What Matters More

by Liora Blake

  That thought reared up before she could tamp it down. JT might be capable of that kind of love, but he wasn’t hers. JT was merely her escape and she was his. They would share a series of sultry nights she would remember always, no matter where life took her next—but that didn’t mean he was anything more than another man who would drift in and out of her life.

  Which was more than enough reason to end this conversation. Anya started to clean up their table, twisting in her chair to see if there was a trash can nearby.

  “Are you done? I’m stuffed. We should get going.”

  JT didn’t move. He sat stock-still, not speaking until Anya finally looked his way.

  “You don’t want to talk about this,” he said quietly.

  Irritation rose up inside her in a rush. No, she didn’t want to talk about this. What was so difficult for him to understand about that? All she wanted from him was the simple, sexy, stress-free relationship they both claimed was all they could handle right now.

  “What an astute observation,” she deadpanned. “Did you learn those sharp investigative skills in Marshal school? Maybe in Stating the Obvious 101 class?”

  “No,” JT said. Then he leaned forward and latched his hands onto the arms of the rickety plastic chair she sat in, yanking her toward him. Her chair bumped across the asphalt until their knees touched.

  “I don’t need any specialized fucking training to look at the woman I’m with and see that she’s struggling with something. I also don’t need to take a class in recognizing when she needs to be reminded what an amazing person she is. Or how any man who’s lucky enough to be with her shouldn’t talk shit about her passions or make her feel like she’s not good enough. Ever.”

  Anya wanted to say something that would make JT stop talking, but her heart was twisting and her cheeks were burning, making it so she couldn’t think of anything.

  JT leaned in even closer, dropping his voice a notch.

  “I fucking see you, Anya. I know what you look like when you’re stripped down and bare, getting what you need. I know how you look when your needs are being met, when you feel good and you don’t want it to end. And I’d do whatever it takes to make sure you feel like that all the goddamn time.”

  Anya couldn’t move. His words were doing things to her that she didn’t want them to. He paused for a beat, just long enough for her to manage a full breath.

  “Hear me when I say this,” he said. “You deserve everything. Always.”

  15

  JT

  JT pulled into the driveway and cut the engine. He glanced in the rearview mirror and studied the Greenes’ house behind him. The outside porch lights were on, and the shades were drawn back in the front room, making it easy to see that the lights were on inside, too. Taken together, it all looked like an invitation, which it probably was.

  Anya had said as much when he’d dropped her off at her car. They had spent the entire drive back to the paint-and-sip store in awkward silence, brought on after he’d confronted her bullshit at dinner and she’d responded by basically rejecting everything he said. When finally he’d pulled up next to her car, he’d thought she might leave without saying a word. Instead, she’d opened the passenger door but turned his way before getting out.

  “Are you coming over when we get home?”

  JT had rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms. “Probably not. It’s late.”

  “Oh,” she’d said quietly. “I’m not ready to go to bed yet, so I was thinking about taking a swim.” Anya had stepped out, then craned down to peer back inside, a strained smile on her face. “Feel free to come over if you change your mind.”

  JT had nodded and then waited until she had gotten into her car and driven away. He’d sat there in the dark until he was sure that going over to see her later was a bad idea, then started the car and pulled out of the parking lot. He would have been home an hour ago, if it weren’t for the unexpected detour he’d taken, stopping at a Walmart because of a sudden need to do some shopping—and avoid going home for a little while longer.

  Wandering around the store without a list was a surefire way to end up going home with random crap he didn’t need, so he forced himself to fill his basket with essentials only. Shaving cream, toothpaste, protein bars, condoms. For a moment, he debated whether he really needed the condoms or not. Tonight hadn’t exactly ended on a high note with Anya, and since she was the only woman he wanted to have sex with, there was a real possibility that the condom box would go unopened, and for who knew how long. Admitting that made his chest ache and his stomach hurt—although he wasn’t sure he was ready to deal with why.

