Seconds after that, Loki was wrapping me up in his arms and saying damn near the same thing.
And in that second, longing hit me.
I wanted this.
I wanted what Justice brought to the table.
What sucked was that I had a way of ruining damn near everything.
What sucked even more was that, over the last two days, I’d not only realized what I was missing, but I realized what I would lose.
And at that point, I wasn’t just thinking about his parents.
I was thinking about Justice.
I’d brought trouble to his front door by asking around about Marcus.
Sure, Justice had played his own hand and had found himself involved with Marcus way before I’d even known he was in the picture.
However, he hadn’t blown his cover until I’d shown my hand.
Because of this, in typical Royal fashion, I’d put not only myself in danger, but the man that I would eventually fall in love with, too.
“You’re being awfully quiet over there,” Justice said as he drove.
I smiled sadly.
“I was thinking about how your family was way cooler than mine,” I admitted. “I can count on one hand how many times I’ve done anything together as a family.” I paused. “Or how many times I’ve had breakfast made for me.”
He frowned.
“Nobody’s ever made you breakfast?” he asked.
I shook my head.
“I stayed at a friend’s house once,” I told him, remembering a particularly good childhood memory. “Her mom made breakfast. It was scrambled eggs, bacon and toast. But that childhood memory is the single best memory I have of a morning. Until your mom.”
He frowned and held out his hand, resting it palm up against the center console.
I placed my hand gently into his.
“I know that we haven’t been seeing each other long,” he said. “And we haven’t really talked about what we are to each other.” He paused. “But, if you’ll let me, I’ll do my level best to make you breakfast as often as I can for the foreseeable future.”
I felt my throat close up.
I so wanted to take him up on that offer but I couldn’t.
“Justice.” I took a deep breath. “When we get back…I’m leaving.”
I was running out of money, to boot. I needed to let my apartment go.
And with my brother not in the picture, and Justice needing to be watched out for…there was nothing left.
Justice’s hand twitched, and his hands squeezed down onto mine rather tightly before he said, “Excuse me?”
I swallowed hard.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to be seen together anymore.” I paused. “I don’t want you to get hurt because of me.”
And what did he do next in the face of my sacrifice?
He laughed.
And it wasn’t a small laugh, either.
It was a big, boisterous laugh that clearly said he thought I was joking.
I wasn’t.
“I’m going to use some of my trust fund,” I continued as if he wasn’t still laughing at me. “And I’m going to disappear for a while.” I swallowed hard. “I don’t think I could face your parents if something happened to you because of me.”
Justice stopped laughing.
But he surprised me again by reaching forward and pressing a button on the touch screen console between us. Seconds later, there was the sound of a ringing phone in my ear.
Three rings later, his father answers.
“Yo,” Loki said, sounding distracted.
“Dad,” Justice said. “So Royal and I just had a discussion about her leaving to protect me.”
There was a long pause as Loki digested this bit of news. Or, maybe, he was just busy doing whatever was distracting him.
“Ummm,” he said, sounding confused. “What?”
“She seems to think that the best course of action is to leave so that I won’t be in harm’s way any longer.” He looked at me out of the corner of one eye. “She said she doesn’t think she can face y’all if something happened to me.”
I gritted my teeth when Loki began to laugh.
He was definitely paying attention now.
“Oh, darlin’,” Loki said. “Don’t you know that’s how the girls always die in horror movies?”
I didn’t find this anywhere near as amusing as the two men that were so much alike that it hurt did.
“Ummm,” I started, but Loki interrupted me.
“My son grew up smart,” Loki started, all of a sudden sounding completely sober. “He’s got a good head on his shoulders. He’s an expert marksman. He has a high IQ, and if there were ever any question of who I would want in a fight if it came down to it, it’d be my son at my back.”
There was a long pause as I digested that news.
“And if anybody fucks with my son,” Loki said, sounding dangerous all of a sudden. “They won’t do it for long.”
I shivered at the tone of his voice.
“Not just because I’d move heaven and earth to make sure that nobody hurt him, but because my son seriously can handle himself.” He paused. “And I trust him to watch over you.” He sounded like he was grinning now. “And, no offense, darlin’, but you can’t even stay on a tube half the time. How the hell are you going to protect yourself in some random town far away from anybody that cares about you.”
I felt my throat tighten.
“We’re coming up next weekend,” Loki said. “You better be there.”
And with that, Loki hung up the phone.
“Justice,” I said. “If you don’t wipe that smile off your face, I’ll do it for you.”
He didn’t say anything for a couple miles.
And it was only when I started to think that maybe I was wrong that he completely obliterated the thought of leaving out of my mind.
“I know that it’s quite early for me to say this,” he said, sounding worried. “But I’m more than a little in love with you. I started falling for you the first time I saw you welding. You were in those dirty overalls. And you were on your knees, and I was leaning against my car watching you. You looked over in my direction, and I swear you looked straight through me.” He grinned. “Then that little gang banger came up to you and started laughing at you. You threw your water bottle at him.”
