by Pua Ramona
Me: Hey Mama! Is it okay if I spent the night at the house?
Mama: That’s fine sweetie. Do you have your key?
Me: Yeah. Is anyone home?
Mama: No. Your brothers are out for the rest of the night, and I’m with Auntie Claire. Do you need me to come home, or do you want to meet us?
Me: It’s okay. I had a long day, so I’m just going to go home and sleep.
Mama: Mikey working late again?
Me: Yeah.
Mama: Okay sweetie. There’s leftovers that you can warm up. Have a good night Sina. Love you.
Me: Thanks Mama, love you too!
I took a deep breath then wiped the rest of my tears off my face. My phone started ringing. It was him. I pressed ignore and I drove to my parent’s house. I was happy that it would be just me there, because I don’t think I could have answered any questions if Luka, Daniel, or Micah started questioning why I was there in the first place. They would probably want to know why I was crying and who made me cry. It took me about fifteen minutes to get to my parent’s house. I parked my car and my phone rang again. I ignored it and it buzzed with a text instead.
Mikey: How dare you think it’s okay to be gone for hours and not check in with me. How would you feel if I was doing it to you? Answer you damn phone, or call me back now.
I was too tired and angry to talk to him so I turned my phone off and tossed it back in my purse. I got out of my car and made sure that the house key was on my key ring. I locked my door and walked inside the house. I wasn’t hungry, so I made sure to lock the door and went upstairs to my old room. I still had clothes here so I took a shower before I got into bed. It never bothered me when I was at home alone, but for some reason this time it felt off. I knew the door was locked, but I could feel someone watching me. I was probably just paranoid from being overly exhausted. I got out of bed to see if the guys were home, but the house was still empty. I must be extremely tired if I’m being this paranoid. I double checked the doors and windows again then I went back upstairs to my room. It didn’t take me long to fall asleep. I woke up a few hours later to someone getting in my bed. At first I thought it was Michael, but then I felt a hand under my cover and I turned to see who it was. My body froze. I recognized the smell of cologne.
“Jackson, how did you get inside?” I asked. I wasn’t sure how he got in, but I didn’t care because I wanted him gone right now. He tried pulling my cover off but I made sure that I had a good grip on it. “What are you doing here Jackson?” I asked. He doesn’t say anything but the way he watched me made my skin crawl. I have always had a bad feeling about him, but right then, I wanted to think the opposite, because I was terrified. Jackson being in my room didn’t make me feel safe.
“Jackson,” I said. He pulled on my cover harder and I let it go. I tried getting out of my bed but he grabbed me by my arm and pulled me back on the bed. He started touching my bare legs and moved closer to me. I didn’t have any room to move but I moved anyway. I had to think of something quick before he got the wrong idea.
“The boys said that they would be home soon, so you should go wait for them downstairs,” I said. He doesn’t say anything. I tried moving again but I see his hand moving toward me and he hits me right on the cheek. “Jackson stop” I cried. “The boys will be home soon,” I said again. Jackson pulled me by my shirt then he hit me again. I started crying.
“Your brother’s aren’t going to be home anytime soon. And you forgot to lock the garage door, the boys always make sure that it’s open” he said. I forgot about the garage door. But how did he know that the boys weren’t coming home. He slammed his head on mine then he backhanded me in the face.
“Micah got jumped so Luka and Daniel are with him right now” he says proudly. I wanted to ask him what had happened but my head was spinning from his hit so I kept my mouth shut. “He was with one of the chicks who belonged to one of my friend’s, but he had no idea that she already had a boyfriend. Apparently, she told her boyfriend that Micah forced himself on her so they jumped him” he laughed. He gave me a smug look and said “It was me who touched her, not your brother. I told her if she told anyone that I would make sure that no one believed her. So she blamed Micah instead.”
