by Fiona Faris
“Would ye,” he cleared his throat and summoned the confidence that came naturally to him when not oppressed by her gaze, “like tae place yer things in here?”
Neilina smiled and nodded. She retrieved her trivial items and handed them off. Kyle packed them in with the bread and led the way out of the croft. The sunlight played over Neilina’s hair, bringing out the complex interplay of fire and gold. The vibrant spring green enhanced the hue of her eyes, making them as seem alive and growing as the world around them.
They walked in silence, keeping a respectful distance apart. Every now and then, their eyes would meet, and her smile would bring out Kyle’s, flooding him with serenity so foreign to his last years, it startled him. On the edge of the landscaped hills, a mighty forest rose, cloaking the sheer cliffs and precipitous mountainside guarding the Macfarlane lands.
“Ye’ll have tae forgive me,” Kyle said. “Years have passed since I were last here.”
“Oh!” Neilina took in this information with surprise. “Ye’ve been here before?”
Kyle looked back at her, pausing at a split in the footpath winding into the forest. For a moment, he wondered if he’d given away too much with this. Maybe it would be better if she believed this was the first time he had ever visited the MacFarlane lands. Regardless, it was too late now to retract.
“Aye,” he pursed his lips. “A long time ago. This way.” He pointed to the left trail and led the way. The lightness in his heart dimmed as he rebuked himself inwardly. I must be more careful.
“I wonder why I’ve ne’er seen ye before. I’d think I’d remember someone…” she paused. Her cheeks flashed a deep red. “…Like ye,” she finished in a hushed tone. Her eyes said more than her words. It made him smile, and he took the insinuation as a compliment that left him feeling confident and bold.
“While we walk, I think it best we learn,” he tried his best to embody the authority of a teacher.
A seriousness overcame Neilina. She nodded in agreement. “Should I take notes?”
Kyle shook his head. “Nay, practice’ll do, lassie. Ye can write down what ye remember when we stop.” Neilina nodded once more. She bit her lower lip as she regarded him. “Don’t worry,” he smiled to comfort her.
The sun shone through the verdant veil of leaves, washing them in gold and green. Ferns curled along the trail’s edge. The smell of mighty pines infused the air with a brisk freshness. Kyle taught her the words for the different colors around them. She took in his words as if they were some divine instruction. The determination to pronounce everything with perfection amused him. It was rare to meet anyone dedicated to learning something with such fervor and of their own accord.
Soon, she had it mastered, eagerly pointing to things and announcing what they were with a proud look of glee. He moved onto objects—trees, birds, hands, and feet. By the time the trail rose in elevation, Neilina had mastered a handful of French words to add to her vocabulary. Once again, Kyle found himself surprised at how fast time slipped by in her company.
“I think that’s enough fer now, lassie.” He looked up to where the path took a steep incline, trailing over moss-laden rocks. “We’re almost there now.”
Her eyes shone with excitement. He could see the trust—the respect—glowing in her emerald gaze, and he had to stifle the guilt once more. He felt as if he was tricking a beautiful creature, and it hurt. Kyle was grateful the next leg of their journey was somewhat physically demanding. Neilina was silent as she scaled the rocks, picking up the hem of her skirt.
There were many times Kyle thought she might call to stop. Forgetting her attire’s restrictions for such a hike when he planned it, he kept expecting a word of complaint to come from Neilina. No such moment came. Her breaths quickened and shallowed, but never did she pause to rest or utter a word of discomfort.
From behind him, Kyle’s skin erupted into gooseflesh as Neilina let out a sharp cry. With nearly unnatural speed, he swiveled and caught her hand as her foot slipped on a patch of soft earth. His heart raced as he felt her soft skin against his. A tension arose between him, a quiet building force, as he helped her to stabilize.
Neilina followed close behind him after that. Kyle’s hands were free and seemed to hover near her, prepared to catch her lest she stumbled once more. He watched her with both growing admiration and concern as she scaled the last of the rocks.
“Are ye ready, lassie?” he smiled, leading her over the last stretch.
“Aye,” she said.
Kyle clambered atop the last boulder and extended his hand down toward her. Neilina looked up at him in a way that made his whole body tingle before accepting his aid. He lifted her up, placing one of his strong hands at her waist to stabilize her at the top. As he had hoped, Neilina pulled in a sharp breath of awe as her eyes took in the scene below them.
The boulder they stood on was one of many creating a deep, natural bowl. The forest pressed in close to the stone before falling away to moss-covered rocks. A small waterfall bubbled from between them and pooled into a secret pond that emptied with a soft trickle back into the forest. In the distance, an old forgotten shack tilted with the weight of gravity. The earth hues of its structure were broken by dark green vegetation breaking its seams.
“It’s beautiful.” Her mouth hung open as her eyes took in the magic of the scene below. She looked up at Kyle. “I’ve lived here me whole life an’ ne’er kenned this were here.”
