by Robin Roseau
Everything disappeared. I could feel her, but I couldn’t see. It felt… weird. It felt like she was rifling through my clothes, or something. But I let her do what she wanted.
I don’t know how long that went on. A while. But then I could see again, and she was smiling at me, her hand on my cheek. She pulled me closer.
And kissed me.
It was a sweet, gentle kiss. And then I could see out of my regular eyes.
The five were still kneeling. I spoke, words I didn’t understand. And Lal Keshia said, “Jeraya, you should be able to hear me. She wants you to talk to her. Tell her your story.”
I tried to say, “I don’t understand,” but nothing came out. I wasn’t the one in control.
And then the view faded, and we were back in the fog, but Shi`nual stood before me, still caressing my cheek. “Jeraya,” she said. And then she brushed my lips.
“Shi`nual,” I said. “I don’t understand.” And here, I could speak. “Lal Keshia told me to tell you my story. That will take some time.”
She leaned in and kissed me again, then gestured. There was a sofa, and we sat down together, side by side, holding hands, turned to face each other. She brushed my lips again.
And so, I told my story, everything from that day in the market until today. It took time, a long time. When I was done, she bowed her head. “I am sorry.”
“You understood?”
“You taught me your words,” she said. “Yes.”
“I don’t understand.”
“When we communed,” she said, looking up. “But I needed to hear you speak.” She offered a smile. “I am a goddess, Jeraya. This is a small thing.” She caressed my cheek. “Jeraya, you are safe. You are entirely safe. Lal Keshia couldn’t even dream of hurting you. It would be no different than if she hurt me, and that would be a great sacrilege.”
“You’ll leave, though.”
“That changes nothing. She won’t hurt you. She won’t even use her magic on you.”
“I’m fairly sure she will, to keep me from talking.”
“No, Jeraya. You won’t tell anyone what she has done.”
“Because you won’t let me.”
“Because I am asking you not to.”
I stared at her, and then I nodded. “All right.”
“When my host makes a promise to me, it is binding, Jeraya.”
“So, I can never tell?”
“You may speak of me. And when you are old, you may tell your grandchildren the entire story, if you wish.”
“I am to tell them of a goddess who came to me? They won’t believe me.”
“They’ll believe,” she said. “Now, would you like to see me yell at Lal Keshia?”
I grinned. “Yes.”
“Let us start with that.”
Everything faded, and then I could see them, still kneeling. “Lal Keshia,” I said. “You used an unwilling host. You should be ashamed.”
“I know,” Lal Keshia replied from the floor. “But did she tell you she would have come if I’d asked politely?”
“I didn’t ask. That is irrelevant. I have never accepted an unwilling host before, and the only reason I am still here is because of my own curiosity.”
“Please don’t go,” I said, or tried to. Nothing came out. That was frustrating, and I tried again. And then my body said, “I hear you, Jeraya. But she didn’t tell you half the things she should have.”
And then she switched languages, and she began to berate Lal Keshia. That went on for a while.
* * * *
The world faded again, and then I was on the sofa, holding hands with myself. With the goddess, but she looked like me. She smiled. “She won’t do that again.”
“There’s so much I didn’t believe.”
“I understand,” she replied. “This hair.” She ran fingers through my hair. “I do not remember the last time my host had hair quite like this. I think I like it. It suits us, at least here, in this place.”
“Thank you for coming,” I told her. “I don’t know the rules. She said she only gets three questions. I don’t want to waste them for her.”
“She gets three questions. You may ask anything you want. Her questions I must answer. That is the pact we make when I accept this offer. Your answers depend on whether the questions amuse me. I will be vexed, however, if you ask questions on her behalf.”
“I don’t want to vex you, but can you help her?”
“I’ll answer questions like that if you promise not to tell Lal Keshia.”
“I’ll keep it to myself, at least until I tell my grandchildren about you.”
“I can help her, but perhaps not the way she hopes.”
