‘I have taken the liberty of calling you a taxi’, he continued, ‘to take to back to wherever you need to go. We will settle the bill, so no need to worry.’
I sat for a few moments more, stunned, and then decided not to press the matter any further. It was clearly time for me to go. As I reached the doorway, the doctor reached out and stopped me by the arm. His hand immediately recoiled, as if expecting a shock of pain.
‘This matter is still very raw, to all of Miss Master’s colleagues and friends, especially here. We have only just been able to contact her parents in Buckinghamshire. I am expecting my office to be bombarded with calls and visits from the police and higher medical bodies, not to mention what will happen if – no, when – the press gets hold of this. I trust you will have utmost discretion from the moment you leave this room?’
There was something about his face – something rooted deep in his eyes – that startled me. His whole demeanour had changed since he had re-entered the room. He suddenly appeared less…human. There was a coldness to his voice that had never been there, and that you would not have expected from a practitioner of his standing.
Something else occurred to me as I stood there, studying his face. Dark rings around his eyes, a permanent creasing of his brow, which was growing increasingly shiny with sweat. If I hadn’t have known better I would have said he – deep down inside – may have even been scared of something.
I simply nodded, heeding his advice. I was about to step outside the door when he leaned in one final time.
‘If I were you, I would keep a distance from this hospital for the time being. Just until this all blows over.’ I narrowed my eyes, silently demanding an explanation. The doctor offered a warm – albeit empty – smile, urging me from the office.
I nodded again, accepting his warning. But for the entirety of my walk back out through the main lobby, my head was buzzing.
What the hell just happened?
Chapter Ten
The car was waiting for me as I exited the hospital lobby. As I opened the rear passenger door, I noticed the driver was the same guy that had taken me to Spinwood a few days ago. He flashed me a smile and a thumbs up, which I returned with a cursory nod.
‘Where to? Same again?’ he asked keenly. I nodded weakly, forcing another smile.
‘Yes please mate.’
He turned the radio up a little louder, as he turned back towards to face me. ‘Hope you don’t mind if I add a little more volume for a bit, eh? I love this song!’ A heavy metal guitar riff crunched through the speakers, which I acknowledged with a coded hand signal of my own – a thumbs-up, which I then turned into a set of devil-horns. I was relieved when he turned back to face the road and started driving. I was in no mood for conversation. I let my head fall back against the headrest, looking out of the window from the corner of my eye.
Exhausted and unable to gain any distraction from the scenery outside, I soon closed my eyes and allowed the gentle swaying motions of the car to send me to sleep.
*****
Secrets.
We’ve all got them. Some more than others. Some can break hearts and homes. Some could cost a person’s life if they were ever unearthed.
Enveloped by the darkness behind my eyes, I started to think about those people I already knew to have lived – and died – harbouring their own secrets. The Caretaker’s life had almost certainly been based on secrets and lies. Doctor Chandler now clearly had some skeletons too, and at least one of them involving my father.
My father most definitely had secrets, and I was discovering them only now, one by one. I had never been blind to the fact that there was a massive part of my father’s life that I knew nothing about, but over the last twenty-four hours I had learnt more about him than my mind could surely cope with.
And there were still so many questions left unanswered.
Why do any of us feel that it is okay to keep any kind of truth from anyone, least of all those closest to us? What do we hope it will ever achieve? No pleasant secrets – such as a surprise party, or unexpected pregnancy – remain hidden for long, for by nature we as humans simply cannot help but pass on good news, wanting to make other people smile.
But why then do we burden ourselves with things that we – at some point – cannot divulge to anyone else, for fear of causing hurt to another. But secrets are only created from our own actions, be they good or bad. So at what point whilst we are committing the act of which we can never speak, are we actually thinking of how it will affect our loved ones? And if we do in fact come to that realisation, how can we bring ourselves to go through with it nonetheless?
Would an adulterer consider the psychological damage that he will inflict on his (or her) children in the near or distant future, as they relish just one more thrust towards their lover?
Murder is another act that can occur – start to finish – in only a few moments. But the damage it creates can be felt for years to come. The perpetrator mostly thinks only of themselves in the initial seconds after snuffing out the life they had chosen to end. Whether it is revelling in the moment itself, viewing it as a display of their power or superiority, or the sick – sometimes sexual – thrill that derives from it, or instant remorse and regret, which leads to them only thinking of how they can cover their tracks to evade inevitable capture.
So what then of my father’s secrets? I may understand more now his motives behind his actions, how his quest for whatever truth he sought took over every part of his life. But at what stage did he consider me whilst placing himself – and, at times, me – in harm’s way again and again?
I could argue that there was no saving him from his work - that he was driven only by the thought of finding some kind of closure as to the whereabouts of his wife and son – and maybe his reason for keeping everything he did hidden from me was simply to keep me safe, to keep me distanced from the men that he was both working for and trying to escape from.
But would I ever truly believe that? Even I wasn’t convinced.
These thoughts consumed me for almost the entirety of my journey, before one final contemplation took over; what then of my own secrets?
