Swipe Right

by Stephie Chapman

  ‘Weren’t you even just a little bit curious?’ he teases.

  ‘Not especially. I didn’t think about it all that much. I just went home and got on with my day. Made dinner with my flatmate, loafed around, watched some telly…’

  What am I doing? Everyone knows the more detail you add to a story, the bigger the bullshit. And I did look him up, extensively so. Keeping it vague is the first rule of lying.

  ‘Oh right, okay,’ he says.

  There’s silence between us until I can’t bear it any longer.

  ‘So… how do you envisage this working? I was thinking of keeping it really simple, just filming a couple of people opening their boxes of ingredients. And figuring the recipe out. Some nice music in the background. Ten minutes at most?’

  ‘How about we leave the production side of it to me, yeah?’ he says.

  Fucking hell, that’s me told. I sit back in my seat, fold my arms, and stare right into his eyes. It’s meant to show him I won’t be intimidated by him. That I’m not going to stand for any nonsense. That I’m no pushover. But his eyes are bloody lovely and a little bit mesmerising, and looking into them is not a hardship. And in any case, he’s staring right back into mine and my heart hammers in my chest. Finally, I look away, and I swear to god I see him smirk like he’s won this particular standoff, and just like that, I’m reminded why I don’t like him. Arsehole.

  ‘Fine,’ I say, but I notice the tone of my voice is quieter now. Less in control. ‘Whatever you want.’

  ‘I say contact people in the States. Maybe Brazil? Australia? Japan? And ask if they have any contributors who would be down for helping out.’

  ‘Yeah. How about I deal with the content side of it, yeah?’

  ‘Touché.’

  More silence whilst he plays with his phone. What’s he looking at? This seems really quite shit and unprofessional and certainly not helpful, and I’m worried what Joe or Maxine would think if they walked past and saw him staring at his phone and me just sitting there, effectively twiddling my thumbs, but then he slides it towards me across the table. ‘I was thinking something along these lines?’

  It’s a link to a YouTube video. Simply done, two teams of two challenge each other to name as many countries in each other’s respective continents as they can, and then as many capital cities around the world, and then they are given a blank map to locate a list of cities on. It’s timed. One team fails spectacularly. There’s a little interview at the end, jokey and light, with some lamenting over not knowing basic geography. Jaunty music plays throughout. Links to subscribe to the channel and like the video. It all looks simple enough.

  ‘I think this is definitely a good base to start with,’ I say. ‘Pretty easy to replicate.’

  ‘Right, and like you said when we pitched this diamond of an idea, easy to serialise. It’s the sort of thing lots of people might be interested in being a part of. Are you on Twitter?’

  ‘What? Yes, I am, why? I’m actually surprised, given how ace an internet sleuth you apparently are, that you didn’t find me.’

  I’m not surprised. I have two accounts. One is for professional worky-type stuff and retweeting news stories, and another, secret account, is for incognito juiciness, trolling politicians and posting amusing videos and gifs, and never the twain shall meet. Briefly, it occurs to me that I could follow him on that account, and he’d never know it was me. I don’t immediately write off the idea. ‘Maybe you didn’t look hard enough.’

  ‘Well, Frances Tatlin, maybe I got bored searching.’

  He’s looking at me again, watching for my reaction.

  ‘Well, fine,’ I say, and I shake my head a little and concentrate on my notebook. ‘I think we’re probably done here, aren’t we? I’m sure you’ll have some settling in to do.’

  He nods, and I gather up my things.

  ‘Fancy a drink?’ he asks.

  ‘Excuse me?’

  He opens the mini fridge and pokes around inside. ‘Coke? Diet? Sprite?’ Then he widens his eyes. ‘A beer?’

  ‘Just a Coke, thanks,’ I say, and he shrugs and tosses the can at me, with a flick of his wrist, so that it spins through the air, and I catch it on my notebook. We leave the room and he lets the door swing back into me, despite my hands being full. Charming.

  * * *

  Back at my desk, Carlina wheels her chair close to mine.

  ‘You and I need to talk,’ she whispers. ‘Mainly, I need to know everything about that fine piece.’ She not-so-subtly nods her head towards Ollie. He’s made himself right at home, switching on his computer, chatting to the rest of the video production team like he’s known them forever. I pull the can open and Coca-Cola fizzes out over the ring pull and my desk.

