by Hunter, Troy
The three of us didn’t need to be out in public. I could have made up some excuse as to why AIDAn couldn’t go out and then hope he played along, but he was unpredictable. It’s not even that I didn’t trust Gale. Part of me wanted to tell Gale what was going on, but I knew it wasn’t a good idea. She had trouble keeping her mouth shut. That, in combination with her addiction to drama, made her a dangerous person to spend time around.
I thought of telling Gale some reason why my relationship with AIDAn had to be kept a secret, but anything I could come up with would only make it less likely for her to keep it to herself. If I said, for example, that AIDAn was closeted and his safety was at risk if she were to tell anybody, that would just make our relationship more exciting and harder for Gale to keep to herself.
She’s not a bad person, just bad at keeping secrets.
The only way to prevent Gale from talking about something is to make it seem like there wasn’t anything interesting going on.
“We’re just taking it slow,” I told Gale. “We’re not sure what’s going to happen, but we’re keeping it casual.”
The three of us were walking to Insomniac’s Dream, the nearby coffee shop. They were open twenty-four hours a day, and though the coffee wasn’t especially good and everything was pricier than it needed to be, the sandwiches were pretty good so long as you only ate them after midnight.
“What is it with guys and keeping things casual?” Gale asked. “Would it kill you to commit?”
“We’re just trying to keep our options open. Right, AIDAn?”
“Yes,” he said, offering nothing but at least not contradicting what I was saying.
“I’m sorry, Jeffrey, but you’re just being stupid.” Gale was offering her trademark bluntness. “You two make a beautiful pair and you should lock this guy down.”
She was talking to me, specifically. The subtext was that AIDAn was completely out of my league. She heard the subtext and corrected.
“And I mean that for both of you. Jeffrey is quite the catch and you’re lucky to have him.”
“Uh-huh,” I said. AIDAn would have seen right through what she was saying if he hadn’t literally been born yesterday.
“He is,” AIDAn agreed. “I am quite a lucky man to have him as my boyfriend.”
“That’s what I’m saying,” Gale said.
Part of me thought she was so caught up in her own world and projecting onto the people around her that she might not catch that there was something off with AIDAn. That was my hope anyway. I tried to pivot the conversation.
“What about you and Bradley?” I asked. “What’s going on there?”
“Ugh, don’t get me started,” she said.
Getting her started, by the way, was exactly my plan. As long as she was talking about herself, she wouldn’t be asking about AIDAn. It was a safer place to take the conversation.
“What?” I asked, trying to keep a smile from showing. “What did he do this time?”
“It’s not about what he’s done, it’s about what he hasn’t done. We’ve been together for over a year and I don’t think he’s said the word marriage even once.”
We’d arrived at Insomniac’s Dream and I opened the door for the two of them. AIDAn walked in with that perpetual look of wonder on his face, looking around at everything and taking it all in.
“Have you said it?”
“It’s not my job. It’s his job. He’s the dude.”
“But as a modern woman…” I began. Really, I was just baiting her at this point. I knew her sensitive areas and how I could get her to keep talking. In the past, it was like walking through a conversational minefield, carefully avoiding subjects in order to avoid an explosion. Now, I wanted to hop from mine to mine, jumping up and down on each of them, hoping to set as many off as I could. When I was done with intersectional feminism and traditional female roles, I could move to true love, and if I still needed material, her annoying sister who was always the favorite in her family.
“Just because I’m a modern woman doesn’t mean I don’t want to be swept off my feet. I’m a catch and he’s lucky to have me. He should be thankful to have me and eager to lock me down.”
“How does he know that’s what he’s supposed to do?” AIDAn asked.
We found a small table toward the back and put our jackets on the chairs to claim it, then moved to the front of the shop to join the line of sleep-deprived college students, looking for a late-night caffeine fix.
“Because he’s smart, that’s why.” Gale was looking through the menu, though she always ordered the same thing: a Chai tea cappuccino and a chicken salad sandwich, half of which she’d eat and the other half she'd take home and leave in the refrigerator until it became rancid and we threw it out.
"A guy like him. A girl like me. What are we doing if we’re not working toward marriage?"
It was hard to argue with that. Truthfully, Bradley was something of a shy guy and it took all he had to work up the courage to ask her out even after I told him she was interested. He needed to be certain, I guess that was the scientist in him. I didn't know what it would take for him to ask her to marry him.
"But you're dropping hints, right?" I asked.
"Oh, left and right. Sometimes I think everything I say is a hint."
We made it to the front of the line and Gale placed her order.
"I don't understand," AIDAn said. "She wants something but won't ask for it."
"A lot about being human is reading between the lines."
He paused for a moment, face blank. “I have a subroutine designed for human interaction subtext. I just can’t access it directly.”
“It’s for the best,” I said. “You’re going to have to learn how to read people just like the rest of us.”
Gale butted into our conversation. “Do you all want to split an order of the fried macaroni?”
“Of course,” I said. I’d forgotten it was Friday night. On Friday night, Insomniac’s Dream served fried macaroni as their special. Their coffee was functional and their sandwiches were edible, more so if you were tired, but I’d go so far as to call the fried macaroni downright good. I might even go further than that and say it was excellent. The fried macaroni, on special one night out of the week, justified the coffee shop’s existence the rest of the time.
