“I think she’s out,” Kayla whispered.
Silas maneuvered the buggy into the Yoders’ lane. “Just in time.”
He guided the horse to the hitching post. “Wait there. I’ll get her out.”
He opened the sliding door and jumped down. “Hand her here.”
He reached his arms out and gently took Bailey from Kayla’s arms. This felt so natural. Like they were his family. But they weren’t. And he needed to continue to remind himself of that fact.
Kayla dismounted the buggy as well. “I’ll get the door.”
Silas followed behind her. “I’ll take her to her room. Do you need to awaken her to use the restroom?”
“I’ll let her sleep for now, then wake her up to go before I go to bed.”
“You plan to be up for a while?”
“Yeah. I think I’ll have a cup of this tea your mother gave me. Please tell her thank you for everything again.”
“Did you get your bread and muffins from the buggy?”
“Yeah. It will be nice to have it for breakfast in the morning. I think I might make a trip to the store tomorrow.”
“Really? If you do, would you mind stopping by the house? Mamm or one of my sisters might want to go. If that’s okay.”
“That sounds like fun actually. They can show me where everything is.”
He pointed to the south. “Madison is that way. You got Walmart and Aldi there.” He pointed north. “Versailles is that way. Not much there, but they do have an IGA grocery store and a couple of dollar stores. Oh, and a few fast food restaurants and other places to eat. It’s closer.”
“Oh, that’s good to know.”
“They have a nice library too.”
“Oh, I’m sure Bailey will love that.” She smiled.
“Well, I should probably go, then.”
Kayla frowned. “Already? You’re welcome to stay and have some tea with me.”
It did sound tempting. He shook his head. “Mamm will start to worry.”
“Uh, about that. I feel like I should probably set her mind at ease.” She shook her head. “Bailey’s father was actually the first and only man I’ve ever kissed. I was sixteen. And then when I found out that I was pregnant, I was kind of scared to get too close to anybody. You know what I mean?”
Wow, that revelation had been a bit of a surprise. “My wife was the only woman that I kissed too.”
“Really?”
“Jah.”
“I don’t know if that will help as far as your mom is concerned.”
He shrugged. “It might.”
“I just don’t want her to think that because I had a daughter out of wedlock that I sleep with every guy I meet.”
“I’m sure she didn’t think that.” He allowed his eyes to sweep over her dress and take in her loveliness. That had been a mistake. “Maybe I’ll stay a couple of minutes.”
Ten extra minutes wouldn’t hurt anybody, he reasoned. And she sounded like she wanted him to stay.
“I’ll put the water on. Would you like to take a seat on the couch?”
“Ach, just a minute. I forgot something in the buggy.” He jogged back out to retrieve the forgotten items.
He walked back into the house and waltzed to the kitchen. “Here, I brought these for you.” He handed her the grocery bag.
She opened it and peered inside. “Oh, good.” She pulled out a few plates, mugs, and utensils, along with a few other kitchen necessities. “Wow. Thank you, Silas. You’re so thoughtful.”
He wouldn’t tell her those were the dishes he and his wife had used in their home. Somehow, that seemed too intimate. “Thought you and Bailey might want to eat at the same time.”
She began putting the items away. “That’s really nice.”
He leaned back against the counter, admiring the view. It almost felt like the three of them were a little family.
She stepped near, and her hand lightly caressed his cheek. “I don’t know how to thank you for everything you’ve done.”
His eyes locked with hers and a slight smile lifted at the corner of her mouth. Ach.
This woman was beautiful inside and out. He knew he shouldn’t want her, that he shouldn’t be having these feelings for an Englischer, but…
He leaned down and her eyes draped shut. His lips lowered to hers in a slow gentle kiss. If he could only hold on to this moment forever. Her hands pressed against his chest causing his muscles to tense, the warmth of her touch seeping through his shirt, sending a wave of desire through him. He moved his hands to cradle her face and his fingers wove through her silky hair that smelled like peaches or strawberries or some other sweet fruit. Her arms went around him, her soft form pressing into him. Ach.
He enjoyed every blissful second, wishing it would never have to end. But it needed to. Right now.
He forced himself away, his breath ragged.
“Silas.” Kayla’s eyes were dreamy. She pulled him close again, bringing his hand around her waist.
He shouldn’t. He really shouldn’t, but the temptation was so strong and he was so weak. He didn’t even want to fight it. Gott, help him.
His head seemed to lower of its own accord and his mouth once again found hers. He groaned with pleasure as warmth moved through every fiber of his being. “Ach, Kayla. Kayla.” His hungry kisses traveled to her neck and collar bone. A soft gasp escaped her lips.
“Mommy?”
They jumped apart at Bailey’s tiny voice. His crazy heartbeat refused to still.
“Wha-what is it, honey?” Kayla blew out a breath. She visibly trembled, her cheeks alive with color.
“Can Mr. Silas be my daddy?”
