by Pua Ramona
Micah coughs a little bit then answers, “Because Becca told me.”
The air leaves my lungs and all I see is fucking red. I know I have no right to be mad at Micah because Becca wasn’t mine. But the fact that she knew this whole time and didn’t say shit pissed me the fuck off. Micah grabs my hand and says,“Don’t be mad at her Eli, talk to her.” And his eyes flutter shut as the meds kick in, pulling him under.
No one says anything else until we’re sure Micah’s asleep. I can’t breathe and I have to step out of the room. I can’t believe she fucking played me like that. I keep repeating it in my head. My legs feel like jello, and I lean my back against the wall before sliding to the floor with my head tilted to the heavens.
“How are you holding up bro?” Luka asks.
I blow out a hard breath and say, “I’m fucking pissed.”
“Are you pissed ‘cause you’re not the father, or is it something else?” Luka asks.
I look at him and say “I’m fucking pissed ‘cause she fucking lied, I’m fucking pissed ‘cause I’ve been busting my ass off for a baby that’s not even fucking mine. I’m fucking pissed ‘cause I’ve wasted five fucking months taking care of this bitch when I could have been working on shit between me and Sina.” I feel my body shaking with rage.
“Breathe man” Reese says.
“Man, I don’t even know what to fucking say E” Daniel says.
We sit there lost in our thoughts ‘til Reese says, “You should ask Becca man. I mean, I know Micah’s on his meds but why would he say some shit like that out of nowhere?”
I’m not worried if Micah is the father, I didn’t question it because I know he was telling the fucking truth. I’m fucking pissed because Becca’s been stringing me along all this time, and clearly she didn’t feel bad for doing it.
“That explains why they’ve been so close lately,” Luka says. “I didn’t know why he was all of a sudden team Becca. I wasn’t sure why she was over at the house everyday with him, now it all makes sense.” I look at Luka and don’t disagree because it all makes sense now.
Daniel clears his throat and says “Don’t say shit to the girls or anyone else E. Talk to Becca first before you rip her to pieces.” He throws his hands up and says,“You don’t want to stress her out E. Think of the baby.”
Reese and Luka agree with him so I say, “Right. No one says shit until I talk to Becca, okay?” The guys all agree and we make our way back into Micah’s room.
“Damn, I feel like shit because we left Sina out” Daniel says.
Luka leans over with his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands. “We should’ve fucking told her.”
“Has anyone heard from her yet?” Reese asks. Luka and Daniel both shake their heads no.
“I know Megan spoke to her, she said she’ll be here as soon as she finds a flight out.” Micah starts moving again and all we hear is him calling for Sina. I look over to Luka and Daniel, they both have tears running down their faces. Reese is wiping his face with his sleeve and trying to hold himself together. All I could think about is how I hope Sina makes it here before he passes, because I don’t think I’ll be able to live with myself if she doesn’t get the chance to say goodbye to him.
I’m not sure what time it is when Mama and Miss Rita come back, but when they do we all leave so we can take showers and sleep for a few hours before we head back to see Micah. We were walking out to the car when Luka asks, “E, do you want to stay over at our place?”
I was going to ask Reese, but I would rather stay at the Petersons because Lei will know something’s wrong as soon as she looks at me and she won’t stop asking until I tell her.
“Yeah, I’ll go with you guys,” I say and I head over to grab my gym bag out of Reese's car before throwing it into my truck.
“Are you going to be okay?” he asks
I shake my head and say, “I’m pissed as fuck, but I’ll get over it.”
“Are you going to tell Sina?” he says.
I’m not sure if it’s a good idea with everything that’s going on so I say, “I don’t know what I’m going to do man.”
Reese punches me in the arm and says with a dry laugh, “I’m so fucking glad I’m not you, man.”
I flip him the bird, “ Thanks. Asshole.”
“We’ll meet you at the house,” Daniel says. I give them a thumbs up then I get into my truck. I’m not ready to head over to the Petersons and I need to clear my head, so I drive to the lake. It’s the only place I go when I need to be close to Sina.
