Hush

  “I sure hope so.”

  We finish our tea then Denny crawls up to the attic and tries to make space for himself up there. When he comes down, he has the same dirty dust on him as the cops had all over them yesterday. He tells me that there’s a ton of boxes and totes full family pictures and keepsakes. I’m surprised. I’d assumed it was just yard stuff.

  While he was digging around, he found a Coleman sleeping bag and some of Dad’s girly mags. “See, I’ve got everything I need,” he says, slapping me with the porn mag.

  “You’re an idiot.”

  We spend the rest of the day watching TV and making sure Denny has everything he needs in the attic like water, snacks, a pee bottle. I make a big pot of vegetarian chili and set the table. “Ah, chili,” Denny says, watching me stir the chili. “Exactly what I should be eating in a tiny enclosed space with no ventilation.”

  I laugh. He has been so cool lately. He’s not the same asshole that he was for over a decade, the brother that would ridicule me and be embarrassed when I wasn’t fitting in with the rest of the preppy, West Van girls. He probably took a lot of ribbing from his friends about his lesbian little sister, and, likely from the example of my father, he’d assumed I’d chosen to fracture the family.

  Thank God for the large community of lesbians in Vancouver and online. It helped me feel less alone. Though, there is no substitute for your family.

  Denny takes Stinky out for a pee as I do a quick look around the house for any signs that point to Denny being here. When he comes back in, I grab a pillow from the linen closet and throw it into the pantry so he can take it up when he goes. “I hope it’s not too cold up there.”

  “Do you work tomorrow?” he asks me.

  “Yep, first day back since the wedding.”

  Wow, that sounded weird. The wedding. With all of this other crap going on, I haven’t had much time to really process the fact that I’m a married woman. It’s so trippy. Even though Annie and I have known each other for years, our relationship has a kind of…new feeling, now.

  With ten minutes left to spare, Denny uses the john, grabs a bowl of chili and then maneuvers up the shelf and through the door to the attic. When he’s out of sight, I shut off the pantry room light and close the door.

  I’m filling up two bowls when Stinky starts to bark—Annie’s home.

  I greet her at the door. She looks tired and pale and is hunching over a bit. “Are you okay, sweetie?”

  “Yeah, I had a hard day. We received a lot of soil today so I had to lift the bags out of the truck and onto a pallet.”

  “Annie, are you crazy? I don’t know a lot about being pregnant, but I don’t think you should be lugging around bags of soil.”

  “Well, I couldn’t leave all the work for two old people. They’d snap in half. Anyways, I’m not so bad off. I think I just pulled a stomach muscle or something.”

  Immediately, I feel concerned, though I won’t say anything. She’ll just tell me that I’m being a worry wart and that there’s nothing to worry about. I have a habit of being overbearing, and I want to show her that I’m changing.

  Annie doesn’t eat much of her dinner. She leaves a half-empty bowl on the table and heads for the shower, saying that she’s going to bed. I follow her. The day had tired me, too. When we’re both in bed she lies on her side and I gently massage her back. Soon, I hear her breathing get heavier and she drifts off to sleep.

  The next morning, I’m making coffee and tea when Annie shuffles out of the bedroom, looking just as bagged out as she did when she got home last night. “I think I’m going to take the day off today,” she says, her voice scratchy.

  I hand her a cup of tea. “I think that’s a great idea,” I tell her. “Just put your feet up and I’ll be home as soon as I’m finished work.” No sooner to I speak then Denny pops into my mind. I instantly feel cold sweat on my forehead. Oh shit. If she’s going to be here all day, there’s no way she won’t hear him in the attic. “Actually, do you want me to take the day off and stay home with you?”

  “No. I’m just going to lie in bed most of the day.”

  Oh no. This is really bad. I can’t even text my brother to tell him what’s going on because he turned his phone off.

  I tell her to call me at work if she feels sick or needs me. She assures me that after a good day of rest, she’ll be back to normal. When I kiss her goodbye, her lips are hot.

