by Robin Roseau
“You’re not dead.”
I stood and spun. I stood perhaps ten feet away, dripping water.
“I welcomed you,” I told myself. “I invited you to stay. And you jumped from a cliff into the ocean.”
“Yes, well, that was a mistake. I didn’t realize it would be so cold.”
“You didn’t know it would be cold?” I asked. “Are you kidding me? You didn’t know? That’s your excuse for killing me?”
“I didn’t kill you, but from the way Lal Keshia is going on, you would think I had.”
“You’re laughing! You killed me, and now you’re laughing about it!”
“I didn’t kill you,” she said. “I’ve told you three times now.”
“Fine. You nearly killed me. Why are we here? Is my body nearly destroyed?”
“Oh, please. I would have healed any damage. Lal Keshia is screaming at me that I owe you an apology.”
“I don’t believe you. She may be politely suggesting it. I find it unlikely she’s screaming at you. And I noticed that you don’t deny nearly killing me.”
“The water was colder than I anticipated,” she said her tone subdued.
“Did you consider what would have happened if we’d hit the rocks.”
“That’s why I measured the timing,” she said. “I timed it perfectly. We landed just after the peak of the wave.”
“And were then dashed against the rocks.”
She didn’t deny it. I spun around, showing her my back. A moment later, I felt her hands on my shoulders. “I jump from cliffs all the time. This is the first time in three hundred years…”
“That you nearly killed someone doing it?”
“I’m sorry.”
“Frankly, I don’t believe you. Do they all scream?”
“Most of them. Some tell me to do it again.”
“I won’t be doing that,” I said. “I’m cold.”
“I know. We’ll be warm again soon.”
“This place isn’t real. Why are we both wet?”
“This is the true you. Your body is cold and wet, so profoundly so that I can’t mask you from all of it. Jeraya, I’m sorry.”
“I don’t believe you!” I spun and shook a finger at her. “I invited you to stay, but I didn’t know you were an idiot.”
“I’m not an idiot!”
“Oh? Everyone knows jumping off cliffs into the ocean is a fabulous way to die. How is it a goddess doesn't realize that.”
“You didn’t die.”
“It was close, wasn’t it? It was really close. When’s the last time you apologized to someone for doing that?”
“You didn’t die, Jeraya, or we wouldn’t be here talking about it.”
“I’m owed better than this from you.”
“You’re right.”
“I am?”
“Yes. I won’t jump off any more cliffs.”
“You think this is funny!” I screamed. “It isn’t funny!”
“It wasn’t funny,” she replied. “Until I was sure you were going to be okay. But now it’s kind of funny.”
“It wasn’t funny when you coldly calculated where to jump, it really wasn’t funny when you ignored me screaming.”
“Oh, I didn’t ignore you.”
“It was even less funny when you jumped, and the funny that didn’t exist to begin with entirely fled as we fell into water cold enough to kill people. It didn’t begin to turn funny when we bashed against the rocks.”
“We didn’t bash against any rocks.”
“I don’t know how we got out, but I’m sure that wasn’t funny, either. And it hasn’t grown funny since.”
“It’s a little funny,” she insisted.
“I’m cold!” I complained. “And wet! And scared you’re going to make another mistake like that.”
“I won’t.”
“I think you should leave. You gave Lal Keshia her answers. You said you leave if you decide staying is bad for your host. I’m fairly sure a penchant for jumping off tall cliffs into the ocean is bad for this particular host.”
“You’re overwrought.”
“You tried to kill me!”
“If I had tried to kill you, you’d be dead. Really, Jeraya, you’re overreacting.”
“Why are we still here?” I asked, pointing to the ground. “Why won’t you let me see for myself that I’m okay.”
“Because you wouldn’t like what’s about to happen.”
“I didn’t like the last thing that happened. What are you doing with my body now?”
“Not me this time. Lal Keshia.”
“Is she sawing off my legs or something? Did you bash them so badly I’ll never walk again?”
“No!” Shi`nual replied. “Why would you think that?”
“Tell me what’s happening.”
“They’re about to put us into the tub.”
“That’s it?”
“It’s going to be a little shocking. Don’t argue, now. I’ll let you feel when it’s safe. You’re not dead. You’re wet and cold. It will take a while before you warm up. That’s all.”
“You stopped saying ‘we’.”
“Fine. We’re wet and cold. We will feel better in a little while.”
“I think you were punishing me for not answering your question.”
“I think I like jumping from cliffs. It makes me feel especially alive.”
“It was a shitty trick.”
“Perhaps,” she said. “I’ll make it up to you.”
“I’m not sure there’s enough making up to make up for jumping into the ocean.” She cocked her head. “What?” I spat.
“I’m trying to figure out what you said.”
I poked her in the chest. “That was mean.”
“Admit it: you’ve never done it before.”
“I’ve never hung myself, either, but that doesn’t mean I want you to try that next.”
“Are you really asking me to leave?”
