by Pua Ramona
He reaches for my hand then he circles his arm around my waist. He lifts my head up so he can see me. “You didn’t do anything wrong. And if that’s how they feel then fine, but you have me and everyone else behind you so it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks. The only thing I need you to focus on today is your brother and our son, okay?” I nod my head yes. “We’re okay Babe. You survived this and I love you for being such a strong woman. Don’t ever let anyone tell you different.” He leans in and kisses me softly on my lips. “I love you Moony.” Swoon. He’s been calling me that since he found out that’s what Micah used to call me when we were younger.
“I love you more.” I say and he kisses me again.
“Come on, we’re supposed to meet everyone at the church in twenty minutes babe” he says. I’m glad he broke the kiss because I wasn’t going to. I know it’s the worst time to get turned on, but dammit I want him so bad. I know he isn’t pushing the whole sex thing because he wants me to be one hundred percent ready to be with him sexually, and I freaking loved him for it. Also having your abdomen stitched back together sort of slows your roll a little.
“I’m not having sex with you so let’s go” he says smirking at me.
Busted. I roll my eyes at him and say, “Get over yourself Hunter, I do not want to have sex with you.” I start walking out of the room but he snags one arm around my waist and pulls my back against his front. I could feel him getting hard and tried my best not to grind back against him.
He sucks on my ear and whispers “I love the way you smell when you’re turned on babe.” He lowers his mouth to suck on my neck. “As much as I’d love to make love to you right now, you’re not ready.” I feel his tongue lap at my skin. “I’m a patient man Baby,” he says. He bites my neck and smacks my ass. “Now come on we’re going to be late” and he walks out the room and leaves me standing there feeling needy and wet for him.
“I hate you!” I call and I hear him laughing as he walks downstairs.
“I still love you Moony.” He shouts back in a sing-song voice. Asshole. But he’s my asshole and I love him. I straighten myself up and walk out to the living room.
“Eli, can we stop and grab some cupcakes and hot chocolate before we go to the church, please?” Emma asks.
Eli walks out of the kitchen with a brown Pixie’s bag. “I made an early pick up so we didn’t have to stop, and I grabbed your favorite cupcake, with extra whip cream for your hot chocolate” he says.
She throws her arms around him and for the first time says, “I love you Eli.” The look on his face is priceless, his cheeks flush red and his eyes begin to water.
He clears his throat and says “I love you too little Moony.” My heart explodes, I am crazy in love with this beautiful man who is in love with not just me, but loves my little girl as if she’s his own. Which makes the thought of leaving here harder for me to bear, but I push that to one side of my mind. Today is not the day. He hands Emma her sweets and helps me with my coat. “I got your phone and purse Babe,” he says.
Emma walks out of the door and I reach for his hand. He stops and looks at me. “I love you.” I say and he smiles a smile that is only for me.
“I love you more,” he says back. He makes sure to lock the door and then laces his fingers through mine. “Are you ready?” he asks.
Inhale. Exhale. “I’m ready.” I tell him as he double checks both mine and Emma’s seatbelts before we leave for the church. I sigh, because he has his hands wrapped around my heart.
Chapter Sixty-Seven
Eli
It’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve been home from the hospital, and it’s been an amazing two weeks if I’m being honest. The first day back home, I was close to shitting myself because Sina was all packed up and ready to head over to her parent’s place. I didn’t want them to leave, because I wanted them to stay with me forever, so I asked her to stay here instead. She didn’t question or doubt me so she agreed without arguing or asking me for an explanation about why I wanted them to stay. What can I say? I’ve gotten used to having them around. I wanted them to be my family, but it never came up because we were either resting, or trying to help out with the funeral preparations so we’ve just never gotten around to having that conversation. I was planning on asking her and Emma to move in with me permanently. But if they planned on going back to New York, I was going to make sure that my ass was on the plane with them. I definitely wasn’t planning on letting them go anywhere without me, and if that made me look like a creepy stalker then that’s fine.
