by Andrews, Amy
‘I think we transcended that last night, don’t you?’ He kissed her nose, her forehead, before seeking and holding her gaze. ‘What if we were to keep this thing going? Even after I go back?’
Callie’s breath caught in her throat. A long-distance relationship? It was a startling thought to someone who didn’t have the best track record with maintaining romantic relationships at all let alone beyond the city limits. It was certainly one she’d never entertained.
But one, even now, despite the suddenness, was insidiously entwining itself in her grey matter.
‘Really?’
‘Sure, why not?’ He trailed a finger along her jaw and down her neck. ‘We’re having a good time. We’re both adults who are free to come and go with no commitments to other people. Who says we have to follow conventional rules? Melbourne’s only a two-hour plane trip from Brisbane. I can fly here or you can fly there. Or we can fly somewhere else and meet in the middle. There’s weekends and holidays. Why not?’
Callie chewed her lip as temptation knocked. Everything about this should be objectionable but it wasn’t.
Why not indeed?
Her, here in Brisbane, doing what she loved. Still around for Zack and still being there for her clients. Him in Melbourne, doing what he loved. Being famous and important. Then meeting somewhere to do what they both loved together.
The best of both worlds.
The more the thought sat with her the more it excited her. The more enticing the possibilities.
But...
Experience told her that men often wanted more and more. Things she just wasn’t prepared to give. She took a deep breath to tackle it head on. ‘I’m never going to want a baby.’
He frowned. ‘I know that.’
She shook her head and blasted him with a steady, serious look. ‘I mean it, Sebastian. I’m not going to change my mind. I’m perfectly happy with my life. I don’t need to experience motherhood to have a fulfilling existence. I’ve had Zack and that was wonderful enough for me. But I’ve been here before. Sooner or later, it always gets down to babies.’
He returned her gaze with a steady one of his own, his hand cradling her jaw, as his fingers speared into her hair. ‘It won’t. Not with me. I’m with you on this, one hundred and fifty per cent.’ He rubbed his thumb gently back and forth across her ear as he dropped a kiss on her mouth. ‘I promise.’
He’d told her before he didn’t want kids. She’d believed him them and she believed him now.
God...could they really make this happen?
Callie felt both excited and nervous. Like she wanted to throw up but at the same time, her heart felt as big as a basketball in her chest.
She wanted to try it, at least.
‘In that case,’ she whispered against his lips, her hand sliding to the knot of his towel, ‘I’d love to keep this thing going.’
Then she yanked and the towel slid free.
CHAPTER EIGHT
The steady, rapid rhythm of a foetal heartbeat filled Sebastian’s office and Callie smiled down at Ginny, who was reclined on the couch, her shirt pulled up to expose her taut eight-and-a-half-month pregnant belly.
It was a noise that Callie had heard very regularly over the last five months. Luckily it hadn’t affected her again the way it had the first time she’d heard it during the ultrasound.
Ginny’s eyes filled with tears. ‘I’m so sorry to be a bother.’
Callie smiled at her client who was wiping at an escaping tear. ‘It’s no bother,’ she reassured her as she switched off the hand-held Doppler.
‘It’s just that I’ve been so busy getting everything ready for the baby since I finished work and now everything’s done and...What if something goes wrong? I keep thinking of all the things that could go wrong and I then I saw this documentary the other day about ana—anaceph...oh, I don’t know how to pronounce it.’
‘Anacephaly?’
Ginny nodded vigorously. ‘That’s it.’
‘But, Ginny, your little girl has a perfectly formed head. You’ve had three ultrasounds — one of them 3D — and she has a beautiful head.’
Ginny sighed. ‘I know. I know that. I guess I’m just... What if I’m...going nuts again, Callie?’
Callie reached for a tissue on the nearby coffee table and wiped at the gel she’d applied low down on Ginny’s belly then she took her client’s hand.
‘You are going through exactly the same thing that thousands of pregnant women go through towards the end. You’re anxious.’
‘Other women are like this? Not just me?’
Callie smiled and squeezed Ginny’s hand. ‘A lot of mothers-to-be are anxious. What you’re going through is normal.’ She squeezed again. ‘Perfectly normal.’
