by Blair Grey
Not Controllable
Red Eyes MC Series Book #5
Blair Grey
Copyright © 2018 by Blair Grey
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
Also by Blair Grey
Red Eyes MC Series
Not Attainable (Red Eyes MC Romance Series - Book #1)
Not Warranted (Red Eyes MC Romance Series - Book #2)
Not Acceptable Red Eyes MC Romance Series - Book #3)
Contents
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1. Grant
2. Holly
3. Grant
4. Holly
5. Grant
6. Holly
7. Grant
8. Holly
9. Grant
10. Holly
11. Grant
12. Holly
13. Grant
14. Holly
15. Grant
16. Holly
17. Grant
18. Holly
19. Grant
20. Holly
21. Grant
22. Holly
23. Grant
24. Holly
25. Grant
26. Holly
27. Grant
28. Holly
29. Grant
30. Holly
31. Grant
32. Holly
33. Grant
34. Holly
35. Grant
36. Holly
37. Grant
38. Holly
39. Grant
Epilogue
Also by Blair Grey
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NOT CONTROLLABLE
By Blair Grey
This book is a work of fiction. The names, characters, places and incidents are products of the writer's imagination or have been used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, actual events, locales or organizations is entirely coincidental.
Copyright © 2018 Blair Grey
1
Grant
When I arrived at the clubhouse on Monday for the weekly Red Eyes meeting, the place was empty. I checked my watch. I was only ten minutes early. I sighed as I sat down on one of the couches to wait for everyone else to arrive. I had barely gotten a taste of what being part of a busy motorcycle club was like. Right after I had joined, Will dropped out to focus on his relationship with Belle and his education, and he was hardly around anymore. Next, Marcus left for the Northwest with his girlfriend. Then, Landon had gone to Florida on a mission and stayed there with a girl he met in Sarasota.
Now out of the core members, there was just our leader, Ray, our treasurer, Cameron, our main enforcer, Braxton, and me. There were other guys who were around every so often, but they weren’t full members of the club. They had outside lives and only joined us when we needed more bodies, and they usually didn’t come to these weekly meetings.
It was starting to feel like a pretty small group, which was kind of nice since it meant I really got to know Ray, Cameron, and Braxton. But at the same time, Ray was old enough to be my dad, and Cameron and I had pretty much nothing in common outside the club. I didn’t want Braxton to feel like I was always hanging off him or asking him to get drinks with me either.
So instead, I felt like I had to look elsewhere for friends, but that defied the reason I joined the club to begin with.
The truth was, I hadn’t had the best childhood, and things had gotten pretty bleak when I’d been a teenager. I’d been adrift for a long time before Ray took me under his wing. Especially over the past few months with Braxton mentoring me, the club had given me a sense of purpose that had been sorely lacking in my life.
But it still wasn’t everything that I wanted it to be. Apparently, there were some voids that it just couldn’t fill.
I was stirred out of my thoughts by the arrival of the other guys. Braxton dropped onto the couch next to me, while Cameron sat in one of the armchairs. “How’s it going, kid?” Braxton asked, but I didn’t have a chance to respond before Ray came in, the unofficial start of the meeting.
To be honest, Ray didn’t have half the presence that he normally did. He seemed slightly smaller, folded in on himself. He was pale, with dark circles under his eyes as though he hadn’t slept in weeks. The decline had been happening rapidly. Three weeks ago, he had been just as lively as ever. At first, I thought that he knew something that he wasn’t sharing yet—like maybe another MC was trying to move in on our territory.
But it wouldn’t be the first time that had happened, and I’d never seen Ray look like this before. And as more time passed and the worse he looked, the more I was sure there was something going on with his health that he wasn’t telling us.
Still, there was no way to approach that conversation. At least, no way that I could. Maybe one of the guys who had known him longer, like Cameron, knew what was going on. As for me, I was left just hoping that it was nothing serious and that he would get over it. He still went about his day-to-day duties like nothing was wrong, so I had to assume that was true.
It was too impossible to think otherwise. Without Ray, I wasn’t sure the MC would survive. I was pretty sure he was one of the founders, and he had definitely been part of it for longer than anyone else, even the noncore members of the club. Who could possibly take his place?
Ray cleared his throat and started going over club business, covering tasks for the week as well as our latest profits. There was a little bit about the sheriff still wanting to crack down on illegal activity around Las Cruces, but Ray didn’t seem too worried about the effect that might have on Red Eyes. We had come to a sort of understanding with the sheriff when Marcus handed over the Unknowns, an old threat to the Red Eyes, to him.