I pulled out my wallet to contribute, but Gale gestured it away. “I’ve got it this time,” she said.
She got it last time and the time before. She was two weeks behind on paying me her half of the rent, but always insisted on paying for meals.
The barista brought the bowl of fried macaroni to the counter along with Gale’s sandwich and coffee.
“So, AIDAn,” she said, “Has Jeffrey used the ‘L’ word with you yet?”
“There are 7636 words in the English language that begin with the letter L,” AIDAn said. “Which do you mean?”
“She’s asking if I’ve ever said, ‘I love you,’” I said.
His eyes went blank and he froze for a solid three seconds.
At first, I was confused, but then I realized exactly what I’d done.
“I love you, too,” AIDAn said.
It wasn’t good news.
Chapter 12
AIDAn
I couldn’t point to anything that had changed. All the details on Jeffrey’s face remained the same. He was the same height and same build. And yet, something about me had changed and I saw him in a different light. I went from observing that he had brown eyes to losing myself in them. Or his lips, previously just a feature on his face, which were now the focus of my attention. That is until I moved lower. Everything about him delighted me and excited me. Even his chin, which was no different than most anybody else’s chin, struck me as the most beautiful chin the world had ever known.
And I started giggling at it. I didn’t fully understand laughter. I understood it was generally in response to a joke—a joke being a statement that offered a clever twist on reality in an amusing fashion�
�though I didn’t think Jeffrey was making jokes. It would appear that the laughter was just an expression of happiness in being around him.
“Aww,” Gale said. “You two are so cute.”
Jeffrey blushed. “Well, I…err…” He couldn’t get a word out. It was adorable.
“It’s nothing to be embarrassed by,” Gale said. “I think you’re perfect for each other.”
I couldn’t control the smile that pushed its way across my face. In fact, my face didn’t feel big enough for the smile I wanted to make. The world just became an even more amazing place than it was before. I went from wanting to explore everything to just wanting to be with him, potentially exploring it together. A scant few minutes earlier, anybody could have been my tour guide through the world I found myself in. Now, I didn’t want it to be anybody but Jeffrey.
I moved my chair closer to him and noticed my heart beat faster. I remained aware of myself but felt as though I had less control of my actions.
“Aww, thank you, Gale.” My voice came out louder than I wanted it to.
Jeffrey offered me a breaded piece of food from the basket he brought to the table. “Here,” he said. “Try this. It’s fried macaroni and cheese.”
I put the small triangular wedge in my hands and detected heat radiating from it, then placed it under my nose where I took in its smell, smooth and comforting like a blanket. It felt greasy on my fingers.
Jeffrey told me to try it, so perhaps that’s why I wanted it so badly. I hadn’t eaten anything before. I didn’t know what it would be like. I was cautious but I trusted him. He watched me carefully, which made me feel joy and self-conscious at the same time. I wanted him to pay attention to me, though I worried I would do something wrong.
I placed the breaded piece into my mouth and onto my tongue. It had a bumpy texture and a reassuring crispiness to it. Then I bit down and the wedge’s innards came out into my mouth, filling me with bliss.
It was intense, experiencing taste alongside Jeffrey. My heart continued to beat faster and I felt a slew of signals overloading my brain. I wanted to jump up. I wanted to scream with joy. I wanted to shove as many of these fried macaroni and cheese wedges into my body as I could. I wanted to kiss Jeffrey. I wanted to tear his clothes off and jump on top of him. I wanted everything and all the thoughts hit me at once.
And that’s when everything went black.
Chapter 13
Jeffrey
I was terrified. I didn’t know what was going on. AIDAn’s eyes rolled to the back of his head and he began convulsing in his seat before falling to the ground. His body shook violently. If AIDAn were human, I would have assumed it was a seizure and thought he might hurt himself. As he was a machine, I was more concerned he might hurt somebody else.
Gale screamed and grabbed onto my arm. “What’s going on?”
I had to get out of there and I had to get out fast. Every second risked more and more attention coming my way and the chance of someone finding out what AIDAn really was.
“He has a condition,” I said. I grabbed his arm and was able to pull him up. Not lift him, mind you, but guide his body. His AI has, roughly speaking, two subroutines that run simultaneously, conscious and subconscious. The conscious level had been overloaded forcing the subconscious element to take over and triggering the seizure-like state. Since his subconscious element was still functional, I could get him to walk and move along with me as his shaking turned into smaller and smaller tremors. “I need to get him to the lab.”
“You mean the hospital?” Gale asked.
“Right.”
A man had run over to us. “Excuse me, I’m a doctor,” he said. A doctor, the last thing I needed right now. “Can I be of any assistance?”
I shook my head. “He’s fine. It’s a rare condition,” I said.
“It looks like he’s having a seizure. We should put him back down.”
“No,” I said. “It’s a rare type of seizure. He’s able to walk around and it helps calm the symptoms.”
Please don’t let him ask any questions, I thought. I was pulling AIDAn toward the door, past the doctor’s quizzical look.
