“If I don’t have to go any farther than the patio, I would love to see them. I just don’t think I can do more than that, even with the new crutches, which are amazeballs, by the way. Unfortunately, it will be tomorrow before the pain from the old set goes away enough to let me move around better.”
He nodded and sat next to me on the bed, his fingers pushing the hair back behind my ears before his thumb rubbed my cheek gently. “I understand. I should have thought of that before I planned today’s activities. You’ve been doing a lot of moving around on those crutches, and you’re not used to that. Forgive me?”
I grasped his hand, bringing his palm to my lips to kiss. “Nothing to forgive. Are you kidding me? The last few days have been wonderful. I’ve loved getting to know you better and spending time alone with you. I wouldn’t change any of it, a sore arm or not.”
“Sleep or no sleep?”
“No sleep if it means I get another one of those rocking orgasms,” I joked, his growling laughter satisfaction for my body and soul.
“I can arrange that,” he promised. “Later. You rest while I call Haylee.”
I nodded and rolled over onto my right side as he left the room. He was something else. Why couldn’t I have met him a year ago before I had the misfortune of dating the biggest asshole in the state?
I was almost asleep, my tired mind, body, and soul finished thinking about all the what-ifs and what-could-have-beens. Especially when in a sleepy haze, I felt him wrapping an ice pack around my left arm and tucking it in under the blanket before he left the room again. My lips curled up in a smile, but my heart broke a little bit more inside my chest. Walking away from him would be more painful than anything that tornado ever did to me.
“YOU OUTDID YOURSELF, Bishop,” Haylee moaned, leaning back in her chair after dinner. “Those steaks were delicious. So tender and juicy.”
“I’m glad,” he said from where he sat next to me. “With the change in plans, they didn’t get their usual marinade time, but it all worked out in the end. I should clean this up.”
Brady stood and started gathering plates. “I’ll help. Ladies, why don’t you enjoy the fire now that it’s going strong.”
Haylee leaned over and kissed him. “That would be great, thanks, babe.”
“Anything for my cupcake,” he said, kissing her back while I made gagging noises, much to Bishop’s delight. Bishop kissed my lips and then lifted me from my chair, where I startled, grabbing his shirt to hold on to him.
“What are you doing?” I asked as he carried me to the firepit.
“Giving your arm a break,” he answered, lowering me to a chair and flipping the reclining part out so I would be more comfortable. “At least until tomorrow,” he said on a wink.
He went back to the table while Haylee carried our drinks and my crutches over to the fire and sat down next to me. “Is he real, or is he an alien dropped here by accident?” she asked, handing me the bottle of cold beer.
“I double-checked last night. He only has one tentacle, so I’m not thinking he’s an alien.”
“Backup the cupcake cart, woman,” she hissed, leaning in. “You slept with him?” I nodded, giving her the oops look while she waved her finger around my face. “I knew something was different about you. I just thought you were tired. It turns out you’re all sexed up!”
“Shh, geez, tell the neighborhood why don’t you,” I groaned, looking behind me. I was relieved to see the guys were in the house, putting the food away. “I’m not all sexed up!” I whispered and then snorted at the look on her face.
She made the motion with her hand for me to spit it out. “Was it worth marrying him for?”
I shoved her in the shoulder with laughter on my lips. “More than worth it. It would be worth staying married to Bishop for that perk.” A shiver rolled through me, and she grinned with enthusiasm.
“Being compatible between the sheets is huge, Amber. I’m happy for you. Bishop will make a good husband.”
I rolled my eyes to the darkening sky and sighed. “I’m not staying married to him, Hay-Hay. I’m just saying the sex alone would make it worth it.”
“I don’t know. It’s easy to see how much Bishop loves you every time he looks at you,” Haylee said, her brows in the air. “He hovers over you the way Brady hovers over me. It’s obvious to everyone but you, I think.”
“Do you believe in love at first sight?” I asked, rubbing my hands on my legs.