Apparently my life had been made up of them, not only those which involved my father but even those that directly concerned me. There were questions about myself that I now kept asking, over and over, until my mind felt like a never-ending vortex, in which I was one day destined to lose my grip and fall into, becoming lost forever.
The one burning mystery about me that I needed an answer for immediately was my role in the deaths of my few childhood friends, and now April. No fingers were pointed at me explicitly. I had done that for myself as I recalled all of the information contained in my own file in my father’s study. They all returned to me, one after the other, so crystal-clear that I could recall all of the words on each page.
There was a link between them all. Me.
And Doctor Chandler’s insistence that I stay away from St. Catherine’s only served to validate my suspicions. I needed more answers, and I knew that the only place I was likely to find them was in my father’s files.
I opened my eyes at last, a fresh dose of adrenaline now awakening each part of my body. My legs started to ache infuriatingly, restless to get moving.
However, as I looked out of the window I failed to recognise the place we were travelling through. A moment of panic, my body ran cold, as I tried to locate any landmark I could that confirmed I may have simply been overreacting, that we were indeed on the right route back to Spinwood.
Then I received the confirmation that I sought, as the cab driver pulled the car from the main road and down a narrow lane. The access point could easily have been missed, as overgrown bramble hedges on reach side met almost in the middle, covering the car. The driver clearly knew where he was going.
I sat forward, staring between the two front seats, observing the view from the windscreen. The car pulled out into a clearing, the driver then applied the brakes and shut
off the engine.
At least I could rest comfortably in the knowledge of one thing; I had been right. The driver clearly had no intention of taking me back to Spinwood.
*****
‘What’s the problem?’ I shouted from out of the passenger window. I had just watched the driver calmly exit the vehicle, and was now leaning against the bonnet of the car, lighting the cigarette perched between his lips. He proceeded to ignore me. His insolence infuriated me.
‘Hey!’ I shouted again, throwing the door open and storming towards him. ‘Why the hell have we stopped? And where are we?’ I felt myself tremble underneath my clothes, the tremors caused by a mix of anger and adrenaline. The driver smirked at me, his head cocked to once side. He blew a wisp of smoke towards me before he replied.
‘It’s beautiful out here, don’t you think?’ he asked, ‘So peaceful. Just far enough away from civilisation that you feel alone, but not far enough to crave anyone’s company.’ I drew my head back, totally confused by what I was hearing. The driver spoke again before I could. ‘I often come out here just to think. Often I wonder how it would feel to die out here, for no-one to ever know I had gone. Or where.’
His eyes dropped to the ground as he let out a satisfied sigh, his smile indicating something going on in his head that mildly amused him.
‘I guess it’s just a shame that you’ll never be able to tell me what that’s like.’ He looked back up at me, a queasy sense of darkness in his eyes.
‘What the hell are you talking about?’ I asked, taking a step closer. His arm shot out from behind his back, the muzzle of the pistol stopping me dead in my tracks. Without thinking about it, I held both hands up in defence.
‘Just stop right there,’ he hissed through clenched teeth, ‘I know about you. I know exactly what you are. Not a step closer.’ He spat a glob of saliva on the dusty ground, his firing arm never faltering.
‘Look, I don’t know what you know about me, or what you are talking about, but I’m not here to hurt you. I just want to go back –‘ A burst of twisted laughter rendered me silent again.
‘Save it,’ he sneered. ‘I have my orders.’
‘And what are they?’ I asked, not really expecting an answer.
The driver looked at me cock-headed again, and in a mocking gesture he cupped his chin between his thumb and forefinger, as if deep in thought.
‘Hmmm, well let’s see…we are miles from anywhere, I have a gun…I’d say they want me to invite you to the publican’s ball!’ I moved towards him again, my anger getting the better of me. He raised his firing arm, stopping me. ‘Hey, hey! Stay back, remember?’
‘Why are you doing this?’ I asked, fighting the urge to puke on this guy’s shoes. My voice trembled as my emotions rode the wave from my soul to the surface.
‘Because I’m told to,’ he replied simply. ‘Because the guys who sign my pay checks are more powerful than you’d ever imagine. This-‘ he said, using the gun to point at himself and then me, ‘is the tip of the iceberg. I’m just a pawn in their game, but that’s fine. I accept my place in the grand scheme of things. I’m simply playing my part.’
‘Your part in what?’
‘The Master Plan,’ he said, with a sickly smile growing across his face, flashing a set of perfectly-whitened teeth. ‘Not something that I need to divulge to you in great detail, but since my job is to make sure these are your last moments in this world, I’m sure I can let you in on a few little secrets.’
I waited for him to continue, ignoring the burning sensation in my groin, telling me I had to pee.
‘You, my friend, are simply a threat. You’re in the way. They’ve been watching you for many years, just waiting for your lowlife father to finally be…escorted from their path. They found you many times but then as soon as he got wind of their attentions, your father swept you away. Every time you disappeared, it was a waste of months’ worth of planning and expenditure, repeating the cycle over and over again. Not something that makes the bosses happy, I can tell you.
