“Who is it?” Dad called from his chair.
The girls ran toward the voice and the sound of the TV. Luke and Mrs. Antonicelli followed in time to see them start to approach Luke’s father, then stop.
Dad clicked off the TV and leaned forward, smiling at the little girls. “Why, lookee here. It’s Princess Addie and Princess Emmy.”
That made the girls giggle.
“Where’s your crowns, though?” He craned his neck, pretending to search.
Addie went to him and spun around. “No cwown.”
“That’s too bad,” Dad said. “I bet your sister has one, though.” He smiled at Emmy.
She shook her head and did her own slow twirl.
“Well,” Dad said, “we’ll have to find you girls some crowns.”
Luke let Goldie go, figuring it would distract the twins from the fact that there were no crowns to be had. But he’d underestimated his father. As Goldie nuzzled the girls, making them giggle, Dad hauled himself out of the recliner and went over to the banister Hannah had helped decorate. He pulled off a piece of tinsel, used his pocketknife to cut it into two short lengths and twisted them into circles. Then he shuffled back to his chair and gestured to the girls. “Check it out, ladies, I found your crowns!”
As the girls rushed back to him, Luke realized his throat was tight. These were Bobby’s girls, and Dad was already bonding with them.
“She told me Sunday morning,” Mrs. Antonicelli said to Luke, her voice low. “I’m furious with her and Marnie, both. That was completely unacceptable, keeping the truth from you and your dad. Let alone from Bobby.” Her voice had risen with indignation.
Dad must have heard her. He looked at them over the tinsel-crowned heads of Addie and Emmy. “I’m sure nobody was thinking real clearly right before Marnie passed.”
“No, but it’s been more than a month. Hannah had plenty of time and opportunity to tell all of us, especially you two.”
“Oh, well.” Dad picked up one of Goldie’s toys and threw it across the room for the dog to fetch. As the little girls chased after Goldie, he gestured Mrs. Antonicelli in. “Come on, sit down. Luke, how about some coffee?”
So Luke went into the kitchen and made another pot of coffee while Dad and Hannah’s mom talked in the living room and the girls chased Goldie around the house.
It was news to Luke that Hannah hadn’t even told her mother. What was wrong with her? How could she have kept the truth from everyone, have participated in Thanksgiving and Christmas events with a smile on her face, while internally knowing she’d pulled one over on all of them?
She’d said she’d promised Marnie she’d keep the secret, but why had she done that? Hadn’t she anticipated the problems that would cause? That she’d be deceiving Luke and his father on a daily basis?
She didn’t know you were in town, or that Dad was still living next door.
Okay, so she hadn’t known it would be difficult to keep the secret. Still, she was supposed to be so moral, a good Christian. She hadn’t been.
Again his conscience smote him. You’re a Christian, too. Aren’t you supposed to forgive?
Not lies like that! Not lies that stemmed from her hating the Hutchensons!
He carried the coffee out to the living room.
“We’ll just go forward,” Dad said as Luke put down the cups and turned back toward the kitchen for sugar and milk. “I’m the first to admit that I’m not the best influence, and Bobby’s in prison. It’s understandable that she didn’t want us in the girls’ lives.”
Luke’s steps slowed as shame overcame him. His father, for all his flaws, was behaving better than Luke was.
He sank down into a kitchen chair and let his head fall into his hands. When he thought of Hannah, his stomach churned with anger. Not just anger, but hurt.
Luke had worked hard to turn his life around, and he’d managed to do it. Hadn’t Hannah seen that? Couldn’t she at least have confided the truth to him? Didn’t she think he was worthy? Did she put him in the same category as his father and brother?
Was he different from them, really? Was he worthy?
He tried to pray, but the sound of the quiet conversation in the living room and the squealing girls running past him after Goldie made that hard. Still, he was able to empty his mind enough that some things from the Bible came to him.
He was no expert; he was just starting to study the New Testament more closely. But he knew the basics: everyone sinned and fell short.
Luke had turned his life around, but he was still a sinner. Right now, he was behaving considerably less Christlike than his father.
Hannah was a sinner, too. Maybe he’d put her on a pedestal before, thought she was too good for him, but it turned out she’d made a pretty big mistake, committed a big sin.
Did that mean she was unredeemable? Was he? Was Bobby or his father?
He felt someone nudging his leg and looked down. Emmy had come into the kitchen and sat down on the floor. She was leaning against him, looking up.
“Hey, honey,” he said, immediately softening. “Did you get tired?”
She nodded and put her thumb in her mouth.
What was he supposed to do but pick her up and carry her out to her grandma? And how could he hold on to his unforgiving, hard stance with an innocent child in his arms?
* * *
After church on Christmas Eve, Hannah walked out of the sanctuary feeling emotional. She’d always loved Christmas Eve services, and this one had been as wonderful as usual. The candles, the carols, the beautiful readings... It was part of the family tradition and it stayed the same from year to year, providing a soothing regularity and a way to celebrate the central reality of their faith.
