“Why are you smiling?” I would ask.
“You know,” is all she would say.
I did know, as I felt the same way. I was truly blessed to have Joan in my life.
Chapter Seventeen
~ Samantha Comes to Terms
Samantha was attending the University in Seattle and living in a dorm. As a lovely eighteen-year-old with a feminine build she made a habit of running three miles every morning. She usually ran with Ari, and Leah also joined when she was visiting. When Samantha had started running, Ari and Leah were in sixth grade, but when they were older they talked it over on one of their long-distance calls and decided they should both start running as well.
“Running helps me get rid of my anger,” Samantha would tell her parents. Running was helpful for Ari as well as it evaporating his seemingly constant tension.
Samantha’s first-semester roommate was rarely in the room and this allowed Samantha to study in solitude. Unfortunately, she left the university at the end of the semester and Samantha was not so lucky with her second-semester roommate. She had a lame major and lots of time on her hands, so by Friday noon she was done for the week, entertained friends in their room, and played lots of loud music.
After two weeks of this Samantha decided that she needed to find someplace else to study. She called Nathan, who lived in his own apartment on the edge of campus, to see if it would be okay to visit him for a quiet Friday afternoon study time. Samantha took a backpack full of books and started the half hour walk to Nathan’s apartment. She was wearing moccasins at the time, which became a huge problem as a heavy snowfall started. By the time she reached Nathan’s apartment, her hair was soaked, her body was shivering inside the thin coat she was wearing, and her feet felt like icicles.
Nathan happily greeted her and welcomed her inside. He lived in a small one-bedroom apartment decorated with used furniture Nathan and Samantha had picked out from some stores around campus. They called the decorating style “Used Seattle College.” She removed her jacket and asked Nathan for a towel to dry her hair.
“My feet are freezing,” she told him, as she began toweling off her hair.
“Sit down and I’ll get you warmed up.” He brought over a blanket she could wrap herself in. Samantha sat on an old chair and pulled the blanket around her. As she reached down to take her wet moccasins off, Nathan kneeled in front of her and removed them for her.
“Your feet are like ice.”
Samantha pulled the blanket around her so the sides overlapped in front. Nathan started massaging her feet, trying to warm them up as best he could. Samantha was enjoying this when she realized his massaging her feet was also warming up another part of her anatomy.
Just as she was trying to decode these new feelings, the doorbell rang. Nathan jumped up to open the door and there stood a well-endowed, dark-skinned woman he introduced as Sophie. To Samantha’s surprise the woman kissed and hugged Nathan as she entered the apartment. Nathan was obviously pleased Sophie had joined them.
“Samantha, I have something to show you,” Nathan told her after introducing her to Sophie.
He showed her a letter from a Swiss university. They had accepted him into their mathematics research program. He would be studying and conducting research near Geneva.
“I’m going to complete my degree there. Sophie has been here at our university for her one year abroad and she will be returning to the same university. We already have an apartment secured for us, with the help of Sophie’s parents.”
Samantha couldn’t believe what she was hearing. All these years she’d thought Nathan was the person she’d marry. Who was this woman who had obviously captured Nathan’s heart?
Samantha must have been showing her emotions on her face because Sophie decided to walk into the kitchen, giving the two cousins a little privacy to talk.
Nathan turned to Samantha. “I know what you’re thinking, Samantha. She’s not Jewish.”
“No, Nathan, that doesn’t concern me. It’s just all these years I thought it would be you and me.”
“I remember watching Leah and Ari last summer,” Nathan said. “I was certain they were belonged together. They would argue with each other for hours, but if one of us took the side of one of them, suddenly they both would be on the same side, defending each other. Sometimes I thought you and I were similar—but we didn’t share the closeness Ari and Leah have. They always work together, as a team, while you and I support each other working side by side on our own individual projects. In my life, I need a teammate, someone who will work side by side with me.”
Tears were forming in her eyes as she listened to Nathan. “Nathan, my mother always told me you would need someone whose thinking was at your level. I guess she was right.”
“I know, and in spite of your father teaching me mathematics isn’t the most important thing in the world, it still consumes a huge part of my being. Sophie’s major is physics, and she appreciates my accomplishments. We’ll even be able to collaborate on research. That means a lot to me. Samantha, you are an incredible woman. I can’t tell you how often I’ve seen my parents get teary eyed when they talk about Jonathan’s career as an author. The talk always ends with; thank God Samantha was in his life.”
She gave Nathan a long look. “All these years you never failed to help me when I asked. When I felt depressed, I could always call you. You listened to all my complaints, and then you found a way to make me laugh and lift my spirits.”
“I remember and we’ll always remain close—as cousins.”
“Will you be going to your parents’ home for Sabbath tonight?”
“No. They know about my plans for Switzerland and about Sophie. That’s one of the reasons I’m going to Europe. I can’t stand the look of disappointment on my parents’ faces.”