  Maybe he was just pissed off that he wasn’t getting laid. Either that or maybe he wanted to go find her ex and let that asshole know what it felt like to have someone kick you when you were down. Hell, it could be those pupusas were giving him a stomachache. If he was lucky, maybe he just had a simple case of food poisoning.

  Because if not, then maybe, just maybe, the woman he was falling for had made it clear she didn’t feel the same way.

  JT had wanted to take Anya out on a real date for one simple reason. He needed to tell her that he wanted to keep seeing her. And he wanted to do that when they had all of their clothes on, not only because a naked Anya always made it hard for him to think straight, but also because he wanted her to know that he wasn’t thinking with his lizard brain when he said it.

  It had taken a while for him to admit the truth, but once he did, JT was all in on the belief that this was only the beginning for them. He was so invested in the idea that it had stung when she’d shut him down at every turn tonight and done nothing but show him that, from her side of the table, this was still nothing more than two people hooking up. Because when someone wanted more from a relationship, they didn’t act the way Anya did tonight.

  Not that he could blame her. He was changing the rules on her, and on top of that, JT still had a lot of work to do. But he didn’t want to do it all on his own anymore. He wanted to do that work with Anya. He wasn’t a twentysomething guy anymore, one who believed that love was all that it took to make a relationship work. Instead, he was a thirtysomething divorced guy who was only sure of one thing: that everything worth having in life came with commitment and hard work.

  JT gave the Greenes’ house another long look in the rearview mirror. He had two choices. He could go inside, slip downstairs, and then lie awake in bed, rehashing everything that had gone wrong tonight. Or, he could walk across the street, take whatever it was Anya was willing to give him right now, and work on being okay with that.

  He drew a palm down his face and sighed.

  Who was he kidding? This wasn’t much of a decision. Between what his body wanted and what his heart needed, JT was halfway across the street before he could consider otherwise.

  He followed a concrete path around to the side of the house, unlatching the gate that led into the backyard. Quiet music played in the distance, a languid track that matched well with the darkness and the warm night air. JT followed the sound, stopping short just as he rounded the corner of the house and the pool came into view.

  Anya drifted lazily about in the water, on her back with her arms extended above her. She moved her hands through the water in a gentle arc around her head and fluttered her feet just enough to keep her afloat and sliding along through the water. Her hair was slicked back from her upturned face, eyes fixed on the sky above.

  And she was naked.

  Every rational thought he’d battled with over the last few hours fell by the wayside, replaced by a lust that made his blood pound in his veins. The Greenes’ pool was surrounded on three sides by raised planter beds filled with lush, flowering trees and bushes, which offered all the privacy he could have hoped for in the suburbs and saved him from any worries that they could be seen by the neighbors. Between the darkness and the landscaping, JT had Anya all to himself and his cock thickened at the sight of his little water nymph drifting about under the moonlight, he
r full tits and supple skin on display as water sluiced over every bare, beautiful inch of her body. JT clenched his hands into loose fists at his sides, just to keep from jumping into the water with all his clothes on. He already knew he wouldn’t be able to stay away, but given this show of hers, it seemed like Anya knew just how weak he was, too.

  With long strides, he ate up the remaining distance to the pool’s edge quickly, yanking his dress shirt from his pants as he stalked closer.

  “You drive me fucking crazy, you know that?” he growled, tugging the buttons on his shirt free and tossing it on an adjacent lounge chair. “Out here on display like this, teasing me when you know I’m still a little pissed off.”

  Anya continued to gaze at the sky above, but her lips curled up into a sly, knowing grin. JT growled again. So fucking smart and so fucking naughty, this one. She knew he’d love seeing her like this, ripe and ready for him, with nothing but water between them.

