Subject #6, Arden Byrd: I still can’t believe you went on a date with someone else.
Subject #3, Cassidy (Cass) Robinson: I can’t believe you told Owen you were going on a date with someone else.
Subject #7, Jane Hofstadt (Mother): I never would’ve set up the date if I’d known Gideon and Owen Campbell were involved—I especially wouldn’t have done it if I’d known what a mess it would end up causing. Of course, it did keep a member of my downline happy…
Event: Social Blunders (Cont.)
I couldn’t concentrate.
I tried working on my poetry assignment. I tried tinkering with my seismograph. I tried browsing the internet for new information on the Lansburg Lights.
But no matter how I attempted to distract myself, my thoughts returned to Owen.
I shouldn’t have told him about the date.
No, that was wrong. I shouldn’t have agreed to go on the date at all. It made Owen feel like I didn’t care about him. But the date meant nothing to me, and I assumed Owen would understand that.
Wasn’t it the same with Hamelin!, though? He and Cass knew their kiss meant nothing, but I still got upset about it.
I felt afraid then. There was something wrong with me. Why couldn’t I navigate social situations like other people did? Why hadn’t I realized how horribly the date would upset Owen?
The door to my lab sprang open, interrupting my thoughts. Ishmael strolled inside.
“So, anyway, dude, check this out.”
“Don’t you ever knock?”
“You’re not going to like this,” Ishmael plowed ahead, “at least not right away. But hear me out.”
I instantly knew I was going to hate whatever Ishmael told me.
“I’ve been thinking about the hoax and how we need a next stage, you know? Something big. Something to keep people interested. Especially since Oz has the whole fountain of youth thing going on.”
“Okay…” I said cautiously.
“So I took matters into my own hands.”
“I don’t know what that means, and I’m afraid to ask.”
“I’ll show you,” Ishmael said.
I waited for him to pull out his phone and show me something online, but instead he left the lab, gesturing for me to follow. I found that even more frightening.
“What’s the—” I began.
I abruptly stopped, because there was no need to ask questions. Ten feet away, standing in the middle of the field, was a cow.
“Ishmael,” I said.
“Yeah, dude?”
“Why is there a cow here?”
“It’s the next stage of the hoax!”
I whirled toward my brother, not bothering to keep my anger in check. “We’re not mutilating a cow! How many times do I need to repeat that?”
“Actually,” Ishmael said, rubbing the back of his neck in an aw shucks way. “I agree with you. I was all into the idea at first, you know? But while we were on our way here, Muffin and I—”
“Muffin?”
“Yeah, that’s what I named her. Anyway, Muffin and I, like…bonded.”
“Wonderful, Ishmael,” I said. “That’s just wonderful.”
“I looked into her eyes, dude, and I realized, she’s like, a person.”
I rubbed my own eyes. “She’s not a person. She’s a cow.”
“Okay, not person. I mean she’s a being. She has thoughts and feelings. And I realized, no way could I kill her.”
I didn’t have a clue how to break down the current situation into something manageable.
“Why then,” I began slowly, “if you decided cow mutilations weren’t on the agenda, did you still bring her here?”
Ishmael shrugged. “We were most of the way home. And believe me, walking her here was not easy.”
Something occurred to me that I should’ve asked from the start.
“Ishmael, where did you walk her here from?”
“I thought I already said. The O’Grady farm.”
The O’Grady farm, where we’d made a crop circle. Owned by Mr. O’Grady, who’d chased us during our radio interference scheme.
I sat on the ground, not minding the dirt for once, and put my head in my hands. “No.”
“No what?”
“No, no, no.”
“Gideon?”
“You didn’t do this,” I moaned. “Please, tell me you didn’t steal David O’Grady’s cow.”
“Um…where else would I have gotten a cow? You can’t exactly buy them at the pet store.”
“You committed theft!” I snapped.
Ishmael frowned. “I think we both know this isn’t the only crime we’ve committed recently.”