I bit my lip.
I knew exactly what he was talking about and when.
That day, I’d felt the attention of someone, but I couldn’t pinpoint where the feeling was coming from.
Now I knew.
It was him.
“Justice.” I swallowed hard. “I can’t tell you I love you back.”
Telling him meant him leaving. If he knew…he’d leave. Everybody always did. I couldn’t even tell him why I wasn’t telling him, which was even worse.
He winked. “Honey, I didn’t tell you because I expected reciprocation. I told you because I want you to stay.”
The bad thing was, I did reciprocate. I just couldn’t get the words to leave my mouth.
The one and only person I could trust to never leave me was Jimmy, and even then it was because he needed me.
Which was awful, because that made me feel even worse.
I’d left my brother to fend for himself.
“I don’t think you have any clue about the damage you could do to me,” I informed him, surprised that there were words coming out of my mouth. “I mean, I don’t love my dad. Haven’t ever. But he can hurt me like nobody’s business. I can’t imagine what you could do to me.”
If you knew that I loved you.
He could use that love against me. Or even worse, he could leave.
God, I was a mess.
I wasn’t even making sense in my own head anymore.
He squeezed my hand tightly then. “Honey,” he said. “There’s a difference. People that love you won’t hurt you. At least not in
tentionally.”
His words stayed on my mind for the majority of the drive home.
What he said was true.
And maybe, just maybe, I wasn’t as irredeemable as my parents and every single boyfriend I ever had made me out to be.
Chapter 19
Your boyfriend/girlfriend should never be your first priority. Your first priority should always be Walker Texas Ranger.
-Text from Royal to Justice
Justice
Something woke me the morning after we arrived back at my cabin, and it definitely wasn’t the alarm.
When I turned on my belly and glanced at the clock, it was to see it reading half-past three in the morning.
I frowned and immediately realized something was missing. Royal.
She wasn’t in the bed next to me.
“Royal?” I called.
There was a shuffle of fabric somewhere in the vicinity of the bathroom, and then Royal appeared like a ghost out of the bathroom.
The brightness of the moonlight made her look almost ethereal as she moved toward the bed.
And it greatly highlighted the tears on her face.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
She shook her phone at me.
“My brother just sent me a couple of texts.” She wiped the tears away with a fierceness that surprised me. “He’s pissed and hurt that I’m not answering his text messages. He’s also experiencing some changes and wants to talk to me. But I’m ignoring him.”
“What kind of changes?” I asked, trying to get her mind off of the desolation I could see in her eyes.
“He’s getting some feeling back in his lower half.” She drew in a deep breath.
That made me curious.
“What happened to your brother?” I wondered. “I know that he’s paralyzed and all. Normally that doesn’t really ‘come back.’”
She pursed her lips and set her phone gingerly down on the table next to her, then brought her hands up and scrubbed her eyes.
“My brother, Marta, and I were in an accident when we were younger,” she said, sounding tired. “Marta and I were perfectly fine. Jimmy, not so much. He was on the side that was impacted, so he received the most damage from the accident. He suffered multiple broken bones. Contusions. A concussion. And trauma to his spinal cord. There was no severance of it or anything but a compression of it that made his lower body lose blood flow to his lower limbs for an hour or so while they freed him of the wreckage. Medically, there’s nothing wrong with his spine. But he hasn’t been able to feel anything below his hips since it happened.”
I winced.
“That’s awful,” I admitted, wondering if he had use of his—you know—or not. Not that I would ask.
But a man could wonder.
I was still wondering almost twelve hours later when I was standing next to Captain Morgan.
Things went back to our old routine after we arrived back at home.
Well, as normal as it could be under the circumstances.
Oh, and we were now well and truly in a relationship.
There was no doubt about it.
Even everybody at work knew, including my superiors.
“Just make sure you know what you’re doing, Rector,” Captain Morgan groaned. “This’ll come back and bite you in the ass if you’re not careful.”
What he said was true.
Or it might’ve been had I given a shit what anybody thought.
In fact, the only people that mattered at this point was Royal and me.
Not her dad. Not her brother—who was still calling and texting despite being ignored—and not even my parents.
Nobody’s opinion mattered but ours—at least that was what I kept telling her.
“I’ll take that into consideration,” I said as I waited in the hallway for Royal to finish her shift.
“You know that The Judge is a dick, right?” Captain Morgan asked.
I turned and surveyed him.
He was the first person in this entire place to tell it like it was.
“I’ve heard a lot of stories,” I said. “From Royal. And what I’ve heard has not endeared him to me.” I paused. “I thought you played poker with him.”
Captain Morgan grimaced, his eyes glancing around for anybody near enough to overhear our conversation.
