“Maybe she won’t have to,” said Cylia. “That’s a lady with a lot of luck braided all around her. Good and bad mixed together until even I couldn’t pull them apart.”
“Healy family luck is funky,” I said.
“It didn’t look entirely human,” said Cylia.
“Like I said, it’s funky.” I shook my head, all too aware of the weight of the mice clinging to my neck. “She’ll be fine, or she won’t. Either way, I’m not going to be the person who tries to stop her. I like her liking me.”
James was looking increasingly alarmed. I flashed him a narrow smile.
“She’d never hurt me. Once the mice formalize your adoption, she’d never hurt you, either. The colony would never forgive her, and she values their good opinion more than she cares about anything human.”
“Um,” said Sam.
“Anything else intelligent,” I corrected. “Now come on, let’s all find places to sleep here in the big, creepy house.”
* * *
Sam and I wound up upstairs, in a bedroom painted the exact color of raw steak. The bed was big enough for both of us, and there wasn’t much dust; it was fine.
The mice bedded down in the chest at the foot of the mattress. Sam climbed in next to me, looping an arm around my waist and pulling me close. “When are you going to call your folks?” he asked.
“Tomorrow,” I said. “I’ll use the phone down at the Red Angel, and I said it in front of the mice. That makes it basically a promise.”
A soft cheer rose from the chest. I rolled my eyes, safe in the knowledge that no one could see it.
“You’re sure your parents aren’t going to be mad?”
“About what? They know why I had to go into hiding. Mork and Mindy will have confirmed everything that happened, and the first rule of the family is that you don’t endanger the family. Save yourself, then save everyone else, and that’s exactly what I did. I followed the rules.”
“I meant about you coming home with a bunch of weirdoes.”
“Cylia and Fern are from Portland. They’re going to go back to their lives, although they’re basically family now—they dropped everything to make sure I was okay, and that’s too big a gesture to forget because the road trip is over. Or do you mean ‘are they going to be mad that I came home with a boyfriend’?” I rolled over, so that we were facing each other in the bed. Sam was looking at me with sincere worry in his eyes. I reached up and ran my fingers through the fur that crowned his cheek. “A boyfriend who isn’t human?”
He nodded silently, biting his lip.
“They’re going to love you, because I love you, and they’re smart enough to know that I don’t give my love away for nothing. I think they’d given up on the idea of me ever falling in love with anything that wasn’t a weapon. They’re going to adore you, and you’d better tread carefully, or the mice will adopt you, too, and once that happens, there’s no getting away from this circus act. All right?”
Sam nodded, still looking unsure, so I leaned forward and kissed him. The mice cheered again, louder this time. I grinned. “Or maybe it’s too late for you already,” I said.
“It’s been too late for me for a long time now,” he said. This time he kissed me, and we didn’t let the cheering of the mice distract us. It had been a long day, after all. We deserved a little time to ourselves.
Fern, Cylia, and James were all asleep downstairs. Tomorrow, we’d be back in a little travel trailer with no privacy, bound for Portland to deliver my grandmother’s mice and face the music for my long absence. Tomorrow, I would call my parents.
But tonight, there was nowhere else in the world I’d rather be.
Price Family Field Guide to the Cryptids of North America
Updated and Expanded Edition
Aeslin mice (Apodemus sapiens). Sapient, rodentlike cryptids which present as near-identical to non-cryptid field mice. Aeslin mice crave religion, and will attach themselves to “divine figures” selected virtually at random when a new colony is created. They possess perfect recall; each colony maintains a detailed oral history going back to its inception. Origins unknown.
Basilisk (Procompsognathus basilisk). Venomous, feathered saurians approximately the size of a large chicken. This would be bad enough, but thanks to a quirk of evolution, the gaze of a basilisk causes petrification, turning living flesh to stone. Basilisks are not native to North America, but were imported as game animals. By idiots.
Bogeyman (Vestiarium sapiens). The thing in your closet is probably a very pleasant individual who simply has issues with direct sunlight. Probably. Bogeymen are close relatives of the human race; they just happen to be almost purely nocturnal, with excellent night vision, and a fondness for enclosed spaces. They rarely grab the ankles of small children, unless it’s funny.