“I don’t know. How soon will I warm up?”
“They’re about to put us in the tub.”
I waved a finger at her. “Hold me.”
She did, wrapping around me. She wasn’t any warmer than I was, but I clung to her. I didn’t yell any further, and then the world faded, and when I could see, I was holding Alyidil instead. We were in the big tub together. I felt someone else, too, but I couldn’t see who it was.
“I’m letting her see,” I said.
I felt fingers on my chin, and then my head turned. It was Lal Keshia. “Jeraya, I’m sorry.”
“Please ask them to hold me more tightly,” I said.
They did.
* * * *
They pampered me, and it felt like they were pampering me, and not the goddess. They bathed me and dried me, and by then there was warm food, so they let me eat.
And they then put me to bed. “Please ask Alyidil to hold me.”
And she did.
* * * *
I slept, and when I woke, I was in the grey world again. Shi`nual was holding me, and then the world became a bedroom, but she was still the one holding me, so I knew it was still the grey world.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “Are you asking me to leave?”
“I don’t know. Why did you do that?”
“I didn’t realize the water would be cold.”
“That explains how you miscalculated. I want to know why you did it. Was it to punish me?”
“No. This is going to be difficult to explain. I want you to understand something. It isn’t exactly like this, but my life, when I’m not in a host, is like this world.”
“I’d hate that.”
“I hate it,” she said. “And remember how I said our time here can be only a few breaths of time in the other world?”
“Yes.”
“The time in between hosts can feel like an eternity.”
“What do you do?”
“I think a lot,” she replied. “Jeraya, please don’t make me leave.”
“Is it even my choice?”
“If you asked me to leave, I would leave.”
“I bet I can’t make you.”
“No, you can’t, but if you really asked me to go, I would go.”
“You left someone to come here, didn’t you?”
“Yes, and she was rather unhappy about it. I’d only been there for four days.”
“Did she get her questions answered?”
“They weren’t her questions, but yes, I answered the three questions. But most people only get one chance, and it wasn’t the normal cycle. It wasn’t two full moons, although they are far, far more common there than here.”
“I don’t understand how that works,” I said. “Maybe you can explain it sometime.”
“I can try.”
“You left someone, but if you leave, you’ll be in the grey world until the next two full moons.”
“It won’t be so long,” she said. “But at the same time…”
“It feels like eternity.”
“Yes.”
“Please explain why you did that.”
“I’m trying. Can you understand how being alive would feel to me?”
“A little, maybe.”
“I never feel more alive than when I intentionally scare my host,” she explained. “They shouldn’t be surprised. Everyone knows I do something like that, at least once per host.”
“But the ocean there is warmer.”
“Much warmer,” she said. “I shouldn’t do it. It’s a mean trick. But some of them dare me.”
“Really?”
“Yes. They dare me to surprise them, and dare me again to make them scream.”
“Why?”
“Because they feel alive, too. No one could bring herself to do something like that.”
“Do they all live near the ocean?”
“No. With some, we travel. With others, I find other things to do. That’s how I was almost eaten by that snake.”
“Oh. I see.”
“I think Lal Keshia made her home here intentionally.”
“She should have warned me.”
“She probably should have,” Shi`nual said. “On the other hand, you may not have invited me to stay if she had.”
“We’ll never know. Are you going to do more things like that?”
“I think I’ll restrain myself to other experiences.”
“Then you may stay.”
She paused, then said simply, “Thank you.”
“The sex is pretty good.”
She laughed. “It isn’t bad.”
“I suppose you’ve done everything imaginable.”
“Oh, probably not, but I’ve done more than any human could fit into one lifetime.”
We lay together for a while until she asked, “If you were the only one on this entire world who could help Lal Keshia, would you stay and help her?”
“Yes. Shi`nual, is Alyidil still awake?”
“No, but she wouldn’t mind if we woke her.”
“I think I’d like that.
So, we did.
Along
Over breakfast, I announced, “Jeraya has invited me to stay. I wish to travel.”
“Do you know how long you’ll be with us?” Lal Keshia asked.
We turned to her. “Why do you ask?”
“You weren’t specific where you wanted to go. If you are leaving in three days, we couldn’t return to Rosegrove.”
“Ah. The next pair of full moons isn’t in three days.”
“I have been unable to track the times,” Lal Keshia said.
“It’s underway.”
“What?” I asked.
“There is no one offering who is more interesting than remaining here,” I continued. “If I am welcome, I would prefer to stay. The next full moon pair is the week after next, and then there is nearly a four-week break. There is someone interesting in two weeks, but I would enjoy seeing more of this world. I think I would like to see Rosegrove.”
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“I told you I didn’t like being interrupted,” I said.
“Tough. What are you doing?”
There was no fading this time. The world went grey, and it stayed that way for some time.
* * * *
I glared at her when finally, she appeared before me. “That was a shitty thing to do.”
