“You’ve been warned.”
“Back to Lynn. What are you thinking?”
She sighed and leaned her head back. “I don’t know. I basically unloaded every feeling I had about Duchess on her and then ran off.”
“Not to sound like a dick, but that is kind of her job. Like, she lives for that shit.”
Queenie chuckled. “Okay, you may be right about that, but I wasn’t paying her for that. I feel bad.”
“I really don’t think you should worry about it, sugar. When you stormed out, she said she understood what you were saying. Something tells me Lynn has some first-hand experience with addicts that runs deeper than her job.”
“You think?”
I dug my fingers into the arch of her foot and Queenie moaned. “Yeah. Just a feeling I got.”
“You think she was an addict?”
I honestly didn’t know. Addiction could look like anything. “Maybe her or maybe someone she knew. I wanna say it was someone she knew because she said what you were going through was even harder than being an addict.”
Queenie’s head popped up. “She said that?”
I nodded. “Yeah. I wouldn’t worry about thinking you hurt her feelings, sugar. She gets you.”
“Gah, why did you say that?” She pulled her foot away and jumped up.
“What are you doing?” I had just told her to not worry about Lynn, and now she was charging to her bedroom.
“We need to go.”
“Go where?” I called.
She stormed out of her bedroom two minutes later with her shoes and purse. “Let’s go,” she demanded.
“You haven’t mentioned where.”
“To see Lynn.”
“I was right there with you, and then, you lost me. Why are we going to see Lynn?”
“Because I was mean and she understands why I was mean.”
I closed my eyes and ran what she just said through my head. “Were you drinking? What’s in your cup?”
“It’s ten in the morning, Sledge. Even you biker badasses don’t drink that early.”
“Never say never, sugar.”
She moved to the door and held it open. “I’m going. Are you coming? I might stop and see Robyn when I’m done talking to Lynn.”
“You’re not going by yourself, Queenie. Until Gunner is back home, you’re not going anywhere without me.” And even after Gunner is back, I didn’t know how eager I would be to let them out on their own. Gunner and Queenie had managed to cheat death a couple times already. I didn’t want to risk it anymore.
“I’m inviting you, Sledge. Now get your butt up and let’s go.”
Something had crawled up Queenie’s butt about seeing Lynn, and she was going with or without me. “Can we at least grab some breakfast on the way?”
“Drive thru only,” she ordered.
I grabbed my bike keys and tossed them in the air. “How do you feel about taking my bike?”
Queenie rolled her shoulder. “I just took a pain pill and I’m feeling good. Let’s hit it, biker dude.”
I grabbed her around the waist and pulled her in for a kiss. “Let’s ride, sugar.”
*
Chapter Fifteen
Burritos and a little talk…
Queenie
“Oh, yeah, my butt hurts.”
“Anything else?” Sledge unbuckled the helmet from my head and set it on the bike.
I rolled my shoulder and only felt a little twinge of pain. “Uh, no. Just my butt. I think I’m over the hump of my shoulder and back hurting all of the time.” I handed Sledge his coffee and finally took a sip of mine. “I didn’t really think through getting breakfast on the bike.”
Sledge shrugged and grabbed the bag of food from his saddlebag. “Normally, I would just eat inside, but since you were in such a hurry, squashed breakfast and double fisting coffee is what you got.”
“Next time, I just won’t hold your cup,” I sassed.
Sledge laughed and set his coffee on the curb. He looked in the bag and sighed. “It’s a good thing you had your bowl of feisty flakes before we left. They didn’t give us any.”
“Ha, ha,” I grumbled.
He pulled out my breakfast burrito and held it up in the air. “Say thank you for putting up with me, Sledge, and then you can have this.”
I quirked my eyebrow.
“Go ahead, say it,” he prodded.
I shook my head and turned on my heel. “My feisty flakes will hold me over ‘til lunch.”
I heard the bag fall to the ground, and Sledge grabbed my arm.