This year, there was more to celebrate and more to mourn. As she, Mom, and the twins joined the crowd milling around in the church’s foyer after the service, as they accepted hot apple cider and Mom shared gingerbread boys from the bakery with all the children, Hannah didn’t know how to feel. Joy for the twins, their sweetness and cuteness. Pleasure for her mom, who was in her element, distributing cookies and accepting compliments about her granddaughters.
Sadness that Marnie wasn’t here to see it. Of course, she hadn’t been in town for the holidays for a couple of years. But when they’d been younger, Marnie had been beside Hannah in church, usually making Hannah laugh with some inappropriate remark about someone’s Christmas outfit or out-of-tune singing. As kids, they’d shared the excitement of knowing there were presents under the tree. She, Mom and Marnie had been a family, bonded even more tightly after Dad had died when they were so young.
Now, their family had suffered another loss. They’d gained the twins and lost Marnie. Would they bond more tightly or let the issues push them apart?
Luke and his father emerged from the sanctuary and walked through the crowd. Luke glanced her way and then steered his father in the opposite direction. That was no surprise, nothing more than she deserved. She was glad to see that the congregation was welcoming Mr. Hutchenson, who was a little more scraggly-looking than most of the men, dressed as he was in a work shirt and jeans. His beard didn’t look as wild as usual, though, and Hannah wondered whether that was his idea or Luke’s.
She wanted to know. She wanted to talk to him about the services and the twins and Rescue Haven. Wanted to share a laugh about the kid who’d jumped up in the middle of the service to ask the pastor where the presents were.
It wasn’t going to happen. She sank down onto a couch in the corner by herself, trying not to cry.
Then, suddenly, it was as if she could see herself from the outside. She was acting like a whiny child, a dishrag. If she wanted things to be better with Luke, if she wanted to at least regain his friendship, she couldn’t expect that to happen by sitting in a corner.
And, yes, he’d probably shoot her down, but at least she
could go to sleep tonight knowing she’d tried.
Before she could lose what little courage she had, she stood and walked toward the thinning crowd. Had they already left?
But no; there was Luke helping his dad into his heavy winter coat. She hurried over. “Can I talk to you a minute?”
“We were just leaving.” Luke’s voice was cool, and Hannah’s courage flagged.
“It won’t take long.”
He sighed. “What is it?”
Mom’s voice came from behind her. “I’m taking the twins home, and I can easily give you a ride if you’d like, Stan.”
Even in the midst of her discomfort, Hannah looked at her mother in surprise. Stan?
Her mother lifted her chin, avoiding Hannah’s eyes. “That’s if your son can bring my daughter home.” She turned to Luke. “Can you?”
No doubt Luke would have said no if it was Hannah asking, but she saw in his face that he couldn’t turn down her mom. “Sure,” he said, his voice anything but enthusiastic.
There was a bustle of getting the twins into their coats, and then Hannah and Luke walked everyone out, to discover that a light snow was falling.
“Are you sure you’re okay to drive home, Mom?”
Her mother rolled her eyes. “I’ve been driving in this weather since I was sixteen. I think I can handle a dusting of new snow.”
Finally, everyone was in the car. Addie bounced with excitement while Emmy looked ready to nod off in her car seat.
Hannah had a cowardly urge to climb in between the girls, but she stood up to it. She closed the car door and watched as Mom drove the little group away.
Now it was just her and Luke.
The parking lot was emptying, the pastor waving from the doorway. “I’m guessing he wants to go home, too,” Luke said, the implication being that he wanted to get home, as well. “What did you want to say?”
Hannah shivered and wrapped her coat more tightly around herself. Where to begin?
He sighed. “Do you want to get into my car, where it’s warm?”
But she didn’t want to be enclosed like that. She needed the comfort of God’s beautiful creation around her. “Can we walk a little?”
“Are you dressed for it?” His gaze swept over her dress coat and boots, and then he looked away.
“I’m fine. There’s a little path toward town.”
She gestured toward the pines that lined the edge of the church property. An opening between them led to a little curved bridge over a brook. It led to the town park, and was known as a sort of lovers’ lane.
Luke wasn’t going to make this easy, but she had to speak her piece. Had to not only apologize, but also...well. She would see how far her courage would go.
Tell him.
But I’m not the kind of woman who succeeds with relationships, she argued with herself.
Tell him.
But being forward, dressing pretty, being girly... That leads to disaster.
Only it wouldn’t, not with Luke. He was a good man. Such a good man. And for the sake of the girls, for her own sake, she had to try.
The snow drifted down, twinkling and sparkling. Clouds scudded across the dark sky, and in a few spots, stars were visible.
Behind them, a car door closed. A motor started up, and then the car drove off.
It was quiet.
They walked toward the park. Hannah’s heart pounded so hard she felt like she was going to explode.
She should just start small, with an apology.
Only, she reminded herself, the apology was really the big thing. It was what would make a friendship possible, and that was crucial for the twins.
She stole a glance at Luke. His coat was open, his head bare. On his face she could see the heavy stubble that meant he hadn’t had time to shave.
He didn’t look angry, exactly, but he also didn’t look friendly.
“Luke,” she said, “I’m sorry for what I did. With all my heart, I apologize. I was wrong to keep Marnie’s secret, and I hurt a lot of people. Your dad, my mom, the twins...and you.”
