The heartache that family was facing over the coming months and years would likely rip them apart. Maybe for the rest of their lives. How could he allow himself to love someone and risk the same fate? Hadn’t he suffered enough?
Or was it too late? Alexis had burrowed her way in so quickly and so deeply that the mere thought of losing her was like a knife to his heart.
He pounded on her door, his pulse racing as he waited for her to answer. Finally, Alexis opened the door wearing a loose T-shirt and leggings. She’d barely opened her mouth when he pushed into her house, kicking the door closed behind him as he cupped her cheeks and lowered his head. Their lips met in a collision of emotion, her fingers gripping his shirt while he plundered her mouth.
He shuffled her into the living room until the back of her knees bumped the couch, his lips trailing down her cheek and suckling on the sensitive skin behind her ear. She gasped and that was all the invitation he needed.
He dropped her to the couch, followed her down, and covered her body with his. She was soft and pliant beneath him, and she opened herself up to him without question. With the image of that family on the curb fresh in his mind, his emotions gripped him, scraping past the surface. And he poured them all into Alexis.
He raised her shirt, his lips following the path of his hands, licking and sucking the soft skin across her belly until he reached her bra. She shifted and he tugged her shirt up and over her head. Her breasts, encased in pink lace, called to him and he answered. His mouth sealed over one breast, teasing the nipple through the fabric until it pebbled beneath her bra.
That wasn’t good enough—he needed her skin. He reached between them, flicking the front hook, and then returned to worshipping her breasts. He sucked one stiff nipple between his lips while he brushed his thumb over the other.
Alexis wriggled beneath him, pressing her body into him, soft moans escaping her. He understood the urgent need and answered by thrusting his swollen, painful cock against her.
He wanted her. All of her. He wanted to be inside her, to surround her and bury himself within her heat. To forget what he had seen and the heartache that settled deep in his chest at the reminder of exactly how fragile life was.
He tugged her leggings down, ripping one leg off without a word, and once her foot was free, she welcomed him between her legs. He yanked his own jeans below his ass. He didn’t want to wait for the time it took to shove them off before seeking the comfort of being inside her.
He fisted his cock and thrust into her, burying himself as deep as he could. He sucked in his breath at the feeling of her surrounding him, her channel squeezing every sensitive nerve on his cock. Only after he thrust a second time did he realize why she felt different. More intense.
Holy shit! He’s almost had sex without a condom. He’d never done that. Ever.
He withdrew and fumbled in the jeans pocket hanging off his ass, ripped open a condom, and a moment later was inside her again. That was all he needed, to be reckless with Alexis. He thrust in fully, over and over, Alexis’s body moving with his, her arms clinging to his back, her moans forced out of her lungs with each thrust.
As much as he wanted to make this good for her, he couldn’t wait much longer. He drove into her, attempting to wash away every image, every memory, and the pain and anguish that accompanied the loss he wouldn’t wish on another soul.
He gritted his teeth, holding back his release until he felt her muscles clench around him. He hadn’t been so selfish as to take from a woman without giving before, and he wasn’t about to start now. Her orgasm triggered his own, as he poured the last bits of his strength into her.
He collapsed over Alexis, their sweat-covered bodies heaving in rhythm. His jeans were still around his thighs, her shirt shoved up to her neck, her bra splayed open on either side of her.
Her hands circled his back, comforting him as their breathing returned to normal. But he still didn’t get up. Making love with Alexis may have exorcised the demons that had reared their ugly head today, but it didn’t wipe the images out of his mind like he’d hoped. Or the suspicion that he had no business getting involved with Alexis when he couldn’t afford to give his heart to her… or anyone.
Chapter 18
Alexis lay stretched out with Chris for a long time after they made love, yet his muscles never relaxed. She finally couldn’t stand it anymore. “What’s wrong?”
Chris thumped his forehead onto the couch cushion, his cheek pressing into her neck. “Nothing. Everything.”
Those were the first words he’d said to her since she’d opened her door. “Don’t get me wrong. It’s not every day that a sexy man pushes into my house and makes love to me. I’m not complaining, but I know that something is bothering you.”
She hadn’t expected Chris to stop by today. As a matter of fact, she’d been polishing some of the chapters she’d written over the past week when she heard the knock at the door. She was thrilled to find him on the other side, but he hadn’t even given her a chance to say hello before he kissed her, shoved her toward the couch, and followed her down.
The intensity of his kisses, his glazed expression, were clues that something bad had happened—something that had shaken him to the core. He’d made love with her with absolute focus on her body while driving toward his own release. His strength of his passion had heightened her own awareness, and she’d rejoiced in the sensation of him surrounding her, filling her, but his muscles remained tense.
“Gimme a sec.” He withdrew, climbed off her, and yanked his jeans up over his hips before heading toward the kitchen. After he stalked down her hall, she scrambled to her feet, pulling her leggings back on and straightening her bra and shirt before he returned.
He sank onto the couch and lowered his head into his hands. She snuggled close to him, her hand on his back. He’d been there for her many times since the day they met, and she’d never had the opportunity to do the same for him. Now was her chance to support him.