I felt sick to my stomach. I needed to throw up. “I need to use the bathroom,” I said. I tried to get out of the bedroom, but Jackson wrapped his arms around my waist. I started to panic because his hold on me was tight, and I was worried about my baby. So instead of fighting him, I let him pull me to him. He pulled me onto his lap, and I could feel his hardness through his jeans. I could feel my heartbeat through my chest. He was moving his hands underneath my shirt and started to play with the edges of my panties. I tried closing my legs tighter but he forced them to open wider. “Please Jackson, don’t do this” I cried. The way he was looking at me was enough to let me know what he planned on doing to me. I felt him move my panties to the side then he started rubbing my clit. He knew that I wasn’t getting wet and it pissed him off. “Jackson, please don’t do this'' I begged.
He slid two fingers inside and started kissing my neck.
“Do you know how long I’ve been wanting to fuck you?” he asked. I started crying harder. I wanted to stop him, I wanted to fight him, but I was afraid that he would hit me in the belly. I had to keep my baby safe. He started rubbing my clit harder, but all it did was hurt me and not turn me on. “Take your shirt off right now” he said. I shook my head no and he punched my arm hard.
“Ow!” I cried.
“Take it off now Sina.” I did what he said and he ripped my panties off. “You’re so fucking sexy Sina'' He pulled at my nipples and started sucking on them.
“Please don’t do this'' I begged. But he didn’t stop.
“I’ve wanted you for so long Sina'' he whispered in my ears. I tried pushing him off, but he was too heavy for me to move. He grabbed me by my thighs and forced them to spread wide. I started crying harder. “No one can hear you Sina, so cry all you want. It’s turning me on'' he said with a sadistic smile. He took his shirt off and tossed it on the floor and I heard him taking his jeans off.
“Jackson no” I cried harder. He didn’t care because his hands were back on my thighs. I tried kicking, but he hit me in the face again.
“Stop fighting me Sina, or I will have to fucking hurt you,” he growled. But he was hurting me already. He put my torn panties to his nose and said “Fuck, I knew you’d smell so good. Now I want to know what you taste like.” I tried closing my legs, but he was stronger than me. He spread my legs then I felt his tongue on me. I tried to turn my mind off, but I couldn’t. “Mm you taste so sweet Sina. Is this what Michael gets to taste every day?” he asked.
I stayed silent. He started biting me and I screamed. He was hurting me. He started kissing his way up my body and I cried harder.
“Please Jackson” I begged.
“That’s it Sina, beg for it.” I was begging him to stop, I wanted him to stop. He kissed my neck, sucked on my earlobe, then whispered “I’m going to fuck you good little Sina.” He kissed me hard on my mouth and I felt him rubbing my clit. “You’re going to get wet for me baby, or it’s going to hurt when I slide inside of you” he whispered.
I don’t get turned on, but the pain in my heart was getting worse.
“GET OFF ME!” I screamed. I started hitting, and scratching him, but he didn’t flinch. He sat up and hit me again then wrapped his hands around my neck. He stuck his tongue in my mouth. I tried fighting him off, but it didn’t matter because he slammed himself inside of me, and I felt myself tear. I felt a part of me die. I couldn’t stop him so I just laid there while he did what he wanted to do to me. I stopped fighting because it didn’t matter anymore. I laid there and cried because the only thing that mattered to me was the baby that was growing inside of me.
“I’m coming Sina, I’m coming” he moaned. A few more thrusts and I could feel him coming inside of me, and I never hated anyone the way I hated Jackson. “Mm mm. That
felt so fucking good” he said. He kissed me a few more times and said, “No one’s going to believe you if you decide to say anything. Everyone knows that I have a girlfriend. But it’s just a cover up because I want only you Sina.” He got out of my bed and started putting his clothes back on. I grabbed the cover and pulled it up so I could be fully shielded from his eyes and I broke. Jackson came back to my bed, he moved the covers away from my face and said “That pussy’s mine.” He showed me my panties. “And I’m keeping these for good memories.” He winked then walked out, but he took a step back in my room and said “Michael will know that another man’s dick was inside you. He’ll smell me on you.” He laughed the evilest laugh then he was gone.
