I get out of the car, closing the door behind me, and hoist the strap of my bag over my shoulder, and put my hands on my hips.
This can’t be the right place.
As the cab slowly begins to drive away, I shrug and decide to make my way up the cobblestone path and knock. Worse case scenario, maybe I can get a blessing or two then walk back home.
With a deep breath, I smooth out the hem of my shirt and push my hands quickly back through my hair before I raise my fist and knock on the door.
I can see Silas peek through the blinds of the window next to the door and feign shock at my presence.
“Open the door!” I call out with a laugh. He wiggles his eyebrows at my command then disappears from sight, the sound of the doorknob following shortly after. I’m kind of surprised to see him wearing black-framed glasses, but I figure that maybe not everyone is perfect after all; not even Si.
Silas opens the door but blocks the path in as I peek over his shoulder in confusion. When he still doesn’t move, I give him a playful poke to his stomach and he chuckles, finally stepping out of the way.
“This looks like a church,” I remark, glancing around the place.
“Good catch,” he replies, rolling his eyes.
“Are you going to be a bastard your entire life?” I snap at him.
A smirk plays across his lips as he crosses his arms loosely over his chest, “Possibly. Life seems to be a hell of a lot more fun this way.”
I give him a level stare as his smirk gives way to laughter and I find myself smiling back, shaking my head.
“What am I going to do with you?” I ask softly.
“I can think of a few things to pass the time,” he says, giving me a salacious look as he comes over to where I’m standing and stretches his arms above his head. He likes to remind me that he’s bigger than I am by doing little things like reaching up and gripping door frames, and while it works, I know that he would never force me to do anything I don’t want to.
I roll my eyes and sidestep him. He lets out his breath in a huff, but when I glance at him over my shoulder, he’s giving me his goofy lopsided grin, so I know that he doesn’t harbor any hard feelings.
“So, why do you live here again?” I ask him curiously as I sit down on a bean bag in the living room area.
“Why not?” he asks as he drops onto the couch across from me. He lays back, crossing his arms behind his head, and making himself comfortable. “It was for sale, I had the money, I bought it.”
“I guess I didn’t expect it is all,” I reply with a shrug.
“Do you believe everything you hear?” he asks curtly, turning on his side to look at me. I can tell that he’s over all of the rumors about him, but I have a feeling that this one holds true by his new-found disposition.
“No need to get crabby, Silas, I was just trying to make conversation,” I reply with a small smile.
“No, let’s talk about it. Why would you think I wouldn’t live in a church?” he asks, glaring at me. I can see in his eyes that he’s fighting the urge to get angry with me, because he knows that curiosity is just a thing I have. I like to know everything—why things happen, for what reason, and how everything starts and ends. I’m not being a bitch to him like I usually tend to be, I’m just being myself right now.
“Well, there’s that,” I say, nodding toward his left eye. Silas smirks and rolls onto his back again before he speaks.
“Do you even know what it stands for?”
“An inverted cross? Not much to think about there,” I reply dryly.
“Yeah, that sounds about right,” he scoffs. I raise an eyebrow at him, but Silas is busy now staring at the high ceiling of his home. He’s lost in thought and more than likely picking his next words carefully before he speaks again.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you,” I say glumly.
“No. You didn’t. I just hate that people assume shit based on rumors, you know?” he says, turning his head toward me. “Granted, all rumors start from something, but a lot of the time, I can easily crush them for the most part if I just get asked.”
I chuckle. I can’t help it. I did ask him a question and it put him into combat mode almost immediately.
“Yeah, I know,” he replies sheepishly. “So, okay, you wanna know why I live here? I’ll tell you.” Silas swings his long legs off the couch and sits up, running a hand back through his hair before clasping his hands loosely in front of him and leaning forward onto his knees.
