by Carmen, Roya
He can’t help but smile. “Well, I’d love to see part of you too, Corrie. But we don’t need that. Do you realize the power we have? We could change a child’s life. Instead of adding another human to this already too-populated world, we could make a difference for someone who desperately needs us.”
I slip back into my shorts and my lifejacket. I don’t want to talk about this anymore. “Let’s get back.”
He scowls as he does up his fly. He grabs the oars with more force than necessary, and leaves his lifejacket on the boat floor. I know it’s no use talking because we’ll never agree. We’ve had this argument about a thousand times.
There’s a tightness in the air between us. We’ve barely said two words to each other since we came back from the lake. It was beautiful, hot… and very complicated. That pretty much sums up our relationship.
Jacob is kind enough to make dinner for the both of us again; veal piccata and pasta, my favorite.
I savor every bite. “Thank you, Jacob… for dinner. I really appreciate it.”
“Just trying to get a good meal into you. You’ve lost weight, haven’t you?”
“I have,” I admit. Of course he would notice. Jacob notices everything.
“So I haven’t told you,” he says. “I’m selling my bike.”
I’m thrilled by his words. “I’m so happy. You know I worry about you on that silly thing.”
He smiles. “I know. Well, it’s just not the same since the accident. It really shook me, and riding is just not the same anymore. I’m not as fearless as I used to be. I keep getting visions of the wreck, and the pain, and that horrible feeling that it might be all over.”
“It makes sense. You almost died.”
“You know what I saw just before the lights went out?”
“No… a mysterious white light?”
He laughs. “No… you. I saw you, Corrie. You were happy and healthy. You were smiling, holding a baby.”
My heart sinks. “Aw… I’m sorry, Jacob.”
“Don’t be sorry,” he says. “I think it’s what helped me pulled through… that vision of you.”
I smile. “Well, I’m glad I could help you out when you were recovering. But seriously, I was scared shitless. You know what you put me through, right?”
He smirks. “Yes, and thank you for caring for me all those months. I’ll forever be grateful.”
I smile at the memory. “I bet you were pretty sick of eating Kraft dinner, grilled cheese sandwiches and frozen meals.”
“Yeah, you really should expand your repertoire, babe.”
I laugh out loud. “In your dreams.”
“But seriously, you were great, Corrie. I don’t know what I would have done without you, with my parents so far away.”
“It’s the least I could do. You and me… we’re forever, even if… we’re not married anymore.”
His face falls, and I instantly wish I could take the words back. I completely ruined the mood. “Well, thanks for making my favorite meal,” I say, attempting to quickly change the subject. “It was delicious.”
His smile is impish when he says, “I also bought your favorite dessert.”
My eyes grow wide. “Key lime pie?”
“Yes,” he confirms with a wide grin. “But… you know, I paid for it… it’s my pie, and I’m not sure I want to share.”
I shake my head. “You haven’t changed. Still bribing me with dessert. What do you want this time?” I ask playfully. “I already gave you some action today. You want a foot rub? A blow job?”
He laughs. “Well, as skilled as you are at both of those things, all I want is a kiss.”
I smile. “Just a kiss? Nothing more? We can’t be doing this, Jacob. We can’t be falling into bed every day. We need to let each other go.”
His gaze pulls away. I hate when his eyes are sad. “Yeah, just a kiss.”
“Just a peck,” I clarify. “A thank you peck.”
“Ten seconds,” he counters.
I smile — he’s such a good negotiator. “Closed mouth.”
“Thirty seconds,” he counters.
“Deal.”
14
He bounces from the table, goes to fetch the timer on the counter, and sits back down on the kitchen chair.
I down my glass of water and stare at him for a beat. He looks relaxed and happy; worn jeans and a loose grey long sleeved shirt, his hair messy and his beard a little longer than usual. Seems like a great deal — pie for a thirty second kiss. I slowly make my way to him, coy.
He pats his thigh. “Sit on me.”
