I watched as his aunt and uncle ushered him forward, coming toward us with smiles on their faces. Of course they were happy. They had Reid. When Alec took my hand this time, I gripped on for dear life, because I was terrified I was going to have a breakdown of some kind right in the middle of the lawn.
Reid stood in front of me, his hair a little shorter than the last time I had seen him, and he had grown bigger in just the last few months. He looked fit and well fed, so I knew that wasn’t an issue, and I couldn’t see any signs of abuse. But I wouldn’t know for sure until I got him alone to talk.
“Reid, it’s so good to see you, kid,” Alec said from beside me. He held out his hand and Reid took it, silently taking it all in. I wasn’t as good about hiding my emotions. Tears pricked my eyes and I swiped at them, not wanting to cry in front of everyone. But my heart was breaking. I wanted so badly to pull him into my arms and hug him. I wanted to take him home with me, even though I knew I couldn’t.
He stepped forward and slowly put his arms around me, and I fucking broke. I pulled him in tight and squeezed him to me as tears slid down my face. Life was so fucking unfair, and in that moment, my anger surged once again that Alec had any part in Reid being taken away from me. But when I turned to Alec, the anger all disappeared when I saw the look on his face. He was sad too, but the way he looked at me with so much love, I knew how much it was hurting him too.
“We missed you so much,” I said, putting on a smile. Now wasn’t the time for anger. I had to soak in as much time as I could with Reid.
“We were thinking we would grill out since it’s so nice out today. Why don’t you head around to the back yard?” Reid’s aunt suggested. “I’ll get some drinks and bring them out in a few minutes.”
“I’ll help you,” Alec said, following her toward the house. He glanced back at me, shooting me a look that he was trusting me not to try and run. Not like I could, Knight and Lola were parked down the street watching.
“So,” I started as we walked to the backyard, “how have you been?”
He shrugged. “I’m good. It’s been pretty cool here.”
“Yeah? Are you making friends?”
“A few. I have three cousins my age and I go to school with them.”
“That’s good,” I said, trying to sound cheerful.
“My aunt has been telling me about my dad. I don’t really remember him, so it’s been pretty cool to hear about how they grew up.”
We sat down on some chairs on the patio and I worked up the courage to ask him what I really needed to know. “Reid, are you happy?”
He shrugged, but didn’t look at me. “I mean, it’s okay.”
It felt like he was holding back, or like he didn’t want to hurt my feelings. “Reid, you can be honest with me. I never want you to lie to me because you think you’ll hurt my feelings.”
He chewed his lip as he turned to me, giving a slight shrug. “I really like it here. I mean, I loved being with you and Alec, but it’s pretty cool having family. I didn’t even know I had cousins, and now I do.”
Alec had been right all along. This was what Reid needed. I hated that it took this meeting for me to see it, and part of me hated that I had been so wrong all along. I glanced up as the back door opened and Alec stepped out with a smile on his face. He was chatting with Reid’s aunt, and even I had to admit that she seemed a lot different now that I was seeing her here.
“Reid, I’m really happy that you’re doing so well here. I’m here for you if you ever need anything, okay?”
“So, you’re not mad at me?”
Shit. I wrapped my arm around his shoulder and pulled him into my side. “I could never be mad at you. I just want you to be happy, and if you’re happy here then that’s all that matters.”
✯✯✯✯✯
“He looked really good,” Alec said as we pulled away from the Fullers’ house and headed back to the airport.
“Yeah, he did. It was fun to see him when he loosened up. I don’t think he was ever that relaxed when he was with us.”
“Well, he also had kids his age around.”
I smiled as I remembered him teaching his cousins some of the things Alec and I had taught him. He looked like an everyday kid, just hanging out with his family and having fun. He obviously fit in well with his family, and they all looked at him like he was the missing link in his family.
I slid my hand into his on the center console, intertwining my fingers with his. “I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you before. I couldn’t see how much he needed his family.”
He shrugged slightly, as if I hadn’t torn him to shreds over this whole thing. “You just wanted what was best for him. I can’t fault you for that.”
“But I should have listened to you. There are a lot of things that would have never happened if I had just listened to you.”
“Look, we both made mistakes, and you can’t take the blame for all that. I should have talked to you about my past long before Reid came into the picture. Maybe then you would have understood more where I was coming from. And I never should have suggested the Fullers stay on the Reed Security property without talking to you first. Hell, I should have found a better way to handle the whole situation, but I can’t go back and change what I did, and neither can you. All we can do is move forward and try and work past all that shit.”
“But can we?” I asked. “So much has happened, and my first instinct is still to get angry at you. I don’t know if I’m ever going to be able to look at you without thinking about…about another woman having her hands on you.”
His grip tightened on the steering wheel and his jaw tightened. “Just like I’ll always wonder what the fuck happened between you and Jamie.”
“Nothing happened,” I insisted.
“That’s not the way he made it sound.”
“I know you think that Jamie and I have something, but I swear, when I thought about…about-”
“About fucking him?” he sneered.