In short, there wasn’t much of interest, just the usual things. In some ways, I was relieved to hear that. In other ways, I had to admit that I was kind of itching for a little more action. I still felt like I needed to prove myself to the other members of the club. But there was no way to prove myself when I was just tagging along with Braxton when he went to get money from the local businesses.
Then again, any sort of altercation now could be disastrous. We just plain didn’t have the numbers to fight for our territory, not without calling in all of our auxiliaries, which would almost be embarrassing. We needed new blood. Especially so that I wasn’t the bottom of the totem pole anymore.
“Grant, I have something I’d like to discuss with you,” Ray said, as he wrapped up the meeting.
My eyes shot toward my hairline, and I glanced over at Braxton, wondering if he knew something that I didn’t. Was this it? Were they going to let me go on missions on my own now? Or was he kicking me out? I tried to think if there was anything that I had done recently that might warrant kicking me out, but nothing came to mind. I’d been careful to follow Ray’s directions, and I’d tried to learn from Braxton’s example. I knew that, originally, he had thought that I was too much of a pussy to ever make it in the MC, but I’d been working hard to prove him otherwise.
I swallowed hard and followed Ray into his office, sitting nervously across from him.
I thought I saw the hint of a smile on Ray’s face as he poured drinks for both of us, as though he knew exactly what I was thinking. To be honest, I didn’t drink as much as the other guys in the club, but I took a sip of the scotch nearly as soon as Ray hand
ed it to me. I needed to calm down a little. Ray didn’t seem like he was going to kick me out.
“I’m sure you realize that having four main members in an MC like ours is just asking for trouble,” Ray said. “Fortunately, I’ve found a few new guys.”
“Oh,” I said, wondering just how to respond to that. Why hadn’t he mentioned this in the meeting with everyone else? Why bring me into his office to tell me this? But he didn’t keep me wondering for long.
“I’m putting you in charge of molding the new guys into what we need for the MC,” Ray continued gravely.
I stared at him for a moment, wondering if this was some sort of test. “Braxton would be better for that,” I finally said, when it became clear that Ray was waiting for a response from me.
Ray’s lips curved into even more of a smile. “I disagree,” he said, shaking his head. He stared seriously at me. “I’ve seen a change in you recently. In the way that you approach club business.” He paused. “In fact, I think that if you continue down the path that you’ve been on, you could one day take over the MC. Where Braxton is all for fighting any possible threat, you’re able to approach things logically. I can tell you’re not afraid to get your hands dirty or to resort to violence. At the same time, that’s not your first impulse. And that’s what an MC needs in this day and age if you don’t want to get locked up in prison or booted out of town.”
I blinked, surprised at his words. I couldn’t help feeling flattered. Of course, Ray was keeping an eye on me, but I hadn’t realized that he was so impressed by my work. Not that there had been too much opportunity to show him what I was made of, but I had been there to back up Braxton on a couple of fights with his girlfriend’s crazy ex, among other things. I guess Ray had been watching all of it, and I had somehow managed to prove myself without even knowing that I was being tested.
At the same time, I wasn’t sure I was ready to start training recruits. “I still think that maybe—”
Ray cut me off before I could finish. “I have faith in you,” he shrugged. “But I’ll have my eye on you. If things don’t go the way I expect they will, then maybe I’ll have Braxton step in. I think you’ll do just fine, though.”
I wasn’t so sure, but I knew better than to argue with him. Instead, it was clear that this conversation was over. “Well, let me know when you want me to start,” I said weakly, getting to my feet.
“I will,” Ray said cheerfully.
I shook my head as I was leaving the office. Maybe something about this hidden illness was making him crazy as well.
“What was that about?” Cameron asked as I came back into the main room. I was relieved to see that Braxton had already left. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to tell him that I had apparently taken over from him in training recruits. I didn’t know how Braxton would react to that news; he was unpredictable sometimes.
I just shrugged at Cameron. “Just Ray being Ray,” I told him, even though I knew that wasn’t an answer at all.
Cameron’s brows knit together, but he had other things on his mind evidently. “Hey, have you noticed anything strange about Ray lately?” Cameron asked in an undertone as he steered me out of the clubhouse with a hand at my elbow.
I looked over at him in surprise. Maybe Cameron didn’t know any more about Ray’s mysterious decline in health than I did. I frowned. “He’s not looking so good lately,” I said slowly.
“No, he isn’t,” Cameron agreed. He folded his arms across his chest, narrowing his eyes at me. “And now he’s given you some secret mission?”
“Not exactly,” I said, shaking my head. “That meeting had nothing to do with Ray’s health. I promise I’d tell you if it did.”
“All right,” Cameron said.
“He wants me to train some new guys,” I finally blurted out. “But don’t tell Braxton yet. I don’t want him to feel like I’ve replaced him or something.”