Today we are finally having Micah’s memorial service and I think the Peterson family are ready to lay him to rest. After everything that has happened, we decide to cremate baby Elijah so we can bury him with his uncle. After Sina told me about her little meeting with her father, Micah, and my dad it made it easier for me to agree on taking this step with our son. We are both at peace with our decision. I was at peace with life.
“Whatever plans you both have for your son, we’ll all support it, and if that means burying his ashes with your brother then I will help you guys in any way that I can” Miss Rita had said when we told her of our intentions, and that alone took a lot of stress off of Sina because she needed it to happen this way. Today's memorial is not only for Micah, it’s also for our son. I was afraid that today was going to be hard on both my girls, but they have surprised me with how accepting they both are with what today means for all of us.
On our way to the church, I can’t get the conversation that I overheard them having this morning in the guest bedroom that now belongs to Emma. I’m excited to know that Emma is willing to stay here for good, and she made me so proud of her when she told her mama that it didn’t matter what decision Sina made, Emma was going to go with her. I guess I’ll have to wait until everything is over with today before I can talk to them both about our plans as far as being together goes. We have two choices. They’re either going to move in with me, or I’m going to go back to New York with them. There is no way I’m going to let my girls just leave. Nope that isn’t going to happen. The three of us together make sense. Emma has me wrapped around her finger. I say that because she’s a respectful, funny, caring, and loving little girl. She even helps out a lot around the house as well. And when she’s with her dad, she makes sure that she texts or calls us to make sure that we’re okay. If Sina and I are going to have more babies, I know that Emma would be the best big sister ever.
I love her just as much as I love her mother, I just never told her because I didn’t want to make her feel weird. But when she told me that she loved me before we left home, I almost lost it. I wasn’t sure if the feelings were mutual, but to hear it out of her own mouth made me love her more as my own little girl. Being able to tell Sina that I love her, and how easily she tells me that she loves me makes things a lot more real between us. I just have one thing to do and that is to find the nerve to ask her to stay, and make her my wife. That thought alone makes my heart do some crazy shit, and I fucking love it. My girls are pretty quiet on our way to the church. I take a quick look and see Emma eating the rest of her cupcake while Sina has her head leant against the window with her eyes closed.
“We’re almost there girls,” I say breaking the silence.
“I ate too much,” Emma says rubbing her stomach in the backseat.
“That’s what you get for not sharing,” Sina cackles, making me chuckle at the two of them.
“Sweetheart, I’m sure your mother has something for you to take to make your belly ache go away” I say to Emma, looking at her in the rear view..
“You’re spoiling her Eli” Sina chides.
I roll my eyes. “Babe, I didn’t forget about you. I grabbed you a breakfast wrap, a couple of your favorite cupcakes and Iced-tea. I sat them in the back seat with Emma, I just wasn’t sure if you were hungry” I say.
“You did?” she asks both surprised and excited.
“Of course I did. I know how you get when you’re hungry, so I
didn’t forget about you.” I laugh and her eyes start to fill with tears.
“I love you” she mouths and I wink at her before telling her that I love her. I’ll never get tired of telling her that.
Of course when we pull into the parking lot I know we’re late, because everyone’s car is here except ours. The truck was still in the shop, after my angry ass put through the majority of the windows, so I got a courtesy car until it’s fixed, and I actually love this big SUV. I think about getting us one and filling it with kids and smile to myself. That plan will have to go on hold for a little bit. Shit. Even Mama is here before us. “Good job Babe, the one-time your mother asks us to be on time and you want to get distracted and make us late” I tease her and raise my eyebrows.
“You’re the one who was driving like an old lady” she says.
I hold both of my hands over my chest. “I did not drive like that!.”
Emma giggles. “You kind of did Eli.”
I look over my shoulder at Emma as she unbuckles her belt, “You little traitor.” Then I run around to her door and throw her over my shoulder while she laughs like a crazy person. “Ready love?” I ask Sina.
