As the evils in her mind took form, she reached for her ever-present drink, the alcohol soothing the rough edges and muting her own demons as she found her groove. But she hadn’t filled a glass before she sat down. Time to remedy that.
She stopped herself halfway to the kitchen.
What in the hell was she doing? She didn’t need a drink to push through this scene. Especially not at ten o’clock in the morning. But even as she trudged back to her office, she couldn’t help but remember the last time she’d gotten drunk.
Until today, the thought of having a drink had barely crossed her mind. She’d been concentrating on other things. Well, on a person. The irony was that Chris hadn’t said a single word about whether she drank too much… or went out too often. Not like her family.
She sank into her chair and rested her hands on the keyboard, ready to dive back into her book. Half of the battle was sitting in front of the screen. She closed her eyes and pushed everything else from her mind until Sarah and the dark, shadowy road came to life again.
She kept her eyes shut as her fingers flew over the keyboard, focusing only on the images she’d conjured. The dark road, the old, scraggly tree in the unkempt yard, the rundown farmhouse seething with mystery. The vivid details bled straight from her brain onto the page.
More than an hour later, she sat back and cracked her fingers, amazed at the scene that had unfolded. Her editor would be thrilled. This chapter was some of the best work she’d ever written.
She drew in a deep breath and let it out, replacing the dark images in her mind with light ones—Chris’s smile, his laugh, the flex of his muscles when he steered his bike around tight curves. Damn, she hadn’t realized her muse was named Chris. But it made sense. She’d practically become a different person in the short time she’d known him—and she liked this Alexis.
Her phone buzzed beneath a pile of papers on her desk. She usually kept her phone in another room while she worked, a distraction she couldn’t afford, but she’d secretly hoped that Chris would text.
When she swiped across the screen, Serena’s name popped up. “Hey, what’s up?”
Alexis’s fingers flew over the screen much like they had just burned up her keyboard. “Hard at work on a new scene. You’re going to love it.”
Heart emojis flashed across the screen and then three dots as Serena clearly had more to say. “Was walking down Main today. Man kept trying to wave at me. It was your guy.”
Alexis’s heart leapt at the words. Her guy. Could she really say that was true? After the long ride to West Chester and the steamy kisses when he’d dropped her off… Yep, he was her guy. “Where was he?”
“Java. I think he thought I was you. Did you not tell him we’re twins?”
Alexis hadn’t. She liked being plain old Alexis and not half of a pair. “It never came up.”
She had fended Serena off when Chris picked her up, and the rest of the week, but the cat was out of the bag now. Alexis could probably measure how long it took the rest of her siblings to find out with an egg timer.
“I have to tell you… only got quick look other night. That man is fiiinnnneeee.”
Alexis responded with a laughing emoji. Didn’t she know it. She’d felt the strength in his muscles, the firmness of his back, when they rode his bike. And with the wind blowing on her face and the warmth of his body against hers, she’d been right where she belonged.
And then when he’d dropped her off… those kisses. It was a good thing his arms had been locked around her, because otherwise, she would have melted into a puddle on the porch.
Serena texted Alexis a thumbs-up.
Alexis dropped the phone, ready to dig back into another scene. She needed to capitalize on the motivation coursing through her because she didn’t know when she’d find it again.
The next time she looked up from her computer, the sun had sunk behind the trees... and she had almost twenty new pages to show for her effort. If she kept up this pace, she’d wrap it up two weeks before her deadline… and turn in some of the scariest shit she’d ever written.
She stretched her arms above her head, twisting her spine to work out the kinks from hours bent over her keyboard. She was contemplating dinner when her phone buzzed with a text from Jessica. “You, me, Fitz’s?”
Alexis stared at the text for a long time. Did she want to go out with Jessica… or wait for an invite from Chris? They had been texting back and forth over the past few days, and she’d gotten to know him as much through their written exchanges as she had in person. Sometimes it was easier to reveal things when hiding behind a keyboard. But when he’d texted her this morning to say hello, he hadn’t said anything about plans for tonight. She’d kept her phone handy just in case, but he hadn’t texted again. She wasn’t ready to reach out and ask him herself, despite how friendly they had become in the past week.