  As I drive to work, I think about how bad it will be if Denny comes down, thinking the house is empty. I can only pray that he’ll hear Annie walking around or making tea or maybe he even heard our conversation before I left. I should have talked louder. It’s going to be a long day.

  Thankfully, the boss hands me a long list of tasks when I step through the door. I’m grateful for the distraction. I put my lunch away and shrug into my rain gear meanwhile, Tim walks in—late. The boss reams him out and then hands him his list of jobs.

  When Tim is dressed and ready, we head out to the river.

  “So, how’s the newlywed?” he asks me.

  “Great. All is great, thanks.”

  “Annie?”

  “Yeah, she’s good too.”

  “She’s not too upset about her friend, I hope?”

  “What friend?”

  “The guy. You know? The guy who was found washed up on Gabriola.”

  “Why would she be upset? She didn’t even know him.”

  “Well, she looked like she knew him at the restaurant that day.”

  I stop in my tracks and stare at him. “What the hell are you talking about, Tim?”

  “Remember? I told you that Annie was with a guy when Hank I went to Molly’s for a bite. It’s the same guy—he’s all over T.V. Robert Aaron James. Every hour they’re talking about him. Don’t you watch the news?”

  “No. I don’t.”

  “He was from Vancouver. Don’t ask me what he was doing on Gabriola.”

  “Tim, you didn’t see Annie at Molly’s. You were drinking and you made a mistake. She was in Vancouver on her way home. There’s no way she could’ve been at that restaurant that early in the day, especially with some guy—especially with that guy.”

  Tim stands up tall and leans in. “Don’t get all offended. I didn’t say that she was cheating, did I? I only said what I saw. I wasn’t drinking that early. I was sober and my eyes were working well.”

  “Let it go,” I say, my voice louder than intended.

  “Jade, what the hell? Have I ever lied to you?”

  No, he hasn’t. I’ve known him for a long time, ever since I started here. He’s been a trustworthy and reliable friend. But this bullshit that he keeps cramming down my throat is starting to piss me off. He’s wrong and he won’t stop yapping about it. I care about Tim, but if he keeps this up, I’ll end up throwing him into the river.

  “Look, Tim. I don’t give a shit. I just want to get through today with the least amount of crap as possible. I’ve got enough on my mind already.”

  He looks at me for a few long seconds before giving a nod, and we continue on to the river.

  For the first half of the day, Tim and I don’t say two words to each other that isn’t job related. At one point, Tim grabs the net and I go to help him. My foot slips on slimy wet leaves. I start sliding towards the deeper part of the river, and Tim reaches out and snags me. If he hadn’t, I could’ve been in trouble. Trying to get out of the water when wearing our gear is almost impossible. For his efforts, I can only muster a nod.

  After a silent lunch sitting across from one another, we head back to count and sort fish. An hour before our shift ends, I feel a vibration in my pocket.

  Pulling my one hand out of my glove, I reach into my pocket and pull out my phone. One missed call. I scroll down and see that it was Annie.

  She knows how difficult it is for me to talk when I’m working. She never calls me until I’m done. I hope to God it’s not because of Denny. I take a huge breath and redial her. Feeling my anxiety heighten, I take off
my other glove and pull a smoke out of my pocket, glancing around for the boss before I light it.

  Annie answers. She’s out of breath.

  “Hey babe, you called?” I say, trying to sound normal.

  “Jade. I’m on the ferry. I started bleeding right after you left. I thought if I lay down and took it easy, it would stop, but it hasn’t. It’s just gotten worse.”

  What does this mean? Her baby…our baby. And Annie—what if she bleeds to death or something? Can that happen? My heart races so hard that I feel thumping on my tongue.

  “Jade, are you there?”

  With my body frozen like a statue, I open my mouth to speak but no words come out.

  “Dammit, Jade, say something.”

  I quickly shake my head and manage to ask if she has someone driving her.

  “Who the hell would be driving me? Stinky? Of course, no one’s driving me. I’m in my car on the ferry. I need you to meet me at the hospital, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  She hangs up.

  My arms and legs feel heavy and slow as I walk towards the office. “Jade, where ya goin’?” Tim calls after me. “We’re not done yet.”

