by Pratt, Lulu
I was feeling something intense for Ryder, but I didn’t know if I could live with his career. I couldn’t see him out there hurting people and possibly getting hurt himself. I had a lingering fear that everyone I loved would be taken from me, and kept most people at arm’s length for that reason. It wouldn’t work in a relationship.
I didn’t have to work in the morning. I lied to Tori. I stayed in bed until I needed to get ready for my shift in the afternoon. I pulled on my clothes and left my hair in a loose braid, glancing at my phone as I removed it from the charger. Tori had been asking where I was and if I was okay for the last several hours, and I told her that I fell asleep right away. She knew I wasn’t one to keep my phone by my side since I already had enough trouble sleeping. She responded to tell me she’d stop by the shop to see me after work, and I smiled weakly.
Ryder sent the same texts. I was irritated that I could see how concerned he was in every message and felt a little bad about shutting him out. I tucked my phone into my purse and walked out to my car, starting the engine to go to the shop. I sensed that he wouldn’t be okay with my ignoring his efforts to reach out. I guess that was why I wasn’t surprised to see him sitting in his car in front of the store. I sighed and got out of my vehicle, sauntering to the door of the shop as he approached me.
“Elyse, are you okay?” he asked as I looked at him with tired eyes. I’d slept a lot, but it didn’t feel that way.
“I’m fine. I went home and slept for hours and hours.” I shrugged and forced a smile. “I wasn’t up for the bar. That’s not my thing all of the time.”
“Did you like the game?” He looked confused as I met his eyes, nodding with a bright smile.
“It’s so exciting. You were great out there,” I told him as he searched my face.
“You don’t look like you enjoyed it that much,” he paused. “I thought I was clear about what I did.” His words were soft, and I glanced at the door.
“I have to get inside, Ryder. Can we talk later?”
He shoved his hands into his pockets. I wanted to touch him, to kiss him. Instead, I stood in place.
“What time are you off?” he asked, and I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.
“The same time as before. Eight.” That gave me a few hours to figure out what to tell him about why I was so strange.
“I’ll pick you up. We can have a late dinner.”
I nodded and licked my lips as I stared at him. “Okay.” I turned and walked inside the shop, relieved that I had some time to think before dealing with that again. Gloria was at the counter looking at the computer monitor, and she glanced up at me with a sweet smile.
“Hi, Gloria,” I greeted her with a smile as I walked into the back to store my purse in the locked office.
“How was your date?” she asked as soon as I joined her, and I sighed.
“It was great,” I replied and looked around the room. “He plays hockey for a living, Gloria. Like pro hockey.”
“That explains it,” she said, referring to his build. I smiled. A shadow crossed her face. “Is that a problem for you?”
“He’s aggressive.” She knew my story and was one of the few who did from me.
“Oh, honey. Not like that. Sports get a little rough, including hockey. I don’t think he’s like that off the ice.” She covered my hand with hers, and I nodded. “It isn’t the same thing, Elyse.”
“I just felt so shaky watching him. I pretended that I had a great time and went home right after it was over like a scared child.” I looked at the door and shook my head. “He wants to talk after work.”
“Tell him. I know you like to hide from life, but a man like that only comes along once. Nobody will judge you for what you’ve been through.” She nodded at me as I stared at her.
“They won’t?” I asked, and she pulled me into her arms for a hug. I hated that some people knew without my telling them, like the officers in my neighborhood. They meant well by protecting me, but it made me feel uncomfortable. My name and the story was public record, and some people remembered the crime more than a decade later.
“No, you deserve to be happy, and from what I could tell, that man wants to show you the world.”
She left at six for dinner with her son and his new fiancée. I perked up a bit and sold some books, continually thinking about Ryder. The door opened around seven-thirty and Tori burst into the shop.
“How are you, honey?” She walked to the counter, looking concerned.
“I’m okay,” I said, and we stared at each other for a moment. “He wants to talk after work.”
