by Pua Ramona
“Of course that bitch told you” he growls.
Am I missing something? “Do we not like this Jax guy?” I ask.
“Fuck him. I don’t care too much for that asshole” he snaps. Noted. “Alright bro, I’ll let Mama know that you guys went home and I’ll let you know what the funeral plans are” he says.
“Alright man. Thanks” I say wondering what this Jax guy did to piss Luka off so bad.
Before we hang up Luka says, “Aye, thanks for looking after my sister and my niece Bro.”
I chuckle and say “Thanks for trusting me with them.”
He laughs then says “Hit me up if you guys need anything, just make sure she gets her rest.”
“I’ll keep you posted.”
“Alright talk later Bro!” And the line goes dead. I know Sina’s exhausted so I boil the kettle to make her a cup of hot chocolate. I go to my room and pull the covers back for her. Because I’m a man and I want to see her in one of my shirts, I lay one out on the bed before I knock on the bathroom door and let her know that there's a shirt on the bed for her to wear when she's done in there.
There's a pause before she says “Thank you Eli.”
I walk back to the room with a hot chocolate for her and a water for me and find her already in bed with the covers pulled up over her lower half. Fuck she looks so good laying in my bed.
“I made you a hot cocoa Babe.” I tell her as sits up and moves the covers to the side so I can join her. Damn, her legs are sexy as fuck and she looks so fucking hot in my shirt. She reaches for her mug and I adjust myself before she notices the bulge in my pants.
“I’ll be back,” I say and I grab some sweats from my drawer so I can change out of my jeans. “Do you want the blinds closed Babe?” I ask her.
“Please” she says. I close every single blind then get in the bed with her.
“I don’t know what you want to watch so you’re going to have to pick a movie” I tell her. I’m not sure what she picked but I’m guessing it’s a chick flick. She reaches for me and snuggles against me. If my girl wants to spoon, spoon we shall do. I must’ve fallen asleep, because I wake up and the bed is empty. I get up and check the whole house and come up empty. Where the hell is she? I start to fucking panic. I check the garage and the truck is still here so she can’t be too far away. The kitchen is empty but then I look out of the window and see her sitting outside on the dock crying. I walk out and head over to her. “I woke up and you were gone babe” I say with concern.
The sound of her cries are heartbreaking and I hate that I can’t help her. I sit down next to her and cocoon her in my arms. She leans into me and cries even harder.
“Baby, I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s going on” I whisper. “Sina, please. Tell me what happened? Did someone say something to you?” I ask.
She moves back a little and says, “I’m afraid that I’m going to lose you.” I don’t know where the fuck this is coming from but I need her to know that she is it for me.
I grab her face and say “Sina, look at me please. You’re never going to lose me. You are it for me, however long you need for us to be just us I’ll give it to you. I’ll follow your lead, if you want to take things slow I’m okay with that babe. I’m not in any rush. I just want you to want me to be here with you. Sina, you’re the balance that I need in my life, so you’re not going to lose me.” I inch her face closer to mine and I kiss her with everything that I have. I need to show her how much I need her, how much I want her in my life. She meets my kiss half way and I feel her tongue slip in my mouth and I groan. I know I said I wasn’t going to push her to sleep with me, but this feels different. It feels new.
She doesn’t stop kissing me and she starts moaning every time I sucked on her tongue. “Eli, I need to feel you inside of me” she whispers. I want so bad to give her what she wants but I know she isn’t thinking right.
Whatever made her be like this is fucking with her head so I say “Babe, I promise you that when you’re ready to be with me I’ll fuck you however you want me to. But right now let me hold you.”
She closes her eyes and says, “It won’t change anything. He’ll always have the pieces of me that he stole, and he’s never going to give them back.” What the fuck is she talking about? And who the fuck is ‘he’? Before I can say anything else she gets up and walks away as the first drops of rain begin to fall from the sky.