He spun me back around and wrapped his arm around my waist. “You sure you don’t want this?”
My hand snaked up his body and wound around his neck. My lips connected with his, and I pressed myself against him. His body relaxed, and he lowered his hand that was holding my breakfast hostage. I snatched it out of his hand and pushed away.
“Thanks, handsome.” I winked and managed to step away before Sledge snapped back to reality.
He licked his lips and shook his head. “You don’t play fair, Queenie.”
I shrugged and unwrapped my burrito. “I think we were both winners. You got a kiss, and I got my burrito.”
“You’d rather have a burrito than a kiss from me?”
I took a huge bite of my burrito and moaned. “Can I have both? I mean, this is really good.” Breakfast burritos from Juan’s were the best food. Ever. Sledge’s kisses were a pretty good rival to them, though. I swallowed and took a sip of my coffee. “Yeah, I want them both. You can’t make me choose.”
Sledge shook his head and grabbed the abandoned bag with his burrito in it. “I see how I rank.” He unwrapped his and took a huge bite. He closed his eyes and moaned.
“Now you understand me.”
He swallowed the large bite and opened his eyes. “I’m okay with ranking right next to this burrito.”
“Told ya so.”
We finished our breakfast and found a garbage can to throw everything away.
“Did you call ahead, or are we barging in on her?” Sledge asked. He opened the door and held it for me.
“I sent her a text to see if we could stop by. She said she’ll fit me in whenever we got here.”
“And you think she’s mad at you,” Sledge mumbled.
I didn’t think she was mad per say but I was worried she thought I was a bitch who hated her sister for being an addict.
I hated that Duchess was an addict.
I didn’t hate her.
Coming here was me making sure that Lynn understood that.
This probably went back to me always making sure other people were okay and not myself, but whatever. I needed to clear my conscience. Plus, we could give her an update on what was going on with Gunner. Well, as much as we knew.
My anxiety was off the charts waiting to hear anything from Kaye. I was calling her in two hours, and I didn’t care what Sledge said. I had waited long enough. I needed some answers even if all she had to say was they were working on it.
“Hey,” I greeted the receptionist, “I don’t have an appointment, but Lynn told me to just drop by when I could.”
‘Of course. She’s always open for her patients. It might be a little bit. I think she’s in a group meeting right now. She’ll get you seen soon.” She reached behind her and grabbed a small plastic cup. “Just go ahead and fill this up.”
I grabbed the cup. “Oh,” I whispered, “uh, I’m not here for that.”
“I thought you needed to see Lynn?”
“Sugar,” Sledge laughed.
Did I always have to look like a fool in front of Sledge? “I’m not a patient of hers. My sister was and I just wanted to talk to her about a couple of things.”
“Oh, gosh,” the receptionist laughed nervously. “I’m so sorry. Sometimes I hand these things out like candy not really thinking about it. Just have a seat and she’ll come get you when she’s ready.”
Sledge grabbed my hand and pulled m
e over to a group of empty chairs.
“Do not even say a word,” I hissed.
Sledge grabbed a magazine and sat down next to me. “You looked at the cup like you were supposed to drink out of it.”
“Shut. Up.”
He shook his head and opened the magazine. “I suppose it’s a good thing you don’t recognize a piss test cup right away.”
I buried my face in my hands. “I take back what I said before. I like burritos better than you.”
We sat there for almost forty-five minutes before Lynn peeked her head out the door to the hallway to her office. “Hey! You guys can come on back.”
Sledge dropped his fifth magazine on the table and grabbed my hand. He pulled me out of the chair, and I walked a little wonky over to Lynn.
“Your butt still hurt?” he asked.
“Yes.” I rubbed my butt and groaned. “Next time, warn me.”
“Uh, everything okay?” Lynn asked.
I snatched my hand away from my butt. Today I was just making a fool of myself. I just needed to accept it. “We rode his bike here. My butt isn’t used to it.”
Lynn laughed and held open the door. “I’ve been there, girlfriend. A few more rides and you’ll be a pro.”