“Ah,” she said as she looked back at the coffee counter in the corner. “I am going to get some liquid energy, and I’ll be right back.” I nodded, and she walked in her heels to the back of the store. Tori looked stunning as always with a red dress on and her hair in a loose bun at her neck. I spent a moment being jealous before pushing it away. When she came back, I was just finishing up a sale. She smiled as she waited for the customer to leave, leaning against the counter.
“So, what happened last night?” she asked.
“It was so… hostile. He pushed and shoved and fought with the intent to hurt those guys,” I said slowly, knowing that she’d get my fear. “He did it so easily.”
“That’s part of his position on the team. Nobody got seriously hurt, and it’s just what they do.” She met my eyes and smiled. “I think he’d protect you in an instant if you needed it. There is that.” She frowned and searched my face. “Are you scared of Ryder?”
“Not exactly. It just made me uncomfortable.”
She seemed to consider my words. “I get that. Things like that always will, but I think you’re safe with him. He keeps it on the ice,” she assured me as I shrugged. “Tell him what happened. Be honest, and he’ll handle it.”
“He’ll give me that look of pity that I hate. I got it so much as a kid, and I can’t deal with it now,” I argued. “If you think he’s so great, you should date him.”
“No, he’s into you, and I am kind of liking Justin. He’s hot and asked me out at the bar.” Her smile took up her entire face, and I chuckled.
“I don’t see why he wouldn’t want that. You’re amazing,” I told her.
She rolled her eyes. “I have shit going on the same as anyone else. You know that,” Tori reminded me, and I nodded. I tended to make my problems bigger than life. “We’re all just making it in this world.” She sipped her coffee and sighed deeply. “This coffee is amazing. I still have some event planning to do at home.”
“I’m off in twenty minutes. He’s going to be here,” I said as I glanced down at the computer.
“Talk to him. Talk to him like you did me when we met. I loved you more knowing what you went through. I admire the hell out of you for moving forward the way you did.” She smiled at me, and I couldn’t help but return it. I sighed, feeling the butterflies in my stomach again. “I am going to let you finish up for the night. Call me later!” She leaned in to kiss me on the cheek and then hurried through the door.
I counted the cash drawer and set what was going into the safe to the side in case I had any more customers. The coffee counter closed since they had machines to clean, and normally left after me. I just put the money into the safe along with the drawer for Gloria to pick up in the morning. I cleaned most of the day and kept things straight, but the opener came in half an hour early to do that as well.
I locked the door and turned the sign to indicate that we were closed before I grabbed my purse. I sighed and told the girls at the coffee booth to have a good night before making my way towards the door. I unlocked it after I looked around, opened it, and locked it with my key.
Ryder was leaning on his car, and I took in the vision with his fitted jeans and a green Henley. He looked so damn good, and I carried my coffee to him slowly, preparing myself mentally for this dinner.
Chapter 6
RYDER
I SAW THE SELF-DOUBT in Elyse’s eyes as she
approached me, and it hit me in the gut. We got along so well on our dates, and the chemistry between us was off the charts. What had happened between us since then?
“Hi,” she softly said. She looked exhausted.
“What would you like for dinner?” I asked as I reached out to stroke her hair behind her ear. It was a mess in her braid, but she looked incredible. I didn’t want to lose this woman, and I’d do everything to prevent it.
“Something light?” she suggested, and I thought for a moment.
“There’s this little bistro about a five-minute drive from here. They serve a variety of salads and sandwiches. How does that sound?” I asked, and she smiled.
“Great. Want me to meet you there?”
I shook my head.
“I want to take you,” I insisted. She nodded and walked around to the side of my car. I opened her door and looked at her pale cheeks as she slipped inside. I closed it and walked around to my side, starting the car to drive the few blocks to Olive.
Once we were seated at the bistro and she sipped her water, I leaned back and stared at her. She looked like a little girl right now, and I thought back to what the officer said. “Elyse, please talk to me about what’s going on.”