  ‘For fuck’s sake,’ I say, more loudly than I intended. Carlina pulls a tissue out of the box on her desk and starts mopping up the spill. I look at Ollie. He’s seen it all. Of course he has; he set it up. Manchild. ‘Thanks for the drink,’ I say, and give him a thumbs-up.

  ‘Anytime,’ he calls back, and turns away again.

  ‘That guy,’ I say, turning back to Carlina, ‘was at my interview the other week. His name is Ollie Taylor. We were paired up and had to pitch to Maxine and Joe. Anyway, I was convinced he’d get the job because he was so confident and, like, wowed them.’

  ‘Maxine said you were sparky. She liked the way you interacted. So, apparently that works. I’ll keep it filed for if I’m ever in the job market and find myself in a group interview with someone attractive. Anyway,’ she sighs. ‘On a hugely vacuous level, he’s nice to look at.’

  Sinjin pulls one headphone to one side. ‘Isn’t that your only level?’ he says, and snaps the can back over his ear.

  ‘Don’t you even start with me, little man,’ she says, and turns to me. ‘He does this. Pretends like he’s got some music on but actually he’s listening to everything that’s being said.’

  ‘I mean, I guess it’s good to know what’s happening,’ I offer.

  ‘That’s what Slack channels are for. Anyway, I meant to tell you, these came for you.’

  She reaches down next to her chair and passes a cardboard flower box to me. Inside is a bouquet of pink roses, white lilies, tiny lilac flowers and chrysanthemums, hand-tied and completely beautiful.

  ‘Oh my god,’ I gasp. ‘Gorgeous!’

  ‘Who’re they from?’ Mickey coos, as I open the card, but I already know. A gesture like this has Lucas’ name written all over it.

  ‘Dear Franny, congratulations on securing your dream job. Let the hustle commence! Love always, Lucas. PS, dinner this week?’ I read out. ‘Aww isn’t that lovely? Such a surprise!’

  ‘Boyfriend?’ Carlina asks, and I nod. ‘What a Romeo!’

  By now a few people have noticed, and the girl who sits next to Lily with the pink hair has wandered over.

  ‘Wish my boyfriend was as thoughtful as that,’ she says and sticks her nose in the middle of the bouquet before returning to her desk. ‘Hey, New Ollie, have you been sent anything?’ she asks. He looks my way and then back at her.

  ‘Nah,’ he says, and shrugs, and she drops it.

  At the end of the day, Carlina and I walk towards the station together.

  ‘What else do you know about Ollie?’ she asks.

  ‘Not much. He auditioned for The X Factor. Didn’t make it, obviously.’

  ‘Status?’

  ‘Eh?’

  ‘You know. Girlfriend? Boyfriend? Serial shagger?’

  ‘I assume he has a girlfriend,’ I say. I don’t say that I know he does. I don’t tell her about This One. Because that would mean admitting to my stalking.

  ‘Bummer.’

  ‘Why is it a bummer?’

  ‘Well… I mean it’d be nice to get under that, no? And also, because shaking up a can of Coke is kind of obvious. Don’t you reckon? Bet your flowers were a kick in the teeth for him.’

  Bet they weren’t.

  ‘I think… it’s very much a moot point a
nd probably being read too much into,’ I say, and thankfully, it kills the conversation. Carlina checks something on her phone, looks up the street and stops at a bus stop. She pulls a packet of tobacco out of her bag, rolls a cigarette, and lights it.

  ‘Okay, well, this is me, so I guess I’ll see you tomorrow,’ she says.

  ‘Thanks for being entertaining on my first day,’ I say, and she gives a little bow. A bus trundles down the road. ‘Damn thing’s on time for once,’ she mutters. ‘I’m never going to finish this in time.’

  ‘It’s the curse of the cigarette,’ I say. ‘They lure buses. I’m pretty sure it’s a thing. Except when it’s raining.’

  ‘Oh hell no. Never when it’s raining,’ she grins, and tosses her half-smoked rollie down a drain.