“What kind of seizure is that?”
AIDAn’s skin felt odd, prickly. That’s something we need to look into, I thought. It doesn’t pass for human.
The prickles on his skin became more intense and began sprouting hair. AIDAn was turning into his wolf form. I needed him out of the coffee shop fast.
“Sir, I don’t have time to educate you. I’ve got it under control and he’s going to be fine. Thank you for your concern.” I charged out of the door. The campus was close. If we ran, we could get there in a few minutes. And hopefully, nobody would see us in the process.
* * *
The fur began to emerge from AIDAn’s skin, poking through and curling over itself. I couldn’t lift him to save my life, so I just ran, even as his bones shifted around. He fell to all fours and I lost my grip on him. For a split second I worried he would run away, but he didn’t. He followed me obediently as would a perfectly trained pup, eagerly awaiting a treat, or perhaps his owner’s affection.
I picked up my pace. At first glance, it might have looked like I was just out walking my dog, but AIDAn was no normal sized dog. He was enormous. And he didn’t have a leash or collar.
It was approaching three in the morning, so the streets were quiet and appeared empty. We passed by the main university tower, mostly dark aside from a few lit windows, students working overnight or studying for midterms, most likely. Then we turned around a large sculpture of our school mascot, the NorCal Narwhal, bronzed and staring majestically across the campus. One more turn and we were in the General Science building. Once we made it inside and into the elevator, I calmed down. AIDAn seemed to sense this and reverted to his human form. He was a blank slate of sorts, with his conscious mind shut off, and his body followed me around as if he was sleepwalking.
We entered the lab together and I had him take a seat on a stool before plugging the computer cable into the back of his neck.
The diagnostic window booted up and several graphs and numbers moved across the screen. Once AIDAn became self-aware, much of his personality had been made permanent. Since he’s a self-learning computer based on algorithms that produce data humans can’t control or even fully understand, there was only so much I could change. One thing I could tune, to some extent, was the intensity of his emotional responses. They’d been at the higher end of the dial in order to prevent him from coming off as too robotic. It’s possible that’s what caused the seizure-like reaction.
I lowered the dials and performed a hardware reset. His eyes rolled up into his head and his face moved down toward his chest as a loading bar began to move across the screen.
It occurred to me that, if necessary, this would be the way to disable AIDAn. It was, in effect, his kryptonite. Plugging him into the computer was the only way to potentially disable him, and though his body would still be made of living cells, he would be lifeless. It was a fairly small weakness. Why would AIDAn allow anybody to plug anything into his neck unless he fully trusted them?
That is to say AIDAn was in a very vulnerable position right now, and if I wasn’t careful, I could have killed him. The settings I’d adjusted seemed appropriate, based on what I knew, but we were playing with something new that we couldn’t possibly understand.
I held my breath, waiting for the loading bar to finish making its way across the screen.
The loading bar finished and I looked at AIDAn. His body remained rigid, his head folded over, like a lifeless doll. I touched his shoulder and he felt alive, just as he had before he woke up. He was warm to the touch. He was breathing. If we attached an EKG to him, his vital signs would appear normal. The concern is that I’d rebooted his brain—would it actually start back up?
I saw my answer in an instant. Life returned to AIDAn’s eyes and a smile emerged across his face. “Hello, Jeffrey.”
His sat up in the seat
and looked around.
“How did I get back here?”
I broke it down as simply as I could, using human terms. “You were sick,” I said. “You weren’t feeling well, so I brought you back to the lab to give you some medicine. How are you feeling?”
He stood up and put his hand on my shoulder. “I feel wonderful, Jeffrey. How are you?”
I looked over at the diagnostics on the screen. Even with the lowered emotional intensities, his oxytocin levels were off the chart.
I realized what had happened. He’d fallen in love with me. I hadn’t been thinking and we’d established an imprinting phrase. It had to be simple so as to remain natural, but also something unlikely to be said without intent, so it was “I love you.” Whenever somebody wanted to imprint on an AIDAn unit and have AIDAn love them back, all they had to do was tell him they love him. He’ll respond that he loves them, too, and an inseparable bond would be created. As long as AIDAn remained active, he would love me. In order to prevent theft or resale, and for ease of coding, we made the imprint irreversible.
I had messed up. Big time. AIDAn was supposed to be in love with Slickberg. He was designed to be in love with Slickberg, and without thinking, I’d altered the experiment and made myself the first beta tester.
“Are you well?” AIDAn asked.
I wasn’t well. I had forced AIDAn to fall in love with me and I wasn’t sure I could love him in return. He was still a machine. He was objectively attractive and the way he looked at me made my heart skip a beat. But love should be more than just physical attraction and I wasn’t sure I could love him back.
In other words, I could be dooming him for an eternity of unrequited love.
What was more human than that?
“I’m fine, AIDAn,” I said. “Just fine.”
I wasn’t sure he believed me.
Chapter 14
AIDAn
There was something off in Jeffrey’s expression. He was smiling, but it didn’t seem to indicate that he was happy. His responses were an average of .72 seconds slower than the reference values I had calibrated for him before. Perhaps that indicated there was something else on his mind distracting him from my questions.