My heart shattered. I wanted to call Mama, Luka, Daniel, Micah, and Megan, but I was ashamed. I didn’t want people to talk about our family and I didn’t want my family to worry about me. One thing that Jackson was right about was that no one would believe me. They’ll just say that I was looking for attention, or who knows maybe turn their backs and act like nothing happened.
I made the decision to keep this to myself forever. I got out of the bed and stripped the covers off. I threw them in the trash and I walked to my bathroom to wash myself off. My face was swollen, I had a cut on my lower lip and I had bruises on my neck from when he was choking me. I tried taking a deep breath, but I couldn’t breathe. I grabbed everything that I took when I left Michael and left the one place that made me feel safe, my home. I wrote mama a note to let her know where I was going then I left home. I drove to one of the places that made me feel at peace. The lake. I parked my car, got out and walked to where one of the spots that I always sat at. I took a seat on one of the rocks and I broke. I sat there and cried. Not only did I lose Michael that night but Jackson had also raped me in my own parent’s home. That night Michael broke me, and Jackson stole from me. I wanted to believe that it wasn’t my fault, but I didn’t. Because I wasn’t good enough for Michael, but I was good enough to get raped by my own relative. I sat there and cried for all the pieces that they took from me.
I heard someone walking, but I didn’t know who it was. I looked over to see who it was, and it was Eli Hunter. I knew who he was, but we’ve never had a conversation. He stopped and looked at me for a few seconds then I turned away from him. I didn’t want him to see me crying. Who knows he might just tell his best friend Reese Williams. We were all in the same grade growing up, I had a few classes with them. But never spoke to them because I was too busy being in love with Michael Moore. I took a deep breath and prayed that God would stick with me now because I was leaving home for good. I cried my secret into the lake and I left that part of me there. I had gotten in my car and drove myself to the airport. I had already had a full ride scholarship at NYU so I had booked my ticket to New York. I had boarded my flight, and had made a choice to never come back home.
Chapter Fifty-Eight
Jackson
Present day….
Fuck, I let my jealousy get the best of me and I lost fucking control. I hated that she was with Hunter, and it pissed me off that she smelled like him too. I wanted her to know that when I told her eight years ago that she was mine, I fucking meant it. Am I sorry that I raped her again? Not at all. But, I should’ve fucked her again before I left her whore ass at the lake. I wasn’t worried about her saying anything, but I couldn’t stop myself from feeling angry because she was going back to Hunter. I had several scratches on my face and a bruise on my side but I didn’t fucking care. If I couldn’t have Sina, then no one else could. I would find a way to have her again, with enough privacy to take my sweet fucking time with her. I drove back to my parent’s place and was fucking excited about my plan. No one will ever believe her over me. I mean, I own half of a law firm in California so I’m not fucking worried at all. I went to bed that night and dreamed about her with a smile on my face.
Chapter Fifty-Nine
Eli
“Are you okay?” Becca asks.
“I’ll be okay when I put the motherfucker that did this to her six feet under.” I say and I fucking meant it. It’s been two hours since we arrived at the hospital. I held her hands until we got here. I didn’t want to let her go, but they told me that I had to wait in the waiting area and someone will keep us updated. I want to be out looking for the piece of shit who did this to her. How could anyone beat her to the point where her face was unrecognizable? How could someone just leave her out there in this shitty ass weather to fucking bleed out? She could’ve fucking died. The medic couldn’t really tell me how bad she was, but he told me that it didn’t look good.
The image of her sitting there in a pool of her own blood makes me feel sick to my stomach. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget how broken she looked. It was hard for me to look at her, but I knew if I looked away and she saw, she wouldn’t be able to come back from that. I could still hear her screams, I could still smell her blood, and I could still feel her scars on my lips.
I wish I could say that I’m okay, but the truth is I’m not. My head is pretty fucked up and the only thought that keeps replaying in my head is that I need to find who did this to her and make him disappear. Prison is the least of my fucking worries. The fucking animal that left her bleeding out on the ground after beating her so brutally doesn’t deserve to exist in this world any longer. The pounding in my head is getting worse. I need to get out of here. I need to break something. But I can’t leave her.