  JT kicked his shoes and socks off before unbuckling his belt, then pulled his pants and boxers off in one move. His dick was hard as steel, jutting out proud and angry. Anya drifted toward the edge of the pool, where the shallow water allowed her to stand up, and when she did, her greedy gaze ate up the sight of his body the same way he did hers. JT gripped his cock in a tight hold at the root, then slowly stroked up toward the tip, savoring the way Anya licked her lips and openly gaped at the path his hand traveled. When he reached the head of his cock, he worked his fist over the crown until a bead of precum fell from the tip.

  “Look at that, baby. Take a good look at how hard you make my cock, how fucking on edge you get me.”

  Her mouth had dropped open, eyes wide as she watched him. JT gritted his teeth. He wanted to drag her out of the pool and put her on her knees in front of him just like this, her gaze heated and her plump lips ready to take him in. But first, he needed to know how good it felt to be with her in that pool, their bodies slippery and wet against each other.

  JT slid into the pool, taking her in his arms. Anya met his eyes and for a moment, anxiety replaced desire.

  “I hate feeling like we’re upset with each other,” she whispered. “Don’t be mad, JT. We’re having fun, so let’s keep doing that, okay?”

  JT didn’t answer her. Not with words. Instead he pushed down the way his heart twisted inside his chest—an inconvenient reminder that “fun” wasn’t enough for him anymore—and pulled her body against his, fusing his mouth to hers. Anya moaned into his kiss as her hands scratched down his back, skimming from his shoulders down to his ass, where the tips of her nails nipped in and made his skin erupt in goose bumps. JT set his hands under the backs of her thighs and pulled her up, trapping his cock between them when she wrapped her legs around his waist. Anya’s hands were clasped together at the back of his neck, making it so she could lean back into his hold, tipping her hips forward. She started to move against him, her clit working across his stiff cock, and the easy slide of her bare pussy made him groan. Being this close to her muddled his brain, but not so much that he forgot about the box of condoms he’d just bought—inconveniently still in his vehicle and across the fucking street.

  He drew her closer, wrapping his arms tight around her so that she couldn’t move the way she had been. “We need to go in the house if you want me inside you. I need to get a condom.”

  Anya wriggled a little in his hold. “But I’m so close,” she protested.

  JT grunted, relenting because he couldn’t imagine denying her this pleasure, ever. He loosened his hold so she could move again and nearly lost it on the first roll of her hips. It might kill him to deny himself sliding home when she was this close, but he would do it, just so Anya could take what she needed.

  “Then we’ll stay right here.” He tipped his hips forward, increasing the pressure he knew she craved. “You think you can come like this? Just by working that hot little cunt over my cock?”

  She nodded quickly, her teeth biting into her lower lip.

  “Then go for it,” JT goaded. “Make that tight pussy come for me.”

  Anya groaned, dropping her head back so she could ride him with short, rough thrusts of her hips. JT dipped his head so he could swipe his tongue across her nipples, teasing as she worked herself higher and higher. He grunted each time she moaned, using his grip on her hips to rut his body against hers as if he was deep, sucking on her tight nipples until they were like diamonds in his mouth.

  She tipped over the edge with a soft cry, muffling the sounds he knew she would normally make because those noises would carry right over every fence in the neighborhood if she didn’t. When her orgasm began to wane, she pulled her head up and slowly opened her eyes, then wound her body tightly around his, hugging him like she couldn’t quite get close enough to him. JT buried his face into her neck and breathed deep. His arms started to shake, but not from fatigue. For that one moment, she was letting him hold more than just the weight of her body. She was letting him hold her.

  After a few minutes, she slipped off him, moving over to the pool’s edge to push herself up and out. Kneeling on the end of the lounge chair where he’d discarded his clothes, she rested back on her heels and then crooked a finger at him. JT was out of the water in seconds, crossing over to where she sat, desperate for her to tell him what was next. He couldn’t care less what she had in mind. All he cared about was easing the desperate ache inside of him.

