Lucky and the Crushed Clown

by Emmy Grace

  “Okay, but how am I supposed to get there? Walk?”

  “You can take my truck,” Liam says, but rushes to say, “But if you wreck it, I’ll have Felonious come up with the punishment. Are we clear?”

  “I’d never wreck it on purpose, for goodness sake.”

  “Try not to wreck it at all, okay?”

  “Of course, I’ll try not to wreck it, but now you’ve made me nervous.”

  He sighs heavily. “You’ll do fine. Just go slow and don’t try to parallel park.” He pauses briefly before continuing. “In fact, don’t try to fit in any tight spaces. Park way down the street. Where there are no other cars. And far, far away from pedestrians.”

  I send him a scathing look. “Do you want me to park at my house and walk?”

  “You know, that’s not a bad idea. Besides,” he says, glancing down at Lucy in my arms, “you should probably drop the cat off. I doubt the Anns would appreciate having cat hair in all their food.”

  “That’s true, but what will he think about me having a place here? We’re supposed to be auditioning for a permanent gig with the circus.”

  “Tell him Mrs. Stephanopoulos is a friend of Miss Haddy’s, and she’s letting you stay there. I’m sure he knows Allanda knows Miss Haddy.”

  “What about all the animals?”

  “Tell him you rescue them. They’re temporary.”

  Liam is so casual about this, and it comes to him so quickly.

  “You’re really good at this.”

  “At what?”

  “At making stuff up and sticking with your cover.”

  “Lots of practice. And just a tip. The closer you can stay to some element of truth, the easier it is to remember.”

  “That makes sense. Plus, I think I heard that on Criminal Minds once.”

  “If it was on television or the Internet then it must be true.”

  I stifle a grin at the sarcasm in his tone.

  “I’m seriously going to start calling you ‘Sunshine’.”

  “Not if you expect me to ever come around you again.”

  “So, if I want to get rid of you, I should call you ‘Sunshine’? Got it.”

  Before Liam can respond, Jonah returns.

  “You ready?” he asks, slapping his hands together and rubbing them.

  “I am. But I need to drop off the cat first. Is that okay?”

  “Sure. I’ll follow you wherever you go.”

  “Down boy,” I say teasingly. I need to nip this in the bud before we meet Felonious. “I’m meeting an old friend there, so you need to cool it with the comments.”

  “An old friend, like a guy?”

  “No, not like that. I’m with Li—Uri, dingus. This is a female.”

  Jonah takes it in stride, like any normal, cocky, flirtatious twenty-something guy would. “Oh? Is she hot?”

  My smile is wide and encouraging. “You’ll just have to wait and see.”

  Please be hot, Felonious.

  I’d hate to think what she might do if Jonah flirts with me and not with her. I might have to change my name and move to a different country. Of course, with her cyber skills, there’s probably no hiding from her.

  It’s so, so wrong to be intimidated by a juvenile delinquent.

  I look to Liam, who’s watching us. “We won’t be too long.”

  “Have fun,” he says, all nonchalant. “I’ll get the wheel stowed away.”

  Liam bends down and pecks me on the lips.

  It’s exactly what a long-time boyfriend would do. It’s casual and intimate and expected. He’s completely in character.

  I don’t move. Role playing or not, the touch of his mouth on mine, the way his hand touches my waist…it turns my guts inside out, and it’s all I can do to breathe normally.

  Mentally, I start blaming everyone and everything for my current predicament.

  Stupid undercover work.

  Stupid dead body.

  Stupid obsession with investigating.

  Stupid town.

  None of it helps.

  With a grin, Liam presses his keys into my free hand then lopes off without a care in the world. But me? There’s a good chance I just blacked out. I can’t for the life of me remember walking with Jonah to the truck.

  But here we are, staring up at the big monstrosity.

  “You’re driving that?” Even Jonah looks doubtful.

  “Shut up. I’m a good driver.”