She stared at me and leaned her head back, rolling it back and forth as she groaned. “I don’t know how to say this, Ryder. I don’t know if it’s even worth your time.”
“We’re good together, Elyse. You know as well as I do,” I told her as she looked at me. “Here, look at the menu so you can order something. You don’t look like you’ve eaten in a while.”
She took it, and I saw her eyes shimmering with tears as she tried to read, blinking as she tried to regain her composure. When the waitress stopped by the table, Elyse managed to order a salad in a shaking voice. The waitress looked at Elyse and then me with wide eyes as I placed my order. Elyse wiped at her eyes and smiled weakly. “I’m sorry. This wasn’t what you were expecting, I’m sure.”
“What’s going on?” I asked in a soft voice.
“I don’t know where to begin.” She reached for her water to take a long sip. “I went to that hockey game knowing damn well what you did and how you played. I just struggled watching it. I suppose aggression isn’t my thing.”
“So, date me and don’t come to a game. That’s not difficult.” I shrugged and watched as the waitress placed our drinks in front of us on the table. I hated the idea, but I was going to push a little and see where it got me. I wanted a girl who would be my biggest cheerleader, and most thought that my tough guy act was a turn on. I’d gotten a lot of sex that way in the past.
“Really?” She stared at me before playing with her napkin. “Don’t you guys like girls wearing your jersey and screaming your name? I’d think you need a girl who likes your sport and your career.”
“I can separate things in my life. Having a girl to come to cheer me on is always great, but it’s nights like this that matter more. It’s a night like the one at your place that keeps the blood flowing through my veins.” Elyse blushed, and I licked my lips slowly at the sight. “It’s the way you make me feel that matters. And the way I make you feel when we are together.”
“You’ve only just met me. You must connect with tons of people with how many you meet.” Her protest was weak, and I raised an eyebrow.
“Do you remember what I said about the people in my life? My mom raised me to watch out for people.”
She lowered her eyes at the reminder and lifted the glass to her mouth. When she finished, Elyse nodded slowly.
“I meant that. There’s something about you that makes me want to keep you close. I don’t want to stop this thing that’s happening. I just see something simmering underneath the surface that’s hurting you. I want to make that go away.”
Her eyes widened, and she rested her hands on the table. “It isn’t that easy, Ryder. Nothing is.”
“You feel this between us?” I asked as she met my eyes. “I just want to spend time with you, Elyse. I’ve never met a woman like you before.”
“I’ll try,” she gave in, but I knew that Elyse was still going to pull away from me. I dropped the subject as we ate, asking about the bookstore and her friendship with Tori as she picked at her salad.
Fuck. This was going to be difficult, and I paid the bill quietly as she waited. I walked her to the car and drove her back to her own, stepping out to make sure she got inside it safely.
“Can I kiss you?” I asked as she pressed her lips together nervously, finally nodding. I wasted no time in claiming her mouth, holding her face steady as I worked my tongue against hers. I cupped her face, and she moaned as my tongue slid against hers, needing more. I felt her mold her body to mine and groaned against her lips. I remembered how it felt to have her come against my body, still feeling her heat through her clothes as she cried out my name. I kissed her harder, sliding a hand down to cup her ass while the other slid into her hair.
Elyse pulled away with a gasp, looking around the well-lit parking lot. She wiped her mouth and stepped back from me. “We’re in the middle of town.” Her voice was shaking, and it took a moment for her to look at me.
I wanted to ask her back to my place or for us to go to her place. I wanted her clothes off and my mouth all over her, tasting her sweet release. I knew that she might agree in the heat of the moment but regret it later, and I forced my thoughts to slow down. “I don’t want this night to end.”
“What are you doing to me?” Elyse’s voice was a whisper as she stared hungrily at my mouth.
“The same thing you’re doing to me.” I cupped her face and kissed her tenderly, closing my eyes as she sucked her breath in sharply.