She takes a deep breath. “Just don’t let my hand go, okay?” she says.
I lean in and kiss her temple, “Never Baby, never.”
“My brain is leaking out of my nose” Emma says. I put her back down and she has snot running down her face.
“Ew gross!” I laugh.
She wiped her nose with her sleeve and said “You did it.”
I lace my fingers through both of my girls fingers and we compose ourselves, getting ready to say goodbye to Micah and Baby Eli as we start walking inside. The parking lot isn’t too packed, but there are a lot of people here for them both. Sina starts squeezing my hand tighter. “Breathe baby” I whisper and she does as I ask.
“Hey baby girl.” Miss Rita says when she sees us.
“Hi Mama” Sina says with a small smile. Miss Rita kisses Emma hello and says to us, “I thought you’d like to know that baby Elijah’s ashes are here, and it’s beautiful.”
“Can we see him?” Sina asks in a quiet voice.
“Of course you can sweet girl, he’s your son” Miss Rita says and we follow her to the other part of the church where our son’s urn is cradled in his Uncle Micah’s arms. I feel more at peace knowing that our son isn’t going to be alone. Sina lets go of my hand by herself and reaches for him.
“Hi sweet boy”, she says. I know her pain runs a little deeper than mine as she had five whole months of loving our boy before I even knew he existed. I’ll never hold it against her, but she’s mourning a bond that only she, as his mother, had with him. She kisses our son and we both look at Emma. My little girl is quietly crying and it kills me. I thought seeing her mother upset hurt me, but seeing Emma struggling with her emotions destroys my heart.
“Mama, can I hold my baby brother for a little bit?” she asks, unsure if she’s allowed to do such a thing.
“Of course you can babygirl, I’m sure he’d love that” Sina tells her with a warm smile. Emma cradles her arms around her baby brother as if she’s really holding him.
“You won’t be alone Baby Eli. Grandpa, Papa Hunter and Uncle Micah will be with you okay? I love you so much baby brother.” Emma says before she kisses the urn and hands it back to her mother.
Sina wipes her eyes and turns to face me. “ Do you want to say goodbye to him before I hand him back to Micah?” She asks me, trying to hold her tears in.
I clear my throat and nod. She hands me our son and the tears start falling all by themselves. “Hey Son. Just wanted to let you know that you don’t have to worry about your Mama and your sister. I’ll make sure to love and protect them. And I’m sorry that we didn’t get to meet, baby boy.” I clear my throat once more and kiss him goodbye. I hand him back to Sina and she kisses him again before she places him in her brother’s arms.
Miss Rita hands me a little box. “They arrived this morning, so I figured I’d give them to you now before the service,” she says. I look at the box and thank God that it made it here on time.
“Thank you Miss Rita.” I say with a kiss to her cheek.
“You know I’d rather you call me Rita, or Mama. Miss Rita makes me feel like an old bat” she smiles indulgently.
“Thank you Mama.” I say and she smiles and rests her hand on my cheek before she goes back to greeting the people who are starting to show up for the service.
“Can I talk to you beautiful ladies before the service starts?” I ask Sina and Emma. They both follow me to the side of the church where it’s a little less busy. “I wanted you both to have a piece of baby Elijah so I got these made for you.” I say as I hand them each box.
“What is it?” Emma asks as she holds the box like it might explode.
I smile and say, “You’re going to have to open it to find out sweetheart.” They both open their boxes and Sina’s hand flies to her chest.
“Oh my God” she cries.
“Do you like them?” I ask her, worried I’ve totally fucked up and upset her more.
“Is this my baby brother’s fingerprint?” Emma asks. She is definitely a smart little girl.
“Yes. I wanted you to have a little bit of him, so I figured that if I gave you necklaces of his fingerprint, then he’ll always be close to your hearts.” I explain. Emma has tears running down her cheeks. Shit! Did I mess up? “If you don’t like it, you don’t have to wear it sweetheart. I didn’t mean to make you sad.”