“Becca if you didn’t find her when you did, I don’t think she’d be here” I said. “Thank you.”
Becca looks at me and cries, “If I would have left my parents’ house sooner, I could’ve done more. Eli, I didn’t know what to do. I saw your truck and thought it was weird that it was just parked there, so I went to make sure that you or Sina weren’t stuck. Then I saw her and I froze Eli, I fucking froze. I’m so sorry.”
I get up from my chair and clasp her hand in mine. I help her up from her chair and hold her close. I’m so fucking glad that she found Sina when she did, that I forget about my jaded past with Becca and vow internally that I’ll do anything to make sure that she has all the help she needs with her and Micah’s baby. I’m not saying that I’m going to raise him, of course not. But I’ll help with babysitting and stuff. Well Sina would probably do all the babysitting while I built her book shelves and filled them all with her favorite books. She’s going to be okay, right? She has to be okay.
“It’s not your fault Becca. If anything you saved her” I reassure her as she cries. I’m sure her hormones aren’t helping either. I kiss the top of her head and say, “You need to get home so you can change your wet clothes. I don’t want you to get sick Becca, you can’t afford to be with that little man growing in there.” She shakes her head no, but I cut her off. “No. You’re going to go home and get some rest and when I hear anything I promise I’ll call you.”
“Promise you’ll call me when you hear anything?” she asks.
I place my hand on her shoulder and say, “I promise.”
“I’ll drive you home Becca,” Lei offers.
Becca looks at Lei with a tired smile and says “Thanks Leila, that would be great.”
Leila grabs Becca by the hand and says “Thank you for staying with Sina.” She looks at Reese and says “Keep me posted Babe?”
Reese wraps his arms around her and says,“I will love” before kissing her goodbye.
“Don’t do anything stupid Eli, but if you do please be safe” Lei says. I don’t say anything because I’m not going to stand here and tell a lie. They all know I’m close to waging a war against the first person who gets in my way.
I kiss Lei on her forehead and say, “Be careful and don’t say anything yet to anyone.”
She nods her head and says, “We won’t.” Before they leave the waiting area, she hands me a little baggie and I swear my world is slowly fucking falling apart. I can’t look at it so Reese takes it from her. “Find who did this to her and make them fucking pay” she
cries. She holds Becca’s hand and they both walk out without turning back.
“Luka and Daniel are outside waiting for Rita and Megan to get here. Luka wanted me to let you know that he made sure to tell them to not say anything, not even to their auntie and uncle”, Reese says.
I lean my elbows on my knees and run my hands through my hair.
“She was raped, man. He fucking raped her Reese. He raped her and left her there like she was trash.” My head feels like I’ve ran it through a fucking wall and my heart is pounding so hard that I can hear it beating outside of my chest. “I’m going to find him and I’m going to break every single fucking bone in his body. Then I’m going to make sure he doesn’t fucking walk again, or better yet I’ll be the last person he sees when he takes his last fucking breath.”
Reese runs his hands down his face. “I should stop you from having those thoughts, but I would do the same fucking thing if it were Leila. So I won’t tell you what to do, but I’ve got your back no matter what you decide to do, man.”
I shake my head and say, “I can’t lose her man, I just fucking can’t.”
He looks over my shoulder and then back at me. “I know man. Maybe right now is a good time for us to ask Rita to pray that Sina will pull through.” I stand up and turn around to see Miss Rita, Luka, Daniel, Megan, and Mona walking toward us. “Fuck! Whoever did this to Sina isn’t going to make it out alive”, he says. I don’t respond because he’s right. I’m not sure if they blame me for all of this, but if they do then I’m going to accept it and deal with it.
They trusted me with her, and I couldn’t keep her safe. Miss Rita stops right in front of me and the look she has in her eyes said it all. This family has reached their limit of pain, suffering, and bullshit. Megan and Mona find their seats. They don’t say a thing. I know they’re both hurting, especially Megan. She has tears running down her face, but they’re angry tears.