Harper balked. “This is a store, not the great outdoors.”
“This is what a store looks like in a less populated area,” he noted as he grabbed a handheld shopping basket from the stack on the floor and handed her one. “This is not out of the ordinary.”
Harper nodded. “I get it.” She totally didn’t get it, though. There was no bakery ... or deli ... and where was the Starbucks so she could grab a cup of coffee? She never thought she would become a corporate coffee girl, but Zander had converted her. Now she wanted her skinny mocha … really badly.
“Well, I don’t get it,” Zander groused, glancing around. “How do people live like this? It’s ... frightening. I mean, it’s like every bad end-of-the-world movie I’ve ever seen, in here.”
“You’re definitely an inside boy,” Shawn noted, grinning as he grabbed a basket. “I guess it’s good that I’d already prepared myself for this, huh?”
“You’d prepared yourself for what?” Zander challenged.
“That I would be alone if the zombie apocalypse ever came to fruition.”
“Hey!” Zander’s eyes fired. “I would totally survive the zombie apocalypse. Not only that, but I would be Daryl ... just with better hair and clothing choices. Oh, and I would totally shower more than once a year.”
Harper grinned as she started moving down the aisle. Nothing was sorted how she expected so she had to read each label. “I want to be Michonne. She has great hair and knows how to handle a sword.”
Zander shot her a pointed look. “I know how to handle a sword.”
Jared almost choked when he picked up on the double entendre. “Oh, geez.”
His reaction was enough to garner a smile from Zander. “Harper and I have already planned out our zombie apocalypse. We’re going to totally rock the end of civilization.”
Harper was no longer certain that was true. “I’m totally up for trying to survive the apocalypse.” She paused for a beat. “I would prefer things stay normal, though. Maybe that’s just me.”
Jared smirked as he grabbed several cans of beans. “If the apocalypse involved hammocking, you would totally be in charge, Heart. Since it doesn’t, though, I think Shawn and I are going to be the ones doing the heavy lifting. That means we’re Daryl and Rick.”
“Since you’re law enforcement, that means you’re Rick,” Shawn pointed out. “That leaves Daryl for me.”
Jared shrugged. “I’m fine with it.”
Zander didn’t look as if he was fine with it – his mouth was already moving to argue the Daryl point – but Harper had already tuned them out. She left them to their conversation and cut down a nearby aisle to check out the offerings. At the end of the aisle, there was a counter, and two women stood behind it watching the ghost whisperer with skeptical eyes.
“Oh, hey.” Harper felt awkward, which was not necessarily a normal feeling for her. She was good in social situations. “This is a really nice store you have.”
One of the women, who wore a name tag that read “Betty,” shifted from one foot to the other as she regarded Harper.
“We’re just picking up a few things because we’re camping,” Harper volunteered, feeling an overwhelming urge to fill the uncomfortable silence. “We won’t be here long.”
“I’m not the shopping police,” Betty noted after a beat. “Do what you need to do.”
“Um ... thanks.” Harper was happy when she heard footsteps on the linoleum, right up until she realized it was Zander joining her. “I don’t think they have what you need,” she offered hurriedly.
“Well, it still can’t hurt to ask.” Zander pasted the brightest smile in his repertoire on his face. “Good afternoon, ladies. It’s lovely to be in your part of the state, where talk of the apocalypse goes with the territory and steamed milk hasn’t yet been invented for coffee. I was wondering if you might have some Pureology products I can browse.”
Betty’s expression never changed. She also didn’t respond.
“I would also take Paul Mitchell at this point,” Zander offered hopefully. “Heck, who am I kidding, I would actually buy Aqua Net if it’s all that was available.”
Betty let loose a long sigh. “There’s a shelf over by the cold medicine with some stuff on it. If you want a specific brand, you’re going to have to head over to the Ulta Beauty place.”
Zander brightened considerably. “Oh, yay. I love Ulta. Where would that be located?”