“No,” I said. “Not we. You don’t get to use the word we right now. I had nothing to do with Muffin.”
“Besides, O’Grady has a bunch of cows. I doubt he’ll miss one.”
There was absolutely no way that was true. No way.
I looked at the cow. Part of me still couldn’t accept what I was seeing. “You have to take her back.”
Ishmael immediately shook his head. “No way. It took hours to get her here, dude. I mean, I used a rope for a leash, but it’s not like taking a dog for a walk.”
“No,” I said. “I wouldn’t assume a cow was leash trained.”
“Right. It was hard. I’m not taking her back.”
“You are,” I said, looking up at my brother from where I still sat on the ground.
“I’m not.”
“Ishmael. You have to take the cow back.”
The cow let out a long, loud moo. I cringed and hoped my parents didn’t have any of the windows open.
“She doesn’t even want to live there, dude. Mr. O’Grady is gonna slaughter Muffin. Do you get that?”
“He raises milk cows, not meat cows,” I said, digging my hands into the ground, resisting the urge to pull up grass by the fistful. “And you took Muffin with the intention of killing her for a hoax, so I don’t really think it’s appropriate for you to act high and mighty right now.”
“You take her back then.” Ishmael stubbornly crossed his arms over his chest.
My head pounded with rage. I squeezed my eyes shut and told myself to calm down. I’d never understood violence. I’d never been in a physical fight, not even a small tussle. It seemed so counterproductive. But at that moment, I desperately wanted to punch my brother in the face.
“Fine,” I said, getting to my feet. “I’ll take the cow back. But don’t ever ask me to do something for you again.”
The rope Ishmael used to lead Muffin to our house still hung around her neck. I grabbed the end of it and tugged gently. Muffin didn’t move. I pulled harder. Still nothing. I dug my feet into the ground and pulled with all my strength. The cow swayed slightly, but her feet didn’t shift an inch.
“She’s really heavy,” Ishmael said.
My heart already pounded from exertion. “Yes, I noticed.”
“If she doesn’t want to move, you won’t be able to make her.”
“You managed,” I said.
“I told you,” Ishmael reached out and rubbed Muffin’s head. “We bonded.”
Indeed, Muffin did tilt her head toward my brother, seeming to lean into his affection.
“Can’t we keep her?” Ishmael asked.
“Where?”
He looked around dramatically. “I don’t know, Gideon, maybe on our farm.”
I gazed up at the sky for a long moment. When I spoke again, I’d slightly regained my composure. Slightly.
“Okay, Ishmael. Let’s walk through this. First of all, you have no idea how to care for a cow. Second, this cow doesn’t belong to you. Third, how exactly would you prevent Mother and Father from discovering we’ve mysteriously acquired cattle?”
&nbs
p; “Not cattle. Just one. One… What’s the singular for cattle?”
“Cow.”
“But cows are only girls. Isn’t there a word that isn’t for a girl or boy?”
“I don’t think so, Ishmael. I don’t know. I’m not really well-versed in livestock.”
“What about livestock? Can you have one livestock?”
“Ishmael!”
He continued to pet Muffin thoughtfully while I tried not to have a complete meltdown. The cow’s big, brown eyes rolled toward me. Her gaze felt accusatory. Possibly hostile. Even animals liked Ishmael more than me.
Most animals, anyway. As my brother and I stood there, Kepler sidled around the side of my lab, tail swishing. He stopped abruptly when he saw us. Apparently, Kepler’s dislike of most living creatures included cows. Once he got over his surprise at Muffin’s presence, he ran very suddenly toward her, hissing.
The cow backed away and let out a strangled moo. Kepler yowled in response and swiped in her direction.
And then the worst possible thing happened: Muffin the cow—who had a makeshift leash dangling from her neck but wasn’t tethered to anything—took off running. (Cows are often thought of as slow, plodding animals. That’s inaccurate. When they want to, cows can move.)