Sophie returned to the room then, and Samantha studied in silence for a few hours, absorbing the unexpected turn of events. After a while she called Meyer to pick her up so she could spend Sabbath with her family at home.
Over dinner she told them about Nathan’s plans. They were as shocked as she had been.
“Dov and Cora must be horrified,” her mother said.
Samantha slumped forward onto the dining table and cried.
Her mother went to her and slipped an arm around Samantha’s sobbing shoulders.
“What’s this about?” Ari asked his father.
He explained. “Apparently Nathan didn’t feel the same way. Samantha has been planning her whole life around the idea she and Nathan would be together. Now she has to make new plans. This will be difficult for her. It’s like losing someone close to you, but they’re still alive.”
Chapter Eighteen
~ A Sad Farewell
Shortly after Ari’s sixteenth birthday, I received a phone call from Larry. I could hear Danielle crying hysterically in the background and Larry’s voice sounded tight and controlled as he spoke.
“Marsha’s gone. She took one of the cars and used it to kill herself.”
Shocked, I covered the phone with my hand and looked up at Joan. Her expression spoke volumes—something awful had happened and she wanted to know but didn’t want to know, all at the same time.
I whispered the words, “Marsha killed herself.”
Joan gasped in horror as her hand flew to cover her mouth. I turned my attention back to Larry.
“Marsha had been seeing a new therapist for a number of months—we had such hope for her.” Larry’s voice was beginning to shake. “The therapist said Marsha missed her last appointment. She was reviewing her notes and became concerned because Marsha seemed to be developing suicidal tendencies. She said she might need to be institutionalized for a time and did we know where she was. Marsha had already taken the car out. Ann immediately went to Marsha’s room and found an envelope on her desk. A letter inside thanked everyone for providing a loving family for her. She wrote she was sad to leave us, but her emotional pain and constant suffering was increasing and she coul
dn’t take it anymore.”
I calmly tried to reassure my friend. “Maybe she’s still—”
“No. We’re too late. The police came. Told us there had been an accident involving a car registered to me. They said there was a fatality involved and they wanted to drive us to the morgue so either Danielle or I could identify the body.”
“We’ll be down there as soon as we can, Larry,” I reassured him. “Does Michelle know?”
Larry told me yes, he just called her, so I said my good-bye and immediately called Boeing Field to charter a jet for the flight to Florida. I called Morris to give him the account number so they could also charter a jet for a rapid flight from Boston to Florida. I wanted to make sure Michelle would get to Danielle as quickly as possible, knowing the two sisters needed to be together through this horrible event.
Joan sat by silently, waiting for me to fill her in on what she seemed to already suspect. Then together we told Ari, and called Samantha, asking her to get home as quickly as possible. We would be flying to Florida as soon as we could pack.
During the flight, Joan did what she could to explain to Ari and Samantha. “There is nothing you can say when a parent loses a child, except how sorry you are.”
They both nodded silently.
I turned to my son. I knew he’d have questions and concerns about Leah. “She may not want to spend as much time with you as usual. Don’t take it personally. She’s suffered a terrible loss and may feel more comfortable with her own family. But, if she wants you to hold her, or talk to you about her sister, then holding her and listening is the most important thing you can do for her.”
Ari said he understood.
Upon arrival at Larry and Danielle’s house, I approached Larry with a hug, rather than the standard handshake. Samantha stood by looking quite surprised—even more so, to see we both had tear-filled eyes too, which was something she rarely saw.
Joan seemed to be in control of her emotions, at least until she saw Danielle. The two of them embraced each other and started sobbing. Then Samantha joined in, one of the women now, too.
That evening the Shapiro’s Rabbi came by the house and sat with the whole family in the living room. He encouraged them to talk about their thoughts and feelings concerning Marsha and their great loss.
We tried to stay in the background and let our good friends grieve the tragic loss of one of their own.
Danielle spoke first. “We knew she was struggling, but we had no idea she was in so much pain she wanted to end her life. I’ve been wracking my brain trying to figure out what I could have done differently. I feel absolutely numb.” She reached over to the table in front of her. “Along with the note, Ann also found this poem.” She read it aloud.
Knowing Rose
The crimson rose
It silently knows your death awaits.
Your life just waiting to meet its fate
Whether peaceful or horrible scarlet.
The crimson rose knows.
Though it’s silent and cannot have said
It only hopes you might pray
To live through another day
When you die the rose knows
For it weeps a petal tear
Silent to the human ear
It flows down to the earth
Where only death is found.
Danielle began to cry, and Larry eased his arm around his wife and then spoke. “I have a hole in my heart I know will never go away. I’ve lost my precious little Marsha. She was jolly and happy as a preschooler, but as she grew...” his normally happy face turned pensive, “...so did her sadness. We called off her Bat Mitzvah because she wasn’t sleeping, lying awake worrying about making mistakes in front of all our family and friends. It was just too much pressure.”