“You know what she wants.”
“You told me enough, and I already had the other pieces of the story.”
“That’s good then. Perhaps not as good as she hopes.”
“No, not as good as she hopes,” Shi`nual said. “But let’s not worry about that for now. Jeraya, I have never accepted an unwilling host.”
“Are you leaving?”
“Are you suggesting you might have grown willing?”
“No. I am not suggesting anything. I’m ready to beg for you to stay.”
She smiled broadly and caressed my cheek again. “You do not know everything that implies. And I do not feel like being the one to tell you, so I believe we shall let Lal Keshia explain it.”
“If I want to talk to you, I just try?”
“Yes, although this is easier for both of us. If I remain, you and I will spend much time here.”
I looked around. “It’s a little bland.”
She laughed and made a gesture, and the grey turned into a grand palace. I gawked and turned back to her. She smiled. “Is that real?”
“This is all in your mind,” she replied. “I am not touching your body. I am touching you, the inner you, and you are touching the inner me. I don’t really have an outer me. I have an inner me, and I have your body for as long as you are my host.”
“Is that why you accept these offers?”
“It is part of the reason. I enjoy living in a mortal body. Are you ready to listen to Lal Keshia explain what it means if you should truly beg for me to stay?”
“All right.”
The world faded, and we were back in the parlor.
“Serve us,” Shi`nual said. “I am not pleased with you, Lal Keshia. Not only did you use an unwilling host, but you kept her deeply ignorant.”
“I didn’t want her more frightened than she already was. She is an innocent.”
“The rest of you,” Shi`nual said. “Wine. And more of the fruit.” We stood, and the scarves fluttered. “Take these from my body. Now!”
They all scurried. The scarves were removed. Wine was poured. Apples were sliced. And I found myself seated on the sofa, Burquiri feeding me apple slices from her own fingers, Lal Keshia still kneeling to me.
“How long are you going to make her stay there?” I asked.
“I haven’t decided,” I replied. “Lal Keshia, your wife misses you.”
Before me, she gave a gasp, and then she was shuddering. And then I moved from the sofa, kneeling to her and crooning. “She is well,” I said. “Publicly, your sister mourned. It is believed you were lost at sea. Your wife accepted an invitation to her home. I am sorry, Lal Keshia. I think this was one of your questions, wasn’t it?”
“Yes,” she whispered.
“Come here.” We moved back onto the sofa and opened our arms. Lal Keshia accepted the invitation, and we held her. “Whether I stay to answer your questions,” I said, “You should have known that much.”
“Does that count as one of her three?” I asked from inside.
“No,” she replied. “Jeraya is asking questions. No, that does not count as one of your questions, but it is the only free answer you will receive.”
“Did you know the truth?” I asked silently.
“Yes,” I replied aloud. “But unless someone asks, I do
not interfere, and no one asked. Nur Mareet tried to summon me, but I did not think telling her the truth was in her best interests, so I took another offer.”
“Thank you,” Lal Keshia said. “Lal Selgen will give her a good life.”
“Yes, well,” I said. “You left my host ignorant. Fix that.”
Lal Keshia nodded and pushed away, looking into my eyes. “Jeraya, Shi`nual has no body of her own. To enjoy life, she accepts offers like this. She stays with one host for as long as it amuses her to do so. That may be until she receives a new offer that amuses her, or it may be until she grows bored for other reasons.”
“I wouldn’t say bored,” I said. “I would say I leave for reasons I don’t care to explain to everyone here.”
“Does that mean if I asked you more privately, you might answer?”
“I might,” she said. “Keep going, Lal Keshia.”
I sipped at my wine while watching the elf. She looked away, and I laughed. “Embarrassed, Lal Keshia?”
“She is an innocent.”
“She isn’t that innocent.”
“She has shared a bed with Alyidil for nearly two months, and they’ve barely touched each other.”