“Sina!” She doesn’t stop. I stand up and follow her to the house. I walk back to my room but she isn't there. I check the guest room and she’s in there changing into jeans and a sweater. She throws her hair up in a bun and grabs her purse.
“Where are you going?” She doesn’t say anything as she walks out of the room. Is she upset with me? I follow her to the living room. “Sina, where are you going?” She picks up her phone and checks it. Whatever she reads in her phone must be bad because her face pales instantly. She closes her eyes and tears are slowly running down her face. I’ve never felt so fucking helpless in my life; I don’t know what to do.
She looks at me and asks “Can I use your truck?”
I don’t want her to leave the house especially when it’s starting to rain and the wind is picking up. But I don’t want her to feel like I’m trying to hold her back either, so I fetch the keys off the table and ask “Do you want me to go with you?” She shakes her head no and I hand her the keys. “Should I be worried?” I ask her. She shakes her head again and I know something isn’t fucking right. I walk her to the truck and help her inside. I reach for her seat belt and buckle her in. I hold her face in my hands and lean my forehead on hers. “Please don’t shut me out.” I inhale her scent and say, “Come back home when you’re ready. You don’t have to tell me where you’re going, but If you need me call me and I will come find you. I lost you once. I am not fucking losing you again.” I kiss her softly on her lips and I whisper “I love you.”
I kiss her forehead and say “Be safe and just come back home to me okay?” She nods her head yes. I kiss her once more and close her door. I watch her drive away before I walk back inside and pick up my phone because I need to make a call.
“Please don’t tell me you fucked up already Eli” Reese says as he answers.
I groan. “Shut the fuck up man. I need you to come get me.” Reese goes quiet.
“What’s wrong?” he asks.
“I don’t know. Something’s wrong with Sina, but she won’t tell me what it is” I tell him.
“Leila said that you guys had a good morning, did you guys have a fight?” he asks.
“Reese, she took my truck and I don’t know where she’s going. I didn’t ask her because I didn’t want her to feel like I was hovering. She left here crying man and I’m scared” I say. It’s probably one the most honest things I’ve ever said and I’m fucking terrified because I don’t know where her head is at.
“Should I tell Leila?” Reese asks.
“Could you just ask her to try and get a hold of Sina and make sure that she’s okay? Please” I add.
“I’m on my way” he says then the line goes dead. I head to my room so I can put my sweatshirt on because it’s fucking cold and it’s now pouring rain outside. My thoughts go to Sina again, she’s going to fucking freeze out there.I grab my wallet and an extra jacket just in case I find her. I make sure everything’s locked up. Reese shows up fifteen minutes later.
“Have you heard from her?” He asks.
“Not since she left. I sent her a text and she hasn’t responded back.” I update him.
“Do you still have the spare key on your truck keys?” Reese asks.
“Yeah” I say knowing she can get back into the house if she comes back before we do.
“It’s getting pretty bad out man we’ve got to go now” Reese says. We both walk to his car and get in. “Where are we going to look first?”
I have no fucking idea so I say, “Let’s head to Michael’s first. Emma’s there so she might’ve gone there.” Reese doesn’
t ask any questions, just starts the car and begins to drive. I send Sina another text and I get nothing from her. I’m getting ready to lose my shit. My phone starts ringing and it’s Mama. I haven’t spoken to her for a couple of days. I know she’s upset so I figured I’d give her some space. But seeing that it was her calling calms my nerves a little. “Hey Mama” I answer.
“Hey baby. Are you busy?” she asks. I wanted to talk to her but I can’t right now because I have to find Sina.
“Mama, I can’t talk right now.”
“Is everything okay?” she asks.
I take a deep breath and say, “No Mama, I’m out looking for Sina.”
Mama sighs and asks “What did you do now Son?” I hate that she automatically assumes that I did something, but she has every reason to assume that.
“I didn’t do anything Mama, something’s wrong and she’s not telling me anything.”