Muffin raced across the field at a speed of at least twenty miles per hour. The average human can run twenty miles per hour. I wasn’t the average human, but my brother was. He probably could’ve run faster than that, due to his time on the track team. Ishmael should have been able to catch up with Muffin.
But for a full five seconds after she bolted across the yard, he stared after her, stunned. Finally, he sprang to life, flying after Muffin, shouting her name as he went.
I nudged Kepler toward the lab, avoiding his still-extended claws. Then I watched Ishmael chase the stolen cow across our property. Muffin gained more and more ground. I was thankful she’d run away from the house instead of toward it.
Soon, the cow reached the tree line and disappeared into the woods.
Ishmael stopped running. He bent over and put his hands on his knees, his body heaving as he sucked in air. I made my way across the field.
“I wasn’t fast enough,” he said, gasping, once I was within hearing range. “I’ve just…doomed Muffin to death, probably.”
“I think that’s a bit of a leap.”
“You think she’ll be able to survive in the woods, all alone?” Ishmael snapped. “She doesn’t know how to hunt.”
“She wouldn’t be hunting, being that cows are herbivores. The word you’re looking for is forage.”
“You know what I mean.”
“She ran in the direction of O’Grady’s farm. Maybe she’s going home.”
“You think so?”
I hesitated. I wished I was the kind of person who could lie and insist everything would be okay in the end. I did my best anyway.
“I’m sixty-three percent sure Muffin will find her way home.”
“Okay,” Ishmael said. “Okay, thanks dude.”
But while I couldn’t give my brother assurances and false hope, there was something I could do: keep quiet.
I didn’t lecture Ishmael or point out that the entire predicament was really his own fault.
Interview
Subject #2, Magdalene (Maggie) Hofstadt: I knew something was up the night Mom made hamburgers for dinner. Ishmael made a big deal about not eating his. He said he couldn’t believe we’d eat defenseless animals. Mom asked if Ishmael was going to become vegetarian and he said no. Apparently, other animals were okay—it was only cows he’d developed sympathy for. Later, when I found out about Mr. O’Grady’s missing cow, it wasn’t hard to put two and two together.
Transcript of interview conducted by Chief Lisa Kaufman on Oct. 12 (Recorded with permission)
KAUFMAN: Thank you all for meeting with me.
FATHER: You’re welcome. Is there anything I can get for you? Coffee?
MOTHER: Or perhaps some myTality tea?
KAUFMAN: No, thank you.
MOTHER: Are you certain? You look tired.
KAUFMAN: I’m sure, Jane. Thank you, though.
GIDEON: Chief Kaufman, are you recording this conversation?
KAUFMAN: I’m not.
GIDEON: Do you mind if I record it?
KAUFMAN: Do I mind if… Why would you want to do that, Gideon?
FATHER: Ignore him. He won’t be recording anything.
GIDEON: I’m trying to document everything relating to the alien encounters in Lansburg, including all conversations with the authorities.
FATHER: Gideon—
KAUFMAN: It’s fine, Vic. He can record if he wants to. This isn’t about aliens, though.
MOTHER: Well, if you’re here to ask questions about Oz, I’m afraid—
KAUFMAN: It’s not about him either.
MAGGIE: This isn’t about my softball team, is it?
FATHER: Your softball team? What is going on with this family?
KAUFMAN: I’m just here to ask some questions.
FATHER: Go ahead.
KAUFMAN: How well do you know the O’Grady family?
MOTHER: They’re our neighbors, and we occasionally see them socially, but I wouldn’t say we’re close.
KAUFMAN: So you haven’t heard that one of their cows is missing?
ISHMAEL: Uh, excuse me. I have to… I’m just gonna grab a drink of water real quick—
FATHER: Sit down, Ishmael.
MOTHER: One of their cows is missing?
KAUFMAN: Not just any cow, but their prized milk cow, Prudence. Apparently, she’s won the blue ribbon at the state fair three years in a row.
GIDEON: Blue ribbon. How about that.
FATHER: I know that cow. O’Grady brags about her all the time.
MAGGIE: The cow escaped?