Emma loops her arms around me and says, “I love you Eli. I will wear this forever.”
This little girl owns every piece of my heart. I shouldn’t pick her up, and I know my wound will bite me for it later, but I needed to hold my little girl. I kiss her on the top of her forehead. “I love you more Emma,” I say as I put her back down.
“I just wanted to make sure that you had a piece of our son with you. I didn’t mean for it to make you cry babe.” I say to Sina as she wipes at her eyes with her sleeve.
Her arms wrap around my neck and she says, “This is the best gift I have ever been given, and I love it Eli.”
I hold her tighter. “You’re okay with it?” I ask.
She kisses me and says, “I am more than okay with it. I get to carry our son close to my heart everywhere I go.” She runs her finger over baby Elijah’s fingerprint. “I needed this so much, so thank you.”
I smile and wipe the tears off her face with my thumb. “You’re welcome Babe.” They both want to wear their necklaces, so I help them put them on.
Emma smiles then asks “Is it okay if I go inside and show Grandma and Mama Hunter?”
“Sure, just make sure not to run,” Sina says. She looks back at me and says “You’re something else, you know that? You keep pulling at my heartstrings like this and I may not be able to leave you Hunter.” She smiles and walks inside. Was she saying that she wanted to stay with me, or am I reading too much into it? Fuck, I sucked at this guessing shit.
“She looks happy.” A voice says from behind me.
I look over my shoulder and say, “I hope so, because she makes me more than happy.”
Marino chuckles, “You did good man. I was hoping you’d mess up, but you deserve each other”
I shake his hand and say, “You’ll find your Sina. It just won’t be mine.”
He laughs a little more and says, “If I can find something remotely close to what you have, shit, I’ll die a happy man” and I nod my head.
“Come on, I think everyone’s inside.” I say and as we walk in I notice the place is almost full. Damn, I know they’re a huge family, but I didn’t know a lot of them were going to show up.
I find Sina and take my place next to her. “How are you holding up?” I ask.
“I don’t see June-Bug anywhere,” she says and I know not being able to get a hold of him is hurting her, even though she tries not to show it. It’s hard to miss the disappointed look that she wears eve
ry time her calls and text messages are unanswered. But she doesn’t push either because we all know that what happened to Sina must have affected him in a huge way.
“He’ll find you when he’s ready.” I say and she wiped her tears away, weaving her fingers through mine. “Okay. Okay.” I kissed the inside of her wrist. “Don’t sit with your head down babe. You didn’t do anything wrong.” She squeezes my hand then slowly lifts her head up. “That’s my girl.”I whisper to her under my breath. I hate that she’s worried about what people are saying and thinking about her, but I don’t care either way because I’m going to make sure that Sina understands that it wasn’t her fault.
Luka had saved a pew for us, so we’re all seated together. Reese, Leila, Marino, Becca, Michael, and Annie are all sitting behind us. I look over my shoulder and they all wave. I smile. Who would’ve thought that we’d all be sitting here today together as one. What was broken eight years ago, is slowly rebuilding itself. It included our past, our today, and I’m hoping for the future as well. For whatever reason this all happened, I’m glad that it was with this group of people who I’ve grown to respect and love as my own family.
Chapter Sixty-Eight
Sina
“The service was beautiful Mama, and the flower arrangements were breathtaking. I’m sorry that I didn’t help much.” I tell Mama as we sit outside the house together. It really was a beautiful service.
“Oh sweetie, you have nothing to apologize for. I’m just glad that we stuck with a simple service.” She says.
I smile, “I’m so glad you didn’t let anyone from the outside help with the funeral arrangements.”
“Me too sweetie. After everything that our family’s been through, I wasn’t in the mood for anyone’s drama. What are your plans now? When are you and Emma flying back to New York?” Mama makes room for me to sit.
“I don’t know Mama. Our life is in New York and I don’t know if staying here would be a good idea.” I lay my head on her shoulder and hold her hand.