by A. J. Downey
“Hey.” Fen looked up and Dump Truck too, beside him. I looked up myself and turned to find one of the other bikers standing behind me.
Mav’s smile lit the night as he asked the man, “You doin’ good brother?”
The man rocked slightly on his booted feet, eyes glassy and bloodshot with too much weed and drink.
“Good food, good booze, and even better pussy. Dahlia hooked me up. I’m right as rain now, man!”
There was laughter around the table and I realized this was the man Dahlia had led into the club by the hand.
“Good fuckin’ deal, bro,” Fenris said, grinning, his mood much lighter for the conversation and the distance put between himself and Tic.
“And who might you be?” the man asked me.
“Oh, hi. I’m Aspen,” I said blushing cursing my shyness and inability to be under any sort of scrutiny without doing so. “I’m with Fenris.”
Throughout the conversation, it had become increasingly apparent that there was some sort of unspoken rule that if you weren’t with anyone, you were sort of here for everyone so it was important to quickly establish just who you’d come with to avoid any misunderstandings.
“Hi Aspen, I’m Mace. I’m the birthday boy,” he said, laughing at his own joke which most of the other guys laughed too, but there was some confusion in their eyes.
“Um, happy birthday?” I supplied.
“Thank you!” he cried, rocking back on his heels. Mav reached out and grabbed him by the front of his jacket and vest to keep him from going right onto his back.
“Easy there! Bro, how about you take a seat with me and Aspen here?”
“Don’t mind if I do,” Mace said.
“And who’re you?” he asked Little Bird who was cuddled into Dump Truck’s side.
“Kestrel,” she answered. “But everybody calls me Little Bird. I’m Dump Truck’s Old Lady.”
“Yeah?” Mace asked. “Congratulations, bro!”
Dump Truck chuckled. “Thank you.”
Mace said, “All you guys went and got yourselves some real hot women while I was locked up.”
It dawned on me; this was the man who the entire party was for. A strange sort of tingle went up my spine and I wondered why.
The only answer I had was that it was a visceral reaction to knowing that not only had he been imprisoned, that he’d been imprisoned recently and for a very serious assault. I immediately felt a wave of shame for even reacting that way, even though no one knew it. I had kept a smile on my face the entire time, hadn’t missed a single beat, but still… I had judged this man unfairly with just that little bit of information.
Maybe, in turn, that meant Tic was right to judge me. Maybe I wasn’t good enough to be among them. Maybe I was just another hopeless citizen that could never belong…
“You doing alright, babe?” Fen asked.
“Oh, yeah, I’m just getting tired. It’s been a long day for me. What time is it, anyway?” I asked.
“Ten o’clock,” Little Bird answered.
“The night’s still young,” Mav said, and I laughed.
“Then I’m too old,” I said. “It is way past my bedtime. I have to open tomorrow and six am comes early. I still have to drive to Tacoma.”
“What’s in Tacoma?” Mace asked and I smiled a little sadly.
“My mom’s house.”
“You live with your mother?” he asked, looking confused.
“No, my mom died a few months ago. I’m just living in her house.”
“Oh. Oh, man… I’m sorry,” he said.
“It’s okay, you didn’t know.”
“Come on,” Fen said, hoisting himself to his feet. “I’ll walk you to your car.”
I smiled.
“I’d like that.”
Fenris came around the table and held his hand down to me. I took it and let him help me to my feet. I traded goodbyes and farewells with the people at the table and led Fen back to my car just around the corner. He leaned me back up against it, hands on my hips, dipping his head to meet my mouth with his.
I kissed him, and the tension and apprehension I felt in my shoulders eased marginally.
“I love you,” he said, and his eyes held… worry.
I smiled, and it felt brittle. “I love you, too,” I murmured.
“Text me when you get home, baby. I need to know you’re safe.”
I nodded.
“Okay,” I whispered.
He kissed me again and opened my door for me.
“I’ll see you soon,” he said as I started my car and rolled down my window for him. I nodded and smiled.
“Okay.”
He rapped twice on the roof of my Prius and stepped back to allow me to shift it into reverse and back out of the parking space. I smiled and waved through my passenger window steering my little, environmentally conscious, boring car choice out of the lot.
I couldn’t help but feel that keenly… that I was utterly boring, especially after leaving the gathering. All of these doubts about whether I could or would be good for Fenris almost immediately started crowding in.
I just didn’t know if I was cut out for ‘the life’ as he called it. I certainly didn’t feel entirely welcome.
I felt tears well in my eyes as I took the freeway on-ramp onto I-5 South.
Maybe, just maybe, it would be the wiser course of action to end things now… if I waited much longer, it could hurt so much worse when things ended badly, and right now it really felt as though it wasn’t a matter of ‘if’ but when.
I had a lot to think about.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Fenris…
“She good?” Maverick asked quietly when I got back to the table.
“I dunno,” I said. “I think so.” Truth was I didn’t think so. Something in her eyes… a little too wide as she’d looked up at me, her posture a little too stiff. I was thinking that she maybe was letting her insecurities get to her.