  He shrugs and walks around to the passenger side. I hit the unlock button on the fob and open the door. I first set Lucy up on the seat. Nimble as always, she hops from seat to console and sits down to watch me wiggle and squirm my way up behind her. When I finally right myself behind the wheel, I glance over at Lucy-fur. She licks her lips and does this thing with her mouth. I’d swear she’s laughing at me. Silently, but I know that’s what she’s doing.

  “Devil cat,” I mutter as I slide the keys into the ignition.

  I realize when I go to start the truck that I can’t reach the pedals. I feel around for a lever and find some buttons along the side of the seat. I push them all to see what they do. One lifts me up toward the ceiling, one brings the back in toward me, one starts a massager in the seat, and the last one scoots me in closer to the steering wheel. After two solid minutes of playing with the seat controls, I can finally reach the pedals and see over the hood.

  I look over at Jonah. He’s sitting in the passenger seat with is hands folded in his lap, watching me. Grinning.

  “Say one word about this and I’ll push you out of a moving vehicle. Got it?”

  He makes the motion like he’s zipping his lips, but when I finally start the engine and shift into reverse I could swear I hear him snigger.

  Men.

  16

  Jonah is no longer smiling by the time we get to my carriage house. In fact, he looks a little pale. Like he might vomit.

  I think we’re both suffering from hypertension, nausea, and possibly a panic attack.

  I’ve made twenty-six thousand “notes to self” on the way home, all of which have everything to do with never, ever, under any circumstances, driving Liam’s truck. Ever again.

  Ever.

  That thing is a menace. Plain and simple.

  On the way here, I ran a red light, nearly sideswiped an SUV, scared at least three of a stray cat’s nine lives out of it, and barreled over two curbs while attempting right turns.

  Liam Dunning’s truck is the most undriveable, least friendly piece of machinery since the Model T.

  The instant I cut the engine in my driveway, I leap out of the monstrosity and slam the door shut behind me. I take a few steps back to glare at it.

  “What’s wrong?” Jonah asks from behind me when he comes around to my side.

  “I wish Beebee were here.”

  “Who’s Beebee?”

  “She’s my grandmother.”

  “Why do you need her here?”

  “Someone needs to perform an exorcism on that thing.” I nod toward the hulking machine. “Did it just growl at me?”

  “Uh, not that I heard. On the exorcism, I’m not sure if it needs that or just a new driver, but either way…” Jonah makes the sign of the cross from forehead to chest, and left shoulder to right.

  I shoot him a scowl. “Have you ever been run over before? Because I’d make an exception and drive that thing one more time if I have to.”

  He holds up his hands in surrender, but his color is coming back and he’s grinning.

  Good Lord.

  I whirl toward the house and open the front door. Jack Hanna’s Animal Adventures greets me.

  Sweet Mary, it’s like someone pulled a string on a bunch of wind-up toys and set them down at the same time.

  My Frenchie, Mr. Jingles is up on the dining room table, barking. Gumbo is running around in a tiny circle in front of the dog door, oinking his little heart out. And Squishy has abandoned his perch and is flying around the living room squawking like a miniature Rain Man t
rapped in feathers.

  “Home run! Home run! Home run!” he repeats, darting here and there.

  Jonah stops in the doorway and just stares in amazement. That’s probably not a good sign considering he’s a guy who grew up around a circus filled with exotic animals of every type. When he thinks it’s bad, it must be really bad.

  And by the look on his face, he must think it’s bad.

  “What the—”

  I shove Lucy-fur into his arms. “Here, take her back outside for just a minute.” I give him a push and shut the door in this face.

  I raise my voice above the noise. “Squishy, come!” I hold out my arm and, after about thirty more seconds, the parrot comes and lands on my arm. I take him into the bedroom straight away and close the door behind me.

  Next, I grab the dog off the table and head for the back door. Gumbo has already stopped running in circles and is now staring up at me with his sweet brown eyes, like “You gonna feed me?”

  “Come on, boys. How about some dinner?”