“Maybe she’s missing her brother and the baby,” she says. I thought the same thing, but I know that isn’t it.
“No Mama. She would’ve said something if that was it. She said something that had nothing to do with Micah or our son, but i have no idea what she meant.” I can hear Mama sniffle.
“Is there anything you want me to do?” She asks.
My heart aches. “Can you let me know if for some reason she stops over there?” I say.
“I will. Does Rita know anything?”
“No Mama. They have enough to worry about. Reese is with me right now so we should be able to find her” I tell her.
“Okay sweetie. Keep me updated please” she says with a sigh.
“Love you Mama.”
“I love you too Elijah.”
I check my phone again after I end the call and she still hasn’t text or called me back. My heart feels heavy and I know something is definitely fucking off. “Reese, I need to find her.”
“I know man. We’ll find her” he says. I have so many thoughts going on in my head and all I can do is sit there and pray that she’s okay, because if anything happens to her I don’t think I’ll be able to breathe or live a life without her.
We pull into Michael’s driveway and I feel sick to my stomach. She isn’t here. We get out of the car and walk to the front door and knock a couple of times. Michael answers the door and says, “Hey man, you here to pick Emma up?”
“Can I talk to you really quick?”I say, shaking my head to answer his question.
“I’ll go sit with Emma'' Reese says and he walks inside as Michael steps out onto the porch.
“ Is everything okay?” Michael asks.
“Have you heard from Sina?” I say with panic all over my face.
He looks at me with worry in his eyes and says “No, I haven’t heard from her. Why? Is she okay?”
I put both hands in my pockets and say “She wasn’t okay when she left the house.”
He looks at me and asks “Did you guys have a fight?”
I swear, if I get asked that again I’m going to blow the fuck up.
“No. She broke down today and I don’t know what triggered it. I thought it would’ve been because of her brother and the baby, but that’s not it.”
“Maybe she needed to be alone?” he says.
I shake my head and say “No, not Sina. You and I both know that she’s an open book. I know something was bothering her. She always makes sure that she deals with anything before it gets out of hand.”
He nods his head. “Yeah, you’re right. Have you tried her parents house?'' he asks.
“No, she wouldn’t want Rita to worry about her. Do you think you can keep Emma tonight? I don’t want her to be home when her mother shows up. She’s seen enough of the heartache, and seeing Sina how she is might not be good for her'' I say.
“That’s fine with me. Could you let me know when you guys find her?” he asks.
“I will man.” I promise him.
Before he walks back inside he says, “Thank you for being there for Sina. We all know she could use a little bit of saving. Even when she doesn’t think she needs it, I know she could use some of it right now. She may think she’s okay, but I know she’s not. Find her Eli.”
I feel my eyes burning and I can’t let him know that I’m hurting. My head and heart are a fucking mess, I don’t know what to think and it makes it even worse because I haven’t heard from Sina. Reese and I walk back to the car and he stops me before we get in.
“We’ll find her man, maybe she just needed to get out for a little while on her own.” He puts his hand on my shoulder and says “Keep your head straight, man.”
We get in the car and my phone starts ringing. “Is it her?” he asks.
I press ignore and say “It’s just Becca.”
She calls me four more times and Reese says “Maybe you should answer it.”
“I don’t have the time to deal with her right now Reese.” I say.
Becca rings my phone again and I lose my shit answering it and snarling “What Becca?”
“I’ve been trying to call you,” she yells at me.
“Look Becca I can’t fucking talk right now, I’m in the middle of something.”
But she cuts me off. “Shut the fuck up Eli. You need to come to the lake right now” she shouts over me.
“What the fuck for?” I snap.
“Because Sina’s here and I can’t get her to stop crying Eli. I don’t know what to do. She won’t stop crying and I think she’s having a breakdown” she cries. “Eli, she’s bleeding.”