“I like her, she seems nice,” Mace said, but bro had definitely overdone it. Of course, that level of drunk implied a certain amount of truthfulness.
“It’ll be fine, bro,” Dump Truck assured me.
“If it’s any consolation, and she asks, I like her, too. She seems like a damn fine lady,” Maverick said.
“Not to talk too out of pocket,” I said, giving Little Bird a quick, side-eyed glance. “She’s an angel in the streets and a little wild in the sheets.”
Maverick grinned. “Knew it had to be something to catch your interest.”
I grinned back. “I don’t think y’all got the best impression tonight. She’s shy, and it takes a bit to get her out of her shell. Tic fucked all that up.”
“You know Tic,” Maverick said with a sigh. “Always got some kind of sand in his man pussy.”
Mace, Dump Truck, and a few other guys in the near vicinity had a laugh at Tic’s expense.
“Where’d he fuck off to, anyway?” DT asked.
“Dahlia collected him after she got done with me,” Mace grinned.
“Ah.” Dump Truck nodded.
“No idea what those two got going on, but it’s something,” Maverick said.
“Don’t fuckin’ care,” I declared, and I didn’t. “All I fuckin’ care about is that he stays in his goddamn lane where my woman is concerned.”
“Have to agree,” Dump Truck said with a sigh and I was grateful my brother had my back.
The next day, my pops and I were busy around the farm. I was distracted, shot a few texts back and forth to Aspen, but didn’t really fully absorb that she only sent back one to a few word answers to everything until it was too late to call her and actually talk.
She was probably in bed and asleep already, and with keeping her out late the night before, I didn’t want to do that to her.
I called her the next day, in the morning, just before I went out to feed the goats.
“Hey,” I said when she picked up the phone, hating that I sounded so eager. I mean, I
missed her. I missed her a lot.
“Hey,” she replied and her voice was soft, somber… a little too somber.
“You alright?” I asked.
“I’m okay,” she said quickly, her voice warming at an artificial rate. Something was up. I just didn’t know what.
“Talk to me, baby. What’s going on?” I asked.
She let out a big breath. “My lawyer and my ex-husband’s lawyer are trying to reach an agreement. Charles wants half my business, but that would mean closing down, liquidating, and giving him half of everything.”
She sounded down, and I scoffed. “No,” I said. “Sounds like you maybe need a new lawyer.”
“No, I can’t afford that,” she said with a sigh. “I don’t know… maybe it’s for the best?” She sighed again and said, “I’m just so tired… of all of it.”
“I know, babe,” I said, gripping the phone tight, trying not to see red. I swallowed hard and said, “Maybe I can come by tonight.”
There was a long silence, a pregnant pause, and finally she said, “No, I think maybe I just need to be alone for a while.”
I didn’t like it, but this was a tough decision.
“You know, I talked to the club’s lawyers to see if I could get a rec for a good divorce attorney. I could maybe help you—”
“No,” she said and the finality in her tone both took me aback and honestly made me kind of proud.
“I’ll be okay. No matter what happens.”
“I know you will, baby,” I told her. “You’ve been handling your business just fine for a long time. I just hate to see you hurt,” I said. “I’d pretty much do anything to take that off your shoulders. You’re a good woman, and you don’t deserve the year you’ve had.”
Silence on the other end of the line and finally, “I’ve got to go.”
“Okay,” I said. “Maybe call me—”
The line went dead.
The fuck?
I scowled and put my phone away. Maybe she was just overwhelmed and needed a minute.
I went about my business, feeding the animals. The next day or two was going to be busy. It was finally cool enough for the slaughter which with just me and my dad, that meant a lot of work between the slaughter itself and the butchering.
I sent Aspen a text.
Me: I love you, woman.
I didn’t get anything back right away, which wasn’t completely unusual. Maybe she had her hands dirty, elbow deep in a mound of clay.
Still, something was niggling at me, doubts eroding my confidence that we were alright. I didn’t like it, but I’d had my interlude and I needed to put some work in before I could take another.
It took a lot of effort on my part to resist the urge to drop everything and ride out to see her and get some answers.
By Friday things had not improved with my woman. She was definitely dodging me, and I didn’t like it. I was sitting at the bar at the club nursing a beer and feeling sorry for myself with Mace when Dump Truck sidled in and dropped onto the stool on the other side of me.
“What’s his fuckin’ problem?” he asked Mace.
Mace had started working the farm with me and my pops. Offering his services in butchering for a steady paycheck until he managed to get on with a local meat packing plant, butcher shop, or grocery store. My dad and I kept the farm all legal and above board, so it hadn’t been much to hire Mace on and keep his parole officer happy.
“Aspen’s been dodging his texts and calls.”
“Oh, yeah? Why d’y’think?” DT asked frowning.
“Started right after Mace’s coming home party. I have to imagine it was partially Tic puttin’ ideas in her head that she’d never fit in here.”
“Well,” DT said in his infinite wisdom. “Maybe it’s time my girl cashed in on you, or did you forget you owed her, Marisol, and Dahlia that paint night thing.”
“Yeah, well, they better cash in,” I said. “Her ex might be forcing her to shut her business down.”