Besides, she was not going to completely upend her life for him or any guy. Not with her track record. He knew how to reach her if he wanted to. Today had been a great day, and she wanted to celebrate. To share what she had been doing with her friend. “Sure.”
“Pick you up at seven?”
Alexis glanced at the time. Two hours to shower and get dressed. “See ya then.”
The doorbell rang at exactly seven and Alexis hopped down the hall, strapping on her sling backs as she did. She swung open the door.
“Damn, girl, you look hot. Even I’d be into you in that dress.”
Alexis popped her hip and threw a saucy smile at her friend then flipped her hair and reached for her bag. The skin-tight black dress had been tucked in the back of her closet for a while, waiting for just the right time. The moment the silky fabric had slipped down her body, and reminded her of Chris’s kiss, she’d known that tonight was the night. She could almost picture his heated look as he scanned her, the desire flooding his expression. She’d imagined him stalking across the room, his arm snaking around her waist, claiming her as his own for everyone to see.
It had been a long time since she’d been this excited about a man. Maybe she never had. And it wasn’t just because he was smokin’ hot. Chris was the first man who really looked at her when she talked. And who heard her. Not just the words that came out of her mouth, but the ones she didn’t say, too. He seemed to understand her in a way that no one ever had except Serena.
Chris was a bit of an enigma himself, but he was one mystery she was ready to solve.
Like when he’d told her about his sister. Intentional or not, he had led Alexis to believe that he didn’t have any siblings. He certainly hadn’t offered any tit-for-tat when she’d talked about her family. But once he did elaborate, she learned that his sister had died. She couldn’t blame him for not sharing that up front—if any of her siblings died, Alexis would probably curl up and want to die herself. Had Robin died a long time ago or recently? Had she been sick or was it unexpected, like a car accident?
In any other situation, Alexis would let these things go, focus on having fun while it lasted, and leave it at that. Don’t form connections. Don’t get emotionally involved. That way, she could protect her real self from the rest of the world. The self that couldn’t be loved.
Chris had changed her. She wanted to be involved, wanted to shine a light on the dark places. But she was scared. Scared that once all of those parts of her life were revealed, he would run.
“So, are you ready?” When Jessica tapped her on the shoulder, she jumped. “Oh, sorry. Let me feed Bandit and we can go.”
Hearing his name, Bandit bolted down the hall, skidding to a stop in front of his bowl in the kitchen. Alexis fed him some of the kibble that her sister generously deposited on her porch every month or so. Since it was clear this wasn’t a foster situation anymore, Alexis should tell Serena to stop. Let her use that money for her other animals.
After a few pats on the head and a doggy kiss goodbye, Alexis climbed into Jessica’s car for the short ride to FitzGeralds. Her car smelled a bit like stale f
ood and the cigarettes that Jessica liked to smoke when she drank. Alexis had tried smoking when she was younger, but she hated the dirty, bitter taste. She was fine getting her buzz from alcohol.
The last time she’d been in Jessica’s car had been the night that she’d almost gone home with that guy... and the night that she’d met Chris. It felt like a lifetime had passed in that week.
A few minutes later, Jessica pulled into what they had joked was her “regular spot” near the front door of FitzGeralds. A sense of dread filled Alexis’s belly. She had been afraid to admit to anyone, herself included, how the incident had shaken her. Once she’d sobered up, the reality of what could have happened to her smacked into her like a Mack truck.
She couldn’t have stopped that guy from taking her home. Or from doing whatever he wanted to her. She could have ended up like that woman behind the bar—the one she’d read about in the newspaper archives. Sure, most guys wouldn’t take advantage of a situation like that to murder somebody, but it obviously happened sometimes.
