“I mean you no harm—”
Ezra cut me off. “What did you mean when you said that I would be ‘different?’ Different from who?”
With my body having cooled down, I stood up and advanced him. He glanced up, and I slowly pushed down the sleeves of my nightgown and turned around. I lowered them enough for him to see even more than I had shown Jhase. It remained a mystery to me why my scars and bruises remained even with the illusion. A question I had yearned to ask Ezra, and now it seemed appropriate to finally reveal it to him.
In the candlelight I saw the shadow of his hand reach out to me but then slowly cover his mouth. The worst of my markings covered my back and legs; areas which were invisible unless I chose to show them. The nightgown was thin, and with the light I was certain Ezra could see the more pronounced scars. Nothing about it was beautiful, not even the fact that I survived to show them. They were a reminder every day that one too many times Isaak had won.
“Clara...” Ezra gasped.
Facing him again, I whispered, “Isaak may be locked away, but his magic runs deep through my skin. My past lovers... One was a coward, and the other ended up being too much like Isaak. Men have broken my heart since my first breath. Even Jhase...”
I expected to crumble in his arms or leak more tears, but instead I let out a long sigh. I had finally said it. Everyone who ever wronged me was either locked up or changed for the better. Despite my confidence, Ezra held open his arms and I embraced him, sinking my face against his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around me tightly. I carried no desire to think of Ezra as another man entering into my life to possible harm me. He was a human, just like me, and perhaps we needed each other.
“Even the most talented illusionists cannot undo magical injuries. Yours are permanent, but it does not change what I see. I see a woman fighting to ensure no one else is hurt. And no man or woman will harm you in Ninomay so long as I live.”
He released me and took a step back. I took note of Ezra’s actions. He had yet to take advantage of the bond we formed. He smiled and waved, but even as I walked away from him I shuddered. It had become too easy to fall for Ezra’s words. His knowledge of my weaknesses could hurt me later on, or worse... Someone might hurt him to attack me.
***
In the morning I dressed in blue, and the color reminded me of the fabric I had found. Declan said this was one of Claire’s favorite colors, and it seemed only appropriate that I honor her. Though still tired from last night’s events, I needed to maintain my appearance.
As I finished brushing my hair someone knocked at the door. I paused, hesitating, and wondering if bad news awaited me on the other side. Another quick knock reminded me I could not keep my guest waiting. I approached the door and opened it, resting my eyes on Gemma. Without hesitation she entered the room and plopped down on my bed.
“Alec and I searched last night and found nothing,” Gemma said, sighing. “The last time a mage disappeared Elias found him. He’s our man. I’m relying on him to find Claire.”
It pained me to hear no progress had been made, but Gemma offered me new hope. If Elias had success in the past he was the best person for the job. I needed something or someone to believe in, and he was my man. Gemma looked up at me with a puzzled expression.
“You’re wearing that?” she asked.
I glanced at my reflection in the vanity. What was wrong with my outfit? It was nothing out of the ordinary, and as far as I knew today was another normal day. I groaned at the realization that someone left me out of the loop again.
Standing up, Gemma said, “Forgive me, it’s easy to forget who you are. With you here it’s almost as if Claire still is too... Today is the Petals Festival.”
“Never heard of it,” I responded coldly. I tried to ignore the fact she saw me as Claire like everyone else. It was not her fault or anyone else’s that they forgot I did not share the same memories as Claire.
Gemma rushed to my wardrobe, rummaging through numerous dresses. She observed them carefully, explaining that the majority of women wore shades of red or white for the festival. Alas this celebration was not something we had ever done in Rajoor. I assumed it was a festival only celebrated in Ninomay.
She picked out a white dress and held it up against my body. Nodding her head, she said, “Wear this instead. As you know the rose is our most prized flower. After the horrendous use of white roses, Jhase started a festival where we celebrated the natural flower’s beauty. Consider it our way of honoring Mother Nature. Circe never destroyed a flower’s innocence, and now neither do we.”
“And what must I do during this festival?” I asked, turning around as Gemma gestured she would help undress me.
“Enjoy yourself and blend in. It’s a large event with dinner, games, and dancing. Locals join in too, so you need not worry about being the center of attention. Try spending more time with Declan. The public needs to see your relationship continuing as normal.”
She finished unlacing my dress and tugged it down until it dropped to the floor. Handing me the white one, I dipped my toes in the opening and pulled it up. This dress included lacing in the front and the back, and thus I started on the front while Gemma continued.
After the dress was laced, Gemma snatched a pair of white heels from the corner of the room. She placed them in front of me and advanced toward the door. I stepped into the heels and followed her lead. While this festival sounded like a distraction, perhaps it would gain me insight into the councilors I knew little about.
We left the room in haste, and I assumed the festival was near its start. As we continued in the hallway I could hear voices shouting downstairs. I tried to throw aside the questions and theories playing out in my head and instead focus on the day ahead of me. Gemma reached the staircase and waited for me to catch up. We descended together, and I noticed the numerous servants downstairs. Two held the doors open while others carried out chairs. Remembering Gemma’s words, looking like Claire would not be enough today. I needed to be confident.
