by Quinn, Taryn
I bowed my head and Kinleigh rushed round the counter to me.
“Holy shitballs.”
“Yeah.”
She linked her arm with mine. “I’m going to be the best damn aunt in the freaking world.”
“I know you are.” I tipped my head to touch her shoulder.
I wasn’t sure how long we stood like that, but I do know my ice cream was a melted mess by the time I gathered up the box and test and stuffed them in my bag. I didn’t think shoving them at the bottom of the garbage would be enough to hide the evidence from my brother.
I might have to bring them to the next county.
Kinleigh crossed her arms over her middle as she slumped back into her chair. “So, you want to do a sleep over?”
“Chocolate and wine is off the menu. At least the wine.”
“I’ll drink all the wine for you.”
“You’re all heart.”
“I know.” Her smile was extra bright. “I’ll go find Pretty in Pink on iTunes.”
Things were extra dire if she was pulling out Molly Ringwald and Duckie.
But the movie did take my mind off things. Kinleigh fell asleep on the couch before the credits rolled. I couldn’t settle my brain.
Was Rory my Blane?
Or even worse, was he my Steff? The snarky, damaged guy who could never be the one I deserved even though he was infinitely more interesting than Blane.
And in the end, I should have found a Duckie. The safe guy who would always be by my side and would be thrilled to make a family and a very lovely life.
I struggled out of my favorite comfy chair and padded back into the kitchen for a drink. I stared at my purse and the other test in there. Maybe I was being crazy. Maybe I wasn’t really pregnant.
Maybe it was all a big joke.
All the things I’d ever wanted were in front of me. My ice cream was going to be sold at Macy’s, and if I had my way, it would be in that ice cream truck before the summer was over.
Some time ago, I’d gone to that meeting Vee had put together at Brewed Awakening with all the women who were willing to do the baby thing alone. Now here I was.
Maybe it was just fate. I was supposed to do this on my own. Perhaps everything was going the way it was supposed to go.
Then again, maybe I wasn’t really pregnant.
I grabbed the other test out of my bag and ran down the hall to the bathroom. I took the test and sat on the edge of the tub as the minutes ticked by. This one was a five-minute test and the stupid purple tester kept blurring.
I didn’t even know I was crying until my brother crouched in front of me. The Jack and Jill door to the bathroom was open from his side. Yet again, tears had taken over and decided they were coming out, whether I wanted them to or not.
“Auggie.”
“Oh, shit. You don’t call me that anymore.” Then he must have seen the box because his green gaze flew to mine. “Ah, Ivy Rose.” His voice was gentle even as his hands went to fists. “Who is he?”
I curled my fingers around his huge, calloused hand. I could feel the rage under the calm. My brother was good at that. As the eldest of us, he was always the most responsible. The most reliable.
Our rock.
“No one you know.”
“Are you all right?”
“I don’t know.”
He swore and sat down right on the tile floor. “Does he know?”
“No.”
“How the hell is he supposed to step up if he doesn’t know? Or…”
I blew out a long breath. “It’s complicated.”
“Uncomplicate it.”
I laughed. “It doesn’t work that way.”
“You have his number, right?”
“Yes, Aug. I just know he’s not interested in starting a family.”
“Well, he was interested enough to get you horizontal.”
“Okay, can we not go there? It’s just weird to talk to you about sex.”
“Yeah, well, I don’t like thinking about it either. But he still needs to know.”
“He won’t—”
He twisted our hands until my smaller ones were enveloped by his huge ones. “He still deserves to know.” His eyes were serious and steady. “Then it’s on him. And if he doesn’t help at least monetarily—”
“No. I’ll take care of this baby. Somehow I’ll make it work.” I didn’t realize just how much I wanted it until I said that. Because it was true. This baby was mine.
I might have been in love with Rory, but I could survive without him. It would suck and a little piece of me would always be sad, but the baby was non-negotiable.