Chris was one of the good guys. Maybe it was the sadness that lingered in his eyes or the gentleness of his voice, but she had instinctively known that night that she could trust him.
Jessica preceded her into the bar. Dylan, the bartender, flashed her a smile and pulled out the bottles to pour her a shot before she even asked. She opened her mouth to object but then shut it again. She was here to celebrate a great writing day. There was nothing wrong with tipping up a few drinks. She didn’t have to get falling down drunk to have a good time.
Could she stop herself, though? For a long time now, when she went out, she rarely came home sober. But not today. If she kept her mind clear, she could keep up her writing pace tomorrow.
While she waited for Dylan to finish pouring their shots, she scanned the room. She could kid herself all she wanted, but she was hoping to spot Chris in the crowd. They weren’t at the point in their relationship, or whatever this was, of telling each other everywhere they were going, but she could hope all the same. After all, this was the place they’d met.
But she didn’t find Chris parked on the barstools or clustered around any of the tables.
She faced the bar again just as Dylan placed two shot glasses of Fireball in front of them and then grabbed the liquor to make her mixed drink. Alexis grabbed one shot, Jessica the other, and they held them up to each other.
“To all the hot men,” Jessica said, their typical toast at the beginning of a night out.
The tingle of excitement Alexis typically felt with a night of drinking and dancing ahead of her had left her high and dry. She tapped her glass on Jessica’s and then gulped the shot, letting the warm liquid coat her throat. The burn of cinnamon at the end felt like coming home. Maybe she wasn’t completely a lost cause.
Jessica slammed her shot glass on the bar right as Dylan slid their cocktails across the shiny surface. “Run you ladies a tab?”
Alexis nodded without thinking. She was surprised Dylan had asked. They always opened a ticket with their first drink and then closed it out, sometimes with a three-figure total, at the end of the night.
She tilted her head and studied the older bartender. Did he notice a change in her? Maybe on the outside she looked the same, but on the inside, she wasn’t. Jessica hadn’t noticed yet, but Alexis wasn’t surprised. She didn’t share the darker parts of her life with Jessica. Sure, Jessica was her best friend, but no one knew about the demons that crept into her mind when she was alone, the ones that kept her in bed, the covers pulled over her head, while the rest of the world was enjoying their life.
An upbeat rock song started blaring through the speakers. Jessica grabbed Alexis’s hand. “Oh, my God, I love this song. We have to dance.”
Jessica dragged Alexis onto the dance floor, her friend’s enthusiasm contagious. She threw her hands into the air and swayed to the music. She forced every negative thought out of her mind and allowed the deep thrum to pass through her as she rocked back and forth.
Jessica stretched up and yelled in Alexis’s ear. “Those guys against the wall are hot. Wanna drag them out here with us?”
Alexis scanned the group—two dark-haired men and a blond were downing bottles of beer. One of the dark-haired guys waved. Was he waving at her? He looked a little familiar, but she couldn’t place him.
The main reason she was making a change.
By the stash clustered on the table, they’d been at it for some time. On any other night, those guys would be exactly the type she’d be looking to spend time with. But instead, the only thought in her mind was they’re not Chris.
When had he become her sole focus? Probably the minute he’d poured her into his truck and taken her home that very first night.
She shook her head. “No, that’s okay. I’m good.”
“Well, I’m not,” Jessica said before she pranced across the room, her hips swaying with each step.
Alexis didn’t mind dancing by herself. As a matter of fact, sometimes she preferred it.
She scanned the half-full dance floor. It didn’t matter what day of the week it was, FitzGeralds was hopping most nights. Tonight was no exception. Most of the tall round tables that surrounded the dance floor were occupied—groups of men and women and couples sat on stools and hovered near the tables, drinking and laughing as though they didn’t have a care in the world.
As she skimmed the pool room off to the side of the dance floor, she caught sight of a man, his back turned, leaning over one of the tables. The man’s posture reminded her of Chris. That was ridiculous. Was she seeing Chris in every sexy ass now? But as this guy took his shot and straightened, she knew for sure she wasn’t seeing things. It was Chris.