  Chapter Five

  Lydia’s phone rings and rings before she picks up. I really need to talk to someone about the bizarre scenes at work, and for obvious reasons, I don’t feel that Lucas is a good fit. Anyway, things have definitely been cooler between us since I got my job, and a little part of me suspects the flowers are an apology of sorts, as well as to congratulate me.

  ‘Hi, sorry Fran, I was driving. What’s up? How was your first day? I was meaning to call you actually.’

  ‘Yeah it was good. Weird. But good.’

  ‘Uh oh,’ she says. ‘Weird how? It is the job you thought it was, isn’t it?’

  ‘Very much so. And everyone is very nice. But after lunch I was called into Joe’s office, and—’

  ‘Who is Joe?’

  ‘One of the bosses,’ I say. ‘Anyway, I was called into his office and that guy Ollie, from my interview, was in there, too.’

  ‘Riiiight.’

  ‘And it turns out he got the job as well.’

  ‘You didn’t say there were two jobs.’

  ‘No, because there weren’t. They created another one for him because they loved him. Or for me, perhaps. I hope it wasn’t me. I mean, I hope they loved me but I also hope I was the first choice. Guess it doesn’t matter, really.’

  ‘Well, that’s nice. You seem a bit perplexed by this.’

  ‘I am a bit. They’ve got us working together. I don’t want to.’

  ‘Bit early on in your career to be making demands, Mariah, so I think you might have to suck this one up. What’s wrong with him anyway?’

  ‘Nothing. That’s the thing. Nothing is inherently wrong with him, aside from being hugely childish but that’s easy enough to deal with. You know when you get a vibe about someone? Like, a gut feeling. Well, my gut is telling me something is up but I can’t figure out what. I’m just sort of unsure about him.’

  ‘Okay…’

  ‘He’s so… personable. And charismatic,’ I continue. ‘He sat down at his desk and it was like he was part of the furniture. He was really at ease and confident.’

  ‘So, you don’t like him because he’s confident? Fran, what is the matter with you?’ Lydia laughs but it’s incredulous, and I can’t argue because the words, as I say them, are ludicrous.

  ‘No, it’s not that as such. It was just, I don’t think anyone is like that really. No one walks into a new job, knowing no one, with that level of confidence and charisma. They just don’t.’

  ‘Maybe he’s faking it? You know: fake it ’til you make it. Maybe inside he’s bricking it like you are, and is so keen to make a good impression that he projects this uber confident, charming version of himself until he’s settled in. I can understand why you were a little surprised to see him, but honestly, these aren’t reasons to dislike someone.’

  ‘Like I said, there’s just a vibe. Something about him. He makes me feel a bit uneasy and he can come across as quite patronising. I was trying to keep him on track as we were working but he mentioned looking me up online and asked if I was on Twitter and if I’d returned the favour.’

  ‘And have you?’

  ‘Of course I have. I’ve had a bloody good look.’

  ‘Since you got home?’

  ‘No. After he found me on LinkedIn.’

  ‘Well, you failed to mention that when I came over the other night. Did you tell him?’

  ‘No…’ I hesitate. I’m not sure what to say. ‘I didn’t.’

  ‘Fran, what’s really going on here?’

  ‘Nothing. I just don’t know how to take him, that’s all. Feels a bit weird that we sort of clash in person and then he’s looking me up.’

  ‘Well, if you feel this way about it, just be really superficial with him. If he makes you uncomfortable just make sure there’s always someone else around. But also maybe you need to think about what it is about him that’s making you feel this way.’

  ‘Yeah,’ I say, glumly. I’m a little surprised at Lydia. I’m used to Suze taking no prisoners and calling people out when the occasion calls for it, but Lydia is usually far quicker to jump to my defence. The fact that she hasn’t this time makes me wonder if I am being a little unreasonable, and it’s not the first time I’ve had this thought.

  ‘How was it, aside from the Ollie-shaped curveball? Nice people?’

  ‘Lovely people, yeah. Went out for lunch with my team. Two girls, Mickey and Carlina, and a chap called Sinjin. They’re all nice, but I think I’ll probably gel best with Carlina.’

  ‘What have they got you working on?’

