Article from The Honolulu Reporter…
HPD officer arrested for cannibalism! City mildly shocked.
by Jasmenni Kolopowawski
Lt. Krill Bardow was found by police officers on Monday morning, eating human flesh in a mysterious makeshift town on an abandoned farm in Pandora, just outside of Kaneohe. Lt. Bardow was in the shanty town and covered in a myriad of cadavers—mainly bones and body parts.
An unidentified caller tipped Lt. Xanadu to Bardow’s location.
“Who was the caller? I am not at liberty to divulge that information,” Lt. Xanadu said. “But thanks to her, we found him with human meat between his teeth. He didn’t know what hit him. But really, it was my baton.”
Lt. Bardow could not be reached for questioning.
“My client is completely innocent,” said Bardow’s lawyer. “He wasn’t eating a man’s breast. He was eating chicken. Plain and simple. Why doesn’t anyone believe me anymore? How embarrassing.”
While being handcuffed, sources claim that Mr. Bardow barked, “That little witch said to come here! Why is this happening?! I’m a good person! You don’t know me!” Lt. Xanadu is leading an investigation to figure out what exactly happened on the farm.
“Maybe one day Mr. Bardow will be sane enough to stand trail. I wouldn’t be surprised if he slaughtered all those people to sustain his hideous hunger for man-flesh. I always thought he was a bit daft. Believe you me…I know,” Lt. Xanadu said. “One thing is certain…we’ll solve this matter the old fashioned way—through diligent investigation and deduction. Not with so-called psychic powers. End communications.”
Also reported in the area were charred ambulances. Local hospitals reported the vehicles missing years ago. The emergency medical technicians are considered dead or missing.
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