“I don’t believe in anything—religion wise, I mean. And there’s a reason before you ask,” he says with a grin as I open and close my mouth. “So, when I was a kid, I was really, really close to my grandmother. She is literally the greatest person that I’ve ever known to walk the face of this fucking world. Always gave a spare dollar to a homeless person on the street; always had extra food for stray animals, even if it meant she wouldn’t get to eat much herself for a day or two. Anyway, the last time I saw her she told me that she had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and that she hated the fact that she wouldn’t know who I was as time went on. Of all the shit that bothered her the most about that disease, it was knowing that in the coming years, she wouldn’t recognize me that fucked her up the most.” He stops talking for a moment to clear his throat and wipe away a stray tear he doesn’t think I see with this knuckle. “She ended up dying surrounded by a family she didn’t know, and I’ve never been so messed up about something in my entire life. I was only a kid then; fourteen years old without a care in the world except for the old lady in front of me that took her last breath holding my hand.”
“Listen, it’s okay. You don’t have to—”
“No. I need to finish this now,” he says, glancing up at me with watery eyes. I nod and move over on the beanbag, patting the empty space next to me. Silas smiles as he lets out his breath and comes over to sit next to me.
“A few months after she died, my father put a shotgun in his mouth and pulled the trigger. I guess in my grief, I didn’t realize how much it fucked him up that his mother was gone. I always felt so damn guilty for that. Maybe if I had paid more attention to him, went out for walks when he asked me, spent more time at home, he’d be alive still, you know?”
I turn as much as I can on the small space we’re sharing so I can look at him as he turns his eyes back toward the ceiling and sighs again. “And that’s why I don’t believe in shit. That’s why I live here, because I’ve been told so many times in my adult life that I’m the devil in the flesh and I figure that if God is real, then he can come down here and kick me the fuck out after he answers some questions I have for him. Why Grandma? Why Dad? Why not me, instead? They were amazing people and I’ve always been a bit of a waste and he chose them instead of me? Bullshit.”
“The Devil in the House of God. Sounds like a horror movie,” I say quietly, attempting to make a joke. Silas smiles at me and clears his throat again. “Is that why you have that tattoo then? Kind of like a mocking thing?”
“Yeah.”
I nod and chew my lower lip thoughtfully. I can’t say I understand exactly where he’s coming from, but I get his grief and anger. I just don’t think I could ever feel that way myself if my life had turned out the way his has.
“There’s another reason too,” he says softly.
I raise an eyebrow at him and wait.
“In this place, I’m my own God. I make my rules here and anyone that enters my home worships me. Know why? Because I barely let anyone in here. I don’t like having my personal space invaded by anyone and if you do make it past the front door, then you’re someone really special to me.”
My face flushes hot and his chuckle tells me that he’s noticed. I push my hair behind my ears and look away from Silas. I glance around the room again, taking in the cathedral ceilings, and wonder what I’m really doing here—why I even agreed to come back to the home of a man that I hate.
“Chill. I’m not gonna try to fuck you,” he says breezily as h
e gets to his feet. “I just wanted to show you the place is all.”
Liar.
I can feel it; his want to be deep inside of me. It’s almost like a small animal that knows it’s caged with a bird of prey watching it closely, waiting for any misstep so it can strike at the right moment.
“Okay, well, I’ve seen it,” I reply, getting to my feet as well. “It was a nice visit and I honestly appreciate you opening up to me, Si. Maybe you’re not such an unbearable bastard after all.”
He grins and shakes his head as he places a hand on either one of my hips and pulls me closer to him. I begin to tremble as he leans down, his face inches from mine. Silas lowers his lips to my neck and inhales my scent before he pulls back away and places his forehead against mine.
“Maybe a blowjob?” he asks softly.
I giggle nervously as I put my hands to his chest and gently push him away.
“Not today.”
“Well, while I will admit that my ego is crippled right now, I have to say that sounds promising for the future,” he replies, wiggling his eyebrows.
“Oh, fuck off,” I grumble, pulling out of his grip and stepping back toward the beanbag to grab my purse.
