That wasn’t the answer, but there was no point in arguing now. His heart was hurting. In her hopes of championing her husband, she’d made this worse. She took his hand and promised herself that she’d fix this. Somehow, she would make him believe in himself just as she would make others believe in him.
That night, instead of joining his beautiful wife in bed, Theo sat by the fire and stared into the flickering flames. He’d known that his people hated him, but because he’d been avoiding them, he hadn’t realized the extent of it.
“Theo, come to bed,” Gemma whispered.
“They are right,” he muttered. “I have been avoiding them, putting all my efforts into Loch Moran because I have been ashamed to see my own people. I help when I can to check on things, but for the most part, I leave them alone. The last thing I want is to introduce more fear. For many, I destroyed their lives.”
“You were ordered to.”
All that blood. All those screams. Too many lives that he couldn’t figure out how to save. Lives that had to end because his father wanted to watch, wanted to feed off.
One of them couldn’t have been older than sixteen, and Theo had to kill him because he’d dared ask Patrick for safe passage to another clan to save his dying mother.
A life that Theo could not save. The boy’s face haunted him. “But Fergie is right. A strong man would have stood up to his father,” he said hoarsely.
“Theo.” Letting the blankets fall, she rose and knelt down in front of him, grasping his hands. “You did defy him. You were thinking long term. If you had defied your father every time, he might have ordered you imprisoned or even executed. How many of those people out there would be dead then? There is a cruel darkness inside of him, and then who would be saving them now? If you want to save your people, you have to let the nightmares go. You have to let the past go and see the leader that you are.”
“Ye have known me so little, lass. How can ye be so certain of me?”
“I love you, Theo, and I would never fall for a man who didn’t deserve my heart.”
Filled with wonder that such a woman would choose to love him, he pulled her up and onto his lap, claiming her lips urgently, fearing that one day in the future, she would learn of the monster he’d had to become under his father’s rule.
And then how could she love him?
“Promise me that ye will never ask for yer heart back because I doonae think I will be able to let it go,” he murmured. If he could cling to that love, maybe there would be salvation for his soul after all.
“I promise, Theo. My heart is yours.” Sliding up his thighs, she wound her arms around his neck, and he let her love chase away the darkness.
20
Theo watched Gemma grimly as she rose from the bed with circles under her eyes. She was wearing herself out on this ridiculous mission to prove to the people that he was a good leader. Every morning, for the past month, she went out with a smile on her face, and every night she returned with shadows in those beautiful eyes.
He knew the reason why. Every time she would go out with hope in her heart, the people would dash it with stories of what he’d done in the past. Never once did she come to him and ask if they were true. He feared that she automatically assumed that they were not. How horrified she would be to learn the truth.
He assigned a guard to go with her and look out for her from a discreet distance in case any of the villagers became angry and violent when she refused to give up the mission while he focused on other things. So far, there had been no real evidence on the attack against Loch Moran, but his people here were still trying to leave the borders and seek sanctuary.
Thomas sent reports back that things were well and the villagers were settled. Graeme was still moving in and out of the land, but he’d posed no real threat. Jillian and Elizabeth exchanged letters often with Gemma and helped David and Cameron write to her as well.
Graeme had fulfilled Theo’s request, and Oliver was now on Loch Moran and looking after the boys. Elizabeth and Jillian wrote that the boys seemed to like their older cousin and hoped that he would stay. As it was, Theo would ask him to swear fealty when he returned.
Elizabeth had also apparently written that Oliver was handsome, but Theo had just wrinkled his nose when Gemma gleefully reported that there might be more romance blooming on the loch. After all, he had bigger things to worry about.
If he wanted to prove himself capable of holding on to Loch Moran, he had to prove that he could still hold on to his own people.
His men had brought back a shipment of food from the rich lands of the loch, and today would be the day that he would have to go out with Gemma and distribute those goods and face the people. He could only imagine what their reactions would be given the pedestal that Gemma had put him on.
“Today, ye will stay with me,” he told Gemma as he watched her dress.
Turning, she frowned. “But I am making real progress, Theo. I can feel it.”
“I amnae saying that ye have to stop, lass. I am simply saying that today, ye will be with me. Food has arrived from the loch, and I would distribute it to my people and see if the reports of the fields and the workers are correct.”
“That’s good, Theo. They need to see how much effort you’re putting into their well-being so they can have faith in you again.”
The smile on her face was so beautiful that it made him ache. He could think of absolutely nothing that he’d done to deserve her love, but he would cherish it while it lasted. Eventually, he would have to tell her the truth—that many of those stories about him were true—and then, no doubt, she’d realize that he wasn’t worthy of her love.
But until that moment came, he would hold fast to what he could.
After a short breakfast, he and Gemma walked through the village with the wagon rolling by their side. At the first group of homes, they stopped, and the guards dispersed to round up the men, women, and children. At the fear in their eyes as they cowered before him, bile rose in his throat, but he swallowed it down. Now was not the time to appear weak.