He laughed at something the guy beside him said and then lifted a glass to his mouth, to those lips that she had kissed just the other night. He strode to one of the tall tables and set his glass down, propping his elbow on the surface while he watched another player take a shot.
His plaid button-up stretched across his chest, the open neck exposing a tuft of sexy hair. Her fingers itched to run through it, to see if it was as soft as she suspected it was. She’d been too busy the other night focusing on the feel of his lips to thread her fingers through his hair.
Her gaze traveled down his body, to where the shirt disappeared into a snug pair of jeans, well-worn ones that hugged his thighs and ass.
“Damn, girl. Who’s that?”
Alexis hadn’t even heard Jessica step up beside her.
“Uh, someone I met recently. I should go say hello.” She hoped Jessica would leave it at that, but no such luck. As Alexis skirted around a couple on the dance floor and past a rowdy guy who clearly had had too much to drink, Jessica was right by her side.
“Does he have any friends?”
“I don’t know.” Alexis stepped into the pool room just as Chris raised his head. Their gazes locked, and the shock that first flooded his expression was quickly replaced by desire as his gaze trailed down and then back up her body. Mission accomplished.
When she reached his side, he slipped his arm around her waist. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”
She stepped into his embrace. “Me neither. Jessica called and wanted to come out. I had a good day, so I wanted to celebrate.” She could spout off about her creative juices flowing, but she had a better idea. She took a breath, debating whether she should go out on the limb with her next words. Oh, what the hell. “Now that you’re here, it’s a great day.”
He bent so his mouth was right next to her ear while his fingers brushed along the swath of skin exposed at her waist. “I was hoping I’d see you. That’s the only reason I’m here.”
Heat crept up her cheeks. She’d never dated a man who was so certain about his feelings. He was confident as hell— and she admired that. She’d mustered all her strength to put herself out there with her previous comment. To let herself become vulnerable. Too many years of being mocked for the depth of her feelings and her sensitivity
. It didn’t matter how long it had been—those words rattled around in her mind whenever she doubted herself. Which was often.
“Ahem.” Jessica popped her hands onto her hips and raised her eyebrows. “Are you going to introduce me?”
“Oh, yeah.” She glanced at Chris and he smiled. “Chris, this is my friend Jessica. This is Chris. I, uh, I met him the other night after you left.”
If it were possible, Jessica’s eyebrows arched even higher. “Oh, really. That’s not who you were dancing with when I left you.”
She dug her teeth into her bottom lip. She hadn’t told Jessica about the asshole who’d tried to take her home… and the white knight who had instead.
“Nice to meet you, Jessica.” If Chris sensed her discomfort with the harsh reminder of how they’d met, he didn’t let on. “This is my buddy, Eric.”
Jessica sidled up to the slender man who was a couple inches taller than Chris. “Hey, Eric. I’m Jessica.”
“Nice to meet you, Jessica. Can I get you another drink?”
“You got it.” Jessica slipped her hand into Eric’s elbow and pranced off toward the bar.
When they were gone, Chris smiled down at Alexis, like they were sharing a private moment. “You had a good day today?”
She smiled. “I did. I woke up early motivated to write and I put a lot of words on the page. My story is finally coming together.”
“That’s great. I’m so happy for you.” Chris squeezed her waist and she leaned into him.
“Yeah, me too. The words were flowing, my mind was buzzing, and there are a ton of new words to show for it. Oh, by the way…” She wagged her eyebrows as she met his gaze. “I understand you met my sister today.”
“I did.” His brows darted in. “You could have told me she was your twin sister. I felt like an ass, waving like crazy at someone who didn’t have a clue who I was.”
She would have given her eye teeth to see his face when he realized he had mistaken Serena for her. “I didn’t tell you Serena’s my twin?” She knew full well that she hadn’t, but it was fun to tease him.
Chasing Strength: A Harper Family Romance Page 9