‘Those people out there can do whatever they want.
‘I can’t.
‘I tried. I tried so hard. I played by every rule. I talked, never argued. I debated but never shouted. I’ve been spat at. I needed people to open my mail for me. I had more security on my home than anyone else on the street. I cried myself to sleep, and then I had nightmares.
‘And then there’s you. If you knew the strings I had to pull to take you in: even people on my own side were against it. I ignored all of them. “She needs someone who cares,” I told them. “She’s the new generation. One of the brightest minds of what comes next, the light on the horizon.” You were going to show us the way. You were going to prove that magic would improve lives far beyond the ways it could harm them.
‘All the time I worried about you, protected you, tried to teach you. That spark when we first met? I could see it becoming something great, if you were only careful. If you were only smart. I thought I could stop you from becoming your mother.’ She threw the last word and Steph flinched, her hands coming up to her chest like she’d felt the spear go in.
‘And you went and proved me right the exact same day you proved them right too. Those hands you made? They’re brilliant. Is that what you want to hear? Your notations, they’re revolutionary. They could have changed everything. I could have helped you achieve your mother’s dream, bring magic to new heights, but you just couldn’t fucking wait!
‘You didn’t need to listen to anyone else, instead you flung yourself around like no one understood the agonising pain of holding back your genius. I knew you were sneaking around and experimenting without me. I knew you were doing it, but I tried to tell myself, where’s the harm? What was wrong with you learning a few things, expanding your knowledge? It’s her passion, I said, let her be who she wants to be. Give her a few more years before she has to become like me. Hide her light until the rights we were fighting for were in place so she could shine.
‘And you saw me, I had to take all of your shouting and recriminations when I turned Melissa and Greg away. All the arguments I had to take out there, I had to take at home as well. And I tried to explain to you, I pleaded with you to understand what it was like out there, and all I got was abuse. It was tears and outrage and your door slamming in my face. And all that time, while you’re yelling at me, telling me I was holding our cause back, there you were just doing whatever the hell you wanted and your actions, your decisions, your fucking “I know better” principles got me sent here. And those plans.’ The poison in her voice was enough to fill the ocean. ‘Those plans they found in my house. When they showed them to me, I… I couldn’t believe it. You handed them everything they needed. The proof that I was exactly what they said I was. That our cause was a cancer in need of stamping out. Those plans destroyed us.
‘They led me out, past all those cameras and I wasn’t even allowed to hide my face. They got to spend their time braying and crowing and saying whatever they wanted while I waited in a prison cell. And while they talked, I wasn’t allowed to speak to anyone. My voice was my only weapon and you let them take it away from me.
‘I thought they were going to hang me, Stephanie. No one was allowed to see me. I thought they were measuring out the rope and lining up the cameras. I thought I was going to die. And when they declared I was being sent here, they got to shout about the irony of that too. They got to make jokes, while all I could do was listen and wonder what had happened to you. And just when I was hoping you were safe, telling myself that at least you were OK, they showed me something even worse.
‘I hadn’t even realised. I thought it was all lies, I thought someone had planted something in the house. I thought it was a hoax. I thought it was just some new way to harass me, some anonymous, baseless tip. And then they told me. And they showed me what you’d done. And the plans for the hands and… and the bomb were in the same evidence bag. Like they were the same thing.
‘The finest bit of magical engineering I’d seen in years, the first bit of true magic of the twenty-first century and now they’re a footnote to those… obscenities you made.
‘Oh, they’ll come out again eventually. People like Fitzackley, they’ll have made copies and, once the heat’s off, they’ll come out like your theories were their own idea. And they’ll twist them and milk them and they’ll make money and they’ll do the least amount of good for people that they can get away with. Because where’s the profit in that?
‘You gave that up. And now if that wasn’t enough, you took your greatest creations tonight and you used them to kill someone. You used those hands in the exact way that our enemies said that you would, and that I spent my career refuting. You haven’t just bloodied those hands, you’ve bloodied the whole cause. You proved that all your plans, the hands, the bombs, they do belong in the same evidence bag.
‘You have ruined everything and now I’m still meant to just let you do whatever you want with my cause because you don’t like how I fight? I have to let you yell at me, and call me a coward and tell me your way is better? Because it’s worked so well for you? You want to hear me hit back then fine. Here it is: this is your fault. You squandered your chance at making a difference. You handed our enemies the win so completely you should have tied a fucking ribbon on it. Now, go ahead and storm away if you want to. But, once again, I have to stay and deal with what you’ve done. Congratulations, you’re just like them now.’
Tears were running down Steph’s face, the raw hurt slackening her features.
‘I hate to break this up,’ said Amanda. ‘But I’m going to need to take that scryball off you, now. I don’t have much time.’
‘What are you going to tell him?’ asked Karina.
‘I’ll figure something out. Unless either of you have any better ideas? Because I know I’m all out of them.’
‘I can show you how to kill him with it,’ said Steph in a small voice. Her teary eyes filled with fear at how Karina would react. ‘Arrange some secondary wards here, we can trick his pellet into thinking he’s trying to swallow it. We can make it overreact and it’ll shoot up through his brain.’