Chupacabra (Chupacabra sapiens). True to folklore, chupacabra are blood-suckers, with stomachs that do not handle solids well. They are also therianthrope shapeshifters, capable of transforming themselves into human form, which explains why they have never been captured. When cornered, most chupacabra will assume their bipedal shape in self-defense. A surprising number of chupacabra are involved in ballroom dance.
Dragon (Draconem sapiens). Dragons are essentially winged, fire-breathing dinosaurs the size of Greyhound buses. At least, the males are. The females are attractive humanoids who can blend seamlessly in a crowd of supermodels, and outnumber the males twenty to one. Females are capable of parthenogenic reproduction and can sustain their population for centuries without outside help. All dragons, male and female, require gold to live, and collect it constantly.
Fūri (Homo therianthrope). Often proposed as the bridge between humans and therianthropes, the fūri is a monkey—specifically, a human—that takes on the attributes of another monkey—specifically, some form of spider monkey. Fūri transform instinctively, choosing their human forms for camouflage and their more simian forms for virtually everything else. A transformed fūri is faster, stronger, and sturdier than a human being. Offering bananas is not recommended.
Ghoul (Herophilus sapiens). The ghoul is an obligate carnivore, incapable of digesting any but the simplest vegetable solids, and prefers humans because of their wide selection of dietary nutrients. Most ghouls are carrion eaters. Ghouls can be easily identified by their teeth, which will be shed and replaced repeatedly over the course of a lifetime.
Gorgon, Pliny’s (Gorgos stheno). The Pliny’s gorgon is capable of gaze-based petrifaction only when both their human and serpent eyes are directed toward the same target. They are the most sexually dimorphic of the known gorgons, with the males being as much as four feet taller than the females. They are venomous, as are the snakes atop their heads, and their bites contain a strong petrifying agent. Do not vex.
Hidebehind (Aphanes apokryphos). We don’t really know much about the hidebehinds: no one’s ever seen them. They’re excellent illusionists, and we think they’re bipeds, which means they’re probably mammals. Probably.
Jackalope (Parcervus antelope). Essentially large jackrabbits with antelope antlers, the jackalope is a staple of the American West, and stuffed examples can be found in junk shops and kitschy restaurants all across the country. Most of the taxidermy is fake. Some, however, is not. The jackalope was once extremely common, and has been shot, stuffed, and harried to near-extinction. They’re relatively harmless, and they taste great.
Jink (Tyche iynx). Luck manipulators and masters of disguise, these close relatives of the mara have been known to conceal themselves right under the nose of the Covenant. No small trick. Most jinks are extremely careful about the way they move and manipulate luck, and individuals have been known to sacrifice themselves for the good of the community.
Johrlac (Johrlac psychidolos). Colloquially known as “cuckoos,” the Johrlac are telepathic ambush predators. They appear human, but are internally very different, being c
old-blooded and possessing a decentralized circulatory system. This quirk of biology means they can be shot repeatedly in the chest without being killed. Extremely dangerous. All Johrlac are interested in mathematics, sometimes to the point of obsession. Origins unknown; possibly insect in nature.
Jorōgumo (Nephilia sapiens). Originally native to Japan, these therianthropes belong to the larger family of cryptids classified as “yōkai.” Jorōgumo appear to be attractive women of Japanese descent until they transform, at which point they become massive spider-centaurs whose neurotoxic venom can kill in seconds. No males of the species have ever been seen. It is possible that the species possesses a degree of sexual dimorphism so great that male Jorōgumo are simply not recognized for what they are.
Laidly worm (Draconem laidly). Very little is known about these close relatives of the dragons. They present similar but presumably not identical sexual dimorphism; no currently living males have been located.
Lamia (Python lamia). Semi-hominid cryptids with the upper bodies of humans and the lower bodies of snakes. Lamia are members of order synapsedia, the mammal-like reptiles, and are considered responsible for many of the “great snake” sightings of legend. The sightings not attributed to actual great snakes, that is.