“Talk to me, Chris. Tell me what’s going on.”
He sighed, but the muscles in his back stayed tight. “My editor assigned me to cover an accident over on High Street.”
So this was something about work. She could handle that.
“I hurried to the scene like I always do, but this was different. There were state police and sheriff’s deputies, firemen and paramedics everywhere. More than I typically see for a traffic accident.” Chris’s voice lacked any emotion, as if he was reporting the story for the news instead of experiencing it himself.
One thing she’d learned through reading his articles and getting to know him was that he gave his all for every story. To her delight, she could see little bits of Chris in every story he wrote, like the extra emphasis on the support system for a kid returning to school after fighting cancer. It must have reminded him of his father’s motorcycle club. For Chris to sound so detached now had her concerned.
“I started taking notes, but I couldn’t get anything out of the deputies. Usually they’re quick to give an interview, especially when it’s a drunk driving or reckless driving incident. But their lips were sealed.” He heaved a deep breath. “And then I saw them.”
He didn’t continue for so long that she finally asked, “Saw who?”
“The family. The mother and two kids. They were huddled on the curb.”
She knew where this story was headed. And why Chris was so rattled. He’d shared a little about how his parents had died in a car accident when he and Robin were teens. A similar accident had to bring back memories.
“There was a body. Her husband and their father, I guess, being loaded into an ambulance in a body bag.”
She sucked in a breath. That had to be terrible for that family, to lose their father in an auto accident. And for the kids to have to witness their father being taken away.
“But it wasn’t a simple wreck. Sure, their car was crumpled, but apparently the driver of the other car got out and started screaming at the dad.” He paused.
“And then he pulled out a gun.”
Her arms tightened around him. Not just his parents, but also Robin’s death, had been dredged to the surface by this accident.
Chris had lost everyone he cared about in tragic ways.
And he’d turned to her when he needed her. She’d never been needed before, and that gave her strength. Everything he’d done from the minute he’d arrived made sense now. “I’m so sorry you had to deal with that. It couldn’t have been easy for you.”
“It was easier for me than it was for them. They haven’t even started to deal with the grief… and the anger.” His fingers clenched into fists, and she covered them with her hands. “I don’t understand this world. Why do people think killing someone solves their problems? All it does is create more problems. For everyone.”
He shook off her touch, leapt to his feet, and paced across the floor, raking his hand through his hair.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to unload all of this on you.” His eyes widened as he stared at her. “Shit. Did I hurt you? Oh, my God, I’m not fit for decent company.”
“You didn’t hurt me. I liked it. You’ve been the one helping me all this time. Finally, I got a chance to do the same for you. I wanted to be there for you when you needed me.”
“I shouldn’t have come here. I need to be alone right now.” He patted his jeans and then scanned the room until he found his keys on the floor near the door.
“Chris, wait.” Alexis beat him to the door and blocked it before he could disappear. “Are you sure you’re okay to drive? I don’t want you to have an accident yourself because you’re upset. If you want to be alone, do that here. I can go into my room and you can rest on the couch, or you can lay on the bed and I’ll work in my office.”
He rested his forehead on the door, his eyes closed as his chest heaved. “I appreciate your concern, but I can’t stay here. Even if you’re not in the room, you’re everywhere.”
She stepped back and raised her hands. She refused to fight a losing battle with him. She’d spent half of her life struggling to find her tribe—she wasn’t going to beg. If he wanted to leave, who was she to stop him? Whether he came back or not was his decision.
He stared at her for a moment and then walked out the door.
She watched him as his long strides ate up the sidewalk on his way back to his truck. “Text me when you get home.”
He stopped long enough to let her know that he’d heard her but didn’t answer.
Up until now, she’d suspected that she was falling in love with him—not that she really knew what that meant. But she’d noticed how Serena looked at Chase, the special glint in her eye that she reserved for her fiancé. That was love. And she remembered how Justin had cared for Maddie even when their marriage had been on the rocks. That was love. And Tanner, exhaustion coloring his features, smiling down at Izzy and their new baby—that was love. She was surrounded by love, and it was those feelings that were growing inside her.
If it wasn’t love, then what was it?
Chris had been different tonight. Sure, the accident had shaken him up, but even as he’d reached for her, he’d shut off a part of himself.
She flicked on her phone. There had been plenty of time for Chris to drive home, yet he hadn’t texted. Not that she expected him to after the way he’d left, but she could hope.
* * *
Chris pounded his fists on his steering wheel, sitting outside his house but unable to climb out of his truck. He had no business going over to Alexis’s house in the mood he was in. He’d been rough with her in a way he never had with anyone before. He’d hoped to find comfort in her arms but instead had taken out his frustration on her.
She didn’t deserve that. She didn’t deserve a broken man.
He shouldn’t have gotten involved with her in the first place. If only he had called her an Uber instead of driving her home himself, he wouldn’t be in this position.
Why hadn’t he?
He had mastered shutting himself off from the world yet going about his business every day. Existing but not really living, his sole focus finding Robin’s killer.