“What is she talking about?” I asked. “We’ve been pressed tightly together every night.”
“That’s not the sort of touch she means, Jeraya.”
“Don’t tell anyone else this, but we kiss before we go to bed.”
“Jeraya, do you think that’s what she means?”
“I know what she means,” I said.
“Keep going,” I said to Lal Keshia.
“Shi`nual enjoys living life to the fullest.”
“She’s talking about sex, isn’t she?”
“Let her tell you,” I replied to myself.
“Tell her what I asked.”
“You do not make demands, Host,” she said, then continued. “Jeraya asks if you are talking about sex?”
“That’s part of it,” Lal Keshia said. “Exotic foods. Adventures you are likely to hate.”
“I was nearly eaten by a snake once,” she said. “I was going to let the snake do it, too, except my host was screaming and begging me, and I realized that I wouldn’t have been hurt, but it would have killed her, and that would be a horrible thing to do to her. That was a long time ago, and now I’m more careful.”
“I didn’t know about that,” Lal Keshia said.
“The rules for my magic are rather complicated. I can’t heal you if I get you killed, but anything that doesn’t kill you I can repair. However, I can’t necessarily heal the people around you.”
They both grew still, and then finally I asked, “Can we go talk?”
“Of course.”
It took a moment, but then we were seated beside the cliff. I gave it a look. “This is in my mind, and I can’t really fall.”
“Sorry,” she said. “I’ll warn you next time.”
“Thank you,” I told her. “What happens now?”
“Now you decide if you remain reluctant.”
I turned to look out at the ocean. It was beautiful, with the two moons overhead. “How long would you stay?”
“The next time I might be summoned somewhere else is in… Hmm. Approximately 47 days.”
“You said you would tell me why you would leave early.”
“You must promise to tell no one.”
“My grandchildren?”
“You may tell them this part. I leave if I am mentally unhealthy for my host. Some become too frightened by what I enjoy, and some are… Well, they don’t care for my tastes.”
“Is that last part about sex again?”
“Yes. Some simply find me overwhelming. Some start to go a little mad, because until I leave, your body is entirely mine, and you can’t do so much as scratch if you have an itch. Furthermore, you need sleep, and so you do, but I do not. You can wake up at rather startling periods. Some find that deeply upsetting.”
“I sleep, but my body does not.” She nodded. “I can understand that. If I invite you to stay, will you?”
“Yes.”
“You said there were more reasons. I won’t tell anyone.”
She talked for a minute or two.
* * * *
I sat quietly, looking out at the moonlit water. “It looks so real.”
“To you, it is,” she said. She moved closer and put her arm around me.
“What is our body doing while we’re sitting here?”
“Taking a total of about five breaths,” she said. “Time here passes differently, although it doesn’t have to. Jeraya, if you invite me to stay, I won’t ask permission of you for my other choices, and if you become tedious, I either leave or simply shut off your ability to talk to me.”
“I want you to stay,” I said. “If you can help Lal Keshia, I want you to help her. May I make further requests?”
“You may ask.”
“I’d rather you didn’t get me killed or… Hmm. Tattooed.” I actually had a long list of things I wished she wouldn’t do, but I was pretty sure she’d probably do some.
“I’ve never been to this world. I am sure I can find plenty to do.”
“Thank you,” I said. “Please stay. Do I need to beg?”
“No, Jeraya. I only wanted a heartfelt invitation. Are you sure you understand?”
“You’re going to have sex with Lal Keshia, and I’m going to be along for the ride.”
“Jeraya, not just Lal Keshia.”
“Oh,” I said.
“How do you feel knowing that your body will be making love to Alyidil, but it’s me she’s making love to, and not you?”
“Sounds like fun.”
“And that sounds like bravado.”
“I want you to stay,” I said.
“Why?”
“What do you mean, why?”
“It’s a simple question. Why do you want me to stay?”
“Because Lal Keshia needs your help.”
“I think there’s more than that.”
