m inside you and you’re begging me to come.
I let out a frustrated breath.
I’ve had enough of this.
I'm done waiting.
I slip out of bed and open the door. I step out and quietly make my way to his bedroom. I give up trying to sleep, and he’s here now, probably in bed. I hover outside the door for a moment, nervous.
Then I take a deep breath and open the door. This is major invasion of privacy. I should have knocked, right? Oh well. The past is in the past. I step into the dark room, holding my breath. I’ve never been in here and even in the dark I’m blown away by how huge it is.
I walk and keep walking.
Aidan’s bed is in the center of the room, and he’s on his back, his arm resting over his head. He hears my movements and raises his head.
“Ivy?”
I slip into his bed, already pulling at the covers. He immediately shuffles over, making room for me. Truth is he doesn’t need to make room, the bed is so big, but I’m right next to him
“I can’t sleep,” I tell him. “I’ve tried for three nights now and I can’t stand the silence.”
I’m not even finished my words when I feel his arms come around me. He pulls me to his side. He smells like body wash. His body is damp from showering. He brings me close. I rest my head on the same pillow as him. He brings the covers up and over me. Then we lay there, quietly. I turn my head to look at him. He looks back, a soft smile on his lips. I squirm even closer, until I feel my side completely against his.
“I’m feeling a lot of skin,” I remark lightly. “Are you naked, Mr West?”
“Feel free to find out.”
I turn to my side now, and he does the same so we’re facing each other. I feel so ridiculously little next to him. I press my hand against his chest and slowly run it lower. He watches me with an amused expression as I trail my fingers over his abdomen. I feel the bumps of his abs and my brows jump in surprise.
“You’re crazy jacked,” I comment.
“Surprised?”
“Impressed.” No, no, I’m not impressed. I’m actually melting. Tingles are running through my body. I feel so much heat settling between my legs.
My fingers are less brazen as they trail past his abdomen and along his hips. My heart thumps wildly when it hits fabric.
“Briefs?”
“You’re disappointed.”
“A little bit.”
“Let me change that.”
He takes my hand suddenly, his skin warm. He leads my hand over his briefs. I go still, shocked when I feel his hard cock through them. He watches me carefully, amusement growing. I’m flushed and uncertain how to react. He
’s smiling in that cocky way, but I’m just staring at him, doe-eyed and swallowing.
He lets my hand go and murmurs, “Careful with that curiosity of yours, Ivy. You need to be prepared for what happens when you venture too close –”
I cut him off and run my fingers along his cock, silencing him. His expression completely changes. His eyelids lower as he stares at me, stunned.
“What were you saying, Aidan?” I tease. “Careful of venturing too close?”
He’s growing impossibly thicker. I run my fingers up and down his long cock, studying his reaction. His eyelids flutter shut, and he lets out a ragged breath. My lips part. He’s so sexy, it’s driving me mad.
“Curious for me to keep going?” I whisper, my lips twitching.
When he opens his eyes again, my breath escapes me. There’s a dark look in his eyes. He takes my hand and moves it away. Then without warning, he moves over me, completely covering my entire body. He buries his hand into my hair, balling it. I feel his mouth at my jaw. He’s not kissing me though. I gasp when I feel his teeth grazing my jaw. He bites me gently and pulls back to look at me.
“You want to do this, Ivy?” he questions, his voice low. I’ve never heard this tone before. His sex tone. “I’ll play with you, but you give me your fucking word you won’t wake up in the morning and tell me you regret it.”
I stare into his eyes, serious. “I won’t.”
He drops face to mine and brushes his lips against mine. “Promise.”
Is he crazy? Hell would sooner freeze over than me waking up and regretting getting fucked by this beautiful man.
I want him.
Badly.
“I promise, Mr West.”
His lips spread into a delicious smile. “Oh, no, Ivy, that’s another thing. In my bed, you call me Sir.”
I eye him carefully. “What?”
“You call me Sir, and you look me in the eyes while you do it.”
I don’t respond for a moment. He waits as I deliberate. It’s not like I don’t want to call him that. No way. It’s that I don’t know if I have that sort of courage. I don’t even make eye contact during sex, and now I’m supposed to look this Adonis in the eyes and call him that?