  ‘I have to oversee their contributions, and Ollie and I have to produce a series of videos. Two teams from different countries challenge each other to cook obscure recipes with little guidance. Ten minutes long max.’

  ‘So you really have to work with him then? For how long?’

  ‘I don’t know. They hired us both based on how we interacted in the interview so I think perhaps for the foreseeable.’

  Lydia snorts down the phone.

  ‘Oh, girl,’ she giggles. ‘Prepare yourself for some fireworks.’

  ‘Ugh. No, I just want things to be drama-free. I want to just go in and do a good job without hassle. Anyway, how are you?’ I ask, changing the subject. ‘Where were you driving?’

  ‘I was dropping Jeff at basketball. He’s getting a lift back tonight which means I have a date with the bath and a glass of sauv blanc and my Kindle.’

  ‘That sounds utterly perfect,’ I say. ‘Work okay? How’s your mum?’

  ‘Work’s fine, yes, thanks for asking. Mum’s been sick recently, though. Her arthritis is playing up. She constantly says everything aches.’

  ‘Ah shit, I’m sorry to hear that. Give her my love.’

  ‘Of course,’ Lydia says. On the other end of the phone I can hear the distinct sound of wine filling a glass. Then the sound of water pouring out of taps.

  ‘I’ll let you get on then. Thanks for listening to me sound off about his lordship.’

  ‘Never a problem,’ she says. ‘Hope it’s been a help, even if it might not have quite been what you wanted to hear.’

  ‘Nah, you’re right. It would be easier for everyone involved if we got on.’

  ‘Sod everyone else involved,’ Lydia says. ‘I just want things to be easy for you. You wanted this job so much. So I want it to be the best it can be for you. I realise that today was a bit of a surprise but have a self-care evening. Run a nice hot bath, listen to some chill music or an audiobook, and let all this weird energy soak away, because it’s probably not worth the hassle. Then sleep on it, and tomorrow I bet things will feel better.’

  We hang up and I do what she suggests, and I light a couple of tea lights and drop in a lavender bath bomb for relaxation purposes, lying in the water whilst it fizzes and splutters around me. I stay there until my fingers and toes turn wrinkly and milky, and I tell myself that I’m definitely not going to let him get to me anymore. He can shake up as many Coke cans as he likes, but he’ll never, ever get a rise out of me.

  Chapter Six

  It’s four pm at the end of my first week at Viral Hive, and by all accounts it’s been a great one. And it’s also fair to say that after five days slogging it out, productivity
is winding down for the day.

  Carlina hands me a bottle of beer, clinks hers against mine and sits back in her chair.

  ‘Ahh,’ she sighs. ‘Here’s to the end of week one. Do you love us yet?’

  ‘I think I just might,’ I say, taking a long sip.

  ‘You’re coming out to the pub with us in a bit, yes?’

  ‘I wouldn’t miss it. Do you think it’ll be a late one?’

  ‘It’ll be as late as you make it,’ Carlina shrugs. ‘Why?’

  There’s a text on my phone from Lucas trying to arrange the dinner he alluded to when he sent me the flowers, but I haven’t responded yet. I do want to see him, and I would definitely like to eat out, but it’s important to make the most of work opportunities as they arise. I don’t know everybody’s name yet. And I’m not going to be the new girl who doesn’t join in with social events. So that text has been left on read. And a part of me, still nurturing my grudge from before, thinks, flowers or not, he can wait for it. I’ve hardly seen him since I was offered the job, and I’ve still not officially had an apology. Suze sniffed and said I wouldn’t be getting one, and deep down I know she’s right.

  ‘Because my boyfriend wants to go for pizza.’

  ‘Bring him to the pub,’ she says. ‘We can secretly vet him for you. Although I have to tell you, I already think he’s a keeper.’

  ‘Hmm. Unsure.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Because… it’s weird, right? Bringing your other half to meet your colleagues when you barely know them yourself.’

  ‘What? No! It’s not an exclusive thing. Maxine’s bloke will show up. And Joe’s. And, okay, here’s some gossip for you. I’ve been waiting for the right time to tell you but you should know before tonight. Lexi and Ben are shagging. But they’re trying to keep it secret. We all know but they don’t know we know…’