“Does it matter?”
“I think it does,” she said. She turned to me, and I found myself rotating as well. And we were sitting very close, our legs entwined. She brushed at my cheek. “Have you ever made love to a woman, Jeraya?”
“No.”
“Have you thought about it?”
“Yes.”
“How about men?”
“Once.”
“Only once.”
“Only once,” I confirmed.
“Jeraya, you’re not ready for this.”
“I don’t see any other red-headed women with violet eyes making this offer, Shi`nual.” I smiled. “I bet I learn a few things.”
She laughed. “Oh, that’s absolutely true.”
“Please don’t leave,” I said. “If I’m horribly shocked, you can send me here and have your fun, I bet.”
“I don’t like doing that to you.”
“Please tell me you’ll stay.”
She considered me, and then she drew me to her. We kissed, rather deeply, and I melted against her. We kissed, and then she held me. “This feels real, and you feel very nice.”
“I’ll stay, but I’m not very good about containing myself, Jeraya.”
“Then don’t,” I replied. “I’ve heard people in the inn, and I’ve received a variety of offers.”
“Oh? And there’s something you want?”
“Sometimes people talk about spanking someone.”
“You want me to let Lal Keshia spank us?”
“Absolutely not, but if you spank her, I’m perfectly happy with that. She needs a good spanking.”
She roared with laughter.
Debauched
We came to awareness. Burquiri was offering us an apple. I opened my mouth, and she slipped it inside. I kissed her fingers, and she let me. Then I looked around. “Lal Keshia, Jeraya has begged me to stay, and she has begged me to help you as much as I am able.”
“She did?”
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“She did,” I confirmed. I stood, looked around, and said, “Take me to your bed.” But then I settled my gaze. “Alyidil, you have a decision to make.”
“I’ll do whatever you want, Goddess,” she said.
“No,” I replied. “I am quite happy to order Lal Keshia, but to the others, I only offer. You may join us, but if you decline, I’ll offer more widely.”
“What does Jeraya want?”
“Jeraya begged me to stay, and she understood the implications. But you would be with me, not her.”
“But she’s inside, watching.”
“Yes.”
“Tell her I said ‘yes’,” I said.
“You be quiet, Jeraya.”
“Tell her.”
“This is her decision, and mine, not yours,” she said. “Hush, or I won’t let you watch.”
“You’re not going to tell me what she’s telling you?” Alyidil asked.
“You have to decide what you want,” I said. “And perhaps trust my judgment.”
She smiled and held out her hand.
* * * *
It was Lal Keshia who led us to her room. Once we were inside, I said, “Undress us.” And then I pulled Lal Keshia into my arms. We began kissing.
Alyidil moved around, touching, undressing. I found myself cooperating, and Lal Keshia also gave up her clothing.
And then my attention shifted, and Alyidil was in my arms. We kissed, and it was very weird watching, feeling, my body responding whether I commanded it or not.
But I felt my passions rising.
I became entirely caught up in the things that were happening to me, in the things I was doing. I touched Lal Keshia here; I kissed Alyidil there. Alyidil kissed me here; Lal Keshia touched me there.
My body began panting in my pleasures. But inside, I knew that I was also panting. “Yes,” I whispered. “Yes, please.”
I tasted this; Lal Keshia tasted that. And then I felt a hand touching there. Yes, I whispered. And then, speaking for me, Shi`nual said, “Alyidil, Jeraya says yes.”
Fingers stroked. Fingers entered. And I became completely lost to the passions.
* * * *
It was everything I ever thought it could be. It was more than I ever thought it could be. Eventually, we lay together, four of us in three bodies. I could taste both of them on my mouth. Someone’s fingers were inside me again, more than fingers, although they were still. And then there was wriggling, and they withdrew. I captured a wrist and lifted fingers to Lal Keshia, who cleaned the black-skinned hand. Then I set the hand over my breast, and we all grew still.