“I bid ye good morn,” he said quietly. “As many of ye know, I have been working in Loch Moran to bring some resources back while our fields recover. If one member of each family will step forward, we will provide food for the members living under yer roof.”
At first, no one moved, and Theo could see them casting each other puzzled looks even though their heads bowed. Gemma stepped forward and grabbed a woman’s hand, leading her forward. “Marie, we spoke yesterday, and I told you this might happen. You have a husband and three little ones, yes?”
Marie nodded slightly. “And my husband’s mother,” she whispered.
“So a house of three adults and three children.” She turned to the man distributing the food, and they divided a number of vegetables and spices and potatoes.
“Thank ye,” Marie said gratefully. She tried to scurry away, but Theo stepped into her path. She squeaked, stopped short, and nearly let the potatoes on top tumble to the ground.
Theo grabbed them quickly and put them to rights. “Tell me of the land ye and yer husband tend.”
“No land,” Marie said as she shook her head quickly. “Only animals. Yer father took half of our cattle herd for what he claimed was the good of the people. We are still replenishing our herd.”
Theo frowned. That hadn’t been covered in the reports, but he knew there was a time when his father refused to send out hunting parties because he was so paranoid that the neighboring clans were poised to attack, so he slaughtered the cattle and sheep instead. “I want ye or yer husband to come to the keep this evening for dinner. I would know what yer herds look like.”
Marie nodded and quietly scuttled away. Bolstered by the food on the cart, the families stepped forward, one by one, to give their reports and take their food. Children, far braver than their parents, edged toward the cart, and Theo would toss them fruit, to their utter delight, and they would run away giggling.
One thing was certain: the reports
from the people did not match the reports by the guards. The huge discrepancies made him uneasy, but soon, he had asked almost the entire village to join him for dinner over the next four days.
“What is it?” Gemma asked as they made their way back to the keep with the last of the empty carts. “You seem upset. I thought you would be glad to speak to the people.”
“I havenae been given correct information from the people I thought I could trust,” Theo confessed. “I should have personally gone to each person to take a look at their fields and herds, but I was too busy weeding out the people I knew were loyal to my father.”
“He was the biggest threat, and you dealt with it. Establishing your hold on Loch Moran was also important. Theo, you could not do everything at once,” she chastised gently. “I expect that your Great Hall will be full the next few nights, and though your ears might blister from their complaints, you will be able to take the next step to protect your people.”
“Our people,” he corrected as he stopped and pulled her close.
“Right. I am still having some trouble with that.”
The woman doesnae even know her own influence!
She would never view herself as being in a position of power in Loch Moran, but those people would have followed her to the end of the world, and though she had yet to see the MacDougal people as hers, she was putting in all of her energy to protect them.
They would be hers whether she believed it or not.
“I will have a bath drawn for ye before dinner,” Theo said roughly as he released her. “There are a few more things I need to see to before I join ye.”
Tentatively, she touched his chest. “If you are going to see your father, I beg you not to let him get to you,” she whispered. “You have made great strides today. Do not let him ruin that.”
How well it seemed that his wife knew him.
After sending her up to their chambers and hoping that she rested after her bath, Theo went straight to his father’s cell. Patrick had arranged his sitting chair directly in front of the bars and seemed to be patiently waiting for him.
Theo could guess why. The old man had seen Theo go out with the food cart and suspected what he would learn.
“I knew ye were cruel, but even I didnae know that ye had left the village to starve while fattening up yer own storehouse!” Theo lashed out in anger.
“Do not forget, Son, that ye were eating from that storehouse as well.”
“How did ye pull it off? I was captain of the guard. I oversaw everything, and yet ye razed fields to the ground and stole entire herds of cattle without my knowledge.”
Patrick threw back his head and laughed, a hollow sound that sent chills down his spine. “When will ye learn, Theo? This land is mine and will be for as long as I draw breath. I knew that ye were expending all that time smuggling people across the border when I had ordered them executed. I knew of yer bleeding heart the whole time. While ye were gone, I made certain that ye and I would be fed because I was a good father even while ye plotted to overthrow me.”
But, Theo thought with some satisfaction, his father had not seen that coming, no matter what he boasted of knowing. “Tell me now...who is still feeding ye information? Who is doctoring the reports before they get to me? I will allow ye to stay here if you confess. Keep silent, and I will move ye to rot in the dungeons. Ye have twenty-four hours.”
Patrick snorted. “Ye would not dare. I am still yer family.”
“That is what I thought when I first brought ye here, but I have a brother who would lay down his life for me and a wife who is fighting for strangers because she has a good heart. They are my family now. And ye, Patrick? Ye are becoming nothing to me!” Some of the children that he’d seen today were little more than skin and bones. It was sickening.
“There are those who would slit yer throat in yer sleep if I asked,” Patrick hissed. “Those who believe that I am their true leader.”
“Then make the order, so I will know the traitors as I skewer them on my sword,” Theo said calmly. “Ye have one day to give me the list of the traitors.”
“Ye may be cavalier about yer life, but what of yer wife or that of the unborn child in her womb?”