  I hold Mr. Jingles as I set about putting food in bowls. When they’re both happily scarfing down their chow, I make my way to the front door. When I open it, Jonah is standing exactly where I left him, only now he’s holding Lucy out away from his body. I can see a few bloody streaks across his chest. They shine like new money in the white of his t-shirt.

  Lucy turns her wild green eyes on me, pins back her ears, and hisses.

  A shiver runs through me. Man, I hate hissing. But I can’t let that rattle me, so I go on the defensive. I wag my finger at her. “Lucy, you’re being mean.” I take her from Jonah and curl her against my chest. “Apologize.”

  For that, she gives me that deep, groaning meow that drives my other animals so crazy. She sounds like a feral jungle cat, and I’m not one hundred percent sure she wouldn’t try her best to gut someone.

  True story.

  Jonah looks mildly horrified. “What is that thing?”

  “She’s a cat. Of course.”

  “That’s not a cat. That’s a devil in a cat’s body.”

  “I didn’t tell you her full name.”

  “What is it?”

  “Lucy-fur.”

  He nods. “That makes perfect sense.”

  “Sorry about your shirt. And your skin.”

  He’s sneering at my cat. “It’s fine. Just get that thing away from me.”

  “Stay here. I’ll be right back.”

  I take Lucy in and set her down at her favorite spot by the hearth. She’s probably tired after such a busy day. She normally spends like twenty of twenty-four hours sleeping. She might be delirious.

  But she’s probably just being mean.

  That’s why the name is so fitting.

  I bend down to stroke her silky head. “Try to stay out of trouble until I get back, okay?” She stares at me with her glowing eyes. “Don’t torture the locals either.”

  Gumbo snorts as if in agreement.

  “I won’t be long, y’all.” I give them kissing noises and head back out to Jonah.

  “I think I owe Uri an apology.”

  “Why is that?” I ask as we start off, walking back toward town and the diner.

  “He’s a better man than me. I live in a circus and even I couldn’t handle all that.”

  “My life isn’t for the faint of heart.”

  And that’s absolutely true.

  He throws his arm around my shoulders, but I notice immediately that it has a very brotherly feel to it. If Jonah had harbored any ideas that we might be a thing, I think they’re pretty much gone now, which is good for Felonious.

  We make idle chit chat as we walk, and we’re pushing through the door at the diner in a jiffy. Before I can take Jonah to one of the few empty booths, the other patrons come to their feet and we’re applauded with a standing ovation. Which totally takes me off guard.

  I glance around in wonder, watching people in the diner clap and elbow one another, faces split by big grins. There are a disproportionate number of people here tonight, too, I think. This has to be either a Miss Haddy thing or a Felonious thing. Any and all mysterious happenings around town usually lead back to one of the two. Or, in some cases, both.

  One of the twins, SueAnn or LouAnn (I have a hard time telling them apart) snags us and escorts us to a booth along the bank of windows.

  “What’s all this about?” I ask her in a hushed tone as the other diners settle down and return to business as usual.

  “The whole town saw you clip Liam Dunning’s leg.”

  I glance back at Jonah, but he isn’t paying me the least bit of attention. His eyes are focused on something else.

  I turn back to LouAnn. Or SueAnn. “And they’re applauding that?”

  “Not entirely, although it did make for some great entertainment.”

  “Then why the commotion?”

  “You sliced open his leg and lived to tell the tale, never mind that the man let you throw knives at him. He let you. Throw knives. At his body.” She widens her eyes and nods at me knowingly.

  “Is that some sort of miracle or something?”

  “Lucky,” she says, tipping her head to one side. It’s the same thing Beebee does when I ask a silly question. “You’ve known him long enough now to realize what a big deal this is.”

  “I…I…” I glance around one more time.

  Although seated now, people are still watching me. Smiling, winking, giving me nods of approval. It’s like all of Salty Springs is in on...something.

  I’m getting a very bad feeling.

  “He’s over the moon for you, girl. Enjoy it. The rest of us sure are.”

  She grins and slaps my arm playfully before she walks off. I’m in a bit of a daze as I scoot into the booth we’re stopped in front of.