Silas laughs as I pull the strap over my shoulder and across my waist. I make a face at him, and he tilts his head, that grin returning as he takes me in for a moment.
“Next time?” he asks smirking.
I roll my eyes and walk away from him, heading for the front door, his laughter following me as I walk out and slam it behind me.
I let out a sigh as I lean against the door and push a stray hair away from my forehead. That fucker is getting to me and he knows it.
Chapter Eight
Another day comes and goes as I sit in my living room with Miko in my lap. The visit at Si’s was nice but nothing beats being home alone with the television droning on and a furry friend of your very own.
I’m so lost in the overwhelmingly happy feeling of abject loneliness that when my phone rings, I’m half tempted to ignore it since it’s so damn late at night.
But I don’t and find that it’s Vanessa calling.
“What’s up?” I ask, putting the phone to my ear and running a hand gently over Miko’s soft fur.
“What are the chances that I can convince you to go to Casa de Asshole tonight?” she asks mischievously.
“For what?” I inquire, wrinkling my nose.
“Well, I think he’s jonesing for you and something about how you keep teasing him, and blah blah blah. You know how guys are.”
“Silas’ problem is that he thinks with his dick more than he does with his damn brain,” I reply, rolling my eyes.
“Yeah, I know,” she says with a laugh. “So, if you could do me a favor and just go there, it would be a huge favor to me. Well, in the sense where I wouldn’t have to hear him griping about it anymore,” she adds.
“Will his royal highness send another cab to fetch me?” I ask in a snooty tone.
“I’m pretty sure that’s gonna be a hard one to pull off, but I can get you one if you need me to.”
“No. I got it. Alright. Give me a few to put some more food in Miko’s bowl and I’ll be on my way,” I reply with a heavy sigh.
“Miko?” Vanessa asks curiously.
“My fox. If I’m gone all night, I don’t want her to get hungry.”
“Cool! I’ll let him know. Thanks, Axelle!”
She hangs up before I can tell her she’s welcome. I sigh as I get to my feet and head over to the kitchen with Miko in my arms, and me wondering why the hell I’m contemplating doing this with a man I barely know.
He knows your life story. Might as well, I reason to myself bitterly.
Once I have her situated, I decide to go into the bathroom and freshen up a bit. I can’t remember the last time I had some adult fun, but I figure that at the very least I should make myself presentable.
As I turn the shower on, I head back into the living room and call for a taxi. I tell them to arrive in about 45 minutes, figuring that will allow me a little time for grooming, then toss the phone onto the couch and head back to the bathroom.
Who knows?
Maybe I’ll finally learn to like the feeling of a man inside of me.
Chapter Nine
When I arrive, I find the door unlocked and a note taped to the blinds telling me to come in.
I roll my eyes and wonder if he’s doing some kind of role-playing shit—the sexy stranger or whatever, but I walk in and wander around the place until I’m sure I’ve found his bedroom door.
I take a deep breath and push the door open, head held high, shoulders squared and almost immediately drop my entire “I’m a bad bitch” demeanor.
I’m staring at Vanessa with a confused expression on my face, unsure of why she’s sitting on Silas’ bed. After a moment of waiting for her to explain herself, I turn my eyes curiously toward the man standing next to me and wince. His grin is making me feel slightly uncomfortable.
“Fancy meeting you here,” I say, my voice breaking slightly as I turn my attention back to her. I clear my throat and Silas laughs, sliding an arm around my waist and resting his chin on my shoulder.
“I thought we could have a little fun tonight,” he says gently into my ear. “And make a video of it—a little something for me to use on the nights you’re not in my bed.”
“Wait, what?” I ask, taking a step away from him and pushing his arm off.
Silas looks at me strangely for a moment before he sighs. “I mean, you guys are friends, right?”
“I told you that I don’t have any friends,” I reply softly. “She’s just someone that talks to me when I feel lonely is all.”