Karina stared, open-mouthed at the girl’s words. ‘Stephanie,’ she said. ‘Didn’t you hear a word I just…? Absolutely not. After everything I… We cannot solve every problem with killing.’
‘Well, what would you want us to do?’ Steph despaired. ‘I heard you. It’s my fault. Fine. But that doesn’t change this. You already tried talking to Greg and he sent someone to kill you. What’s Amanda going to say that’s going to stop him killing her daughter? What can she possibly say that guarantees that? There isn’t any other choice. And if you don’t want to ever speak to me again, I… I understand.’
‘No, we…’ Karina closed her eyes, her lips pinched, a woman wrestling with her conscience. ‘I mean I don’t…’ she didn’t finish.
Both women, the girl and her guardian, looked tired and battered, their fight draining, everything between them uncertain.
‘I’ll show you,’ Steph pulled the scryball out from under the brace around her arm. ‘But…’ she looked to Karina, ‘but I will not do it for you.’
Karina began to protest again, but Steph cut her off, lowering her voice to a whisper.
Amanda watched the last of the daylight bleed away, rubbing her palms as they began to sweat. It was taking everything she had not to break up the whispered argument the pair were having across the room. Thoughts fixed on Michaela, she could see Steph’s reflection in the glass as she argued with her guardian. No matter what she did, it felt like something was slipping through her fingers.
‘There has to be another way,’ said Karina.
‘There is,’ said Amanda. ‘Steph, she’s right. You can’t keep this up. Believe me. It doesn’t end up in a place you want to be. I’ve cost you both enough.’
‘So what are you going to do?’
‘I’m going to do what I’ve always done. I’ve talked myself into trouble. I’m going to talk my way out
of it. I know who he is, that’ll throw him, after that all I have to do is keep him off-balance until he doesn’t think he has any choice but to let Michaela go.’
‘You really think you can talk someone into…’ Steph started and then frowned, her fingers rasped as they rubbed together.
‘I’ve got to try,’ said Amanda.
‘Is there anything I can do?’ asked Karina.
‘I really don’t think so.’
The woman nodded, and Amanda could see the wheels turning behind her eyes, rethinking, re-evaluating. ‘Then I’ll… I’ll leave you to it. I don’t want to distract you,’ Karina backed towards the door. ‘I’ll be in the kitchen. I’ve got to think.’
The door closed behind her, leaving the two women alone.
‘I’m going to show you anyway,’ said Steph.
‘No.’
‘In case you need it. I’m going to set it up. You can’t stop me from doing that. I don’t know what it will mean for me and Karina but at least I didn’t do nothing when someone could die.’
Amanda opened her mouth to protest, but everything was swimming in her mind and she couldn’t find the words or the will. ‘Fine.’
‘But just so we’re clear, we’re not friends. I’m doing this for your daughter, not for you. Never for you.’
‘I understand.’
Steph set to work, finding a small pot of rune-making paint in Fitzackley’s office. Picking a spot on the floor, she began to make the sigils, delicate swirls with her fingers.
Amanda stared out to the ocean, trying to think of what she would say. She couldn’t think of anything. Her mind clouded with what would happen when she failed. She always had a plan. And when she didn’t, she’d always had Caleb to get her out of scrapes. Who was she now without him? Without Simon, or Emily, or Darren? Who would she be without Michaela? Without anyone?
‘It’s done,’ said Steph.
They sat in the circle she had made. And, all of a sudden, they were back on the train, their heads together, talking quietly about magic, co-conspirators.
Steph felt it too, but where Amanda felt some strange kind of relief, it made the girl bristle. She was short and clipped and the click of the metal pellet between her wooden fingers served as a constant reminder of where their last alliance had taken them.
As it turned out, the method was simple. Amanda slipped the ball into her mouth. Reaching out with her power, she could feel the dormant connection, feel the shadows of what lay at the other end, like the memory of a room, something only a hair better than an intuition. But it was there and once she confirmed that she could feel it, Steph started to show her what she could do with it.
It wasn’t much, there was little finesse to it, but she didn’t need finesse. All she needed was a chance. As soon as the connection opened all she had to do was push with all her strength and the little ball bearing in that bastard’s mouth would go up into his skull where it could rattle around his brain until the whole thing was slush.
‘I’m not going to need it,’ said Amanda.
Steph’s cheek twitched. ‘Yeah, sure. Well, it’s there if you change your mind.’ It was clear by the look in her eye exactly how likely she thought that would be.
And she was right to think that way.
Left alone, fixing the image of her little girl in her mind, Amanda settled down and took a breath. All she had to do was wait.
Chapter Eighteen
It was a nice car. The driver was tall and burly, a nod to formality supplied by a jacket over his T-shirt and jeans. He stank of cigarettes.
Looking the paper over, Michaela made sure that she had the address. She’d had an idea of how she’d wanted to handle it herself, but now Davey had forced her hand and she wasn’t so sure. The message from the boss was clear; do it his way or don’t do it at all.
Pearce’s real name, it turned out, was Gregory McKittrick. The name meant little to her, but after a few internet searches, more pieces fell into place.