Kyle laughed, overwhelmed with happiness that his plan worked as he had hoped. “I’m glad tae hear. Come on.” Kyle took a step down, reaching up to her. “We can eat by the water.”
Neilina regarded his open arms with hesitation. She looked around her to see if there was another way. Dissatisfied with the drop from the boulder she stood on to the ones below, she took a deep breath and jumped into his arms.
Kyle caught her, but with her, he lost his breath. Her body pressing against his sent fire through his veins. She was close enough for him to smell the light herbal perfumes used to wash her hair. It was both familiar and exotic all at once. The way she made him feel frightened him. He needed to guard himself, or the guilt alone would unravel his plans.
As soon as she found her balance, Kyle started down toward the water at a quick pace. He did not turn to help her, though he could hear the rattle of rocks tumbling down as she descended. It surprised him to realize she kept up with him despite the restrictions her attire brought.
He did not look at her as he unpacked the small basket. All the while, he could feel her staring at him. Neilina’s constant gaze was a temptation to him. He felt an almost impulsive urge to look into those emerald eyes, and like any temptations, he determined himself not to yield. He laid out the blanket and the modest meal, listening to the birds chirp and water gurgle as it passed over the rocks.
“This is wonderful, Robert.”
Hearing his friend’s name in place of his own was like being poked with a hot iron. It sobered him and helped clear away the feelings of attraction building for the young woman. She’s nae yer friend. She’s nae yer pupil, he reminded himself as he sat down on a flat-topped stone, away from her.
“Thank ye.”
The tone of Neilina’s voice caused Kyle to look up. To his dismay, the joy slipped from her features. He wondered if this was his doing. He wondered if his sudden change in demeanor offended her. Instead of speaking, afraid he might reveal or encourage more, he took a large bite from the stale bread in his hand. He looked out at the water, but from this position, he could see Neilina in his periphery.
The young woman looked up at the sky. Her expression was strained with some untold troubles. It aroused his intrigue, but Kyle said nothing.
“Ye ken,” Neilina finally said, “no one’s done anythin’ like this fer me before.”
Kyle nodded and ate. Neilina’s head turned to him, and this time, he could not deny her need for his attention. When he looked at her, he felt as if he understood the desperate melancholy known to the c
aged bird. A wild giggle erupted from Neilina’s lips with such suddenness, Kyle’s heart startled.
“Isn’t it funny,” Neilina mused, leaning back on her elbows, “how those closest tae ye can go their whole lives nae kennin’ ye, an’ then a stranger,” she looked at him with a sparkle in her eyes that caused his heart to skip, “can ken ye better than the lot o’ ‘em?”
The bread lodged in Kyle’s throat, and he coughed violently. Neilina’s laughter enchanted and humiliated him all at once. He was grateful she did not look to him for an answer to her observation. Even more so, he was relieved when she continued to talk—unfazed by his silence.
Neilina rolled over on the blanket to face him. She propped her head upon her bent elbow, her red curls cascading down her porcelain skin. The fabric of her sleeves pooled at the base of her slender forearm like the rich, rippling hues of water at dusk.
“Can I tell ye a secret?” she asked, just above a whisper.
Collecting himself, Kyle nodded. He brushed the crumbs from his tunic and slacks before pivoting to face her. To show her he was listening, he leaned in over his thighs, propping himself up on his forearms. He tried not to look at her, fighting himself for being enthralled by her beauty.
“I dinnae want tae be a lady.”
This surprised Kyle, and his face showed it. His brows arched, and he found himself once again lost in Neilina’s eyes.
“Aye,” she said as if it were the most scandalous thing, “’tis true.” She let out a dreamy sigh as she rolled onto her back and looked up at the open, blue sky, “If I were someone else, I’d be free tae do this all the time.”
“French lessons?”
Neilina gave him a cutting look as if he were daft. “No, nae that.” A smile crawled over her features. “This,” she gestured around them. “Explorin’ the world around me. If me father knew,” she became excited by this idea, sitting up with enough force to send her curls flying around her shoulders, “he’d have a fit; that’s what.” She laughed at that, but her laughter faded just as quickly. Her eyes turned down to the blanket, where she methodically picked away stray pieces of dried grass.
“I feel trapped by it all,” she shook her head. “Ye can ne’er ken what it’s like. I envy you.”
“That’s the second time ye’ve said that.”
“Aye, it’s true!” She looked up at him with conviction. “Ye get tae choose who ye want tae be. Yer free.”
Kyle scoffed at this, shaking his head without thought. “Nae, lass, I’m nae more free than ye are.”
She looked at him with a dead stare. “I find tha’ hard tae believe.”
Kyle shrugged, “Believe what ye like.” He looked up at the sun lowering above the tree line and stood. “We should be headin’ back now.”
As they walked back, the serene excitement disappeared from their silence. All that was left was a tension difficult for Kyle to understand. He tried his best to keep space between them, afraid of the sensations she instinctively awoke in him. However, she seemed to naturally gravitate back to his side, closer than their trek into the forest. By the time they reached his croft, he was exhausted from the mental exertion alone. He almost forgot his manners, barreling towards the door to his temporary home.