“It was to wipe away your memory. It was never because I wanted him. It was that I hoped I could want him so I didn’t have to feel so much pain. I knew that he was a good guy and that he would treat me right, but deep down, I also knew that it would take me forcing myself to want him. And he knew it too.”
“Then don’t ever see him again.”
“What?” I turned to him in shock.
“If he doesn’t really mean anything to you, then don’t ever fucking see him again.”
“Alec, he’s my friend.”
“And you just admitted to trying to fuck him. I’m sorry, but I can’t move forward with you knowing that you’ll still see him again.”
“We’re just friends,” I insisted.
“Yeah? I was just friends with the woman I cheated on you with. Would you like it if I decided to be friends with her still?”
“That’s different. You actually did cheat on me with her.”
“Yeah? You have a friendship with Jamie that I can’t compete with. I’m not comfortable with it and I never fucking will be. I’m telling you that this is what I need to move forward with you. Are you willing to give me that?”
“You’re serious. You want me to end a friendship with someone who poses no threat to you-”
“He means something to you,” he snapped. “It’s an emotional connection and it’s always fucking been there. And if I’m honest, it’s more fucking painful that you share that with him than if you actually fucking cheated on me.”
“How?” I asked incredulously.
“Because if you just went and fucked him, it would have been a release and that’s it. What you have with him…you shared things with him. You told him about us. You trusted him. You connected with him when you couldn’t connect with me. And that is worse than just a random fuck. And as much as you insist that you don’t want him, can you say that he doesn’t feel the same way?” He paused, quirking an eyebrow at me. “You can’t, because you admitted that he told you that he wanted you. And
you expect me to be okay with the two of you still being friends? Every time you talked to him on the phone or emailed him, I would be looking over your fucking shoulder, wondering if he was flirting with you. I won’t live my life like that. So, you have to decide, either it’s only me or you can have him.”
I was shocked. I hadn’t realized that Alec felt so strongly about this. I knew that he didn’t like Jamie, and I knew that he was jealous, but I never really thought that it would come down to this. Jamie wasn’t a threat in any way. He was just a guy that was nice and I liked him. And I knew that deep down, it was probably the same for him. He liked me because I didn’t want him for his money or his connections. I liked him for who he was and nothing else. And if Jamie really looked at the people we each were, he would realize that we would never work as a couple. But I hated being told that I had to end a friendship because of Alec’s jealousy. It felt so wrong considering that the only reason I ran to Jamie was because Alec had cheated on me. I was never good with ultimatums.
✯✯✯✯✯
“How did the trip out to Utah go?” Craig asked.
I wrapped my hands as I got ready to beat the shit out of the bag in front of me. “It was good.”
“Yeah? Then why do you look like you want to kill something?”
“Because Alec gave me an ultimatum.”
He sucked in a breath. “He’s still alive, right? Because I’m pretty sure Cap was going for a no violence policy on the trip. Shit, he’s gonna be pissed if he has to bury another body.”
I shook my head. “He’s still alive. I didn’t make it through months of therapy with him only to kill him on the way home.”
“So, what was the ultimatum about?”
“He wants me to stop seeing and talking to Jamie.”
“JFK Jr.? Why?”
I shot him a look. Sometimes Craig could be really dense.
“Oh, shit. Did you sleep with him?” He stalked past me, heading for the door. “I’m gonna kill that fucker.”
“I didn’t sleep with him,” I shouted after him.
He turned back to me, looking at me warily. “Alec wouldn’t be so pigheaded for nothing, so what happened?”
“I kissed him,” I huffed out. “I thought about sleeping with him.”
“And Alec knows this?” I glared at him, and he laughed. “You’re so fucking lucky that your little boyfriend is still alive. Alec’s showing some real restraint right now.”
“He’s showing restraint? He’s the one that fucked another woman. I’ve allowed him to hold me every fucking night like the therapist suggested and I haven’t once cut off his balls. I think I’m doing a really fucking good job of showing restraint.”
“And we all applaud that. You’re a rockstar. But seriously, Alec is territorial on the best of days and you actually admitted that you wanted to fuck him?”
“Well, I didn’t. Besides, Jamie stopped me from taking it even further, even though he wanted me. If anything, Alec should be buying him a drink.”
“Right, right, right,” he nodded. “Definitely, he should buy a drink for the man that has been trying to get in your pants since the first time we met him.”
“He has not.”
“Oh, come on, Florrie. That man has always wanted you. He’s just too much of a gentleman to make a move when you’re taken. But make no mistake, if he sees an opening, he’s coming after you.”
“Please, I haven’t talked to him more than twice since I’ve been home, and that was only because he wanted to know if I was okay.”
“Look, Florrie, what it comes down to is who you want in your life more. You have a chance to rebuild with Alec and take back what you had. But shit happened with Jamie, and whether you want to admit it or not, he poses a threat to Alec. And there’s no way he’s going to take that leap with you if you stay in contact with JFK Jr. You need to decide who you want more in your life. And if the answer doesn’t immediately come, then you have deeper issues than I can help you with.”
I sighed, letting out a breath. “You’re right.”