A sick feeling had settled in her stomach. The sun was getting low, turning the streets an ochre orange.
McKittrick’s hideout was in a small suburb in South London, uniform houses, mid-range cars, the windows blinded against the low sun.
The driver pulled in. Jared was waiting on the pavement. Climbing out, the driver talked to him a moment, then stepped away to take a phone call.
Jared climbed into the back seat.
‘What the fuck are you doing here?’ demanded Michaela.
‘Davey said you needed the help,’ grinned Jared. ‘See he found that bastard for you. Not too bad is it, working with the big boys?’ He ducked his head, looking down the street at one of the houses opposite.
‘He didn’t say it would be you. He’s already fucked this up enough. You know he stole my equipment? If McKittrick didn’t know something’s happening already, then he’s about to figure it out. And Davey had me making product for people I’m pretty sure were arms dealers. It’s been a day and it’s already getting dark, man. I just wanted to make stuff that people would have fun with. Now I’m sitting here in this gangster car with a gangster driver and I’m like “what is this?” I wanted to deal with this myself.’
‘But you don’t need to. How many times you think Davey’s done this? This is the way to make sure this guy doesn’t come back for you.’
Michaela put a hand over her eyes. ‘Jared, what has he asked you to do?’
‘Wants me to kill him, doesn’t he? This is my big break. Do this and I’m in.’
He was looking across the street again, his eyes feverish bright, licking his lips. There was a nervous energy coming off him, leaking from his pores along with the sweat. He was scared, she realised.
‘He’s asking you to kill someone.’
‘Don’t say it like that. What were you planning on doing?’
‘Scaring him off. Telling him “no more”. I don’t know! I didn’t get the chance to think that far. Davey’s fucked everything up. I wish I hadn’t…’ She threw up her hands, looking out the window so he wouldn’t see the tears in her eyes.
‘It’s so fucking easy for you, isn’t it?’ snapped Jared.
She looked back at him, shocked at his anger.
‘I’ve been trying years to get in this gang. I’ve been prepared to do whatever it takes and all I’ve been given is their shit to eat. Made to drink fucked-up emotions, sell the dregs of their fucking product to people who can only afford fucking dregs. And, guess what, I made it. I grew their market in my territory ten times over and they still gave me shit. Then you come swanning in, acting like you’re too good for it. Now he’s giving you everything you want and all you’re doing is complaining.’
‘All I wanted was to make some money. Figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I didn’t set out to become a career criminal. Believe me, I’ve seen what that’s like and I don’t want it. And nor should you. You’re smart, you could, I don’t know, start a business, a real business. Get a degree. I don’t know.’
‘Fuck you. I watched my brother do that. He got the degree. The business. Know what happened? He killed himself. He worked every hour of every day and it still didn’t work out. Because this game’s rigged against people like you and me. I’ve got an education, straight As, the lot. But I’m smart enough to know that you’ve got to have money to make money and if I’m going to play a rigged system, then I intend to win it, whatever it takes, including taking down a piece of shit like your guy in there.’
‘I didn’t know that. About your brother.’
‘You never fucking asked. To you, I’m just some gangster wannabe. Well, I have ambitions too. But since no one’s going to hand me a pile of cash, I need to do what I can.’
There was a knock on the window; the driver had finished his phone call and was getting impatient.
‘Come on,’ said Jared. ‘We do this and we don’t have to talk again. If that’s what you want.’
‘You know it isn’t. Look, I’m sorry, but I
never wanted this.’
‘Me neither. But if this is what it takes. And that guy in there. If what I drank is what he feels all the time but doesn’t show it? That’s seriously fucked up. Whatever he’s got planned with this stuff, I don’t even want to know. But I don’t think he’s intending on selling it.’
The front door opened again, the driver sticking his head in. ‘We haven’t got all day. Did you bring it?’
‘Yeah,’ said Jared, pulling at his jacket so he could sit straighter, ‘right here.’
Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a plastic shopping bag and unwrapped it.
The driver’s nose curled. ‘I said bring a fucking gun, not a family heirloom. You fired it?’
‘I had to take what I could get. Just give us another minute, OK?’
‘If it blows up in your hand, I’m not helping. Jesus.’ The man slammed the car door shut again, cutting off his curse.
‘It was the best I could get,’ said Jared again, wiping the sweat from his forehead.
It was a revolver, rusted to shit.
Michaela’s parents had had a gun hidden under their bed. They hadn’t known that the kids knew about it. One day, when both parents had been out, she and her brother and sister had taken turns holding it. She remembered how the sleek automatic had been so much heavier than she had expected. The way action stars in films swung them around, she’d thought they’d be as light as a feather.
But the thing cradled in Jared’s hands looked like it had been found at the bottom of an old well. The chambers revolved after some coercing and the handle was ringed with masking tape.
She thought of Emily. How her little sister had had nightmares for days after touching it. Relenting under Emily’s desperate pleading, she and her sister had retrieved the gun from under the bed again, Emily watching owlishly as Michaela had wiped it down, assuring the young girl that it was clean of fingerprints.
The bullets were new at least, she thought, her stomach roiling as she watched Jared thumb them into the chambers.
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