“Over in Marquette.”
Zander’s brow furrowed. “And where is that?”
“About an hour from here.”
“Oh, well, great.” Zander’s scowl was back. “This is the worst kind of living, Harp. I don’t even want to survive the zombie apocalypse if there’s no hair gel.”
Harper tried to hide her smile, and failed. “It will be okay.” She gave Zander an absent pat and shot Betty a rueful smile. “It turns out that we’re not outdoorsy people. We genuinely thought we were ... but apparently wishing and dreaming is different from reality.”
“Bummer.” Betty rolled her eyes. “You’re staying up at that campground, aren’t you?”
Harper nodded. It seemed best to get off the topic of hair products. “We are. We’re participating in their inaugural event.”
“That’s a mistake.”
Harper was taken aback. “I’m sorry but ... what?”
“It’s a mistake,” Betty repeated. “Those folks up there are nothing but trouble. You should totally turn tail and run.”
For a brief moment, Harper wondered if Harris had gone so far as to set up a harbinger of doom in the middle of the tiny town. If he had, it would’ve been a stroke of genius. She very much doubted he’d gotten that far, though. That meant Betty was just a complete and total curmudgeon.
“Well, we don’t plan on moving here or anything,” Harper offered. “Right now it’s just a vacation thing. We’ll definitely take your opinion into consideration if we ever think of coming back, though.”
“Oh, we’re not coming back.” Zander was adamant as he shook his head. “I’m not geared to survive camping, Harp. I’ve been giving it a lot of thought and it’s simply not for me.” He lowered his voice. “I think it’s designed around the interests of psychopaths.”
That had Harper choking on a laugh. “Well, at least we know now.”
“We do, but what about them?” He jerked his thumb toward Jared and Shawn, who seemed to be having a good time as they perused the limited selection of hot dogs. “They think this is fun.”
Harper glanced at the two men – one who would become her husband in a very short amount of time – and shrugged. “Relationships are about compromise, right?”
“Yes.” He bobbed his head. “They compromise to give us what we want. I don’t want to compromise.”
“I don’t see where you have a lot of choice.”
“Well ... this is just crap.” He threw his hands into the air and looked to the heavens for answers. “Why am I being tortured like this?”
Helpless, Harper held out her hands to Betty. “He’s just a little dramatic. He’s not really a bad guy.”
“Everyone at that camp is dramatic,” Betty replied. “You might want to be careful while you’re up there. Things could get ugly.”
Harper wasn’t certain what to make of the statement. “I’m not sure I understand. Are you saying they’re dangerous?”
“I’m saying that whole place attracts weirdos. Who knows, though? You might like it. You seem like weirdos yourself.”
Harper wanted to argue with the sentiment but one look at Zander, who had caught a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror behind the counter and was busy trying to use his spit to flatten his hair, told her the other woman wasn’t wrong. “Well, thank you for the warning. We’ll be careful. I promise.”
“It don’t matter to me either way. Survive. Die. It’s up to you.”
5
Five
Harper found the grocery offerings paltry, but Jared and Shawn seemed th
rilled with what they found, immediately taking the coolers and other food storage items from the back of Jared’s truck and designing a “kitchen” for close to the firepit.
“I’ve come to the conclusion that we’ve fallen in love with the same man,” Zander offered morosely as he settled in one of the canvas chairs they’d parsed out for around the firepit.
Harper tilted her head, considering. Her first instinct had been to deny the statement but upon watching Jared and Shawn work together, it became apparent that Zander might be right. “Wow.”
“Right?” Zander’s eyes flashed. “They’re totally the same ... except Shawn is way hotter.”
Harper shot him a dirty look. “Jared is totally hot.”
“He has nipples the size of saucers.”
“He does not. Stop saying that!” The last part escaped her mouth louder than she intended and the slap she applied to Zander’s knee echoed throughout the campground, earning attention from Shawn and Jared.