  I don’t answer him, not because I’m still pissed at him, but because I have no idea what to say. All I can think about is Annie and what Robbie has done to her.

  After I grab my keys out of my locker, I look around for my boss, but he’s nowhere to be seen. I leave without telling him. I’ll have to call him from the hospital once I know what’s going on.

  After fumbling around, I finally get the key in the ignition and start the truck. Just as I put it in gear, there’s a rap at my window. It’s Tim, and he motions for me to roll it down. I comply. “Jade, what’s wrong?”

  “It’s Annie. She’s going to the hospital. I have to go.”

  “Move over, I’ll drive you. You’re white as hell and you look freaked out.”

  I shake my head and then speed out of the lot.

  Lighting another smoke, I slide my phone out of my pocket and call Annie. She answers on the third ring and tells me that the ferry is disembarking and that she can’t talk. Next, I ask Siri to direct me to the hospital. She tells me that I’m thirty minutes away. It can’t be that far. No way. Not today. I step on the gas and speed down the shiny damp narrow road.

  After passing every vehicle that I come up behind, I’m at the highway junction. Still, Siri says the hospital is twenty-minutes farther. I hit the gas and my back tires fishtail onto the highway. A horn blare behind me, which I barely register.

  It starts raining with a vengeance. I switch on the wipers but at full speed, they’re barely adequate. Sheets of water flow over the windshield. Still, I don’t let up on the gas. Annie. My Annie. I can’t cope if anything happens to you. I need you so badly. Tears fill my eyes, making it even more difficult to see.

  Finally, I see a sign on the road with an arrow and an H. I follow the prompts around a hairpin corner and then onto a two-lane side road. When the brown brick building appears, I drive to the emergency entrance, park my truck and then run inside. When I see a nurse, I tell her that my spouse is here and I need to know which room.

  The nurse walks behind the counter and starts typing on the computer. “What’s your husband’s name?”’

  “Annie. My wife’s name is Annie Banks.” The assumption, as it always does, gives me a stab of irritation. “Look, my wife is pregnant and she is bleeding. I don’t know any more than that. I just want you to take me to her.”

  Finally, the nurse stops ticking at the keys. “Yes, Annie Banks. She’s on maternity.” She directs me to a bank of elevators and then tells me to follow the colored line to the ward.

  As soon as the doors open, I see a woman hanging on to an I.V pole and slowly scuffling down the hall. There are deep moans and sounds coming from the doors I walk past on my way to the nurses’ station. There I wait, my nails tapping nervously on the counter.

  It’s only a couple of minutes before a portly older nurse in pink scrubs walks behind the counter. After I tell her my name, she asks me to follow her. We walk to the room at the end of the hall.

  As soon as we walk in, I see Annie curled up on her side with a pillow in front of her. She looks so tiny on the glaringly white bed. As soon as she sees me, she starts to cry. She sits up and holds out her arms. I sit on the bed and I embrace her, stroking her hair, which is damp with sweat. “What’s happening, my love?” I ask, fighting back tears. “Are you going to be okay?”

  “I don’t know.” She sniffs. “They got me in here so fast. Usually they make you wait hours, but they got me in right away. I don’t know what that means.”

  “They probably do that for all pregnant women, Annie. It doesn’t mean anything.” I’m not sure myself, but the words sound good.

  “They ran some tests. I’m waiting to see what’s going on.”

  “Everything is going to be okay.”

  “I couldn’t bear to lose this baby.”

  I couldn’t bear to lose you, I feel like saying, but I realise how that sounds. Like I don’t care about the unborn child she’s carrying.

  “Jade, I have something to tell you.” She wipes her eyes on the hospital sheet. “I prayed to God, and I asked him to save the baby. I made him a deal. I told him that if he didn’t let this child die, I would come clean. I would try to be a better person.”

  Confused, I look at her. “You are a good person, Annie.”

  “No, Jade. There’ve been times that I messed up, times I lied.”