Kayla’s eyes met his, and he saw as much desire in them as he felt in his own. “I…uh… Bailey, why aren’t you asleep, honey?”
“I had to go potty and I was thirsty,” she whined.
Kayla moved to fill a cup with just a couple ounces of water. “Here. Not too much. I don’t want you to have an accident.”
She took a sip of water. “Can Mr. Silas live here with us?”
“We’ll talk about that later, okay? But right now, you need to get to sleep.” She patted Bailey’s bottom, sending her back to her room.
They listened for her door to close.
Silas pushed away from the counter. “I should go.”
“Wait, Silas. We should talk. About the kiss.”
The kiss? Ach, it was so much more than just a kiss. It was his hopes and dreams and desires all bundled up in a few powerful wonderful moments. Disguised as a kiss, maybe, but, oh, so much more.
“Can we make this work?” She pointed back and forth to each of them. “Us?”
He wished to Gott that they could. But she didn’t even have faith in the Gott he’d devoted his life to. Ach, what had he been thinking? He hadn’t. Nee, he’d been letting his fleshly desires rule his actions. And now he’d given Kayla false hope.
“I don’t know.” He shook his head.
“I’m serious, Silas. I’ve barely known you a couple of days, but I feel like I’ve known you all my life. You’re so good with Bailey, and she adores you. I didn’t come here expecting to find you, yet somehow you’re here. It’s almost like…”
“Like Gott brought us together?”
“I don’t know, but it would almost seem that way. Honestly, I’ve thought more about the things of God in the last couple of days than in my past twenty-one years.” His skin tingled as her fingers slowly trailed his forearm. “Bailey and I need you in our lives, Silas. I…” She swallowed. “I think I’m falling in love with you.”
Ach. Her words were like a soothing caress to his battered heart. To hope…to even consider having a family again after all he’d lost…
Did she have any idea how much her touch affected him? Did she have any idea how much he longed for the words she’d spoken? Their situation was complicated, at best, if not impossible. But then, with God, all things were possible. “I must tell you something.”
“Okay.”
He took a deep breath. He wasn’t sure if she was ready for this.
Her countenance changed. She grew serious. “Wait. Don’t…don’t tell me you’re dying. Please don’t tell me you’re dying.” Tears filled her eyes. “Silas, why aren’t you saying anything? You’re scaring me.”
“Shh…” He pulled her close and clutched her to his chest. “Nee, it is nothing like that.”
He felt her relax in his arms, then he leaned back, and looked into her eyes. “Let’s sit down.”
They moved to the living room, but he didn’t dare join her on the couch. That’d be akin to throwing a match on a wood pile already drenched with gasoline. Dangerous.
He folded his hands in front of him. “The day you told me about Josiah, I prayed to Der Herr. I asked Him to show me how to help you, to help me do as He would do.”
She nodded, listening intently.
“Then I opened up the Scriptures.” He stood and retrieved his Bible from the table. He returned to the chair, then opened it to the passage he’d been pondering. “I was not searching for this. It came up in my daily reading. This is what I read. A father of the fatherless, and a judge of widows, is God in his holy habitation. God setteth the solitary in families…”
He looked up.
“What does that mean?” She looked confused.
“It means that God is the One who judges widows, and He is the Righteous Judge. He will care for you and provide for your needs. He is also a Father to the fatherless. He will take care of Bailey and provide for her needs. He takes those who are alone and blesses them with a family. Gott knows I have been lonely since mei fraa and boppli died, and He knows my heart’s desire. He has taken care of me and has again provided for my needs.” He shifted. “I felt like Gott was speaking directly to me. Although you and Bailey are Englischers and were strangers to me, I sensed Gott saying to take you in and care for you. It was almost like He sent the storm just so that you would turn in here to find shelter. Here, in the very house I hoped to someday raise a family in.”
She swallowed. “Wow, Silas. I don’t know what to say. How can I argue with that?”
He shrugged.
“And here, I’ve been thinking that God was against me. When in actuality, He’s been carving out a path for me, guiding my steps to find the most wonderful man I’ve ever known.” Tears sprung to her eyes. “But how…? I’m not Amish. Isn’t that something you have to be born into? …Or would you become an Englischer? …Or can you even do that sort of thing?”
“If I left the Amish, I would become shunned to my family and my church.”
“What does that mean?”
His voice turned somber. This was one thing he never even wished to consider. “It is the worst thing that could happen to an Amish person. It means that I would not be able to eat at their table. I would not be able to sell to them or buy from them. I would be ignored, cut off from my people. The idea is to separate themselves from me completely, so that I will see the error of my ways and come to repentance. It is very serious. And it is disgraceful, not only to me, but to my family also. They would weep for my soul. They would send me letters begging me to return to the church, lest I be in danger of Hell fire.”
“I would never want that for you, Silas. But you would surely not go to Hell just for leaving your church, right? I don’t know that much about God, but I have a hard time believing that everyone who isn’t Amish is going to Hell because they are not of that faith.”