It takes me twenty minutes to get to the lake. I park my truck on autopilot because my emotions are all over the fucking place. I’d be a damn liar if I said I’m not pissed the fuck off at Becca for keeping this shit away from me. What I don’t understand is why she chose to keep it a secret if she and I weren’t together. Does she think that I’ll get mad? Or does she think that if I didn’t know that we’d get together? Because if that’s the case, then she’s got the shit all wrong. When I told her that I didn’t want to be in a relationship with her, I fucking meant it. Baby or no baby. I take a deep breath, get out of the truck and make my way to our spot.
Being here makes my heart ache, but at the same time I feel at peace because this lake is a piece of her. I stand there looking out at the water and move to sit down. I sit here asking myself repeatedly, how the fuck did my life get so fucking messy? I could easily blame it on her for coming back, but then that’ll make me feel like an asshole because it’s a lie. Why did life have to be so complicated? I mean fuck, how about a warning label or shit, even an instruction manual on how to make life easier? I shake my head and chuckle to myself. I must have done something fucked up for my life to be this much of a shit show right now. All I wish for right now is for Sina to be here with me. I fucking miss her so bad that sometimes I can feel pain in my chest. Okay, I can go out and hook up with other women, but it won’t be the fucking same as feeling Sina’s skin under my fingertips.
Wait a minute! Why am I sitting here thinking about Sina, when I still have no fucking clue how to deal with this Becca bullshit? I feel myself getting angry all over again and my whole body goes tight. I was hoping being here would somehow help ease some of the tension and stress that I’ve been feeling since Sina fucking left, but it’s a waste of time. I know that in order for me to not feel like this I need to talk to Becca. And I planned on doing just that later on today, since it’s four o’clock in the fucking morning right now. I know I need to get some type of sleep so I stand up. stretching out before I climb back into the truck to head to Luka’s. My phone starts buzzing and I panic that something’s happened with Micah. I glance down at the screen and see a message from Becca.
Becca: Are you coming home?
I read her text and turn my phone off. I’m not going to text her back because, for fucking what? I sit there and do something I would never normally do. I fucking pray. For what? My ass sits here in my truck and pray for patience. I chuckle and shake my head. One of the most important things that I’ve learned from the Peterson’s is the power of prayer. I know, who would have thought right? Trust me, give the Peterson’s a full day and I swear they could probably convert anyone if they wanted too. I take another deep breath then drive myself to their house because my ass is beat.
I’m not sure what time it is when Luka wakes me up. “E, do you want us to wait for you, or are you going to meet us there later?” he asks.
“What time is it?” I say blearily.
“It’s only nine. Do you want to just meet us there?”
I sit up and say, “Nah, I’ll take a quick shower and I’ll be there.”
“We’ll take one car so we’ll wait for you,” he says, turning to head to the kitchen.
I crashed on the couch so I get up and ask, “Where’s the bathroom Bro?”
Luka looks at me and says “You could use the one in Sina’s room.”
I must’ve had a look on my face because he starts laughing and says, “Mona’
s using the main bathroom and D’s in Mama’s. So that leaves the one in Sina’s room.” He rolls his eyes and says “Come on man, don’t be fucking weird. She isn’t even here so go wash your ass.”
I grab my bag and say “ And which one is her room?”
“It’s upstairs the second door to your left” he says.
I walked by him and made sure I hit him with my shoulder.
And of course the asshole stands there laughing at me. “Fuck you Luka.”
“Yeah, I’m just glad my sister’s underwear drawer is empty,” he says laughing harder.
I almost choke on my damn spit and just the thought of her panties has my dick jumping. I make my way up the stairs and see that her door is closed. I reach for the handle and my heart starts doing some funny shit. What the fuck? I’m fucking nervous.
I clear my throat and realize I should’ve just walked inside because Mona walks out of the main bathroom and say’s “Why are you standing there like she’s in there you weirdo?”