  Anya must have seen the torment in his eyes. She wrapped one hand around the base of his cock loosely and then, mercifully, dropped her head to take him in her mouth, full and deep with her first taste. JT felt the head of his dick nudge the back of her throat and he let out a long moan at the sensation. He slipped his hands into her hair, threading through the damp strands until he had gathered it into a mass at the nape of her neck. From this position, all he could see was the back of her head and his hands fisted in her hair, an erotic sight that bested anything else he’d ever seen.

  She started to work his length in a steady rhythm, her hands stroking as her lips suckled and teased, nothing held back as she did. Just as JT felt his balls draw up tight, she released him and her gaze locked on his. Then she drew her hands up to cup her breasts, pushing them up and together in invitation, offering him something he wasn’t sure he should want—but did.

  JT’s head was spinning, even as he scooted his feet forward, finding the right spot from where he could take himself in hand and slide his length between the gorgeous swell of her breasts. A moment of panic stopped him. Did she really want this? Tonight, after they’d been prickly with each other? Anya answered him by tipping her head back, meeting his eyes squarely, and giving her breasts a tiny shake.

  “Right here,” she urged him.

  He let out an unsteady breath, grabbed his cock, and gave in, letting her damp flesh surround his still-slick cock. Anya pressed her tits tight around him, urging him on with nothing but breathy moans until he was able to sink under this pleasure-soaked sensation. Just as the white-hot buzz of an orgasm began to build inside him, his conscience rose up and fought for his attention, even as his body chased the blind lust of completion. The raw, filthy, feral parts of him wanted this, and wanted it so badly he felt powerless to stop each new thrust as it came. But the rational, sane parts of him—those that weren’t bound by a need to spill all over her smooth inviting flesh with a shout—felt something was off.

  If only tonight had gone the way he’d wanted it to. If it had, this would amount to the hottest night of his life. A filthy, dirty fantasy come true, shared with the only woman he wanted to do filthy, dirty things with.

  His thrusts grew unsteady, each one faltering more than the last. When all the rhythm he’d started out with was gone, JT clenched his jaw and closed his eyes. Anya whispered his name and he forced himself to look at her, even though he was risking the possibility that when he did, it would wreck him in ways he wasn’t ready to deal with.

  “Cover me, JT,” she said gently. “Please.”

  The
tenderness in her voice was all he needed to hear. His heart took it as proof that what they shared mattered to her, even if she wasn’t ready to own it by saying it aloud. He let that become his permission to take all of this moment without allowing anything else to intrude.

  JT grabbed her hair even tighter, digging his fingers into her scalp and tugging her head back gently until he could take in the sight of her hazel eyes flashing, her wet mouth glistening, and her breasts held up like an erotic offering that was just for him.

  All of that . . . his. His for the taking, all with her eager and unwavering permission.

  JT began to thrust his cock upwards again, over and over until his entire body was strung tight in anticipation. When he finally let go, every drop that spilled across her skin left him shaking, so much that he was grateful when Anya took his hand and led him inside.

  After knocking back a huge glass of water and sharing a warm shower with Anya, JT had managed to regain his equilibrium. Wrapping a towel around his waist, he went outside and grabbed his clothes off the lounge chair, discovering Anya snuggled down in bed when he came back inside, the bed coverings gathered into a big fluffy pile around her. Her damp hair was braided into a length that hung over one shoulder, and she was wearing an oversized tank top that dipped low enough to show off the valley between her breasts. JT slipped his pants on and then pulled on his shirt, watching her expression turn more tentative with every button he worked closed.

  “You okay?”

  Anya nodded, then shifted her attention to the bed coverings and began smoothing the fabric absentmindedly. JT stopped buttoning his shirt, dropping his hands to his sides. Her eyes flicked up, and when she saw how he was just standing there, waiting, she drew in a long breath.

  “When we were talking about my art earlier, you said something about wanting things,” she said faintly, drawing the comforter up so it was bunched around her shoulders. “About how it was a good thing to want success and how I can’t shy away from it if I really want something.”