“I believe in what I call souls at first sight. Your soul knows it just met the one person they’re supposed to be with forever. How long it takes those two souls to come together is varied.”
“Like you and Brady taking six years to share your first kiss.”
“And it only took you two weeks,” she said on a wink.
I shoulder bumped her as the guys came out of the house. “That doesn’t mean we’re staying together.”
We ate smores, drank wine, and laughed as we talked about our childhoods. Bishop introduced them to Athena as a proud dad, and I sat back, a smile on my face while he touted her accomplishments. It was nice to see him talking about her openly rather than hiding the fact that he was a father.
“We’re almost all moved in now,” Brady said, taking Haylee’s hand. “We have a few things left at the apartment, and that’s it. I can’t wait until we don’t have to do those stairs all winter.”
“What are you going to do with the apartment?” I asked, suddenly realizing it would sit empty.
“We thought about using it for an office,” Hay-Hay answered, “but then we remembered you couldn’t get up all those stairs.”
I grimaced and nodded. “Sorry, that would have been a good idea, too.”
Brady shook his head. “No apologies necessary, we found a solution.”
Haylee wore a smile on her face when she spoke. “As long as you’re okay with it, we thought we’d rent it to Taylor and Sara.”
“Yes! I’m totally okay with it!” I said, nodding immediately. “Wait, how is that going to work? There’s only one bedroom.”
Brady nodded and tipped his head at me with his brows in the air.
“Oh my God, they’re a couple?” I asked, stunned.
“Is that a problem?” Brady asked, his words tinged with a tone of an argument.
“Absolutely not!” I exclaimed. “It’s perfect. They’ll be working similar shifts, and they’ll be close to the bakery now that they both work there.”
Hay-Hay smiled and grasped Brady’s arm to chill him out. He was always going to be the defender of humanity. Sometimes I wish he’d figure out I was already in his corner. “We thought so, too. They’re so excited to make it their home. I’m happy that it will be rented and we won’t have to worry about the upkeep. You’re the books lady, but if we could figure out how to give them a break on the rent, or make the rent part of their compensation, the accountant says we can benefit from that tax-wise.”
“I’ll talk to him tomorrow,” I promised, crossing my heart. “I have everything else done and ready to bring back as far as the paperwork goes. How is the office coming?”
Haylee was sheepish when she answered. “We hired it done,” she said, glancing at Brady. “It was just too much on top of moving and all the baking.”
I held up my hands to stem her explanation. “That’s smart. I’m sure it took them way less time than it would have taken Brady.”
Brady laughed, his head nodding as he finished his beer. “For the price of six dozen donuts, it was done in under four hours. I hired three teenagers from the ski team who are also part of a Boy Scout troop. All I had to do was donate the donuts for their next couple of meetings, and the work was done. It was a win.”
“I think you’ll find it very comfortable now,” Hay-Hay said. “I like that it keeps you in the bakery. I don’t like the idea of you upstairs or offsite all the time. We miss not having you there.”
“But not this week, right?” Bishop jumped in to ask. “She doesn’t have to com
e in this week?”
I turned to face him. “I have to go in for interviews and to get the paperwork filed.”
“I know, but I don’t think it’s smart to go back full-time until you know for sure the leg is healed from the infection. Right?”
“Listen, you don’t get a say in what I do with my business or my body, Bishop. We might be married, but you don’t control me. Considering our marriage isn’t even real, your opinion doesn’t matter. I’ll be the judge of when I can do something and when I can’t. Not you or anybody else,” I ground out, my eyes blazing mad, and my fists clenched at my side.
He glanced at the lake for a moment and then pushed himself up. “Well, look at that. We forgot to cover the pontoon boat. I better do that. I hear storms are on the way tonight.” The way he said it told me he was trying to hit me in the solar plexus. It worked. I watched him walk toward the dock, my heart picking up its pace as my eyes searched the sky. It was cloudy now where it wasn’t just an hour ago.
Brady stood and interrupted my freak out. “I’ll give him a hand,” he said, kissing Haylee’s cheek and throwing me a death glare of disappointment.