  Somewhere, deep in my heart, her words cut, but right now I don’t think it’s possible for me to process more bad news. “It doesn’t matter, babe. None of that matters now.”

  “Jade, please. If I don’t come clean, then karma will do something bad to our baby, I know it.”

  “I don’t think it works like that, Annie. You’re just feeling scared and desperate. Don’t worry about karma. Yours is good. You should be focusing your energy on getting better, not on purging your sins.”

  Just then, a tall slender man with dark hair and wearing a white coat walks in. “Annie Banks?” he says, looking at his clipboard.

  “Yes, that’s us…I mean, her.”

  “I’m Dr. Payne. I’ve got some test results here for you.”

  Annie looks terrified as she quickly sits up straighter and stares at the doctor. Her hand is like a vice around mine. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing obvious. Now that the bleeding has stopped, it’s going to be somewhat of a waiting game. Though, it’s common for women to spot with their first baby in the first trimester. Have you been over exerting yourself lately?”

  “I lifted a bag of dirt at work. It was heavy. I never thought that what I was doing could hurt the baby.”

  “You’ll probably be just fine. But no more heavy lifting, okay?”

  Tears are falling down Annie’s cheeks, but her voice is steady. “I won’t. I promise.”

  The doctor tells us that he’s giving us a little envelope with different pills and instructions to take home. Again, he reminds Annie about not lifting heavy things. Then, he wishes us luck before disappearing down the hall.

  I take a deep breath, the first one I’ve taken since Annie called from the ferry. My beautiful wife is okay. I help her slowly dress back into her street clothes, then I put her shoes on for her and tie them. Her hand wanders through my hair as I’m crouched down at her feet.

  “Jade,” she murmurs. I look up at her. She opens her mouth, then closes it and manages a small, sad smile. “Nothing.”

  I don’t push it, like I’d normally do. All I feel is relief—relief that she’s okay, and relief that she seems to have dropped the idea of confession. I realise now that it’s the last thing I want to hear. I know that if I don’t know the details, I’ll have a better chance at putting it behind us.

  It’s not like I’ve been perfect.

  Chapter Fourteen

  After I walk her to her car, I jump
into my truck and follow her to the ferry. After we board, I walk up to her car and slip into the passenger’s seat. The small ferry rocks and creaks as we head out into the pass.

  Annie looks at me. Her eyebrows are knitted. “I didn’t tell you what happened before I left the cottage today. I didn’t want to add more stress.”

  Oh shit. She saw Denny. I knew it. This is going to be bad and I have absolutely nothing to say to defend myself. I feel a rush of fear—what if it was the cause of the bleeding? The shock and stress?

  “That detective, Dickson, was by again.”

  “What?” I feel a mixture of relief and anxiety—a strange sensation. “Why the hell was he back again? We told him everything we know. Mostly.”

  “I don’t think he’s going to leave us alone anytime soon. At least, not until they catch that brother of yours.”

  Denny. Did they know he was in the attic? Did someone see me pick him up from the ferry yesterday morning?

  I construct my question carefully before asking. “Did they ask for Denny again? Did they think he was in the house?”

  “No, Dickson just asked if I’d spoken to him and then if I would come to the police station tomorrow so they can take a statement from me. I told him that I could meet him there at noon. He also asked to speak with you. I told him that you were at work during the week but free on weekends.”

  I struggle to keep my voice calm. “Why does he want to speak with me?”

  “I don’t know, Jade. He didn’t say. I’ll try and find out tomorrow. Don’t worry, Jade. If you were in shit, he’d have come to your work.”

  That’s a logical point. I start to calm a little and my brain slows enough for me to think about Denny and how to get him out of the house. I don’t know what I was thinking. Here, in the car with Annie, in the real world, the whole idea of putting him in the attic is ridiculously stupid and dangerous. How could I have been such a fool?

  The moment we walk through the front door Stinky is on Annie, even after I scold him for jumping. She walks to the bedroom with him following, and when I enter a few minutes later with a glass of water and a biscuit, I find him lying next to Annie, in my spot. Annie, in the time it took me to fill the glass, has fallen fast asleep.