“You ride?” Sledge asked.
We followed Lynn down the hallway to her office.
“Long time ago. I haven’t been on a bike in ages.” She held open the door to her office. “I’m too busy working all of the time. I don’t exactly have regular office hours.”
I sat in the same chair I had before and Sledge dropped into the one next to me.
“Really?”
Lynn sat down and shoved a stack of papers to the side. Her desk wasn’t exactly tidy. I had to wonder how she managed to keep track of anything on it.
“Yeah. I tend to work every day, but it’s not always the same times. Tuesday and Thursday are group meeting days, while Monday and Wednesday I try to do all of my solo meetings. But not everyone can come to meetings on those days so it really becomes a cluster fuck.”
Sledge snorted.
“Oh, gosh,” Lynn laughed. “Sorry about that. Being professional doesn’t always happen with me.”
I elbowed Sledge. “You really don’t have to worry about that with us.” Honestly, her cussing made me like her even more. I didn’t feel like I had to be perfect.
“So, what did you want to talk about? I looked through all of Duchess’ files and didn’t find anything about who Gunner’s dad might be.” She rummaged through a stack of papers and pulled out an envelope.
“You don’t need to worry about figuring that out anymore.” I patted Sledge’s leg. “Sledge and his friends along with the Detective Kaye were able to figure it out.”
“Friends?” Sledge chuckled.
“Well, they’re your friends, aren’t there?” I grumbled.
“I guess you’re right, sugar.”
Lynn pointed her finger between Sledge and me. “I like you two together.”
I scrunched up my nose.
Sledge sat back in his chair and kicked out his legs. “Queenie thinks we’re moving too fast.”
“Oh, is there a certain time you’re supposed to be together?” Lynn asked.
“It’s just I’m kind of going through a lot right now, and I don’t think we need to rush into labeling what we’re doing.”
“I don’t need a label,” Sledge drawled. “As long as we’re doing it, I don’t care what you call it.”
Oh, God. “We’re also not doing it,” I blurted.
Why did I feel like I needed to justify myself to Lynn? I felt she was going to judge me no matter what I said or did. Sledge talking wasn’t helping, either.
Lynn help up her hands. “Uh, well, I don’t really think that’s any of my business.”
I leaned into Sledge. “Can you just let me do the talking for a second?”
“Have at it, Sugar.”
I was going smack him when we left. Even when being a smartass, he was hot as fire.
Lynn watched me expectantly while I tried to figure out where to start.
Sledge tapped his foot on the floor impatiently. I pressed my hand on his leg to silence him.
“That’s good practice for when Gunner gets older and he drives you crazy,” Sledge laughed.
“By the time he’s old enough to be slightly annoying, I’ll be a pro from dealing with you,” I grumbled.
Sledge leaned forward. “Have you ever heard of feisty flakes, Doc?”
“Oh, my God! You’re worse than a kid.”
Sledge shrugged and sat back. “Sorry, sugar.”
Lynn smiled and rested her elbows on the table. “It probably would be a good idea to get to what you wanted to talk to me about. I do have another meeting in about fifteen minutes. Though it is fascinating watching you two interact.”
Oh, Lord. Lynn was shrinking us in her head. Analyzing what our problem was and figuring out if we were actually a good match or not. I needed to get out of here before Sledge drove me crazy.
“I wanted to tell you I was sorry for the other day. I didn’t mean to yell at you like I did,” I explained.
“Oh, that,” Lynn laughed. “You actually went pretty easy on me. I totally understand what you were saying.”
“I know, but I shouldn’t have yelled at you. I don’t even know you.”
“No, but I’m sort of an extension of your sister. I know you two had a tumultuous relationship for a while. Duchess did a lot of things to you that any normal person wouldn’t have taken like you did.”
Huh. Duchess had told Lynn about all the money she had stolen and the empty promises she gave? “I know it was the drugs making her do all of those shitty things. It was just hard to know my sister and watch her become, well, whoever she was before she died.”