Ginny relaxed and even gave a half smile. ‘I suppose so. I guess when I realised that I hadn’t felt her move for a couple of hours I just panicked.’
‘Remember what the midwife said?’ Callie reiterated. ‘Decreased foetal movements are common in the last few weeks. There’s not much room to move inside that belly at the moment,’ Callie joked, giving the round expanse a gentle poke.
The baby, obviously objecting to the nudge, kicked back and Callie watched the corresponding belly movements as the baby seemed to roll from one side to the other.
‘Of course she’s been moving around like a jumping jack ever since I walked in here,’ Ginny said, absently rubbing her belly. ‘I should have waited.’
‘No.’ Callie shook her head. ‘It’s good to be in tune to these things and if you do ever feel that she’s not moving as much then come here or ring the community midwife.’
She pulled Ginny’s shirt down and helped her into a sitting position. ‘It’s better to be cautious.’
Ginny left five minutes later, much calmer than when she’d arrived and Callie stood in the doorway watching her go. She smiled as Sebastian, who was in the glass-panelled group therapy room, waved at Ginny on her way out.
Her gaze stayed with Sebastian as he ran his teen group therapy session. He was in blue jeans and an olive T-shirt that complemented his eyes and the red-gold of his hair and sat snugly across his biceps and pecs.
He was leaning forward, both feet planted firmly in front of him, his elbows on his knees, his hands, loosely interlinked, hanging between his legs. Even from across the room she could see his absolute focus as he engaged Bree, a fifteen-year-old anorexic.
Callie glanced at the painfully thin teenager who was smiling shyly at Sebastian. A nasogastric tube used for night feeding was taped to her cheek and marred features that would have been pretty had they not been so gaunt.
Bree hated the tube. She hated the sessions. She especially hated the weekly weigh-ins. Or she had anyway. But for the tenth week in a row she’d gained weight and she taken delight in the progress instead of seeing it as a failure and another reason to hate herself and her body. She had a spring in her step and a smile on her face instead of her usual sullen frown.
And Callie didn’t doubt for a moment that Sebastian was a large part of the teenager’s recovery.
Sebastian’s focus shifted to Eric, the fourteen-year-old boy beside Bree, who had been referred for self-harming. But Callie kept her eyes glued on the girl. Prior to her turn-around Bree would sit in these sessions with the typical fidgety movements of those suffering from profound anorexia nervosa.
She’d tap her toes repeatedly, jiggle her thighs and drum her fingers against her crossed arms. Exercise in any form was important to anorexics. Even seemingly passive they could keep their metabolic rate up and burn fat.
So movement, any movement, was good. Being idle was the enemy.
But now she sat still, listening attentively. She laughed, smiled, joined in the conversation and even engaged the newcomers who were reluctant to contribute.
Callie spied Bree’s mother flicking through an ancient magazine in the central waiting area. She wandered over and sat opposite. ‘Hi, Anita. How’s it all going?’
B
ree’s mother glanced up from her reading and smiled. ‘The bad days are getting fewer, thank goodness.’
Callie nodded. The smile couldn’t erase the extra years Bree had added to her mother’s life. Anita looked ten years older than when they’d first met two years ago after Bree’s diagnosis.
They both glanced over at the session, which was drawing to a close. ‘I can’t thank Sebastian enough. He’s just connected with her. Mind you...’ She fanned herself. ‘I can’t say I blame her. He’s very easy on the eye, isn’t he?’
Callie laughed as Anita openly ogled Sebastian. She quashed the urge to say, you should see him naked. ‘That he is.’
‘Seriously, though.’ Anita sobered, looking back at Bree. ‘Since her father left a few years ago she’s been lacking a strong male role model. Sebastian has been such a godsend. You should hear her at home — Sebastian said this, Sebastian said that.’
‘It’s good to see her coming out the other side,’ Callie said as she reached out and covered Anita’s hand with hers. ‘Don’t forget, though, she’s still got a way to go.’