At the bottom of the staircase I noticed several councilors, though they rushed on ahead without us. Gemma advised me to stay by her side, and not knowing the details of this festival, I did not protest.
We stepped outside, and more voices filled the yard nearby. As we approached closer to the garden the view changed. Tables with cloth were set up, chairs placed down, and the kitchen staff rushed out large plates of food. A large group of people already present sat in seats and chatted amongst themselves.
Vases filled with red roses decorated the tables along with vines covering chair legs. Two servants stood at the front, greeting guests as they entered. Gemma and I walked past them without a word, though they acknowledged our presence. She led me to a small table occupied by Alesia and Vanessa.
I sat down next to Alesia while Gemma took the seat to my right. Even as we sat more servants brought out tables and filled the yard with them. I noticed people at the front handing a piece of paper to the servants before entering the area. Though the event might be invitation only, it looked as though we prepared for a huge turnout.
Gemma nudged me and inclined her head forward. She whispered, “Declan.”
I glanced ahead and noticed Declan as he entered, wearing all white with a dark red cloak. His eyes locked with mine, and I quickly stood up and walked around the tables to approach him. He held out his hands, and I embraced him, offering nothing more but a kiss on the cheek. I offered a wide smile as he wrapped his arm around my back and walked with me. He led me in the opposite direction of the women to an empty table. Pulling out a chair, he gestured for me to sit down and I obliged. Declan remained standing, leaning against a chair and seemingly waiting for someone else.
I glanced up at the sky, and though cloudy I noticed something started to fall. What appeared to be rose petals fell like snow. Their movement was graceful and quiet, but my eyes did not deceive me. One of them landed on my lap, and I stared at it in confusion.
“Declan, is th
is—”
“The Petals Festival is not complete without great illusions like this. I know this is your favorite part,” he said, looking down and winking.
I returned my attention to the petal and placed it on the table as more fell down. With illusions in use I assumed Ezra to be somewhere nearby. From Gemma’s words earlier I suspected she too hinted I spent too much time with him. However not speaking with him at all might also seem out of character for Claire.
More people filled the tables, and I grew more anxious about who Declan expected to sit with us. The majority of the men from Council sat with Jhase. My eyes locked with Ezra’s, though he quickly looked away. Two strangers approached our table and sat down on either side of Declan and I.
“Love, you remember my brothers, Hector and Andres?” Declan asked, pointing to each man.
I nodded quickly, welcoming them to the festival. Like Declan, they both had long hair, though Hector’s was a lighter shade. Though they looked slightly older than him they shared similar facial features. While the men cheered about being reunited my eyes wondered to Gemma’s table. I longed to be with them instead of Declan’s family. I remained at too much risk of being exposed.
“Father and Mother send their regards and love,” Andres said.
Desiring an escape, I stared at a large table in the center filled with foods and drinks. A servant stood by the cups, filling them as people approached. I offered to grab a drink for the men, and Declan did not stop me from departing.
I quickly left the table and walked toward the food area, smiling and waving at people as I passed them. The area filled up more quickly than I had expected, reminding me of the ballroom. My allies remained scattered here, and I needed to rely on my own survival skills for this task. I reached the servant and requested three drinks.
As I waited for him to pour I observed the scene again. Vanessa stood up, catching my attention as she approached Jhase’s table. Her words echoed in my head: “trust me.” Except I did not trust her; not any more than Claire would. Elias sat next to Jhase, and I fully expected her to speak with him. Instead she tapped on Ezra’s shoulder and whispered something into his ear. They giggled and smiled at one another like they shared a secret only they knew. I coughed, though I felt as though I was gasping for air.
“I wouldn’t worry too much,” a woman’s voice said.
I turned around and faced Alesia. She held her hand over her round belly and once again offered me a warm smile. She looked as though she could give birth right now. I smiled, but on the inside my mind worked like a clock. Ever since I first saw Alesia’s face I had been interested in her.
“I’m afraid I don’t understand,” I said.
She inclined her head toward Ezra. “I know he’s like a brother to you, but he too must search for love.”
I nodded my head slowly, though Ezra and Vanessa shared anything but love. I thought back to Bellona’s comment, approving of Ezra as husband material. Perhaps she was behind this newfound interaction.
“One does worry.” In a lower voice, I added, “What do you think of all of this?”
“Sweet girl, I am as new to this as your are. Lately the pregnancy has preoccupied me, but everything within the Council is very tense. Please let me know if there’s anything I can do to help,” she replied.
Out of the corner of my eye, the servant behind us inched three drinks closer to me. He gestured to me, though I realized now I could not carry all three back to the table alone.
“Here, let me help,” Alesia offered. At my objection, she said, “I might be pregnant, but I can still carry a glass.”
Without further rejection, I carried two glasses and she carried the other one. We walked back to Declan’s table carefully. I led the way to the table, though the entire time my mind raced. Might Vanessa seek to please her mother? Like me Vanessa seemed like an outsider, despite her last name. Whatever her true intentions, I needed to warn Ezra she might be acting for her own benefit.
I stared at the table ahead of me, watching Declan’s arms move as he joked with his brothers. This trivial matter would only arise more questions if I asked for his opinion.