“She’s at the fucking lake Reese. We have to go to the lake.” I shout at him from my side of the car as I drop my phone.
“Calm down man, you’re no good to her if we get into an accident. Pull yourself together and swear that when we get there you won’t lose your fucking head” he says. Words can’t find their way out of my mouth.
I just need to get to Sina right fucking now.
Chapter Fifty-Five
Sina
I wanted to tell Eli everything. I didn’t want to shut him out, but I also couldn’t get him involved with my drama. I just wanted everything to go away forever. I had to leave the house because Jackson had sent me a text and it shook me to my core.
Unknown Number: Meet me at the lake later tonight. No one will believe you. So if you don’t want anyone to know why you really left eight years ago then you’ll be there. Don’t keep me waiting.
I knew if I were to tell anyone, he’d make it look like it was all my fault. Jackson was the type of person who didn’t give a damn about anyone else, and he didn’t give a shit who it hurt. As long as he got what he wanted. I knew it was him when we drove away from Pixie’s and it made me sick to my stomach to know that he was here. It’s been eight years since I’ve seen him. It’s been eight years since the night he stole a piece of me. It’s been eight years since he raped me in my own parent’s home. I’ve never talked about it or told anyone, because I knew no one would have believed me. He’s the reason I chose not to come back home. He’s the reason why I ran and never looked back. I have never felt comfortable around him when we were growing up. He always made my skin crawl. The looks he would give me made me feel dirty, but I never said anything because I thought it was just me being paranoid. Things started getting weird when I was a senior in high school. Jackson was a few years older than me and he was very much liked by everyone. He was so much like his mother Lupe. They always had this air about them that made people feel small. I couldn’t even turn him in because he worked for one of the law firms. Imagine me, a senior girl who cried rape against someone who was an intern for a legal law firm.
Last I heard he moved to California because he was offered a partnership for one of the law firms out there. It’s why I never reported that night. I hated that he made me feel so much hate in my heart. I hated that he knew that I was still terrified of him. I hated him because I knew what he wanted. I hated him for making me leave Eli, and hated him for taking him away from me. But I hated myself the most because
I felt helpless.
My phone has been going off non-stop and it hurts my heart that I’m ignoring Eli. I know he’s going to be worried, but I love him more because he didn’t question me. All I thought about when I drove away was finding my way back home, and my home was with Eli and Emma. I don’t know what I’m going to do with this whole shitty situation, but I have to figure out a way for Jackson to just forget that anything ever happened. I know he isn’t going to let me go that easily, and it makes me hate him even more. The last thing that I want my family to have to worry about is having to deal with Jackson’s bullshit. It’s pouring out and I’m having a hard time seeing because I left without my glasses. I pull into the parking spot and he’s already here. I also know that he’s probably pissed that I’m late, but I don’t give a fuck.
He sees me getting out of the truck and rolls his window down and says “Get in.” My throat starts closing up, and I clear it before I get in. I make sure that I have my phone tucked in my jeans.
“You’re fucking late” he snaps.
I don’t want him to know that I was freaking the hell out so I say “You didn’t give me a specific time. All you said was to meet you here, am I wrong?” His fist lands on my face. I try to cover myself, but he’s too fast. He slams his fist in my face again and I feel blood dripping down my temple.
“Jackson stop” I shout at him.
He grabs my hair and snarls, “Eight fucking years Sina. You made me wait eight fucking years.” He pulls a fistful of my sweatshirt and punches me in the back of my head. I try not to cry but I can’t stop the sounds as they leave my body with each hit he lands.. Jackson isn’t a small guy; he’s pretty huge.
“Stop Jackson Please!” I beg.
He pinches my face and says “And if I don’t, what the fuck are you going to do?” My face hurts so bad and my head is beginning to pound. “You left me Sina. Why did you fucking leave me?” he seethes. I don’t say anything, and he doesn't take my silence well. His fist hits me again, this time in my ribs.