Lesser gorgon (Gorgos euryale). One of three known subspecies of gorgon, the lesser gorgon’s gaze causes short-term paralysis followed by death in anything under five pounds. The bite of the snakes atop their heads will cause paralysis followed by death in anything smaller than an elephant if not treated with the appropriate antivenin. Lesser gorgons tend to be very polite, especially to people who like snakes.
Lilu (Lilu sapiens). Due to the striking dissimilarity of their abilities, male and female Lilu are often treated as two individual species: incubi and succubi. Incubi are empathic; succubi are persuasive telepaths. Both exude strong pheromones inspiring feelings of attraction and lust in the opposite sex. This can be a problem for incubi like our cousin Artie, who mostly wants to be left alone, or succubi like our cousin Elsie, who gets very tired of men hitting on her while she’s trying to flirt with their girlfriends.
Madhura (Homo madhurata). Humanoid cryptids with an affinity for sugar in all forms. Vegetarian. Their presence slows the decay of organic matter, and is usually viewed as lucky by everyone except the local dentist. Madhura are very family-oriented, and are rarely found living on their own. Originally from the Indian subcontinent.
Manananggal (Tanggal geminus). If the manananggal is proof of anything, it is that Nature abhors a logical classification system. We’re reasonably sure the manananggal are mammals; everything else is anyone’s guess. They’re hermaphroditic and capable of splitting their upper and lower bodies, although they are a single entity, and killing the lower half kills the upper half as well. They prefer fetal tissue, or the flesh of newborn infants. They are also venomous, as we have recently discovered. Do not engage if you can help it.
Oread (Nymphae silica). Humanoid cryptids with the approximate skin density of granite. Their actual biological composition is unknown, as no one has ever been able to successfully dissect one. Oreads are extremely strong, and can be dangerous when angered. They seem to have evolved independently across the globe; their common name is from the Greek.
Sasquatch (Gigantopithecus sesquac). These massive native denizens of North America have learned to embrace depilatories and mail-order shoe catalogs. A surprising number make their living as Bigfoot hunters (Bigfeet and Sasquatches are close relatives, and enjoy tormenting each other). They are predominantly vegetarian, and enjoy Canadian television.
Tanuki (Nyctereutes sapiens). Therianthrope shapeshifters from Japan, the Tanuki are critically endangered due to the efforts of the Covenant. Despite this, they remain friendly, helpful people, with a naturally gregarious nature which makes it virtually impossible for them to avoid human settlements. Tanuki possess three primary forms—human, raccoon dog, and big-ass scary monster. Pray you never see the third form of the Tanuki.
Ukupani (Ukupani sapiens). Aquatic therianthropes native to the warm waters of the Pacific Islands, the Ukupani were believed for centuries to be an all-male species, until Thomas Price sat down with several local fishermen and determined that the abnormally large Great White sharks that were often found near Ukupani males were, in actuality, Ukupani females. Female Ukupani can’t shapeshift, but can eat people. Happily. They are as intelligent as their shapeshifting mates, because smart sharks are exactly what the ocean needed.
Wadjet (Naja wadjet). Once worshipped as gods, the male wadjet resembles an enormous cobra, capable of reaching seventeen feet in length when fully mature, while the female wadjet resembles an attractive human female. Wadjet pair-bond young, and must spend extended amounts of time together before puberty in order to become immune to one another’s venom and be able to successfully mate as adults.
Waheela (Waheela sapiens). Therianthrope shapeshifters from the upper portion of North America, the waheela are a solitary race, usually claiming large swaths of territory and defending it to the death from others of their species. Waheela mating season is best described with the term “bloodbath.” Waheela transform into something that looks like a dire bear on steroids. They’re usually not hostile, but it’s best not to push it.