“Don’t make us come over there and separate the two of you,” Shawn called out. “If you think you’re chafing under camping restrictions now, think how bad it will be if you don’t have each other to complain to.”
Jared chuckled as Zander shot his fiancé a dirty look.
“We’re not doing anything,” Zander insisted, annoyance bubbling up. “We’re just talking.”
“Right.” Shawn rolled his eyes. “You guys are just talking. You’re totally innocent.”
“We are.” Zander stared down Shawn a moment longer and then lowered his voice. “Not only are they the same — we’re talking emotional clones here if not physical ones because Shawn is ten times hotter — they’re also joining together to work against us.”
Harper recognized Zander’s “conspiracy theory” voice but didn’t call him on it. The truth was, even though she knew her best friend liked to stoke the fires of anarchy when it came to relationships, she was starting to worry he had a legitimate point.
“I think it’s nice,” she said after a beat, forcing herself to look on the bright side of things. “They’re happy together, bonding.”
“That’s not good for us.”
“How do you figure?”
Zander’s eye roll was pronounced. “We’re a team.” He moved his finger between the two of them. “We’ve always been a team. We work together against the evils of the world.”
“Okay.” Harper’s lips quirked. “I still don’t understand what that has to do with this situation.”
“Oh, you’re such a rube.” He flicked her ear, causing her to yelp and Jared’s eyes to narrow. “We’re not doing anything,” Zander repeated, his tone harsh. “Mind your business.”
Jared made a face. “If she makes that noise again, I’m coming over there.”
“Oh, like I’m scared of you.”
“You will be,” Jared promised. “I’m going to wrestle you into the dirt and dump it down your pants.”
“Don’t threaten me with a good time.”
Jared stared for a moment longer and then went back to working with Shawn.
“Do you see that?” Zander snapped. “They’re working in tandem with each other. Last time Shawn was the one to admonish us. This time it was Jared. They’re conserving their energy.”
Harper pursed her lips as she watched Shawn and Jared work. They did seem to have a form of shorthand with one another, something she hadn’t noticed before this trip. They complemented each other, worked in tandem, and had an easygoing rapport that was nice to see.
“I think you’re overreacting,” she said. “They’re allowed to be friends. In fact, it’s good for us. Our family is unique, different from other families. That doesn’t mean it’s not as important as the more ‘traditional’ families we see on television.” She used the appropriate air quotes.
“You’re still not getting it,” Zander insisted. “It used to be that we could be ourselves, have a good time, and control them during the process. I mean, think about it.” He was insistent. “Before, it was always us against one of them when an argument sprouted up. Now the battlefield has shifted.”
That wasn’t exactly the way Harper remembered it. “Um ... we’re not at war.”
“Of course we are.” Zander’s snort was disdainful. “We’re totally at war. We’re the good guys and they’re the bad guys. You’re looking at it the wrong way.” He adjusted himself in such a manner that Harper recognized he was going to get down to business.
“Say we’re Spain,” he continued.
“Wait ... why are we Spain?”
“Because it’s a land of hot men and sexy accents.”
“Fair enough. Continue.”
“So, we’re Spain and they’re France and Germany. Just for the record, Jared is France because it’s full of bossy people.”
“Under that rationale, why is Shawn Germany?”
“Because they have good beer and he loves beer.”
“I see you’ve given this some thought.” Harper smiled as she leaned back in her chair and sipped her water. “Continue with your analogy.”
“I would if you would stop interrupting me.” He pinned her with a serious look before continuing. “As Spain, we can easily take Germany if it comes to a fight. We can also take France if it comes to a fight.”
“I don’t particularly remember Spain winning a lot of wars,” Harper pointed out.
“That’s not the point.” Zander snapped his fingers loudly to draw her attention. “Keep up.”
Shawn cleared his throat. “What are you guys talking about?”