“According to my Amish church, jah. If I was born into the Amish church and made vows to Der Herr and did not keep them, then I am in grave danger. That is what they believe. But according to what I read in here”—he tapped his Bible—“that is not what sends one to Hell.”
“Then what does?”
“Unbelief.”
“You mean, in God?”
“Let me show you.” He opened the Bible to the book of John. “He that believeth on him is not condemned—this is talking about Jesus Christ—but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.”
He held up his hand. “Ach, let me go back and read more so you will understand. Here. For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved. He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.”
“So, what church do you have to be a member of? I was always confused about that. Why there are so many churches? How do you know you have the right one?”
“According to what we just read, no specific church. But the Bible does call the body of Christ—those who are saved—the church. So, when you believe in Jesus and trust Him as your Saviour, you become a member of God’s church.”
“If this is true, then why do people even attend church in a building?”
“Well, the Amish mostly have meetings in homes. Others meet in church buildings. When believers meet together, it is to strengthen and edify each other. Life is difficult and we need others, who believe as we do, to encourage us to continue serving Christ. We also sing songs to God. We give Him glory this way.”
“That makes sense, I guess. So, people don’t actually go to church because they have to.”
“The Bible encourages fellowship among believers. Some may think that they have to, but it is certainly not a requirement in order to be born again.”
“Born again?”
“Yes. When you are saved, you are born into God’s family. The only thing necessary for salvation is Jesus. If people fall in love with Jesus, they will want to serve Him.”
“So, Jesus is kind of like the secret ingredient?”
“Well, if He was the secret ingredient, we’d have to add other ingredients, ain’t so? For salvation, Jesus is not the secret ingredient, He is the entire recipe.”
“So, if He’s all I need, where do I get Him?”
“Ach, just ask Him to save you. Here, I’ll read it to you so you are not just taking my word for it. For matters as important as this, you need to hear God’s Word.” He opened his Bible again and handed it to her. “Here, this is Romans chapter ten. Read verses nine and ten.”
She took his Bible and read, “That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.” She nodded in understanding.
“Okay, now read verse thirteen.”
“For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.” She looked up. “Really? That’s it? I don’t have to like walk twenty miles through the desert barefoot, or offer a burnt sacrifice, or anything?”
He shook his head, amused at her ideas. “Read it again.”
“For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.”
“Does that mention anything about walking in the desert?”
“Nope.” She laughed. “So, do I need to pray out loud, or how do I do this? How do I become born again?”
He smiled. “There are no special words. God knows your heart. Just confess and believe, like you just read.”
“Okay.” She took a deep breath then bowed her head. Silas did too. “Dear God, thank You for loving me and for sending Jesus to die for my sins. And thank You, Jesus, for dying on the cross for me. I believe in You and that You rose from the dead and I’m asking You to save me. Amen.”
“Amen.”
“Was that okay?”
“If it was from your heart, it was perfect.”
“I have a question about what we read.”
“Which part?”
“Well, the part about ‘believeth unto righteousness’. What does t
hat mean?”
“I heard an Englisch driver—he was a pastor—explain it like this one time. It made a lot of sense to me and helped me understand.” He stared at her. “When we trust Christ, the Bible says that we have the righteousness of Christ. So, in the day when we stand in front of God, He will see us just like He sees Jesus. Sinless. Perfect. Our lives are hid with Christ. So, we are in Christ.”
“Oh, wow. Sinless? So, what happens if I sin after I’m born again?”
“Not if, when. You will sin in your flesh while you are on earth. When Christ comes for His church, we will receive our new bodies. Those bodies will be without sin. But your spirit is sealed. It is secure.”
“That sounds like a really good deal.”
“The best deal ever. It’s called grace.”
“Grace. I like that word.” She eyed him and lifted a brow. “Maybe we’ll call our daughter that.”
His jaw dropped. He couldn’t get over the boldness of Englischers. “Ach, jah. Gott willing.”
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Silas couldn’t erase the smile from his face as he headed back home. Kayla accepted Christ! That meant that they were no longer unequally yoked, according to God’s Word. But, unless she decided to join the Amish church, there would be no hope for a marriage between the two of them. Would she even consider it?
Jah, she’d joked about marrying him and having bopplin, but would she ever really consider it? He sure hoped so, because after that kiss, he couldn’t imagine not having her in his life. Ach, she’d felt so wonderful in his arms. He’d never realized just how much he’d missed having a woman in his life.
After he left Strider in the barn, he headed to the dawdi haus. He surveyed the small living area, kitchen, bedroom, and bathroom, remembering the wonderful moments he and Sadie Ann had spent there as husband and wife. She’d only been gone two years. In one way, it felt like just yesterday she’d been in his arms. In another way, it seemed like a lifetime ago.
He thought of the day he’d come home from his construction job two and a half years ago. Sadie Ann’s secretive smile told him something was going on, but he’d been clueless. He closed his eyes, recollecting the precious moments.
The Trespasser (Amish Country Brides) Page 7