“The fuck?” Dump Truck scowled.
“Exactly. She might be forced to liquidate and give him half.”
Mace started laughing.
“What’s so funny?” I demanded.
“She should sell you the lot of it for four cents and give him two pennies.”
“Wait,” I said. “Could she do that?”
“Dunno, would have to talk to a lawyer,” DT said.
“Or Mav,” Mace suggested. “I bet he’d know.”
“Huh.” The wheels were turning, now.
“Listen,” Dump Truck said. “I like her. You let me deal with that paint night thing, I’ll get the girls on it. You talk to Mav and see what kind of devious fuckin’ shit he can come up with to ruin her ex’s fuckin’ day – all on the right side of the law. I think that’ll be the only way to win her over. She’s a sweet girl,” Dump Truck said with a nod. “I like what she does for you.”
“Yeah, me too,” I said.
“I like her, too. What I can remember of her,” Mace said with a laugh and we shared in the chuckle.
“Man, you were fucked up,” I agreed.
“Totally worth it, though.” He sighed.
“What?” I asked.
“Had a long time to just sit and think when I was locked up,” he answered.
“Yeah.” I nodded.
“I think I want what you guys have. A woman, a real one, the only one. You know? A life, settle down. Kids?” he shrugged. “Maybe, who knows? I do know I’d like a house. Some land, like what you and your pops got going on.”
“Find you a woman who likes to garden,” Dump Truck said. “Knows how to can. Y’all would be set come the zombie apocalypse.”
We all laughed. “You’re not wrong,” I agreed. Then started really thinking about something Aspen had said.
“You know, Aspen said she was getting tired of running her place with everything else she had going on.”
“Yeah?” Mace said.
“Yeah, said she missed the days she worked out of her garage in addition to her day job, selling her stuff on the weekends at Farmer’s Markets.”
“Shit, she’d probably make a killing at some of the ren faires and SCA events around the area,” Dump Truck said.
I nodded.
“I thought about that.”
“Go talk to Mav,” Mace urged. “Let DT do whatever he was gonna do with the girls. The way she looked at you, man? This is imminently fixable for all you feel like shit right now.”
“Swear to God, next time I see Tic, I’m fixing to punch him right in the mouth if that’s the problem,” I said.
“Little Bird’ll let me know.”
“Thanks, bro,” I said slipping off my barstool.
“What am I? Chopped liver?” Mace asked, brown eyes twinkling under his mop of black hair.
“Fine,” I said. “Thanks, bros.”
“That’s better.” He slapped me on the back of the cut. “Go get ‘im, Tiger.”
“Man, fuck you,” I said, shaking my head.
He gave me a cheesy grin and the finger and I went off in search of Maverick.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Aspen…
I was in hell, but it was sort of a hell of my own making. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted so badly to keep Fen in my life, but not at the cost of his club pestering or bullying him over it. Yes, I knew he was big, yes, I knew he was strong, but the thought of him fighting someone to defend my honor worried me. Did I worry about him getting hurt? Partially. Did I worry about him hurting someone else? Most definitely, and I didn’t want it to be because of me.
Besides, who was to say things didn’t get out of hand? That weapons didn’t come out or get involved? Fen could be seriously hurt, and for what?
It just wasn’t worth it, but I didn’t know how to talk to him about it, either. So, I threw myself into my work, trying to get as much done as possible considering I was on the precipice of losing it all.
I felt like I was going insane, bu
t I also felt as though I had already relied on Fenris too much.
I needed to figure it out on my own now. Do this for me, as much as for him.
The phone rang, and I picked up. “Clayrity, this is Aspen speaking, how may I help you?”
“Hi, I’d like to book a private paint night for me and my two girlfriends.”
“A private booking for three?” I asked.
“Yeah.”
“I can do that,” I said.
“This week?” she asked.
“Oh, um, when were you thinking?” I asked. Jesus, talk about short notice. Still, a private booking was good. It was listed on my website, three minimum and a minimum of X amount of dollars. I would double check she knew, but I should be able to handle this – even with the short notice. Double-edged sword, the perks of being the boss but also its downfall.
“Any time between tonight and Friday,” she said. “I know it’s short notice, but we really need a break and it sounds so much fun. Cost is no object.”
“I can do tonight,” I said, “It’s really the only time for a private session that I have between now and Friday. I do have regular classes on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights. Are you sure you don’t want the Thursday night regular class? It’s my least crowded,” I said.
“No, we’re sure, we want a private class, just the three of us.”
“Okay, can I get your name?” I asked.
“Marisol,” she said, and the name tickled my memory but didn’t quite click. It sounded familiar. Maybe if I had a last name?
“Last name?” I asked.
“Vasquez.”
“Okay, Miss Vasquez, I have you and two others down for tonight. Does seven pm work for you?”
“Absolutely.”
“Perfect, I’ll see you then.”
“Uh-huh, sounds good.”
“Bye now!”
“Bye.”
I hung up and let out an explosive breath.
“Shit,” I muttered.
I picked up my phone and texted the truth…
Me: I wanted to see you tonight but I just had a private party book for a paint night and I could really use the money.