“We’re not doing anything,” Zander snapped, jabbing a finger toward his fiancé. “Mind your business.” His eyes never wandered from Harper’s face. “The point is that we can take France and we can take Germany, but the odds of us taking France and Germany at the same time are long.”
Despite the convoluted path he took, Harper found herself following his logic. “Oh.”
“Oh,” he intoned in agreement, bobbing his head. “France and Germany are going to subjugate us if we’re not careful.”
While Harper didn’t believe things were quite as dire as her friend, on the surface of things, she understood what he was saying. “How do you suggest we handle this problem?”
“There’s only one way.” Zander’s eyes were dark as they darted toward Jared. “We have to blow up France.”
Harper rolled her eyes and shifted as her phone started ringing in her pocket. The sound jolted her, but she was relieved to have a distraction. “I’m surprised we’re even getting service out here.”
“I’m surprised that anyone is calling you. I’m the only person who calls you.”
Harper wrinkled her nose. “I’ll have you know that I’m very popular.”
“Right.”
Harper pressed the phone to her ear before checking to see who was calling. “Hello?” She was almost hoping for a work emergency — her employees Eric Tyler and Molly Parker remained at the office holding the fort in their absence — so she would have an excuse to return to the real world if something terrible had happened in the city, like a caved-in roof … or a perverted ghost with wandering hands. She wasn’t that lucky, however.
“Harper? It’s your mother.”
Harper stilled, internally cursing herself for not checking the incoming call readout before answering. If she’d been home, she never would’ve made such a rookie mistake. “I recognize your voice, Mother,” Harper drawled. “It’s lovely to hear from you.” She didn’t mean it. Her mother had been the source of constant headaches over the past few weeks and Harper had intended the trip as a way to distance herself from the constant complaints. “Do you need something particular?”
“I do.” Gloria Harlow was all business on the other end of the call. “I need a guest list for the wedding.”
Whatever Harper was expecting, it wasn’t that. “Um ... a guest list.” She glanced up and found Jared watching her with overt curiosity. He was obviously aware of just who was
calling. “I don’t think I understand.”
“A guest list,” Gloria repeated, agitation on full display. “I need to know who you’re inviting to the wedding.”
Panic licked Harper’s heart. “What wedding?”
“Oh, don’t play coy with me.” Harper could practically see her mother’s dour expression through the phone. “Your wedding. It’s not that far away.”
“It’s not,” Harper agreed, searching for the right words. “I’m curious why you need a guest list from me, though. I thought we agreed that I would be taking care of that.”
“I don’t recall agreeing to that.”
“Well, you did.”
“No, definitely not.” Gloria had one of those clipped tones that usually had people backing off when it came to an argument. Since Harper was used to her mother’s antics, she had no intention of ceding a conversation, even if she had other things on her mind. “I’ve been talking to Luigi’s restaurant,” she started.
Harper immediately started shaking her head. “No, we’re not having the reception at Luigi’s. I know that’s your favorite restaurant but ... no.”
“Of course you’re not having the reception at Luigi’s. Don’t be an idiot.” Gloria sounded as if she was chastising an eight-year-old with attitude rather than her grown daughter, who was more mature on a bad day that Gloria could lay claim to on a good day. “We’re going to have the reception at Blossom Heath.”
The statement meant absolutely nothing to Harper. “What is Blossom Heath?”
Zander stirred next to her. “It’s a reception hall in St. Clair Shores. It’s absolutely beautiful ... and pricey. It’s right on the water.” His eyes narrowed. “Why is your mother mentioning Blossom Heath?”
That was a good question, and Harper was determined to get answers. “Mother, I already told you that Jared and I plan to have the reception for our wedding on the beach by the lake.”
“I know what you told me.”
“Well, that’s still the plan.”
There was silence on the other end of the call for a beat and Harper knew her mother was regrouping so she braced herself for a strategically placed missile.
Ghostly Camping (A Harper Harlow Mystery Book 16) Page 5