He’d let his sister down, too. All because he’d gotten distracted by Alexis. He’d let himself forget for a while that love wasn’t worth it. Today was a stark reminder of exactly that.
Now he just had to figure out how to move forward without Alexis. Because no matter how much he’d resisted his feelings, he had fallen in love with her.
If today proved anything, it was that Alexis was far too good for him.
Chapter 19
Alexis spun her finger around the rim of her coffee mug once… and then again. Over and over, the dark liquid inside swirling with each pass. Ever since she’d woken up this morning, she had debated picking up her phone and canceling this meeting. Rachel would understand. She’d said herself that she had been nervous to meet them at the beginning.
But until Alexis got over her deep-seated anger toward her father for what he’d done to their family, and to Rachel, she’d never have a chance at a happy future. Now that she’d met Chris, she realized what she’d been missing… and the opportunity before her.
So, she lifted her mug and brought it to her lips as she waited for Rachel.
A few minutes later, Rachel burst through the door, a backpack slung on her shoulder and her hair tucked under a baseball cap. Alexis raised her hand, and when Rachel saw her, she smiled. She motioned toward the counter, indicating she was grabbing a coffee. Good, that would give Alexis another moment to wrangle her nerves into control.
But it wasn’t nearly enough time. Her stomach was still in knots when Rachel dropped her backpack on the chair beside Alexis and took the one opposite her. “I’m sorry I’m late. My professor just wouldn’t stop talking. I told myself I was going to take the summer off, but I’m so close to finishing my degree, I wanted to push through.”
Great. An easy topic to break the ice, whether Rachel intended it or not. “How many classes do you have left?”
“These last two this summer are all I need to finish my bachelor’s. I’ve started taking some of the classes for my master’s, but it’s slow going.”
“I’m sure you’ll be glad when that’s over.” Alexis gulped the final sips of her coffee, grateful for the small talk that gave her a chance to adjust. She’d never been alone with Rachel, just the two of them.
The peace didn’t last long before Rachel dove in to the crux of why Alexis had called her. “How are you? It’s been a while.”
“I’ve been busy.” That was a lame excuse, and she knew it as soon as the words passed her lips. “And I’ve been avoiding, well, this.”
If Rachel was surprised by Alexis’s statement, she didn’t give any indication. She simply sipped her coffee as if Alexis had asked about the weather.
Now that she’d let the cat out of the bag, she might as well be completely honest. “This entire situation, finding out about what my father had done, and you… it’s been tough.”
Rachel’s smile faltered. “I don’t blame you. It’s been hard for me, too. I waited almost a year after I had Justin’s information before I contacted him the first time.”
Alexis had been so wrapped up in how the news affected her that she hadn’t given much thought to how it had affected Rachel. Had she always known she was adopted or was it as much a shock to her as it had been to Alexis’s family?
When Rachel turned a gentle gaze toward Alexis, it was their father’s eyes she saw. “I sense there’s something else going on, though. Am I right?”
Rachel was clearly putting that psych degree to work. “This is hard. I don’t want to say something wrong.”
“You won’t hurt my feelings. None of us ever imagined we’d be in this position. It’s not as if there’s a playbook for how to react and what to say.”
Alexis drew in a deep breath. This was why she was here, right? Since Rachel hadn’t grown up with them, she was also more of an objective party. “For most of m
y life, I felt as though I didn’t belong in our family. Dad was drunk most of the time, and after Justin and Izzy left home, it was just me and Serena. I heard an argument between Mom and Dad one night, and I think it was about you. Mom was crying and Dad was yelling. It wasn’t the only time they argued, but that was the one time I heard anything about another daughter.”
Rachel didn’t respond, although it had to hurt to learn details about her biological father that were less than kind.
“After Dad died, I thought that was the end of it. I had never told anyone about what I heard, and I hadn’t planned on it. Then you reached out. I hated you before I even knew you because if you hadn’t existed, then maybe Dad wouldn’t have been drunk all the time and Mom wouldn’t have been crying. I know it doesn’t make sense, but I blamed you for that.” Alexis grimaced. She should have softened the blow a little. None of this was Rachel’s fault.
But Rachel didn’t even flinch. “I completely understand that. I felt the same way in my own family.”
Alexis had watched Rachel with her brothers and their wives when they’d come to Justin’s last fall. How could Rachel say she felt like an outsider? “I find that hard to believe. Remember, I’ve met your family. They dote on you.”
“It’s true. I was the only girl in a family of boys. My parents treated me differently, and I hated it. When I was eighteen, I found a copy of my birth certificate, but it didn’t have my Dad’s name on it. I didn’t understand what I was looking at, but it explained a lot about why I felt as if I didn’t belong in my own family.”
Alexis’s hand stilled on her coffee mug. And she thought overhearing her parents arguing was bad. “That’s how you found out about my, er, our Dad. From a birth certificate?”
“Eventually, but not right away. For a few years, I stewed over what I’d found and used that as an excuse for my behavior. Things got pretty bad for a while.”
Chasing Strength: A Harper Family Romance Page 18