“It’s not just the responsibility angle, Ive. It’s doing what’s right. If I had a kid out there, I’d want to know.” He let my hands go. “But I’m here for you. Whatever you need.”
I nodded. “I know.”
Keeping this from August would have been impossible. Hiding a pregnancy test was ridiculous. As if I wasn’t going to tell my big brother. Not like I’d be able to hide it much longer anyway.
Did I mention flowing shirts for the win? Guess I wasn’t far off on that one.
August got to his feet and tugged on one of my braids. “Tell him.”
“I will.”
He narrowed his gaze at me.
“Soon. I just need some time.”
He nodded. “Get some rest. Your partner in crime is snoring on the couch.”
I laughed. “Yeah, she took me to get the test.”
His gaze was unreadable, but he gave me a small smile. “Are you all right?”
“I will be.”
“Good enough. But you have to tell mom.”
I swallowed a groan. Barely. “Yeah, I’ll need a day or so to get ready for that.”
“You and me both. Night, brat.”
“Night.”
I waited until he closed the door, then slid my hand over my barely there curve of a belly. “Just you and me.”
At least for now.
Eighteen
June
“You know I can’t do it without you.”
I rolled my eyes and kicked my feet up next to the mixing board in my bare bones home studio. “You can and you have until this point.”
“That is a lie. You helped me with my first EP. Don’t you recall working with me and Flynn? Hijinks in the woods in Tennessee. So many woods.” I imagined Ian shuddering.
Like me, my mate wasn’t the biggest fan of bonding with nature. Although I’d gotten much closer to nature than I’d ever anticipated that night with Ivy…
A night on constant replay in my head, much to my consternation. It was over a month now since I’d seen her. Even that long had been torture. Going beyond it would test me.
It already was.
Sure, we’d texted a few times. Some nights more than a few. I was usually flying across the damn country and living out of my luggage and her long hours at the diner and working on her truck seemed to leave us at cross purposes. But an emoji from her could brighten my whole day.
Once or twice, I’d weakened and nearly called her. Yet I knew I couldn’t open that box. It wouldn’t make the distance easier. Just the opposite. And I’d made her promise to call me if she found someone else, so maybe she figured I’d do the same.
I didn’t want to rock the boat. It was already damn close to capsizing.
With a sigh, I checked back into the conversation with Ian. “I do recall. I also remember you learning to enjoy those woods. You were up fishing every morning.”
“It was nice being out there on the water. A good way to clear my head. Also, I drank a liquid breakfast, so there was that.”
“I imagine a liquid breakfast makes most things better.”
“Not really. Just dulls the edges so nothing is as vivid or as sharp. I’m not a happy drunk like you most of the time. You’re the table dancer, not me.”
I snorted and dropped my feet to the floor. Clearly, I was too restless to sit. “I have pictures
that say otherwise.”
“Those might as well have been a lifetime ago.”
“Right, back when you were a single lad and footloose and fancy free.”
“Footloose? I was a bloody mess. Women tossed me their numbers and I couldn’t even consider taking them up on their offers. I’d gone to banana.”
“What?”
“You know. Soft serve. Couldn’t get it up for anyone but Zoe.”
I did know. All too well. And it royally brassed me off. Not that I wanted to get it up for anyone else. I couldn’t even look at other women. Every one I passed, I compared to Ivy and rejected. Too tall, too short, too thin, not ginger enough.
Just not Ivy.
“Must you rub in your love life at every turn?”
“Who’s rubbing? Sounds like you might need to though. You’re crankier than usual.”
“Hell yes, I’m cranky, because you think I can just pick up and run to New York whenever you get the yen to bother me. I have clients, you know, and work that doesn’t include you.”
“I get that, and I have songs with others that I didn’t intend to include you on either. But I wanted you to be part of this EP just as you were the last. If you’re too busy, that’s fine. I’ll make do.”