I laugh. “I suppose it’s the best way.”
I straddle him and we stare into each other’s eyes for a few seconds.
“Ready?” he asks.
“Ready.”
He sets the timer to thirty seconds, and presses his mouth to mine. It’s weird. I don’t know what to do with my hands. He grabs my nape with one hand, the other slides down my back. Fair enough… I never stated that we couldn’t touch. I rake my hands through his hair. He smells good.
I want to draw his tongue in against mine. But I don’t, of course. He grabs my ass and slides his mouth to my cheek, then to my jawline. His warm breath lands on my ear. It’s pretty hot and I like it. Again, he’s not breaking any rules — his mouth is still closed as far as I can tell. I drag my mouth against the rough scruff of his beard, brought back to the memory of him going down on me in the boat. I slide a hand down his chest, past his abs, and feel his hardness under his jeans. Damn.
He moans against my neck, and slides his hand around my breast. He rubs his thumb around my nipple.
The timer goes off, but I don’t want to stop. We both ignore it… beep, beep, beep, beep. Our lips find each other again, and my mouth opens against his, letting him in. His tongue is hot and eager.
Abby and Baxter are scurrying around us, probably alarmed by the loud sound of the timer. I reluctantly tear myself away from Jacob, laughing. “Wow, you… you’re such a little manipulator.” I reach for the timer and turn it off.
He laughs. “I certainly know how to play you, I won’t deny it.”
“You certainly do,” I admit. “Now, how about that key lime pie?”
He reluctantly gets up and opens the refrigerator door. I watch him eagerly as he reaches in and pulls out the pie, still boxed. He’s quick to serve us helpings. I moan as I enjoy my first bite — it’s almost as good as sex.
It’s been a good day. A mind-blowing orgasm in the middle of the lake, a delicious dinner, and now, pie.
Following dinner, we both settle on the sofa with the puppies. “That was great pie,” I say. “Thanks.”
He looks up from his John Grisham. “My pleasure…. and that kiss… wow.”
“You know what… I was so pissed off when I first saw you here, but now I’m kind of glad you’re here. This is nice.”
His smile is sweet. “It is. And the sex wasn’t bad either.”
“Not bad?” I say. It was great. “What do you mean? Not bad?”
He smiles. “Well, it was hot, but if I had my way, I would have made sweet love to you in your bed, slow and soft, for hours. Just the two of us exploring every inch of each other, not rushing, just enjoying…”
His words arouse me. That does sound really good, but…
“We need to stop, Jacob,” I tell him. “We’ve been separated for over a year, and it’s time to sign the papers and make everything official. It’s time to move on.”
I know he’s devastated by my words but he needs to hear them.
“I know. I’ve finally realized it this week. I was hoping that us being together in this place would change your mind, would make you see how good we are together. But it’s obvious that you haven't changed your mind. And I might finally be willing to accept that.”
His words make me happy, but they also sting.
His hand reaches for mine. “I need to get back to work tomorrow, so you’re on your own for the next two days.”
>
My heart dives into my stomach. I don’t want him to go. I’m at a loss for words, and when I finally find them, I’m shocked. “Just one last time,” I say softly. “Maybe we could do it like you wanted… slow and soft, into the night, in my bed.”
A smile slowly traces his lips, and his whole face comes alive. He doesn’t waste a second. He throws his book and leans into me, scaring Abby and Baxter off the sofa.
When his lips touch mine, it feels different, deeper. This time isn’t about sex. It’s about love. We both still love each other. His large frame pushes me deep into the sofa, but I don’t mind at all — I love being buried under Jacob. He kisses me softly, slowly, not in a hurry at all. Our tongues dance, unhurried, a slow dance. He tastes sweet and I could kiss him all night, but my body is eager for his, my skin tingles at his touch, wanting more of his warmth. He finds his way to my neck and wraps his large hand around it sensually. I throw my head back. Will I ever have this again? No one is ever going to touch me like this ever again. I’ve had other lovers and no one ever compared, no one has ever lit a fire in me like Jacob does.