“I didn’t want to explain it in a fashion anyone else could hear,” she said. “And it took longer to return to you. It hasn’t actually been that long, only about fifteen minutes.”
“It was hours!”
“Welcome to my world.”
“Seriously?”
“Yes. Fifteen, perhaps twenty minutes. That’s all.”
“If you do that again, can you at least put me in a room with some books or a deck of cards or something.”
“Yes, I can. If there’s a next time. You’re not yelling.”
“Do your hosts frequently yell at you?”
“This particular host has yelled at me a few times.” She paused. “I wouldn’t say frequently, but some of them forget I am a goddess.”
“I haven’t forgotten,” I replied. “What are you doing?”
“I am giving you choices.”
“Choices.”
“Yes,” she said. “Choices. When we reach Rosegrove, you will take me on a tour of the city.”
“You’re going to let me…”
“Be in control? No. But I’ll ask you where to go and to explain what we’re seeing. I may prompt you to show me particular things.”
“Oh. I can do that.”
“Do you know the city well?”
“Not every nook and cranny, but yes.”
“And the shops?”
“Yes, most of them, I suppose.”
“All right then. They’re packing. Your horses are quite different from the equivalent mounts I know. I am looking forward to this trip.”
“Shi`nual, there are things you’re not telling me.”
“Yes,” she admitted. “There are. There is a big one I’ll tell you in Rosegrove. It’s tied to why I want you to show me the shops.”
“All right. I can be patient.”
“Jeraya, I’m going to treat you less delicately for portions of this trip. I’ll probably not let you talk for portions, and I’ll probably banish you here for portions. Please do not be angry.”
“You want to make the most out of what might be your only trip here.”
“That is part of it, yes.”
“No more jumping off cliffs, though.”
“No more.”
* * * *
We left an hour later. I was disappointed that we each rode alone, but Shi`nual had asked me to be quiet, and so I kept my opinions to myself.
Our journey largely retraced our steps here from two months ago, backwards, of course. For meals at the inns, Shi`nual always asked about local flavors. I didn’t even understand the question, and she seemed disappointed by the answers. But she didn’t pull me aside, so to speak, to talk about it, and so again, I kept my opinions – and questions – to myself.
When we camped, we engaged in debauched – and very satisfying – sex. Some of it I found a little shocking, as if the entire experience wasn’t shocking enough. But all of it was enjoyable. I was left wondering what would happen after she moved to her next host. I couldn’t see myself acting like this, nor did I think the others would treat me the same way they treated her. She was a goddess, after all, and I was nobody, just a girl with red hair and violet eyes.
But I decided to enjoy it while it lasted.
When we stayed at the inns, she was amazingly successful luring a woman to our room, or in a few instances, more than one. By the third time, I tried to detect patterns, but there appeared to be no rhyme nor reason in her choices. Some of the women were quite young, barely adults. One of the women was a grandmother. She’d once been a real beauty while one of the younger women was quite sturdy. That one had
cried afterwards, and we held her, crooning gently.
“Why?” she asked.
“Because I thought you would find joy,” was the simple answer. “It is only a night of shared pleasure, Melia.”
“No one has ever…”
“Then we should make the most of it,” I replied. “You weren’t tired, were you?”
Later, as I lay in Melia’s arms, I said, “You’re not going to believe me.”
“Are you going to tell me this is real and not the dream I decided it must be.”
I laughed. “No. I’m a god.”
“That’s what I was thinking.”
“No, Melia. A real god. I’m borrowing this body. If you see me again, I won’t really be the same person. I’ll probably walk differently. You might not notice. But I won’t have this accent you hear.”
“Is this your way of saying don’t expect a repeat if ever we meet again?”
“Well, that wasn’t what I was trying to say, although that’s probably true. My host had never done anything like this before she invited me for a visit. Well, not never. Once, and with a man. I’ve been giving her such ideas, I think.”
That was certainly true.
“But you’re so pretty,” Melia said. “You could have anyone.”
“Yes, but it wasn’t her way, and I don’t think she felt she was attractive, either.”
That was true, too.
“I’ve never heard an accent like yours before.”
“I imagine not,” I replied. “Where I’m from, I wouldn’t have had to talk about this. I would have simply said my name, and everyone would have known who I was.”
“So, your name isn’t really Shi`nual?”
“My name is. My host’s name is not.”
“How does it work? There are three of us in this bed?”
“I suppose there are. She gives me her body for a while, and then she gets to watch to see what I do with it.”
“So, she’s watching now, listening to us.”
“Yes, but unlike me, she needs sleep. So, I think it’s her bedtime, and then I have secrets I want to whisper to you.”
* * * *
We were well on the road before I woke. I wasn’t sure how I felt about being pushed away like that. I didn’t think I liked it. But I’d invited her to stay; I’d invited her twice, actually. And so, I said nothing, and she offered no conversations with me.
And then we reached Rosegrove. And she spoke directly to me for the first time since we had left Deepwater. “Jeraya, do you care to recommend an inn?”