Anita patted Callie’s hand. ‘I know. I know. It’s just been so nice to see. So nice to not feel so utterly helpless for a change.’
Callie nodded. ‘Of course.’ She looked back at the room, the session obviously over as the teens all stood. ‘Looks like they’re done. See you next week?’
Anita nodded and winked. ‘Wouldn’t miss it.’
Callie had a smile on her face as she wandered into the staffroom a couple of moments later. Sebastian had caught her eye as she’d passed and given her that have I got plans for you tonight look.
Their transition to spending their nights together had been a natural progression once the R word had come out into the open, and Callie felt a small trill of excitement every time she thought about sleeping with him.
‘Coffee’s here,’ Geraldine announced, walking past her with a laden four-cup cardboard tray from the coffee shop over the road.
Callie took hers and sat at the table. She removed the lid and inhaled the rich, earthy fragrance of her doubleshot espresso, waiting for the delicious buzz as it hit her olfactory system. It was a shock when a powerful surge of nausea took hold instead. Callie pushed the cup away violently, the liquid sloshing over the sides and onto the table.
‘Ugh.’ She clapped a hand to her mouth, relieved that it vanished as quickly as it appeared. ‘That smells awful.’
Geraldine raised an eyebrow and lifted the mug to her face. ‘Smells like coffee to me,’ she murmured.
Callie shuddered. ‘Must be that bout of food poisoning I had last week. I still feel a little delicate and things seem to taste different.’
Geraldine blew on her coffee, watching Callie over the rim. ‘You sure it was food poisoning?’
‘Yep.’ She nodded. ‘Sebastian was ill too. We think it must have been something in the take-away we’d had the night before. He got over his quicker than me, though.’
Geraldine took a sip. ‘Funnily enough, I couldn’t stand the smell of coffee when I was pregnant with Tahlia. The merest whiff and I was throwing up like there was no tomorrow.’
There was something in Geraldine’s voice that made Callie’s eyes narrow. ‘Geri,’ she warned.
Geri shrugged. ‘I’m just saying.’
‘Well, don’t.’
‘You and Seb being careful?’
Callie rolled her eyes. ‘Of course, Mother.’ Except that one time...
‘Hmm,’ Geri said, placing the cup on the table and crossing her arms over her ample bosom. ‘And you’ve had a period lately?’
Callie did not like the speculation in her friend’s eyes. ‘Yes. Last week.’
‘Yep, that can happen. I had my period until I was five months pregnant with Damon.’
‘Geri.’
‘Tired?’ she persisted, ignoring the note of warning in Callie’s voice. ‘Peeing a lot? Sore boobs?’
Callie stood. ‘I am not pregnant, Geraldine Russell. So get that thought right out of your head.’
Rodney walked in, oblivious to the conversation. He placed his lunch on the table and lifted the plastic lid on his regular curry from the Indian take-away, also across the road. The aroma of coriander and all-spice wafted upwards and he inhaled appreciatively.
‘I don’t know what we’re going to do if The Raj Palace ever closes down,’ he mused. ‘I might have to actually make my own lunch.’
The nausea returned with a vengeance but this time it didn’t settle. Instead, it became all-consuming and Callie knew there was definitely going to be follow-through.
‘Excuse me,’ she gasped, praying that she’d make it to the staff toilet in time.
Rodney blinked as he watched Callie gallop off. He looked down at Geri, concern in his eyes, only to find her grinning like an idiot. ‘What’s so funny?’ he asked.
‘Life is, Rodney.’ Geraldine laughed. ‘Life.’
Callie felt so rough she popped into Sebastian’s office to let him know she was taking the afternoon off and cancelling their movie plans.
‘Of course,’ he said, rising from his chair. ‘I’ll drop by after work and check on you.’ He reached her side and pulled her into an embrace.
‘No, it’s okay.’ Callie dropped her head against the pillow of his chest. She was so weary suddenly she felt like she could sleep for a week. ‘I’m having a shower and going straight to bed.’
‘Okay.’ He kissed her forehead. ‘You do feel a bit warm,’ he murmured. ‘I think you should see your doctor. This food poisoning thing has been dragging on a bit too long.’