My body is restless. My hands are tangled in his hair as my hips press impatiently against his. He slides a hand down the curve of my waist and when he reaches the waistband of my shorts, he tugs hard. He slithers down my body and drops butterfly kisses, just below my belly button. Each one drives me wild. He startles me when he grabs me and flips me over in a single move. He bites my rear. My smile is pressed against the sofa cushions.. “I thought this was supposed to be slow and soft, Jacob.”
He laughs. “You’re just so delicious… I can’t help myself”
I turn to him. “Let’s go to my room.”
He bounces off the sofa and offers me his hand. I take it eagerly and we pad down to my room. He draws me to him as soon as we reach the bed, and pulls the both of us onto the mattress. I’m draped over him, his arousal evident on my belly. He tangles his hands in my hair as we get lost in another long kiss. I pull away, wanting to look at him, wanting to see the desire in his large brown eyes. Sometimes, that’s the only thing it takes to turn me on.
He grins playfully at me, but then his smile fades. Does he know this is our last time? Is his heart breaking too?
“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he says.
I smile down at him. “Ditto.”
He leans up and closes the distance between us. He kisses me again, full of love. I want him so badly, I can’t hold off anymore. I wanted to make this last well into the night, but I just want to be with him. I tug at his t-shirt and pull it over his head. He’s even more beautiful, shirtless. I run my fingers over the smooth ridges of his stomach. He grabs my hand and kisses it sweetly. “My turn.”
The palms of his hands press against my torso as he peels off my tank top to reveal my lace bra. He pulls the top over my head and my hair is a wild mess. He kisses the swell of my breast softly. I press my face down on top of his head, inhaling his scent and committing it to memory. My eyes well up at the thought of losing him, but I know it’s for the best. I want him to have everything he’s ever dreamed of — he deserves it.
With a flick of his skilled fingers, he releases my breasts, and my brassiere falls to the bed. He wraps his warm mouth around my hard nipple, and I throw my head back, enjoying the feel of him tasting me, exploring me one last time.
He splays a hand on my chest and presses me down on the bed gently. He slides his tongue slowly down my stomach and when he gets to my sweet spot, he fixes me with a playful grin. His gaze is glued to mine for a beat before he travels back up and kisses me again. My hands dance and play all over his smooth torso. His smile is pressed against my mouth. “Stop teasing,” he mumbles.
“You too.”
I reach for his fly and get working — I want him completely naked. We’re on the same page as he reaches for my shorts and pulls them over my rear. I hitch off the bed to help him along because I want him inside me as soon as possible.
When we find ourselves both completely naked, we join together again. I love it this way — his long body over mine, his touch gentle, his eyes glued to mine. We’ve never been more connected. I think we both know this is our last time together — unspoken words float above us, communicated only through the desperation of our touch, the love in our eyes. My eyes well up, despite my best efforts not to cry. I close them shut and wrap my arms tightly around him — I don’t want him to see me sob. I don’t want him to know how hard this is for me.
When he finally sinks into me, our gazes meet and so many memories flood through my mind; tender and funny moments, painful and sweet memories. We have lived thoroughly together. We may not have been perfect, but we were always passionate.
And in love.
15
I’m tucked in comfortably in Jacob’s arms. It’s a beautiful moment, but it’s also very sad because I know it’s our last. He draws slow circles on my shoulder with the tip of his finger. “So…” he starts, hesitating before continuing on, “are you going to see Alex again?”
It’s really not his business but I can’t leave him hanging. It would be cruel. I want him to know that I’m not going to just run from his arms into another man’s. “No, I probably won’t see him again. I’m not sleeping with him.”
Jacob exhales a breath of relief, and it makes me smile.
“He’s still hooked on his ex, and I really have no desire to be his rebound cougar.”
Jacob laughs. “Rebound cougar? He should be so lucky.”