We reached the table and placed the drinks in front of the men. The men remained preoccupied, and even Declan seemed to lost in conversation to thank me.
I returned my attention to Alesia. “I’d love to speak with you more again.”
“Of course, Claire. You know where to find me,” she said. She left, holding the bottom of her stomach as she walked. I watched her return safely at the women’s table.
I sunk into my seat and turned my head toward Jhase’s table. There was nothing subtle about my approach, but who would question me when my own father sat with them?
Vanessa leaned in and kissed Ezra on the cheek. The other men at the table seemed to ignore this interaction entirely, being consumed by their own conversations. My jaw dropped. I could not stop myself, and I stared in awe as she turned away and returned to sit with the women. Bellona joined her at the table, patting her on the back. It was the first sign of acknowledgement toward her daughter.
Declan nudged me. “Claire? My dear, are you alright?”
I turned to him and realized all three men stared at me. Gently Declan raised his hand to my chin and pushed it up, closing my mouth. I blushed without knowing what to say. Why did I care if Ezra and Vanessa had a relationship? He could not be with me, but recently we had shared a kiss in secret. Had I misread him entirely, and he too would be another man to damage me? I bit down on my lip, shaking my head and convincing myself to snap out of it. This was childish. Ezra and I were old enough to be married by now. He had to consider other possibilities, especially ones he could pursue.
“Excuse us please,” Declan said, inclining his head to the left. He stood up and held out his hand. The brothers offered puzzled expressions, but I quickly accepted the escape. The longer I sat the more dangerous it became.
Hand in hand we walked away from the tables and faced the garden. I took in the smell of the roses while the petals continued to fall. They covered the ground like snow did in the winter.
Folding my hands together, I said, “I was distracted... sorry.”
“This should be the distraction. A day to enjoy without worrying about what awaits us tomorrow. Be mindful of who gains all your attention,” Declan replied.
The groups quieted down behind us, and I glanced back to see Jhase stand up and clap his hands together.
Declan inched closer to me, tightening his hands around mine. “First and foremost you are my bride to be. Vanessa is in Claire’s past, and for good reason. You didn’t think anyone broke Claire’s heart? That one did. And Ezra is smart enough to know when he is being deceived. He’s good-hearted, but you and I both know… he has eyes for another woman.”
“Please do not tell anyone,” I whispered.
Declan gently grabbed my face with both hands. He kissed me, letting his lips linger on mine longer than he had in the past. Someone clapped in the background, and Declan released me and held my hand, leading me back to the table. Meanwhile Jhase held up a glass, beginning a speech.
Everyone remained quiet as we returned to our seats, though their eyes wondering in our direction. The redness returned to my cheeks, and my eyes locked onto Ezra’s again. He stared at me with eyes like broken windows. His lip quivered, but he turned to face Jhase and did not glance back again.
I did not listen to Jhase’s words. The kiss plagued my mind, but not in the way mine with Ezra’s had. Kissing Declan was different; we had always done it because of the public’s eye. This time I could not decide if he did it out of duty or for my own protection.
You’re breaking my heart. I thought, continuing to keep Ezra’s figure in the corner of my eye.
Was this what it was like to love someone? To feel something for them when someone else gains their affection? The kiss I shared with Declan did not leave me with a longing desire for him. He was betrothed to Claire, and if not under t
hese circumstances, we would share nothing romantic. I belonged to no one and had convinced myself I needed no one. Yet Ezra proved me wrong again. I thought I would not fall for him as he had once clearly proved to for me. I was wrong.
A roar of applause echoed, and I shook my head and refocused on Jhase’s face. His speech ended, and I missed every word he spoke. My own blood, and this was how I treated him. Instead of focusing on him as Claire would have I analyzed relationships I could not mend. Relationships I could not further because of my position. If not for Claire’s disappearance, might Ezra have considered Vanessa’s advancements? Though he had been born in Rajoor, we did not share the same lifestyle. We shared a desire to find Claire, and perhaps it was never meant to expand into anything more.
As Jhase returned to his seat the mood changed. Musicians stood to the right of his table and played a quick and catchy song. Couples stepped out to the open area of the yard and danced. Children left their parents to race around the rose bushes. Several mages walked toward the back, further away from the tables, to cast spells at wooden dummies. I even noticed a merchant handing out flower headbands. Ezra left his table and rejoined Vanessa. Everyone parted their own ways, and Declan reassured me I could move around freely. He seemed content staying in the company of his brothers.
I stood up and glanced around at my options. So long as Ezra was in Vanessa’s company I wanted to avoid them. Vanessa had more reason than anyone to want Claire gone. She was the most recent breakup and with the greatest motive. With Claire gone it seemed like she changed, though my experience with her remained limited. In the meantime I planned to mark off people on my list. Narrow down possibilities and explore more of the garden if possible. Unlike the others I did not easily forget about Claire’s fabric being found here.
Gemma stood out at her table, being the only woman wearing white. I approached her and sat in the empty seat beside her. Bellona remained with us, but Alesia appeared missing. I scanned the crowd for her, assuming a pregnant woman would be easy to spot.
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