KAUFMAN: Actually, Mr. O’Grady believes she was stolen.
ISHMAEL: Well, it wasn’t us. I mean, what would any of us want with a cow?
KAUFMAN: I wasn’t accusing you, Ishmael.
ISHMAEL: Oh.
KAUFMAN: Since you’re neighbors, I thought one of you might have heard or seen something over at the O’Grady farm. But maybe there’s something you want to tell me?
ISHMAEL: No, ma’am.
KAUFMAN: Have any of you seen or heard anything?
GIDEON: No.
MOTHER: I haven’t.
FATHER: Me either.
MAGGIE: Nope.
KAUFMAN: Ishmael?
ISHMAEL: Sorry, I thought that was clear. I haven’t seen anything either.
MAGGIE: Chief Kaufman, why would someone steal a cow?
KAUFMAN: Jealousy, I suppose. Someone who’s been competing with Prudence?
MOTHER: Is there evidence the cow was stolen and didn’t just run away?
KAUFMAN: This is an open investigation, Jane. I’m afraid there are things I’m not at liberty to discuss.
MOTHER: I understand.
KAUFMAN: Okay, thanks for your time. If anything comes up, please give me a call.
ISHMAEL: Just one thing, Chief.
KAUFMAN: Yes, Ishmael?
ISHMAEL: Have you considered that this is maybe tied to the recent UFO activity?
KAUFMAN: I have not.
ISHMAEL: Don’t you think it might be a thing? Because I’ve heard before how there are sometimes cow abductions—
FATHER: I’m sure Chief Kaufman will get right on that.
ISHMAEL: I’m being serious.
FATHER: Sorry we couldn’t help more, Lisa. We’ll let you know if we hear anything.
Interviews
Subject #4, Victor Hofstadt (Father): Word around the gym was that the cow ran away, but O’Grady was calling it a kidnapping. Said it was part of a conspiracy to keep him
from winning the blue ribbon a fourth year. I didn’t know about all that. But I will say, the entire time Lisa questioned us that day, I was looking at my sons and thinking that there better not be a goddamn cow on this property.
Subject #9, Chief Lisa Kaufman: I got a criminal justice degree from Temple University, fast-tracked through the force, and became the chief of police for a town of fifteen thousand people. And despite that, I’d spent the past month investigating UFO sightings and reports of kidnapped cows. Yes, it’s safe to say that I was feeling disillusioned with my career.
Subject #1, Ishmael Hofstadt: What kind of name is Prudence?
Event: Building Trust
Date: Oct. 12 (Thurs.)
When Cass texted that she was coming over, she didn’t say she was bringing Arden.
“Hello,” I said, holding the lab door open for them. “Arden, I didn’t know you were coming.”
A troubled look crossed her face. “Should I go?”
“Of course not.”
Except her presence meant Cass and I couldn’t discuss the hoax. We couldn’t discuss my rivalry with Oswald. We couldn’t discuss Owen, and we certainly couldn’t discuss anything that had to do with my feelings. Not that I had any intention of pouring my heart out to Cass. I was 91 percent sure I’d never actually done that before.
I knew what Ishmael would tell me. Or Father. Or Mother. Or anyone more adept at social situations. They’d say, “Maybe it’s time to start trusting Arden.”
It had been a year. She’d done nothing to break my trust in that time. I should risk it. I should open up to her. I should act like a normal human being.
But I looked at her, standing in my lab with her wide doll eyes, looking sweet and sad and in need of acceptance. And I just couldn’t relax completely.
Cass threw herself down on the swivel chair and pulled off the scarf she’d tied around her head to compliment her bell-bottoms, embroidered shirt, and love beads. Kepler darted out from under the desk and ran through the ajar lab door, hissing at Cass as he passed.
I vaguely listened to Cass and Arden discuss something apparently hilarious a kid at school had done. They were clearly enjoying themselves. Was Cass beginning to prefer Arden’s company to mine?
It Came from the Sky Page 21