“I cannae come here tomorrow,” Neilina’s voice called after him, stopping a good ten feet from his threshold.
When he turned to address her, he could see the insecurity in her gaze. Even if no words passed between them, he sensed she was aware—even if only vaguely—that he was distancing himself from her. Kyle nodded in understanding and turned back to the croft.
“May I come again the day after?” Neilina asked, stepping forward.
Kyle looked at her over his shoulder. He did not want to be rude, but the attraction he felt frustrated him to the point of irritability. He wanted to be alone with his thoughts.
“Aye.” The word was curt. Kyle saw the pink blush stain Neilina’s cheeks, the disappointment flood her eyes. A protective mask cloaked her features, and an air of formality seemed to straighten her posture. She gave him a nod, turned on her heels, and walked at double speed, completely forgetting her papers and quill behind.
Chapter Four
Neilina awoke in her chambers, the morning light warming her face. She opened her eyes and stared up at the ceiling above, her mind torrid with thoughts of the man she’d come to know as Robert. He was an enigma—confusing and enthralling all at once.
The previous day was filled with some of the most exciting and enchanting times moments her life. She replayed them over and over, remembering the way he looked at her, the feel of his hands against her waist and skin. Yet the way he said goodbye left her in unease and confusion. Did I offend him? she wondered to herself.
She questioned if she’d misread the affection in his eyes. Maybe she’d crossed the line dividing student and teacher. The thought of him possibly feeling disrespected in any way left her stomach churning. It occurred to her that she was too open with him. He seemed like such a forward-thinking individual, but she knew how it must sound to have a lady such as herself complain about her life. It sickened her to consider that he’d possibly lost respect for her. She’d noticed his demeanor change after she’d opened up to him.
The lack of closure, the lack of validation, left her longing to run to his croft for another lesson. Neilina let out a heavy sigh as she remembered all that was expected of her that day. Whatever her tutor might think of her, she would have to wait to find out and right it. There was something about him—his silent, observing nature and kind smile—that drew her to him. Just thinking about him hastened her heart and lifted the hair on her arms.
Neilina tried to push away the feelings, remembering that Graham was arriving with the McDonnells that morning. Dread filled her. It was not that Graham was unlikeable, per se; it was that she never knew how to act around him. The conversations were stilted, and left her feeling trapped behind the expectations for a proper lady.
A knock sounded at the door. Neilina forced herself up as her chambermaid came to help plait her hair. There was nothing she loathed more than the long hours spent in front of her wardrobe while someone pulled at her tresses in an attempt to make them “presentable.”
“Ye havenae even dressed, Neilina!”
“Mornin’, Davina.” Neilina rolled her eyes the moment the old woman turned to gather a gown.
“Yer hair’s a mess, ye wee bairn.”
Neilina scowled, “I’m nae a bairn.”
“Aye, well, a lady would be up an’ dressed by now, nae lazin’ about daydreamin’ like so.”
Neilina bit her tongue and reluctantly dressed. Davina tapped a comb impatiently on the back of a chair, indicating for Nailina to sit. She let out a heavy sigh as she sat down. She tried her best not to cry out as Davina pulled at her hair, unconcerned by the pain it caused.
“Oh, would ye watch it?” Neilinagrabbed at her scalp.
Davina ignored her, tugging with more ferocity as she struggled with Neilina’s unkempt curls, “Are ye excited, lassie?”
“Hm?”
“Graham is here, m’lady.” Davina smiled down at Neilina.
Neilina knew she should be excited, but in truth, it stressed her to think of navigating the situation. She tried to think of what she might say to avoid embarrassing herself like she did with her tutor. If she offended her strange new acquaintance, her honesty would doubtless be too much for the likes of Graham.
“Aye,” she said.
“Are ye alright, Neilina?” The woman paused what she was doing and looked at the young woman with maternal concern.
“Aye, ‘tis only nerves.” She gave a weak smile, trying her best to appear normal.
“I ken.” Davina tied up the last of the braids and patted Neilina’s shoulders before holding a hand mirror out for her. “Look at how bonnie ye are,” she smiled.
Neilina touched the braids as she regarded her reflection. The woman staring back at her looked strange—as if
her appearance were somehow a lie. It was true, she looked beautiful. Davina replicated the French styles with perfection, but it was not her. She would much rather have her hair as free as her soul. She gave the mirror back unceremoniously, ready to say goodbye to the imposter staring back at her.
“Don’t ye like it, m’lady?” Davina looked at her, perplexed.
“Och, aye,” she smiled. “Ye mus’ forgive me manners, Davina.”
“No worries, lassie.” She patted her shoulder, tenderly. “I understand. Ye have quite the day ahead o’ ye. The McDonnell’s will be dinin’ with ye tonight.”