I look over to where she’s standing and she laughs at me.
“You better not say anything to anyone Mona.”
She doesn’t stop laughing but she asks, “Are you ready to see her Eli?”
My heart beats harder and I ask “When does she get here?” instead of answering her.
“She’ll probably be here this afternoon,” she says.
“Who’s picking her up?” I ask.
“They’re getting a rental so she has a ride already,” she says.
I’m not sure how I feel about her being back, but I do know that I’m excited to see her. I just wish it was under different circumstances.
“I hope everyone’s ready for the wrath of Sina,” Mona says sagely. “I mean, we all knew and decided to keep her out of the loop. If it were me, I’d be pissed the fuck off”
“I know. I feel like shit about it” I say. I look at her and ask, “Why did they keep it from her?”
Mona sighs and says, “I don’t know anymore. She took her dad’s passing harder than everyone else. Then the whole thing with Michael and Becca fucking happened, she left home. Then when she came back after eight years Micah didn’t want to give her another reason to run away from anymore.” I understood their reasons, but to keep something this big and heavy away from her wasn’t right. “I told Daniel that it was a bad idea to keep it away from her especially when she’s been doing so good with healing.”
My shoulders fall a little and I say, “I’m sure the shit I put her through too didn’t help either.”
Mona gives me a sad smile and says “Even so, Sina was going to come back from all the bullshit anyways. I never saw her as weak, she just kept her shit locked tight to herself. She never cried about it or complained about how these assholes fucked her over. When she had every right to. Sina just operates differently from most females. She wears her heart on her sleeve and when she hurts she’ll let it be known. And that is one of the many things that I love and respect about that girl. She doesn’t dwell on that shit, even when people are doing the hurting, so I hope they don’t expect her to not be pissed off when she gets here.”
I smile at her and say “I guess I have no choice but to be ready for an ass chewing huh?”
She snorts and says, “She might just punch the shit out of you again.”
I throw my head back laughing then look at her and say “Hey. That shit fucking hurt.”
Mona starts laughing then she looks at me and says, “Things will be okay Eli. You just have to start doing right by the people you love. No more bullshit or games, it’s time to deal with whatever it is that’s holding you back and start living. If anything, make this experience with Micah be a reason why you have to live a full life.”
I feel my heart pinch a little. “I don’t know how to fucking say bye to him, Mona.”
I see tears in her eyes as she says, “We’re never ready to say goodbye to the ones we love, but we have to let them know that it’s okay to let go.”
“I love you Mo.” I tell her feeling my throat go tight.
She gives me a sad smile and says, “Love you too white boy” before she makes her way downstairs.
I wipe the tears off my face and know that these people were put in my life for a reason. This family is going to be the reason I want to live a full life not only for myself and Mama, but for HER! For the first time in a long ass time, I feel lighter in my heart.
We arrive at the hospice at ten o’clock. I’m not sure who’s here aside from Mama and Miss Rita, but we picked up enough breakfast to feed everyone on our way over here. We see some of the nurses who help with Micah including Laura who was here for most of yesterday.
“Morning” she says, but she’s looking at me.
“Really?” Mona says arching her brow at Laura.
I try cutting in but she steps closer and says, “We have coffee in the cafeteria, if you want we could go grab some.” She does something with her eyelashes then pretends to pick at whatever that’s on my sleeve and Mona loses her shit.
“Bitch please. Take that shit somewhere else, we’re here to be with family” she snaps.
Laura tries to roll her eyes but Mona says, “Your job is to help families, not try and fuck men who are having babies, asshole.”
Laura looks shocked and asks “You’re having a baby?”
“It’s complicated.” I say.
I guess she thought I meant I was available because she steps in closer and says “I’ll be at the nurse’s station if you need me” then she walks off with an extra fucking swing in her hips.
“You need to learn how to get rid of these hoes Eli. You’re too damn nice to them” Mona says glaring at Laura’s retreating silhouette.