‘They knew your father had information that they needed to protect, but they could never find it. Until you led me to it.’
The driver smiled as he let his words linger in the air for longer than he needed to, savouring each moment, knowing that I was steadily putting each piece of this wretched puzzle together. Two nights ago, when this man had taken me back to Spinwood for the first time…I had unknowingly gifted him the co-ordinates for my father’s secret hideaway.
And thus it would only be a matter of time before he – they – found the hidden study.
My mind was racing. I couldn’t focus on any single thought vying for my attention, other than knowing that I needed to get back to Spinwood. Now! And by any means necessary. Tightening my jaw, drawing in a sharp breath between my clenched teeth, I focused my gaze on the driver once more, watching his smile grow even wider.
‘And before you get any crazy ideas about your saviour coming to your rescue, I wouldn’t bank on it.’ I paused for a moment, knowing instantly who he was alluding to. The Caretaker. I said nothing, but am pretty sure my eyes said everything, for something about my face made him smile again. ‘Yeah, that’s right. We know all about him. Your father’s mole, as it were. He’s been ahead of the game for years, but I think even he knows his time is up. We have taken care of him.’
I couldn’t breathe. I brought a hand to my chest, trying futilely to relieve the pressure, but it was no use. Suddenly my body seared with heat, making the inside of my skull feel as though it were about to explode. My body shuddered violently, and through my eyes the world shimmered with me. But the driver just stood there, unperturbed, still smiling, still taking a satisfying drag from his cigarette.
I felt like I was dying, right there on the spot. I could feel my insides boiling. My agonised cries were silent, even to me. With all of my might, I managed to slowly raise one of my arms. Terror consumed me as I stared then at my hand. My fingertips were now black. I tried to scream out again, but I was paralysed, as if I was forced to watch whatever was happening to me.
The darkness spread, gathering speed as it snaked down my fingers, until soon my whole arm was black up to my elbow. I looked at my other arm; the same affliction had taken hold.
My synapses started to misfire, sending painful scattered images through my brain at lightning speed. I saw them all; everyone I had ever loved, everyone I had lost and everyone who had suffered in some way because of me. Then I was met by the faces of those who had died simply by getting too close to me. The slideshow of my past raged, bringing forth every emotion and memory that I had forced myself to hide, the hidden vault of my memory bank suddenly unlocked and spilling its contents across the inside of my skull.
I raged. I screamed. But no-one was there to help me. My mind settled on the image of The Caretaker entering the cottage at Spinwood. Then my eyes settled on the driver once more. His smile pricked an unstoppable force within me.
He raised the gun towards me. Throughout the rushing sound in my head as my mind started splintering apart, I heard his final words echo around me. ‘Time to die, kid.’
Whatever was happening to me, I knew only then I was powerless to stop it. So I released it. The next few moments moved in slow-motion. His finger started squeezing the trigger, aimed at my face. I lunged.
Then the world turned black.
Chapter Eleven
I had no idea how long had passed before I woke up. It wasn’t like a gentle rising from a blissful slumber, but more like having a clawed hand tearing your soul back from another world. My scream brought me to; the chilled air sobered me better than any caffeine could. I wrapped my arms around myself, rubbing them to generate some much-needed body heat. It was still light, but in the distance the sun had started to fade, bruising the sky a new shade of purple.
I brought my breathing back under control, looking around me to confirm that I was still in the last place that I remember being. I thanked a higher power that I was still alive.
A glance to my left, however, showed me that the driver was very much dead.
Not only dead, but still suffering long after taking his final breath. I could only recognise that the grisly mass only a few feet from me was him by the worn brown leather bomber jacket. What remained inside this item of clothing was just a collection of jellied flesh and charred bones. The terror gripped me, freezing my stare upon his face. Or at least what had once been his face.
Thin strands of smoke were still rising from his remains. As I looked closer, I could see that something was still crawling upon his flesh, its touch turning layers of tissue to mulch. I watched in awe as the black tar-like substance moved through the open wounds, now owning the corpse. It moved like a snake, but appeared to have no end in sight; it was simply growing. And in its wake, it was devouring any scrap of untouched flesh.
Feeding.
I sat transfixed, only blinking when I noticed the thick liquid reaching what remained of the driver’s fingertips…not stopping there, it started to pool beneath him. Suddenly afraid, my body jolted back into life. My arms and legs carried me backwards, like a spider, scurrying away from the pile of gore.
I still couldn’t look away, even as my body moved without any conscious command from my mind. What the hell was that stuff? And what had happened to that man?
His unfortunate fate was unfathomable; I simply couldn’t envisage what pain he had suffered in his last moments of life. I only hoped for his sake that it had been swift. As the sky darkened, it was impossible to tell how long I had been there.
I tried to remember what had happened, if indeed I could remember anything at all. I clenched my eyes shut, the world seemingly stopping as I called upon my third eye. I saw myself hurtling towards the driver, my face contorted in savage rage – and then nothing. Just darkness.
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