I stabbed my fingers into my eyes. They were gritty and hot from too many long nights spent fiddling with melodies and writing pages of lyrics that didn’t go anywhere. “Look, I’m in a mood.”
“What else is new?”
“Worse than usual. I appreciate you wanting my input, truly I do, but Jesus, there’s a million other producers who could—”
“A million others who aren’t you. If you don’t want to come back to New York, why don’t you just say so?”
I slammed my hand against the side of the console and swore under my breath as it wobbled on its legs. Shoddy workmanship. When I got my real place, I’d make sure—
Right, because this was all temporary. I’d moved into this apartment two years ago, thinking I’d be gone in a year. Instead, it had stretched into another while I searched for my dream home. Even with plenty of money at my disposal, and a mind full of ideas, I couldn’t seem to find what I wanted. LA and its surrounding suburbs had everything I could ever imagine. It didn’t make sense I couldn’t find a place to suit.
Unless I hadn’t been meant to find a place here at all. Searching forever in the wrong spot wouldn’t lead to the fucking pot of gold, no matter how many hours I invested.
“It has nothing to do with New York. Wait a second, you’re back there already?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because my fiancée’s family is here, perhaps? Did you fall out of bed while reaching for your Pepto and hit your head on the floor?”
I laughed before I could stop myself. It was encouragement Ian didn’t need. Ivy might’ve called me Lucky Charms, but Ian was the one who made people happy. Not me.
I rubbed the stitch in my side. I was a dour bloke who probably would need Pepto if I didn’t stop mainlining coffee like it was water and not getting any rest.
And let’s not forget the medicinal qualities of sex. I missed those too.
“We just left there weeks ago.”
“It’s been more than a month. Heading toward a month and half. We went home, handled what we needed to there, and came back to the farm. Zoe wants to be here for the baby’s birth and she can’t be flitting about until the day of, you know.”
No, I didn’t know. I wasn’t an expert on childbirth. Why would I need to be? I didn’t even intend to have kids. Or a wife.
Why would I need any of those things? Obviously, I was ridiculously happy all on my own.
Right.
A thought occurred to me. “Which others are you doing songs with?”
He grew quiet. For about fifteen seconds, Ian’s max. “Finally heard that, hmm? Your mind is half a dozen steps behind, mate.”
“I have a lot to think about.”
“Do you now? So envious. And here I am, with absolutely nothing in my head.”
I laughed again and stared up at the ceiling. “Why do you like me, Ian? Seriously. I can’t see why you cultivate our friendship. What’s in it for you?”
“The truth.”
“Pardon?”
“You don’t snow me, ever, and we both know how rare that is in this business. You also don’t kiss my ass. If you’re nice to me, it’s because you want to be, not because you expect something in return. Plus, you’re oddly good at Karaoke, even if it takes a few pints of Guinness to get you to that point.”
“You’ve never heard me sing Karaoke.”
“The recording feature on my phone says otherwise.”
I sat back down in my swivel chair and braced my elbow against my knee. Rubbing my face didn’t begin to erase the exhaustion. I feared nothing could.
At least not on this coast. Right now, New York felt like another planet.
Almost at once, I realized who Ian was working with. That canny fucker. “You’ve been sneaking around with Kellan.”
His silence spoke volumes. Especially since he hadn’t ever been silent in my presence for more than thirty seconds, unless he was sleeping.
“Kellan mentioned something about a new piece he wanted me to hear when it was ready. We’ve been hammering out ideas over the phone, finding the slant for—hell, why am I telling you this? You probably know more than I do.”
Ian chuckled. “Yeah, sure, I do. Kellan is like you. He grunts more than he shares. I guess I like a challenge. But our voices are complementary, and Lord Lewis likes what we’re coming up with. He mentioned bringing in Connors and Goldwaith to—”
“Connors and Goldwaith? He never uses them.”
“Right, but he said you already said you were busy. Too busy for your best friend, but whatever.”