Cameron stared at me for a moment and then laughed, shaking his head. “Trust me, Braxton’s not going to care,” he said. “He’ll probably be relieved actually. He hates training recruits. Thinks it cramps his style or whatever.”
“Oh good,” I said, feeling relieved.
“Braxton’s going to be the least of your worries,” Cameron mused, staring off into the distance. He shook his head, looking back at me. “You’re going to need to keep a close eye on these new guys. I wouldn’t be surprised if the police found out that we were recruiting and tried to send in a rat.”
I groaned. “Great,” I said. “How will I even know?”
“Oh, you’ll know,” Cameron said. “They won’t fit in. Just trust me on that. You’ll be able to tell.” He paused. “They’ll probably ask more questions than the rest. They’ll want to figure out as much as they can about the organization, the members, the missions. Which businesses are paying us and how much we’re bringing in. That sort of thing. I’ve never known a rat to be particularly subtle about trying to gather information.”
I frowned, but I had to take his word for it. I wouldn’t have even known to be on the lookout for rats. It was yet another reason I just didn’t feel qualified to be training these new guys. But if Ray was getting too old or whatever to train them, if Cameron was the treasurer and didn’t really deal with the day-to-day operations of the club, and if Braxton hated training recruits, well, there wasn’t really anyone else to handle this except for me.
I started to wonder if that was the real reason that Ray had asked me to do this. Not because he thought that I would make a good leader of the MC one day, but because he really didn’t have anyone else he could ask.
“Just let me know if there’s anything strange about any of the recruits,” Cameron said. “I’ll help you take care of it.”
“Thanks,” I said, really meaning that. I might not know Cameron very well or have a lot in common with him, but one thing I could count on with all the guys in the MC was that they had my back.
Cameron and I went our separate ways, and I kept thinking about that. The MC had given me a purpose and a group of guys who, even though we weren’t the best of friends, were guys who I could count on no matter what. At the same time, it would be something else entirely to become the leader of the MC.
What I hadn’t shared with any of them, not even Ray, was that I wasn’t sure that this was really the path I wanted to be on in the long run. I did feel like I had gotten my life back on track in many ways since I had joined the MC, but deep down, I was sure that Braxton was right: that I didn’t have what it took to really be a member of Red Eyes, the most powerful motorcycle club in New Mexico.
When it came down to it, I wasn’t a violent person. I just didn’t have the same cold heart that Braxton and the enforcers had. Beating up a poor shopkeeper because the guy couldn’t afford to pay us his monthly dues? That just didn’t sit right with me. Going after the bad guys was one thing, but not all the guys we went after were the bad guys, and deep down, I wanted to do good.
For now, I supposed I was doing a good enough job of pretending that this was what I wanted—that I was okay with everything the MC stood for—but I knew I wouldn’t be able to fake it if I took over leadership of the MC. So as flattering as it was to hear Ray’s praise for me, it made me feel even worse about the lie that I was living.
I knew I needed to make a decision soon. To figure out if I was going to continue this route or not. But I couldn’t pull out of Red Eyes now, not when we had so few people and not when Ray was counting on me to train these recruits. I didn’t know what else I would do with my life anyway. It was getting to the point where I’d be too far in to get out of this, though. Where I might actually start becoming the kind of person that the rest of them were.
Ray’s words might have been flattering, but they left a bad taste in my mouth.
2
Holly
I couldn’t be happier with the way my life was going. After a lot of hard work, I had graduated from the police academy, and I was starting to get work as an underc
over officer. It had taken a lot to prove myself. There were plenty of women in the police force, but sometimes it still felt like we had to work twice as hard as the men to prove ourselves.
I was proud of myself. I had worked hard to get to where I was, and now I was living out a lifelong dream to serve my community and help others.
I glanced around, trying to be surreptitious as I made sure no one was following me into the secret location to meet Ryan and the other undercover officers, but the street was deserted, so I had nothing to worry about.
I grinned to myself as I walked inside.
I recognized some of the other people, but many of them were guys I was just starting to get to know. I didn’t have time for introductions, though, before Ryan started the meeting.
“I’m sure all of you remember the platform our current sheriff ran on. It’s something that the leaders of our city have been promising for years: that they’ll clean things up around here. And I don’t just mean getting trash off the streets.” There were some murmurs from around the group.
Ryan held up a hand to get everyone silent again. “We’ve been asked to turn our attention to the motorcycle club called Red Eyes. For those of you unfamiliar with the club, they’ve been causing trouble for our law-abiding citizens for years now. They extort money from the local businesses for protection, as though they have any right to protect the local businesses. That’s our job of course.”