He strode away, and Haylee clucked her tongue. “Well, that was an effective way to clear a room.”
I tossed up my hands and then clasped them behind my neck. “Why is Brady always going after me lately?” I asked angrily. “He’s always jumping on me before I can finish my thought.”
“He’s worried about you and doesn’t know how to help, but he knows you need it. He’s always been like that. I’ll tell him to back off and give you some space.”
I nodded and motioned at the dock where the men were standing like dark sentries. “Bishop can’t tell me what to do. He’s not my real husband.”
Hay-Hay shook her head back and forth slowly. “Which you so tactfully reminded him. For the record, he wasn’t telling you what to do. He was concerned you were going to risk the improvement you’ve managed to eke out of that leg if you went back to work. You’re still working. What the fuck does it matter where you do it? Honestly, sometimes, for someone so smart, you sure are stupid.”
“Great, now my best friend is going to verbally attack me, too. I think it’s time to go to bed.” I wanted to get inside the house and downstairs before the storm hit. Then again, maybe I should just walk next door and hide out there. I shook my head as I searched for my crutches. No, I would stay here. All of my stuff was here now, and it would take too long to get what I need and try to get over to the apartment.
Hay-Hay held out her hands. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to insult you. I was trying to say that sometimes you dig your heels in when it’s unnecessary. He loves you, and you’re going to end up pushing him away if you aren’t careful. Is that what you want?”
I shrugged, my shoulder going up as a tear fell. “I don’t know what I want, Hay. I think that’s the problem. I know that I want to come back to work. I feel like I’m letting everyone down.”
She helped me stand and then encapsulated me in her arms. “You’re not. The work you’re doing is far more skilled and beneficial to the business than if you were working the counter. The customers are being taken care of, the product is going out, and you’re putting into order the business we’ve been neglecting. In reality, that’s your strong suit, Amber. Your skills are wasted standing up front all day. And if your leg heals a little bit just because you’re not on it for hours on end, then that’s an added benefit, right?”
“It is, but I can work at a desk in the bakery the same way I can work at one here,” I said adamantly. “It’s like he thinks I’m Athena or something.”
“No,” she said, hooking her arm in mine to keep me upright. “It’s like he thinks you’re his wife and he doesn’t want to see you in pain or something. I know you don’t love him, but if you look at it from his point of view, the point of view of love, he just wants what’s best for you.”
“The truth is, Hay-Hay, I think I do love him. I think that’s why I want my life to go back to the way it was before.”
She tipped her head, but there was a broad smile on her face. “Because your life the way it was before was safe? You didn’t have to worry about someone breaking your heart or walking away when you needed them?”
I wiped my eyes again and sighed. “You sound like you know all the excuses I can come up with off the top of my head.”
Her laughter filled the night, and she nodded, her eyes smiling, too. “I ran through them all for years. At least you came to a conclusion much sooner than I did. You have to make this right with him,” she said, a brow down. “He meant well.”
I opened my mouth to speak when a rumble of thunder filled the sky. My heart started ticking away, and I froze, unable to move.
She grabbed my crutches and handed them to me, helping me up the ramps and sliding open the patio doors. “Go. Get yourself downstairs where you’ll be safe. Do you need help?”
I shook my head, unable to talk. She knew exactly why and didn’t question it.
“I’ll clean up the patio and tell Bishop where you are. It sounds like you have about twenty minutes before the storms get here. Be careful going down the stairs. I love you,” she said, hugging me for a moment and then pointing toward the house.”
“I love you, too,” I was finally able to say as I crutched away, my heartbreaking that I would be sitting this one out alone.
Fifteen
A crack of thunder louder than the devil’s damnation roared overhead, and I curled into a smaller ball, the blankets over me. I had my earplugs in, but even that wasn’t helping tonight. I rocked under the blankets, counting the seconds before the next boom. It took longer this time, which meant it was moving away. Relief flooded my adrenaline-filled heart, and I sighed.