Lynn nodded. “It’s not easy. You’re watching it happen, knowing what she’s doing is wrong, but you can’t do anything to stop her. I told your boyfriend the other day that watching someone become and be an addict is a whole different level of pain and hurt. So many why’s and you can’t get an answer for any of them. I wasn’t meaning to excuse the way Duchess treated you. I just wanted you to know that when she was coming out of it and when she was sober, Duchess knew everything you did for her. She knew she had hurt you, but she didn’t know what to do with that. It was a double-edged sword with her. While using, she could take from anyone and not feel a thing, but she wanted to be sober to stop doing those things, but when she was sober, she hated herself for the things she did when she was using.”
God. What a fucking mess. You do shitty stuff on drugs and then hated yourself when you were sober for what you did, so to numb the pain, you use again. “She didn’t need to feel bad for those things. I got it even though I hated it. I just wanted her to be clean and just be my big sister again.”
Lynn sighed. “I know, Queenie. This is where it’s hard to understand what an addict thinks. I wish I could give you the answers you want about Duchess, but I don’t think I have all of them. She loved you and she loved Gunner. On her bad days, she couldn’t see that love through the haze of self-hate.”
Tears clogged my throat, and I wiped my nose with the back of my hand. “I loved her even when I wished she would just go away and never come back.” I tried to sniffle back the tears, but they fell like rain. “Now that she’s gone, I’d give anything to have her back. Even if that means she would be using, I just want her back.”
Sledge gathered me in his arms and lifted me into his lap.
“I just want her back,” I sobbed.
“Shh, sugar. It’s gonna be okay.”
I buried my face in Sledge’s shoulder and wrapped my arms around his neck.
I never got the time to stop and think about Duchess dying.
The call came that she had been shot and I had to be there for Gunner. I had to be the one there for him while I didn’t have anyone to be there for me.
“I didn’t hate her,” I whispered.
Sledge held me as all of the tears I fought finally fell. Every pent up feeling and emotion just rose to the top and exploded out of me.
My tears finally stopped, and Sledge still held me.
“I told you that you can’t keep all of that pent up inside, sugar,” Sledge whispered.
I knew it. I just didn’t know how to let it out.
“You’re going to probably hate hearing this, but you and Duchess were more alike than you know. The problem with her was she turned to drugs when she couldn’t get her feelings out. They helped to numb everything.” Lynn laid the envelope she had dug out before in front of me. “I found this when I was going through Duchess’ files. When I first start working with someone, I have them write down whatever they’re feeling and what they want to actually happen.”
I stared at the envelope. “She wrote that?”
Lynn pushed it toward me. “She did, and I think you should have it. You don’t need to read it now, but when you’re having a hard day or asking yourself why for the hundredth time, I want you to open that. I think it will be exactly what you need.”
I grabbed the envelope and handed it to Sledge. “You take it.”
He tucked it in the pocket of his cut.
I sighed and scooted out of his lap and back into my chair. “Well, that was not at all that I expected to happen, but whatever.”
Lynn laughed. “Trust me, I’ve seen it all sitting in this chair. I’m just glad you have someone at home to help you work through everything. I worry about the ones who don’t have someone.”
“Did you worry about Duchess? Did you think she would ever really be clean?”
Lynn nodded sadly. “I think she had the people, you, to help her make it happen. It just seemed that her past wouldn’t let her move on.”
So much truth. None of this would have happened if Duchess wouldn’t have hooked up with Raymond Clark and then proceeded to make more bad decisions. “Ugh, I need a drink and a nap.”
Lynn pointed past me. “There’s a neat little bar just down the street. Robyn and I are on good terms. She knows how to make a killer cosmopolitan, and she’s a great listener.”
I perked up and smiled. “I met Robyn the last time we came here. Sledge plied me with Malibu Sunsets and let me beat him at pool.”
Midnight Wreckage (Kings of Vengeance MC Book 4) Page 10