He scrunched his face and leaned in closer. “You chose Alec, right?”
“Yes,” I said irritatedly.
“Good. I just had to check. I mean, I thought my speech was killer and all, but I could have made a misstep. It’s been known to happen.”
“You don’t say.”
He shrugged. “Once or twice.” He pulled me in for a hug. “You’re making the right choice, Nightingale.”
I groaned and shoved him away. “Please tell me that’s not sticking.”
“I kind of like it. It’s sweet and shit.”
“I’m nowhere near sweet and shit.”
“Well, maybe you’re the fallen version of the nightingale. It works, and whether you like it or not, you don’t get to choose your nickname. Just look at Tacos. That man will never be anything other than that.”
“If I killed you, no one would ever think to call me that again,” I threatened.
“Sure,” he snorted. “I’d like to see you try.”
“You think I can’t kick your ass?”
“Oh, I know you can, but I have the upper hand here.”
“Yeah? And what’s that?”
He jerked his head toward the door where Cap and Knight stood. “Witnesses.”
✯✯✯✯✯
I took a deep breath and dialed Jamie’s number. I hated that I was having to give up his friendship, but I understood what Craig was saying. He was right, I had to choose, and as long as I was hanging onto my friendship with Jamie, it was like I was keeping him there as backup or something. This was the way it had to be.
“It’s about time you called me. I’ve been worried out here in my mansion that you were dead or something.”
“You know I’m indestructible,” I laughed.
“Well, I hope so, but since you don’t call and you don’t write, how could I really be sure?”
“Well, I think from now on, you’re just going to have to assume that I am alive and well in the world.”
It was silent on the other end of the line and I bit my lip to keep from saying something stupid right now. It felt so wrong to drop him like this.
“I take it that you’re getting back together with your guard dog.”
“We’re working on it.”
“And he doesn’t like you talking to me.”
I kicked my shoe at the ground. Trying to figure out how to explain it. “He doesn’t trust you, and…and I told him what happened when I was there. I don’t think he trusts me either.”
“That’s rich, considering why you were here in the first place.”
“Look, I’m really sorry, but I love him-”
“Even after what he did to you?”
“Wait, when I was there, you were pushing me back at him. What’s changed?”
“Well, that was before he told you to throw me out of your life.”
“He didn’t-” I stopped myself, because there was no reason to try and explain myself. This had to happen if I had any chance of making things work with Alec. “This is my decision, Jamie. I want to make things work with him, and they can’t work if you’re always there to catch me.”
“Then I’ll drop you the next time you fall.”
I laughed slightly. “I know you would.”
“This sucks.”
“I know.”
“So, I’m never gonna hear from you again?”
Tears pricked my eyes because I really did like Jamie, but I knew this was for the best. “No.”
He sighed heavily. “I can’t say that I’m okay with this, but I get it. I hope you’re happy, Florrie. Just make him work for it. He has to earn it.”
“He will.”
“Good. Take care of yourself.”
“You too.”
I hung up and turned around to see Alec leaning against the doorframe. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. He pushed off away from the frame and stalked toward me, gripping my face roughly in
his hands before slamming his mouth down on mine. He tongue slid inside my mouth and my breath stuttered in my chest at the possessiveness of the kiss. I melted against him, something I never thought would happen again, but there it was, his love seeping its way back into my soul.
He pulled back, then kissed me lightly on the lips one last time. “Thank you. I swear to you, I’ll be worthy of you again one day.”
“I’ll be worthy of you one day, too.”
He swooped me up into his arms and carried me upstairs to our bedroom. There was so much still left unsaid between us, but this felt right. It felt like it was now or never with us. I had just taken a huge step forward for us, and I prayed that this wouldn’t be a mistake that would tear us apart. I was trusting him with my heart, and I hoped he knew that.
He laid me back on the bed, climbing up my body as he pressed kisses to me. His mouth fused with mine as he slowly peeled off my clothes. Alec never went slow, but he was taking his time now, cherishing every kiss and every moment that he was with me. I felt loved unlike I ever had with him before. The connection between us felt stronger than ever, despite all we had gone through.
He pulled down the cups of my bra, sucking my nipple into his mouth and sending zaps of electricity through me. I moaned and thrust my fingers into his hair, pulling him closer to me. His hands skimmed down my sides, pulling at my clothes until I was naked underneath him. I felt his warm breath skitter across my skin with every lick. I was a shaking mess under him, waiting for that moment that he finally took me again.
His mouth latched onto my pussy, licking and sucking at my clit and teasing me until I was writhing beneath him. I wanted him so badly. I needed him to give me all of him again. His body covered mine and I could feel his cock nudging at my entrance, begging to find its home. I spread my legs wider, but at the last second, just as Alec’s eyes connected with mine, doubt snuck in and had me shutting down.
Would I really be enough for him? He had run from me once, what happened the next time I freaked out? Would he find another woman to screw? I started shaking my head. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t give him this last piece of me again. If he tore me apart again, I wouldn’t survive it. I barely survived this time.
Nightingale: A Reed Security Romance Page 31