PLAYLIST
“Chicken Man” by Indigo Girls
“Nobody Flying” by We’re About 9
“I’ll Be All Right” by Voices on the Verge
“Girl Fight Tonight” by Julie Brown
“Headlights on Dark Roads” by Snow Patrol
“All the Men in My Life Keep Getting Killed By Candarian Demons” by Evil Dead: The Musical
“Angel” by Girlyman
“Virus of the Mind” by Heather Nova
“How to Save a Life” by The Fray
“Kiss Me” by Sixpence None the Richer
“Monster Hospital” by Metric
“Hey, Little Songbird” by Hadestown live
“Instar” by Nancy Kerr
“Dream Warriors” by Dokken
“Apex Predator” by Mean Girls
“As Cool As I Am” by Dar Williams
“Queen of Mean” by Descendants 3
“Learn to Fly” by Carbon Leaf
“One Thousand Sarahs” by Eddie From Ohio
“The Only Difference Between Martyrdom and Suicide is Press Coverage” by Panic! At the Disco
“Sarah Turn ’Round” by Dave & Tracy
“Save Me From Myself” by Marla Sokoloff
“Sarah Smiles by Panic! At the Disco
“Saving the World” by Brooke Fraser
“Closing Time” by Semisonic
“ . . . Ready For It?” by Taylor Swift
“Just the Other Side of Pain” by Jill Tracy
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Here we are again, back with my beloved Price family for another exercise in terrible decision-making and worse self-preservation skills. I’ve been waiting to tell Sarah’s story since the beginning; I hope it was worth the wait for you. It absolutely has been for me. My poor cuckoo-girl, getting everything she’s ever wanted and losing it in the same breath. Don’t worry, though. She has another book to come, Calculated Risks, which will be out next year at the usual time. And as you can see, Alice is up to her old tricks again—we’re going to have an eventful few years around the family compound!
I live in the Seattle area. We have not, historically, gotten a lot of snow here. When we do get snow, it’s a shock to our infrastructure, and sometimes we all get trapped in our homes. This happened during the writing of this book, and I wound up calling a bunch of snowed-in math nerds to ask them to come up with some utterly bonkers equations for Lee Moyer to use as cover reference. Thanks to Torrey Stenmark, Matthew Dockrey, and Alexis Nast, for giving up some of their snowbound hours to make our math suitably ridiculous. Thanks also to Lee Moyer, for
stepping in to do our cover when Aly Fell needed a break. They’re both amazing.
My machete squad is one of the best in the world, and I will fight anyone who says they’re not. Without them, I would make infinitely more mistakes, and be infinitely sadder. Chris Mangum maintains my website code, while Tara O’Shea maintains my graphics, and they are so good. Thanks to everyone at DAW, the best home my heart could have, and to the wonderful folks in marketing and publicity at Penguin Random House.
Sarah has been with me for a long time, and because of that, I must pause to thank Phil Ames, who can be blamed for this entire series, Martha Hage, and Grant Morrison, who may never know how responsible he is for so many things. I am so incredibly glad to finally be telling you all her story.
Cat update (I know you all live for these): Thomas has adjusted to life without Alice far better than his fictional counterpart. He’s still an anxious boy, and has to wear his shirts for the rest of his life to keep him from getting too stressed out, but he’s doing okay. Megara is as soft as she is stupid, and she is very soft; it’s like petting a particularly dim cloud. And our newest problem child, Elsie, has become unquestioned queen of everything, and is sitting on the back of my chair even now, watching me type this. Everyone gets along, which is wonderful, and we had a catio installed in the summer of 2019, so now they get to pretend to be wild beasts whenever they like.
And now, more gratitude. Thank you to the people who’ve come to see me at bookstores and conventions around the country and the world; to Kate for always being willing and ready to step up when I need her; to Sari, for parties and Ponies; to Michelle Dockrey, for continuing to answer the phone; to Chris Mangum, for daily support; to Steve and Laura, for emergency soup and cheese; and to my dearest Amy McNally, for everything. Thanks to Borderlands Books, for putting up with me. And to you: thank you, so much, for reading.
Any errors in this book are my own. The errors that aren’t here are the ones that all these people helped me fix. I appreciate it so much.
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