He didn’t look at her; he looked at the snowy path in front of them. What did that mean?
Her foot slipped on an icy patch.
He caught her arm. “Careful,” he said. He steadied her and let go.
Her heart melted a little, because that was Luke. Protective, even when he was angry.
“I’d like to work to make it up to you,” she said, plowing on. “Help you all to build relationships with Addie and Emmy.”
“That would be...good.” He glanced over at her. “We all make mistakes, Hannah. I get that.”
It was a softening of his attitude, and she almost sagged with relief. “Do you forgive me?” she asked, needing reassurance.
He drew in a deep breath and for a scary moment, he didn’t speak. Then he looked at her and nodded. “I forgive you.”
A weight lifted from her heart. Luke wouldn’t say he forgave her unless he meant it. If that was all she could have from him, it was a wonderful blessing.
But she’d promised herself she’d go all the way, say it all. “Thank you. I appreciate that. But...there’s more.”
They were approaching a little bridge that arched over a stream. The boards were slippery, and he took her arm. “Be careful, slow down and tell me everything, kiddo,” he said, reverting to a name she remembered from their childhood.
She swallowed, grateful for his gentler tone, but wondering if he saw her as a kid still. Probably, sometimes.
Not when he’d kissed her, though.
Just say it.
“The thing is, Luke, I’ve...” She sucked in a convulsive breath. “I’ve kind of fallen in love with you.”
There. It was out. Relief warred with terror in her churning gut.
He didn’t speak, but slowed as they reached the highest point on the little bridge. He let go of her arm, stopped and looked down at the snowy creek, the sound of its water bright beneath the snow and ice.
His face was as still as stone.
She’d hoped for a different reaction. But, she reminded herself, he’s a good man. He won’t hurt me. He’ll let me down easy.
“I mean it, Luke,” she said, pushing on. “I love you for your caring and your sense of humor and the way you’ll help me out even when you’re mad.”
Something quirked the side of his mouth. Maybe it was a smile, or the start of one.
“I think maybe... Maybe I’ve loved you since I was a little girl scared in a barn with a bunch of kittens,” she said.
He looked at her then. “Big-brother stuff.”
“No,” she said quickly. He was getting the wrong idea. She was bad at this, obviously. “I mean, maybe a little, but I think you’re really handsome. And—” In for a penny, in for a pound. She sucked in a shaky breath. “I loved kissing you. Look, I know you’re charismatic and good-looking and sophisticated, way out of my league. I’m not expecting you to respond in kind. I just wanted you to know.”
There. She’d said her piece, made a fool of herself, and her emotions were churning. She thought she might cry or be sick. No doubt it was the worst declaration of love in the history of Bethlehem Springs. But it was out.
It was only fair that she be the one to put herself out on a limb, since she was the one who’d made a mess of things. Plain she might be, but she hoped he could see that she was honest, and trying.
And he hadn’t spoken, other than the big-brother thing. Hadn’t looked at her, but just continued to stare off into the icy stream, covered over by a lacework of bare branches. What was going through his mind?
* * *
Luke tried to get his feelings under control, tried to use the icy surroundings to cool himself down, but the truth was, he was burning up. What had just happened? It was like he couldn’t take it in.
He turned his head and looked at this woman who didn’t know how beautiful she was. Yes, she’d done wrong. So had he, many times, big and small.
That awful day when Nicki had waved back at him from her mother’s car window, not knowing she’d never see him again... That day, that mess of mistakes, came to mind. That was the worst, but there were so many others. His rabble-rousing here in town, his fights with his father, his neglect of his brother.
But she’d said she thought him a good man. That she liked kissing him.
She considered him out of her league. Wow. That was so ridiculous he almost laughed.
He’d thought, fleetingly over the last few weeks, that if things were different he’d want to pursue a relationship with her, something serious. If he hadn’t been a Hutchenson. But maybe...
He faced her then, took her arm and turned her so she was facing him. He reached out and, with one careful finger, pushed back a lock of her hair. “You’re brave and you’re beautiful.”
She looked away. “I don’t think I’m either of those things.”
“Ah.” He touched her cheek and got her to look at him again. “Taking on a gruff old bear like me, that’s brave.”
“You have been kind of gruff the last few days,” she ventured.
“And, Hannah.” He let his eyes flicker down to her lips. “I loved kissing you, too. More than anything.”
“You did?” She looked so vulnerable that he couldn’t resist dropping a kiss on her cold lips. Which was dangerous, because then he wanted to pull her close and go on kissing her all night. So he kept it short and sweet, and still his heart pounded like a heavy bass drum as he backed up a little and took both of her hands in his.
“Well,” she said, a little breathlessly, “I’m glad we’ve established that the kissing is good.”
“It’s more than that. I care for you, Hannah. A lot.”
Her eyes widened as she stared at him. “Really, Luke?”
He tried to think how to put his feelings into words. “Really. I admire you, the way you took on Addie and Emmy without hesitation. The way you helped Goldie and that rotten little Pinky.”
Finding a Christmas Home Page 17