Bishop had been right. Storms were coming, and not just the ones that were raging outside. The doom sat heavily on my chest. Then again, maybe that was regret. I regretted the way I treated him, and I regretted the turn my life had taken. I didn’t want to drag him into this, yet here I was, cowering in his basement under the covers of his guest bed.
I had come down here immediately, guilt filling me as I sat on the lift-chair he’d had installed just for me. I let it carry me to safety, but away from him. I didn’t even tell him goodnight. I couldn’t face him, or see the disappointment in his eyes. I washed up in the bathroom down here and crawled under the covers when the first boom hit.
The bed depressed behind me, and I rolled over, the sudden intrusion taking me by surprise. It was Bishop. He was wearing a t-shirt and shorts, his hair wet and sleep in his eyes. “Are you okay, Amber?”
I nodded as another crack of thunder filled the air at the same time. I jumped, and Bishop grabbed me, pulling me into him and resting us both back on the pillows. He pulled the covers up to ward off the chill of the basement and held me while I shook in his arms. It was ridiculous that I still shook with fear over a simple thunderstorm, but I’d learned years ago I could fight against it and be a nervous wreck for the entire summer, or I could let it flow over me while I was safe and away from everyone else, and be fine the next day. That was the only option that let me keep my sanity and live my life. It was also the reason I never went to Florida with my parents. Storms happen year-round down there. You can forget about it.
He rubbed my back soothingly and stroked my hair, holding me against his chest in silence until the storm slowed, and the claps of thunder became farther apart and with less intensity. Slowly and with more confidence, my exhausted body relaxed against him, and my heart slowed. I pulled an earplug out and gazed up at him from where I rested on his warm chest.
“I thought you were mad at me,” I said, relieved that the fogginess of my brain when the storms hit was already starting to recede. Maybe it was because someone was there to share the burden with me.
“Being upset,” he said, stressing the word, “doesn’t erase or overrule the rest of my emotions, tart. I can be upset and still have empathy. I can be upse
t and still love someone enough not to let them suffer alone.”
My hand came up to stroke his soft beard, the whiskers tickling my skin and keeping me calm as I gazed into his beautiful, but aggrieved, green eyes. “You’re a good man, Bishop Halla,” I whispered, dropping my hand from his cheek to his chest. “I owe you an apology.”
He shifted uncomfortably on the bed, and I realized he was almost falling off it. I sat up and let him move closer and then rested on the pillow, face-to-face. I was secretly relieved when he kept his hand on my waist, especially when the thunder cracked overhead again. “The storms are heading out over the lake. I checked before I came down. Nothing severe. Just a few heat of the day thunderboomers. They’re almost done.”
I nodded my head slowly, knowing the look that was in my eye. “I’m sorry for being like this. I can’t fight against it anymore, Bishop. It’s too hard to be that anxious and worried all day every day. I tried the medications, but I hated feeling like a zombie all the time. If I hide away like a child when the storms arrive, at least I can function the rest of the time. Some things will always set me off, though. You can’t blindside me with plans unexpectedly. I have to be involved in making any plans during the summer. If I hear people talking about storms or the news reporting about them, I have to leave. A loud motorcycle will make me cover my ears instantly. Fireworks are out forever. Those things will always be there. I can’t change that part of my brain. I’ve tried it.”
He grasped my waist, and his thumb trailed up and down my hipbone. “Don’t,” he said, shaking his head. “Don’t defend yourself to me. You aren’t a child, but you suffer because of what happened to you as a child. There is a difference. Hold your head high, Amber Halla. You are strong. You are resilient. You have overcome so many challenges, and protecting yourself down here, or anywhere, does not require an explanation—to me or anyone else. Do you understand?”
“You really don’t understand how my life works, Bishop. I’m not strong and resilient. I’m just a scared, broken thirteen-year-old girl in a scared, broken thirty-year-old body. I wish it weren’t true, but I can’t lie to myself or you about the truth any longer.”
Tart (The Fluffy Cupcake Book 2) Page 20