I wasn’t sure how, but we parted ways in that parking lot. We were both desperate for each other, but Elyse was clinging to her evaporating willpower. I knew she wanted to hold on to it if she could and watched as she drove towards her place. I got into my car and drove home hurriedly. My desire for Elyse was stronger than anything I’d ever experienced, and it was going to be the fucking death of me.
I was out of the car and inside my condo in moments, locking the door behind me. It was the same style unit that most of the guys lived in who didn’t have families. It could be luxurious if I decorated it, but I only had a few things scattered around and the bare minimum of dishes and cookware. I dropped my keys on the kitchen counter and jogged down the hallway towards my spacious bedroom. I stripped and turned the shower on, stepping into the generous space as I leaned my head back.
I was hard and aching as I covered myself with my hand. Elyse did things to me, and I slowly started stroking as I played back the intimate memories I did have of her playing through my mind. I knew her curves by touch and couldn’t wait until she was bare before me and I could claim her. I groaned as I started stroking harder, placing one hand against the shower wall to hold myself steady. I shot all over the shower as my body jerked forward and moaned her name.
Once I regained my strength, I finished my shower. Stepping out, I dried off and wrapped a towel around my waist. I brushed a comb through my hair and stared in the mirror for a moment. I knew that I was a good-looking guy. That was one thing women told me in various ways all the time, usually with the hopes of fucking me. It worked in the past. It could work now, but my cock wanted Elyse. Nobody else would be more than a warm body to come in, and I was beyond that now. I blinked and got ready for bed before dropping to the mattress in my quiet bedroom.
I realized that Elyse had not been here. The room smelled the way that it always did, and I turned on the TV as I thought about her sweet fruity scent. It was faintly tropical and made me want to devour her every time we were together. The idea of the sweetness lingering on my pillows and sheets made me hard again, and I glared at my cock. I found a sitcom on TV and left it there as I scanned my phone. There was a message from Elyse telling me she got home safe, and even though they were just words, I sensed that she wanted to say more to me. I replied and told her to sleep wel
l, adding that I’d be thinking about her until I saw her again. I knew that women loved to hear things like that, and I’d used the technique before.
The difference this time was that I meant every word to Elyse.
Chapter 7
ELYSE
IN THE WEEK THAT Ryder was away playing pre-season games, he gave it his all to get to me with sweet texts. There were even flowers delivered, once to my home and once to the bookstore.
I wanted him more than I think I wanted anything before. I didn’t have a lot to compare it to since my relationships were few and fleeting. I wasn’t big on trust after losing my mom and then watching my father fade away. I would begin to let people in and withdraw once I realized they all knew who I was. They knew what I went through, and I’d give up on being anything more. I also despised pity, and that was all I got from the moment I went back to school. It only varied as I got older and I chose to tell as few people as possible.
I didn’t know if Ryder was in that circle yet, but he wouldn’t wait for an explanation about my odd behavior for too long. I wanted him to want me for me, not because he felt like he needed to fix me. That or he just wanted to sleep with me and add a notch to his bedpost. I knew how athletes worked after seeing Tori date a few over the years. I wasn’t willing to be a casual fling and never had been.
After his return from the away games, he asked me to come to his place for dinner. Ryder explained that he’d been practicing hard and wanted to relax and see me tonight. I knew what this could lead to, but I’d been thinking about how crazy his life was going to be. I did want to spend some time with him and agreed to go there after a pep talk with Gloria.
I got off work and went home to take a shower. I wanted to wash the smell of work from my hair even though I did like it. I just thought my sweet perfume was better for a date. I let my hair dry into natural loose curls as I put my make-up on, listening to music. I was playing the songs I remembered my mom listening to so many years ago, finding it a way to keep her close to me. I so badly wished that she was here to give me advice, but she left too early for any of that. It wasn’t like Dad wanted to talk about things, and I worked through it all by myself.