I prop myself up on my elbows. “No seriously, his ex looks exactly like me. It’s weird.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.” I reach for my phone on the nightstand, and scramble to find her profile. Tap tap tap. Finally, I’m super excited when I find it. I show him her profile photo.
His jaw drops. “Wow. She really does look like you.”
“He’d probably call out her name if we fucked,” I joke. “Oohhh… Sandra,” I say in my best male voice. “Fuck, you’re hot. I missed you so much. Did your tits get smaller?”
Jacob laughs and studies the photo more closely. “Her tits look as small as yours.”
I slap him on the shoulder and he cracks up again.
Our laughter fades and his gaze lingers on mine. He’s biting his bottom lip, and I’m not sure if he wants to have another go. Seriously, the man is insatiable.
“I… I have a confession to make, Corrie,” he says, guilt written all over his face.
I cock a brow, curious. Another confession. What could it be? My mind jumps right back to the same scenario: he has a girlfriend. He likes her a lot. And my heart is already breaking.
“James and Beatrice didn’t lend me the place.”
I’m confused. “What?”
“I ran into Beatrice a few days ago when I was at Whole Foods, and she mentioned that you were going to be staying at the cottage.”
I back away from him, appalled. “You set this whole thing up? You made me think that she had double booked us.”
“I know… I’m horrible.”
“I was so angry at her for meddling and you just went along with it. I was about to call her and bitch at her, remember?”
“Yeah, but I stopped you, remember?”
“Yeah, and I thought it was because you’re a level-headed nice guy, but I know now that it was all a conspiracy to get into my pants.”
He winces.
“You’re a pig. It’s just sex isn’t it for you? Well, you must be happy. You got laid three times. Not once, not twice, but three fucking times. I bet you’re pretty happy with yourself.”
“Yeah, well, honestly, I thought I might have a harder time at it—”
“Get out of my bed!” I throw a pillow at him. Baxter bounces up from his little corner and starts to yap at him. Then, Abby gets up and starts yapping at Baxter, as if to say, Stay away from my Jacob.
It’s chaos, and I’m still wrapped up in my sheet. Jacob scrambles off the bed as I slap at him f
everishly. I’m livid, and he knows it. “I’m glad you’re leaving tomorrow, you pervert,” I snap.
He grins. He’s always found me thoroughly amusing when I lose it. I throw another pillow at him as he disappears out the door. Abby follows after him, of course — such a little clingy bitch.
I lie back on my bed. So our beautiful lovemaking didn’t quite end like I had imagined. Suddenly, a heavy weight presses on my chest, and I want to cry. But I’m determined not to. It will all be okay. He’s leaving soon, and I’ll have a few quiet days to myself to get my head together. Then I’ll go back to my life, to my friends. Who knows… maybe I’ll go back to college, meet new people.
Life goes on.
I’m filled with sorrow when I hug Jacob goodbye. Abby looks devastated. Baxter looks happy. And Jacob looks like he could crumble any minute. I watch his car intently as it backs out of the driveway and disappears around the bend. I sigh when he’s out of sight.
I spend the next few days reading, watching Netflix, eating frozen dinners, painting horrible watercolors, and thinking too much.
As soon as I get back home, I unpack and call Kayla to tell her all about my trip. Then, I measure my dining room.
Part III
16
I’ve been back in the swing of things for three weeks now. Jacob hasn't contacted me. I miss him but I’m happy he’s moving on. I’m browsing college programs on the Internet when my phone rings. I expect it to be either Kayla or Gabbie, since they’re the only ones who call me these days. Even my mother ignores me most of the time, has since I moved hours away when I was eighteen.
I’m shocked to hear Jacob’s voice.
“Hi, Corrie.”
“Hi, Jacob. What’s up?” I ask, trying to sound casual, despite the fact that my heart is hammering against my ribcage.
“Uh… I just called to let you know that I’m setting up a meeting to go over some papers. Just wanted to see when you’d be free this week.”