Ann spoke up, a heart-breaking look on her face. “She gave me a drawing yesterday that I gave her when I was in fourth grade. She told me I should keep it for my children to enjoy. I had no idea she was giving it to me because...” tears began to stream down Ann’s cheeks, “...because she would be gone the next day. When she hugged me and left, I didn’t realize she was saying good-bye.” She began sobbing. Danielle reached out to comfort her.
Next it was Austin’s turn, stiff upper lip in check. “This morning, before she went out, she told me I was the greatest big brother in the world and gave me a big hug. I told her she was the world’s greatest middle sister—like I always do.” A sad smile crossed his face at the remembrance. “Then she whispered, ‘No, I’m not.’ I didn’t realize how serious she was.” He leaned forward, placing his face in his hands.
Leah sucked in a big breath before she began. “I was on the phone with Ari when she stopped by my room this morning. She hugged me and told me to make sure that Ari kept taking good care of me. She told me because she knew—how could she?”
She stood and went to Ari, throwing her arms around his neck. Ari held her tight while she cried.
He said, “I wish I could take your pain away.”
“Just hold me.”
Ari’s face showed incredible sadness. Leah was suffering and there was nothing he could do about it.
“You and I are so happy,” Leah told Ari. “We find so much joy when we’re together. I feel guilty Marsha never experienced that kind of joy. How is it fair that my world is full of sunshine, lollipops, and your love when Marsha’s world was shades of gray getting dimmer each day?” She glanced down at their intertwined fingers. “So many times I tried to get her to do fun things with my friends and me. Or when you and I were together, we tried to get her to do things with us. I can’t believe her last words to me were to ask you to continue to take care of me.” Shaking her head now, “There she was, at the end, and she was concerned you continue to take care of me—but there was no one who could take care of her.”
Ari brushed a few strands of hair out of her face. “I’m certain Grandma Esther and Zaydie Manny are holding her now. If anyone can help her find some peace, I’m sure they can.”
All around, it was a sad, sad day, made even sadder by the realization from everyone Marsha really did have all the love and support anyone can…and it still wasn’t enough.
* * *
The funeral was grim. The Rabbi quoted Larry, saying Marsha finally had the peace she was looking for all her short life. I suppose it’s true—at least we all hope it is.
The day after, Larry and I met with Leah and Ari on the deck outside Larry and Danielle’s home. I had something to discuss, which I hoped it would give them something positive to think about.
“Leah, I know the last few days have been horrible for you. However, something has been happening with the modifications Ari and I made to allow Jonathan to go sailing in the Ensign.”
She nodded her head for me to go on.
“Well, it seems a woman at the sailing club saw Jonathan sailing and wanted to know how she could buy modifications for three Ensigns located at a camp on a lake in eastern Washington State. The camp is quite busy for eight weeks every summer, providing outdoor experiences for children and adolescents with neuromuscular diseases.”
“That’s wonderful news,” Leah said.
“The sailing club in Seattle wants modifications for their Ensign as well. They want to create a community outreach program to get disabled children safely involved in sailing. I don’t have time, but if you and Ari can provide them with modifications, they will buy two additional Ensigns, plus some other stable and easy to sail sailboats like the Ensign. You and Ari will need to design and build modifications for the other sailboats as well. Are you up for that?”
Leah looked to Ari and then nodded her head. “Sure, I think so.”
“This is a serious business,” I reminded her. “The first thing you’ll have to do is create a business plan—Joan will help you. I’m willing to finance the business if you two will commit to doing the work this summer.”
I turned to Ari and he gave me a nod. “I already talked to Ari and he’s willing to put in t
he effort, so it’s up to you. Naturally you’ll have to move to our home in the Northwest for the summer so you can work with Ari. I have an attorney drawing up documents to create the business. Since I’m putting up the money, I will own half and you two will own half. We thought we could name the business ForJonathan—based on the work we did to allow Jonathan to sail.”
Leah smiled, taking Ari’s hand.
“Is this something you would like to do?” I placed my hand on Larry’s shoulder. “Your parents plus Joan and I think it could be great for you to have something to do this summer, to stay busy and not spend so much time thinking about your family’s loss. What do you think?”
Leah appeared pensive, hesitating for a moment. “What does Mom think about me moving to Seattle for the summer? I mean, it would be good for me to have something to concentrate on...besides Marsha’s death.” She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths. “Yes, I think this is important and might be good for me.”
Larry, who had been quietly listening, finally spoke. “If you work hard at this, you could be building a business capable of putting you through university.
She looked to Ari. “I think Ari and I should definitely do this.”
“Okay, you poltroons,” I said, looking at the duo. “Here are the house rules. Leah, you will have your own room. If we find out you and Ari are having sex, you will be on the next plane home, and when the families get together, you two will be forbidden to come with until you are both eighteen. The two of you know me well enough to know if I tell you this, it will absolutely happen.”
Ari didn’t look surprised, and Leah looked like she had absolute belief there would be no compromise.
Finding a Soul Mate (Meant to be Together Book 1) Page 18