“She’s sitting right here,” Vanessa intercedes loudly. “And I would like to think we’re friends at this point, wouldn’t you?”
She moves off the edge of his bed and comes over to stand in front of me, pushing my hair back over my shoulder. I pull away from her and give her a level stare because I still don’t understand what it is that either of them wants.
“I thought you said you had a guy?” I ask, raising an eyebrow.
“Keyword—had. The bastard broke up with me a couple of nights ago,” she replies with a shrug. Suddenly, her eyes widen, and she looks from Silas back to me, “Hey, I’m not trying to get in the middle of you two if that’s what you’re thinking. I told you that Si is fun and when he asked me if I’d be willing to record the two of you, I thought that could be fucking hot, so I said yes. Nothing more, nothing less.”
“There’s nothing to get in between,” I reply quickly.
“Ouch,” Si says with a chuckle. “Way to kill my hard-on, Hair Metal.”
“See? That’s the other thing! How am I supposed to get serious about someone that’s constantly calling me shit like ‘Hair Metal’?”
Silas rolls his eyes at Vanessa and jerks his head at her. She nods and walks out of the room, leaving us alone together. He turns to glance over his shoulder and when the door closes quietly, he walks over to his bed and sits down.
“Come here,” he says, holding his hands out toward me. I shake my head as I shift my weight from one foot to the other and he drops his hands onto his knees.
“Axelle—I don’t understand why you think I’m going to hurt you or some shit, but I’m not. I’m actually really invested in getting to know you, but you’ve got this fucking brick wall up and no matter how hard I hit it with a sledgehammer, I’d say that it doesn’t seem like you’re willing to let it crumble for me. I don’t get it. Okay, granted the pill almost killed you—that’s one hell of a reason not to trust me, but that was my fuck up for not telling you that you shouldn’t have taken it until you were sobered up. I’m sorry. I’ve said it a hundred times and I’ll say it a thousand more if that’s what it takes. I just want to be with you, so will you give me a fucking chance?”
A small smile creases my lips. His speech started out so heart-felt, then ended up in a raging spiral of desper
ation and I almost feel like I should try to let one of the bricks crumble. Just enough to take a peek to see what it is that he has to offer to someone as fucked up as me.
“Stop calling me Hair Metal,” I say, feeling myself starting to back down.
“Forever?” he asks, raising his eyebrows in disbelief.
“For the most part,” I reply, crossing my arms over my chest.
“I’ll try,” he agrees with a grin. Silas raises his hands out to me again and I grit my teeth. If his entire aura wasn’t as fucking charming as it is, I would have spun on my heel and walked out of here, leaving him to his own vices. Instead, I find myself taking baby steps toward him.
When I finally stop in the space between his legs, he puts his hands on my hips and looks up at me with his rebel eyes and shatters more than just one of the proverbial bricks he was talking about.
His hands slowly move up the sides of my body as he gets to his feet and pulls my trembling form against his. His grin gives way to a smoldering smile and I can feel his breath hot on my face. I can hear it, too, along with his heartbeat and it’s the most intoxicating thing I’ve ever experienced.
Silas slips his arms around me and clasps his hands on my back. He leans down and brushes his lips against my neck. The way he’s holding me—like he’d rather die than let go; the way his lips graze my skin—like its the first time he’s ever tasted the sweat of my body only makes me want him more than I did when I first got into the cab tonight knowing where it would probably lead.
“You have the most amazing fucking smell in the world, Axelle,” he breathes against my skin.
I close my eyes and grip the sides of his shirt, pulling him closer and taking a deep, shuddering breath when he brings one of his hands around and tilts my chin up with a finger.
“Look at me.”
I open my eyes, and do as he ask of me, finding myself staring into eyes that I’m not quite accustomed to. The ones he normally looks at me with have never held such a need before and I know that his want for me is reflected in mine.
Love is Strange: A Taboo Anthology Page 13