Daniel grabs her hand and pulls her while he walks down the hall, “Babe, it isn’t his fault that these girls want his babies” he says laughing.
Mona pulls her hand out of his and punches him on the arm. “That’s how he got in this mess with Becca, idiot” she snaps.
It stays quiet for a few seconds then Luka says “You know, I’m all for you and hooking up with girls but if you’re serious about changing the way things are for yourself maybe you should start being a little standoffish with them.”
“But I am,” I snap. They all give me a ‘yeah fucking right you are’ look.
“You really aren’t E” Daniel says.
“They know that you love that attention” Mona chimes in. I look over to where Laura is at the nurses station at the end of the corridor and see she’s staring at me while she plays with her bottom lip. She winks then pretends like she’s fucking working.
I look back to Luka, Daniel and Mona and say, “Shut the fuck up.” I shake my head and start making my way to Micah’s room.
First person I see is Becca sitting by Micah’s bed, and I start feeling pissed off all over again. She looks over at us and smiles like her ass isn’t keeping something big from me. Usually I make sure to check on her before I talk to anyone else, but today that shit fucking stops. She knows I’m pissed because her shoulders fall when I walk past her and right over to where Lei and Reese are sitting. “Morning Lei” I say before I lean in and kiss her temple.
“Morning Eli” she says while she hugs me.
“Hey man. What time did you guys get here?” I ask Reese. He looks over at Becca and I know he’s irritated because his face is tight.
“We got here around nine,” he says. He looks back at me and asks “How are you holding up?”
“I’ll be good once we talk,” I grind out. He shakes his head okay then I walk over to say hi to Micah. “Hey bro. How are you feeling today?” I ask.
Micah looks at me with tired eyes and says “I’m just waiting to see my sister.” I watch Becca’s tears fall down her cheeks and I can’t find in me to be too pissed off at her. Micah reaches for her hand and she moves her chair closer to his bed and grabs his in hers. “Shh. Don’t cry beautiful” Micah whispers. I’m thrown off by how broken Becca looks. Did she
fall in love with him in the little bit of time they spent together? I look over to see if the guys are watching and sure enough their faces are all a mixture of shock and surprise. I hear Lei and Mona whispering about who’s running Pixie’ whilst Lei and Reese are here so I walk over to say hi to Mama and Miss Rita.
“Hey, Mama. Hey, Miss Rita.”
Mama hugs me and says “Morning sweet boy.”
Rita does the same and says “Thanks for being here Son.”
I pull her in again for another hug and I can feel that she’s ready to break.
“I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else but here Miss Rita” I tell her.
She puts her hand on my cheek and says “You’re a good boy.” She settles back into her seat and I walk back to where the guys are.
I don't know how long we’ve been sitting here talking about anything and everything, but the room goes still when she walks in. You can feel the fucking tension in the air. No one says anything because they are probably just as shocked as I am. She bends down a little to say something to Emma who looks terrified right now with tears running down her pretty little face. Then she leans over and whispers something to that asshole Marino who’s holding her hand. I see fucking red. He picks Emma up then kisses her on her head before he walks out. When she closes the door she turns to face everyone and I swear to god my heart dropped and all the air I had left my lungs. Sina is fucking pregnant.
No one says anything because they are all staring at her fucking belly. I’m so pissed right now, but my god she looks fucking beautiful. I’d be lying if I said that seeing her doesn’t make me fall in love with her all over again. Even with a pregnant belly she’s breathtaking. My hands are shaking, that's how pissed off I am. I take a deep breath and make sure to check myself so I don’t go off on her. And what the fuck is she doing here with Marino? Did he pick her up from the airport? Not that I’ve been paying attention to this asshole, but I haven’t seen him around. Out of sight out of mind type of shit. My heart beats fast and I’m having a hard time breathing. I was ready to walk out this door and beat his ass. Then something fucking hits me hard. Is she carrying Marino’s baby? I feel like I was going to throw up. I’m so pissed off and lost in my thoughts that I don’t even see Reese sidle up next to me.