Gemma was with child?
It was like a punch to the stomach, but Theo did not show the pain on his face. Chances were, his father was bluffing, trying to distract him before he made his move.
“If my wife were pregnant, I would know.”
“Would ye? So she would be excited by the thought of a child?” Patrick started to laugh wildly. “Or perhaps she fears the little babe will be too much like his father. She saw the healer only yesterday, my boy. Perhaps she would end the child’s life before ye were any the wiser.”
Ignoring the fear curled up in his belly, Theo turned and left his father to his wild cracklings.
He and Gemma were in a good place. She would have told him if she were pregnant.
He had nothing to worry about.
21
Preparing a community dinner for Loch Moran was one thing, but for an entire village? Gemma worried that she was in over her head, but a hunting party had returned with plenty of game, and the kitchen seemed delighted to have a large meal to prepare again. For four days, they would take grievances over dinner so they could feel at ease when approaching Theo.
It had been a long month. Theo had Gemma’s looms delivered. Her current project had been destroyed in the move, and she’d been forced to start over. Letters came frequently. Jillian reported that Graeme had yet to leave the loch, but that didn’t seem to bother Theo. Gemma hoped that meant Theo was finally learning to trust the highlander. David and Cameron, people reported, were doing well, and everyone seemed to enjoy their cousin, Oliver. While there had been no other attacks, everyone was on edge. They didn’t come out and say it, but Gemma could read between the lines. The more time that passed, the more people worried that there would be an attack.
Her own work in the village was exhausting, and she worried that she was getting sick. Although she was used to staying busy, she was getting tired far too often, and her stomach was often unsettled. She’d gone to visit with the healer to see if there was a tonic she could take, but the old woman had all but shut the door in her face, claiming that she didn’t want to hear Gemma’s speech about how wonderful her husband was.
There were quite a few instances like that, and those that did listen to her often came back with tales of horrible things that Theo had done. While she feared in her heart they were true, she knew that Theo had taken no joy in whatever his father had forced him to do and was working on making reparations.
Dressed in one of her nicer frocks, Gemma did a final sweep of the Great Hall. The tables and chairs had been dusted, and flowers adorned the center to make the place feel warm and welcoming. All of the lanterns were lit, and she’d ordered more candelabras to be brought in for more light.
“Ye must stop pacing,” Theo said in annoyance as he swept into the hall. “Surely as the daughter of a duke, ye realize that ye are not supposed to be waiting on yer guests.”
As she suspected, his mood had darkened considerably after visiting with his father, but she hadn’t asked him about it. Tonight was too important, but afterward, when they went to bed, she would ask him to unburden himself.
“These are not guests. These are your people. Our people,” she amended, although she still struggled with that. Sometimes, she missed the quiet existence of Loch Moran. Here, it felt as though someone was always watching her. “I just want them to remember that the keep isn’t just a home for their laird. It’s a meeting place where all should feel safe and welcome.”
With a strange look in his eye, he kissed the top of her head. “Just doonae wear yerself out, Wife. Ye are looking more tired than usual.”
“I have been doing more. I promise to rest after this week.” She didn’t even realize that he was leading her out of the Great Hall until they were climbing the staircase.
“Theo!”
“I need a bath, lass, and I wish for yer assistance.”
Her eyes widened. “No, absolutely not. I am already dressed, and I know what your baths lead to.”
“A clean body?” he asked innocently.
“Nakedness, and we are hardly clean afterward,” she whispered while looking around furtively to see if anyone had heard that. Ever since she had confessed that she loved him, he’d been taking her every night, sometimes twice a night. On the days that put darkness and guilt in his eyes, he would take her hard and urgently, and she would do her best to give him everything he needed. On the days that he came home with a smile on his face, he would play with her, and on the nights he woke her up just before dawn, he would be soft and sweet to the point where it would bring her to tears.
She longed to hear the truth in his heart, to know that he loved her, but she knew he still had yet to believe that he had the capacity for love.
That, more than anything, broke her heart.
“I have touched every inch of yer skin, tasted all of ye, made ye scream with pleasure in the dark, and still ye blush like a maiden,” he chuckled.
“I still blush when you do them, but it’s dark, and you don’t see,” she pointed out and slapped his hands away when they started to roam. They were still in the middle of the hall. “Theo! Dinner is in less than an hour!”
Before he could grab her again, she stepped to the side. “I still have plenty to do, and so do you. Tonight, I am yours, but for now, you need to get ready.”
She expected to hear him chuckle as she danced down the hall, but only silence followed her, and she wondered just what was on his mind.
Almost all of the invited guests showed up, and Gemma could scarcely contain her glee. Most of them were there out of curiosity, and the show of food at their doors had accrued enough goodwill that they felt safe in exploring their curiosity. When the doors opened, and Theo and Gemma walked in, most of them stood, whether out of respect or fear.
Highlander’s Lesser Evil: A Scottish Medieval Historical Romance (Highlands' Deceptive Lovers Book 4) Page 13