“I do. Well, I play with my best friend, who happens to play with her father. It’s definitely not my top pick of where to play. Plus, I get a kick out of taking his fucking money every week.” He grimaced. “St. James once convicted a kid I once knew,” he murmured, voice low. “Kid was a fairly good kid. Honestly, he was going places. Then he fucked up and got in a car with his older brother. The older brother wasn’t such a good kid. He had problems, and he drug his little brother into them with him. They both got pulled over by the cops, and the big brother ran, leaving the good kid behind. Baby brother got arrested and The Judge threw the goddamn book at him in hopes that it would bring the big brother out of hiding. It didn’t.”
My brows rose.
“Why does this sound like it’s personal to you?” I asked curiously.
Captain Morgan crossed his arms over his chest and said, “Because it was. It was my brother’s kids. My brother’s a good guy, just clueless. Had no idea what his kids were into. Worked, came home, zoned out. He didn’t really have much to do with the kids, and it showed. At least with the older one. Needless to say, I did my best to help my youngest nephew out, but he will permanently have a record now, thanks to Judge St. James, and St. James could care fucking less. He doesn’t give a shit that he fucked some kid’s life up. That kid was headed to MIT. He has a genius-level IQ, and St. James sleeps like a baby at night.”
I grimaced.
“Did you hear the deal that The Judge made with Royal?” I asked. “Brother’s protected as long as she stays the fuck away. What kind of fuckin’ trade is that? One kid for another?”
“St. James also has a lot of explaining to do,” I heard said.
I turned to find a man in a wheelchair staring at us from down the hall.
How the hell had he heard what we said? It wasn’t like we were talking loud.
“I have exceptional hearing,” Royal’s brother said. “Have you seen Royal? I’ve heard that she’s here.”
I stiffened.
“How?”
Jimmy pushed himself closer and didn’t stop until he was a few feet from both of us.
“I got my dad to tell me,” he answered simply. “The Judge isn’t all that bad—at least when it comes to me.” He paused, looking slightly sick to his stomach. “At least, I didn’t think that he was until today.”
I didn’t say anything, not sure what I should or shouldn’t say in this situation.
I mean, Royal was my woman, but I didn’t know her brother. I also didn’t know what she would want me to do in this situation.
But, before I could tell him anything at all, Royal came pushing out of the doors that led to the hallway we were standing in and came to a sudden halt upon seeing her brother.
“What are you doing here?” she asked, freezing.
Her brother crossed his arms over his chest and glared. “Mom gave me a ride. I’m glad she did because I needed to hear this. I can’t believe that you let him do that to you.”
Royal didn’t pretend to be confused about what he was talking about.
“Jimmy,” she said, sounding tired. “This is for your protection.”
Jimmy leaned forward in his chair, his elbows resting on his knees.
“That’s not your decision to make,” he said. “I’m a grown man. A legal adult. I’ve been making my own decisions now for a while without having to ask someone permission. When did you turn into them?”
Jimmy did have a point. He may have been in a wheelchair and handicapped, but he was a grown adult and he was able to make his own decisions. His brain wasn’t what was fucked up, his legs were. A
nd it was time that Royal and her father started admitting that.
Royal gasped, and I saw the way that one accusation cut her to the quick.
“Jimmy…” she started.
“No.” He shook his head. “It’s time you listen to me.”
Captain Morgan shuffled his feet, then leaned his large shoulder against the wall beside him, settling in.
“Okay,” Royal said. “I’ll listen.”
Jimmy ignored her and sat back in his chair.
“You will not ignore me,” he said. “You’ll tell me what in the hell is going on that has The Judge in such a tizzy, and then you’ll go to dinner with me.” He looked from Royal to me. “With your boyfriend.”
My lips would’ve twitched had I wanted him to see that I was amused.
Good. So her brother wasn’t quite the pushover I thought him to be.
So that was exactly what Royal did.
In the main hallway of the town’s police department, Royal told her brother everything.
An hour later, we were eating dinner in a small and quaint diner that was not in Kilgore, but in Bear Bottom.
It’d been Jimmy’s suggestion that we travel a little farther outside of the town to eat. Something in which I’d agreed with wholeheartedly.
Marcus didn’t often venture outside of Eleventh Street, but he did have eyes and ears all over the town. People that were so scared of him that they were willing to talk about an innocent woman and a police officer rather than piss him off. Their thoughts were that they weren’t actually hurting us in any way, only telling Marcus what they saw.
But when we ended up dead, their consciences should be safe because they weren’t the ones to pull the trigger.
And, if given the chance, Marcus would pull the trigger.
“These are the best tacos I’ve ever had in my life,” I found myself saying.
“They are,” Jimmy agreed. “Dad rented a house for me and Mom to stay in for a while. I come here quite a bit because…”
Jimmy’s face flushed and he turned to his sister. His sister caught onto the flushing and leaned forward in her chair. “Jimmy…”
“Shit,” Jimmy said just as a cute, strawberry blonde with eyes only for Jimmy pushed her way out of the kitchen and went to the counter that separated the dining room from the back half of the diner.
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