Callie nodded, pushing Geraldine’s theory firmly from her head. ‘Tomorrow.’
‘Come on. I’ll drive you home.’
‘No.’ Callie roused herself. ‘You have your private session with Frank Jessop in five minutes. I’ll be fine.’
Callie left soon after, the drive seeming to take an eternity. Long enough for her thoughts to turn back to Geri’s preposterous intimation.
Preposterous!
Geri, better than anyone, knew Callie’s stance on children and how she’d spent her entire fertile life trying to avoid pregnancy. Why on earth would she even put forward such a ridiculous idea?
But that night in the shower replayed in her mind. Her insistence that they have no barriers between them.
Surely not...?
Of course it was possible. She was a nurse, for crying out loud, she knew that one time was all that it required.
But...surely she couldn’t be that unlucky?
No. No, she’d had a period. Just last week. A little late but her cycle was getting longer as she moved towards her forties. And, okay, it had been quite light but it had happened in the middle of the whole food poisoning incident and she’d figured that her body was giving her a break.
She refused to give Geri’s Damon anecdote any thought as she swung into her drive and switched off the engine, wishing she could switch the thoughts off as easily. The prospect of going into an empty house with only Geri’s insinuations for company was daunting.
But her shower and her bed beckoned and within twenty minutes, despite the ridiculous thought of pregnancy hanging over her head, Callie was sound asleep.
She awoke the next morning feeling much better. Rested and ready to face a new day. It was odd, though, to wake up without Sebastian next to her and she slid her hand over the cold sheets beside her. It felt discombobulating to wake alone.
Her stomach still felt a little delicate and the coffee she’d started to make was soon abandoned, but a piece of toast and a cup of tea seemed to settle things down and she left the house with a spring in her step.
‘Morning,’ Geraldine greeted her. ‘And how are we feeling today?’
Callie ignored the probing gaze, breezing past her boss. ‘Fantastic. Slept like a baby. Ready and raring to go.’ She entered the staffroom and stashed her bag in her locker.
Geraldine followed. ‘Now, some would say that was a Freudi
an slip.’
Callie frowned. What on earth was Geri on at the moment? ‘What?’
Geri raised an eyebrow. ‘Slept like a baby?’
Callie turned and smiled sweetly at her colleague. ‘I’m officially ignoring you.’
Rodney breezed past them with a bakery bag. ‘Morning, ladies. Hot cinnamon rolls, baked fresh.’ He plonked the paper bag on the table and ripped it down the centre decanting them onto a plate.
The room filled with a warm yeasty fragrance that, one any other day, Callie would have inhaled with pleasure. But not today. Today a surge of nausea hit as Rodney offered her a roll, the sweet, sugary aroma repugnant in every way.
Recoiling, Callie dared not look at Geraldine as she excused herself to walk rapidly to the toilet. She just made it in time as her stomach revolted and discharged its paltry contents in great heaving spasms that seemed to go on forever.
Afterwards she pulled the lid down and sat on it, elbows on knees, cradling her head in her hands. Her legs were shaking. Her hands were sweaty. She wanted to die.
It couldn’t be. Surely?
A knock pulled her out of her misery. ‘Just a moment,’ she said, taking a couple of deep breaths and standing gingerly. She reached for the lock and opened the door.
Geraldine was there, holding up a pregnancy test kit. ‘I think you should do this.’
Callie looked at the packaged item that they always had in stock in their storeroom. Then she looked at her friend and shook her head.
‘Humour me,’ Geri insisted thrusting it in her direction. ‘If you’re so sure its negative, what have you got to lose?’
Callie swallowed. Somehow the mere thought of doing the test gave credence to this whole crazy thing. It gave it legitimacy and that scared the hell out of her.
‘This can’t be happening to me.’ To her horror she felt tears prick her eyes.
‘Maybe it isn’t. There’s only one way to find out.’
Callie reached for the packet. ‘I don’t want this.’
Geraldine nodded. ‘Sometimes you don’t get a say, Callie. And sometimes things happen that seem like a complete disaster at the time yet they turn out to be the best thing that ever happened.’