  My mind is replaying the Liam Dunning soundtrack, but it suffers an abrupt scratch the moment I see the girl sitting across from me.

  The very, very pretty girl.

  I grin, all thoughts of grouchy cohorts and whole-town romantic conspiracies fleeing my mind.

  So, this is Felonious.

  I stare over at her. She has dark blonde hair that’s cut into a long layers to frame an oval face dominated by large blue eyes. Her mouth is full, pouty even, and she doesn’t return my smile when I grin over at her. I can, however, see the corners of her mouth twitch. In that way, she’s like a female version of Liam.

  God help me, I’m seeing his traits in everybody lately.

  Stupid kiss!

  Stupid immunity!

  Stupid blessing!

  “Sorry we’re late. I had to drop the cat off real quick.”

  “It’s fine. I’m in no hurry.”

  Jonah slides into the booth beside me. He laces his hands together on the tabletop. A gentle smile is curving his mouth and he seems quite content to gaze across at Felonious. That must’ve been why he wasn’t paying attention to my conversation with whichever Ann I just talked to.

  “So, you going to introduce me?” Jonah asks without looking at me.

  “Oh, sorry. Jonah, this is—”

  She saves me from calling her by the only name I know when she offers up a sweet, “Tabatha. But you can call me Tabby.”

  “Tabby,” Jonah repeats with a slow nod. “Is this a bad time to mention that I love cats?”

  Thank the Lord he said cats and not some other nickname for them. I might’ve died right on the spot.

  Jonah smiles across at Felonious.

  Charm rolls off him in waves.

  I jack up my brows.

  Felonious leans back in her seat.

  Jonah winks.

  They smile at each other.

  I wonder if I set off a smoke bomb if either of them would notice.

  I’m thinking probably not.

  Clearly, I’m not needed to run interference. Maybe it’s time for me to get some air.

  “Jonah, can you let me out so I can use the bathroom?”

  He doesn’t even glance my way, jus
t scoots to the edge, lets me out, and then slides back in.

  I walk to the little vestibule where the restrooms are located. I take out my phone to text Liam, only to find that he’s already texted me.

  Twice.

  Liam: Found something. Head back here as soon as you can.

  Liam: You better not have wrecked my truck.

  I chuckle at the last one. He’s probably been worrying himself to death since I drove his baby out of the parking lot.

  Three bubbles pop up before I can reply. He’s texting me again.

  Liam: Just stay put. I’m coming to you.

  Me: You’re walking this whole way?

  Liam: Only you would ask me a question like that.

  I can practically hear the derision. It’s so loud it hurts my practical ears.

  Liam: Pike is giving me a ride.

  Me: Pike?

  Liam: That’s what I said

  Me: Don’t get killed.

  Liam: I don’t think Pike’s the one we need to worry about.

  Me: What’s that supposed to mean?

  Liam: I’ll explain later. Just stay put.

  Me: I’m not going anywhere. Looks like I’ll have two lovebirds to chaperone.

  To this, he has no reply, but I’m sure he’s making a face.

  I put my phone away and use the bathroom before returning to the table. Jonah and Felonious are talking animatedly. I pause to stare at them for a few minutes before interrupting.

  I’m just amazed that this cute girl is Felonious, the brilliant criminal hooligan. She seems so…normal. Almost cheerleader-y. And she’s named after a sweet and innocent feline, for Pete’s sake. A young lady like that ought to be harmless. Clawless. Maybe even name herself something like Felinious.

  Or Kitty.

  But looks can be deceiving.

  Very deceiving.

  I happen to know firsthand that this girl is anything but sweet and innocent. She’s a holy terror of the highest order. Felonious is definitely a more suitable label for her alter ego.

  Jonah just slides over so I can sit back down, which probably works better so I can get up again when Liam arrives, which can’t happen soon enough. Being at the same table with all this flirtation is making me feel like a third wheel, big time. I don’t even have anyone around I can make fun of them with.