“I never said you were my best friend.”
“No, but you can’t stop me from making you mine.”
The laughter rolled out of me and ended in a groan as I leaned back in my chair. “Seriously, I’m too tired for this conversation.”
“So, just say yes and you’ll get the triple bonus of me, Kellan, and Ivy. And Ivy will make you feel much better. There’s something about redheads, isn’t there?”
I hated that he was right. On all accounts. “Your lady is blond.”
“My lady has been every color of the universe and probably will be again once she gives birth.”
“You talk about that kid enough, you’d think it was the Christ child.”
“I’m excited. So, sue me.”
“If only I could. Sure you don’t want Kellan to be your new best friend?”
“He’s grouchy enough for the role, but you know I can’t resist your baby blues.”
“You are well and truly a jackass.” Though I grinned just the same. And it wasn’t just at Ian’s typical antics.
I could go back to New York. To Ivy. I didn’t have to linger around here, missing her. A few phone calls and a couple of altered arrangements, and I could—
The other line beeped. “Hang on.”
But I didn’t click over to take the call, just checked who it was.
Ivy.
Calling me at—I checked my watch—past midnight, her time. When she hadn’t yet answered my text from earlier. My three texts actually. She’d had the day off, so I’d been persistent.
For that matter, she’d been slower and slower to respond to texts in general, so I’d started spacing them out. Except I hadn’t today. Not that it had made a difference in her response. But I hadn’t fully realized how far apart her replies had become until right this instant.
Now she was calling for the first time ever.
Fulfilling her promise, maybe? She’d probably been out with her new lover today. Guilt kicking in before bed.
Better tell old Rory to stop fussing at me so much, as my new man doesn’t like it.
My stomach twisted in tandem with the vise around my heart. I sat up
straighter and sent the call to voicemail.
Like a coward.
“Not all of us are like you,” I said to Ian, once I could speak around the lump in my throat.
“Are you referring to your lack of flowing tresses? And it is a lack, but you still got yourself a mighty fine woman just the same. She’s been hanging around with Maggie and Zoe, you know.”
Even in the midst of my own confusion, I was happy to hear it. Ivy had meshed well with the other women, enough that they’d developed lasting bonds.
Ivy was able to do things like that. Me? I overthought and groused and generally pushed people away.
“Of course she has. I’m to come back there and it’ll be just like it was that day in April. One big, happy, dysfunctional family.”
“I put the fun in dysfunctional, thanks though.”
“Aren’t you assuming an awful lot? Just because Ivy is friends with Zoe and Maggie doesn’t mean we can just pick up where we left off. Her life continues despite me being out here. I can’t expect her to just hit the pause button and wait for me.”
Except I did. In my head, in my heart, I couldn’t help it. Because every fucking part of me was waiting for her.
“That’s true. She may be shagging the high school football team even as we speak. I imagine she could still fit into one of those tiny cheer uniforms too. Just like Britney Spears.”
Now I had that picture of Ivy in my head, complete with pigtails and pom-poms. Sometimes I hated that bastard.
“You aren’t funny.”
“Tell me, mate, what is it you’re afraid of? That you’ll come back here and Ivy will demand you drop down on one knee and produce a ring?” He waited a beat. “Or that she won’t?”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“Which?”
I started to reply, then stopped. Of course she didn’t expect a ring. Even if things had gotten far more intense than we’d expected, she wasn’t looking to settle down yet.
Just as I wasn’t.
But wasn’t that like finding your next big hit? You might be looking or you might not, but when you stumbled upon a gold record, only an idiot would put it back on the shelf.
Bloody shelves again. I was going to ban that word from my vocabulary.
“How’s Zoe?” I asked instead of continuing along that line of thought. Ian was relentless, and at heart, he was a good soul. But I didn’t want to be counseled or guided. I just wanted Ivy, and having her in my life wasn’t so simple.