by Quinn, Taryn
I shoved my hands into my Carhartt jacket pockets as she waited for the driver to walk around the SUV to open the door. I sure as hell wasn’t going to be her lackey again. Once upon a time, I’d done everything I could to please that woman.
Now all I could think about was what was the quickest and least traumatic way to get her out of my life again. I hated thinking that way about my child’s mother, but every time she came back into Dani’s life, things went very sideways.
Dani loved her mother—of course she did, and she should. However, Jessica looked at motherhood more like a weekend at a spa with a little girl to play dress up with. She didn’t do discipline. It was far easier for her to shower Dani with gifts than to find a way to be a true mother.
I wasn’t even sure Jessica knew what reality was any longer. She certainly didn’t fit the part of the up and coming actress I’d met all those years ago. That Jessica had been more down to earth. More accessible and less plastic.
My eyebrows rose as she stepped onto the sidewalk with a little sneer at the gazebo swathed in orange and purple lights for Halloween. She handed the driver her bag then swiped her…was that a cape?
Jesus.
She swung some extra long part of it over her shoulder and it draped over her lush body as if she’d just stepped off the runway. Add in the slouchy hat that seemed improbably placed on her head and the yard of blond hair, and I didn’t recognize any part of this woman.
She took her bag back and flitted her fingers at the driver. The guy nodded at her and returned to the driver’s side, got in, then pulled away from the curb.
Well, shit. That didn’t bode well for a quick conversation.
I sighed and opened the door to the diner. “Nice of you to make it.”
“Don’t give me that snide tone, John.” She swept by me on a cloud of expensive perfume.
I sighed and followed her inside. She paused in the vestibule for a moment before stalking down between the row of tables to a booth in the back.
“Hey, Gideon.” Gina Ramos came through the swinging doors. “I didn’t know you were coming in today. Thought you only came in when we had the roast beef special.”
“Macy keeps me fed with trying out her new menu items for The Haunt’s opening.”
“I’m so excited to go this weekend. I was thrilled to get an invitation to the friends and family opening.”
“So, you’re going to be there?”
“I wouldn’t miss it.” She flipped her raven dark curls over her shoulder. “I’m trying to figure out a way to get Jared to take me. He seems to think things are going to get out of hand.”
“Sheriff Brooks likes to pretend Macy’s horror restaurant is going to change the town into some crazy stop for freaks.”
Gina laughed. “Jared said the same thing when Tish came to town too. Talk about worst case scenario thinking. Sometimes he acts more like he’s fifty-five than thirty-five.”
“Why the town council loves him.”
“You got that right. Go on and sit down with your fancy friend. Coffee or a soda?”
“I’ll grab a Coke.”
“For her?”
“Got any fizzy water or something? With a lime, if you’ve got it.”
“Sounds like you know her well.”
I glanced over at Jessica, who was waiting to sit down. Maybe her pants were too tight. Probably more like she didn’t want to put her couture fabric-wrapped ass on the vinyl. “I used to. Thanks, Gina.”
When I reached my ex, I resisted the urge to sigh. “It’s not going to bite, Jess.”
She looked over her shoulder at me and let her wrap-thing fall off her shoulder. She handed it to me. “Why did you pick this place? Rusty Spoon, was it? Aptly named.”
I rolled my eyes and shoved her version of a coat into the booth next to me.
“That’s cashmere, John.”
“I’m sure the sheep didn’t wrinkle. It’ll be fine.”
She sighed. “This is one of the million reasons we didn’t work.”
I rubbed my cold hands together, then laced them together in front of me. I forced myself to look her right in the eye. “Glad we’re in agreement there. Maybe you can come to the same conclusion about our daughter. She should be with me just like we agreed upon years ago.”
“John—”
“No, let me finish.” Nerves tried to claw their way out of my gut. “I’m not sure what possessed you to actually ask for additional visitation rights. And I’d one-hundred percent support you if I thought you actually wanted to change your lifestyle and make room for her, but all of this,” I waved my hand at her cashmere coat and the head-to-toe cream-colored outfit she had on, “is not what your daughter is about. She’s all about Halloween and adventure books. She wants to play softball with her friends and sing boy band songs at the top of her lungs. She’s happy here. We’re making an amazing life with Macy—”
“Okay, stop right there.”
I shut my mouth with a snap of my molars. Shit. Shit. Shit. I hadn’t meant to drag Macy’s name into the conversation. Jessica didn’t exactly like Macy for a number of reasons. And that probably wouldn’t help my cause.
Funny that Macy had seemed like the clear choice to show what a stable influence I was, and now just mentioning her could ruin my chance of keeping this out of the courts. That couldn’t be how this went.
“Macy is amazing with Dani. She’s the last woman I’d ever have pictured as the perfect stepmom, but she stepped up the very first day she met Dani. After that insanity with the women who descended on the town—”
Jessica sat back and crossed her arms. “I guess our little matchmaker of a daughter got exactly what she wanted all along.”
I gripped my hands tighter. “What does that mean?”
“Did you know that it was Dani who introduced me to Steven?”
“Who is Steven?”
Jessica sighed. “You really don’t look at the news at all, do you?”
“Not your kind of news.”
She gave me a bland look. “When Dani and I were in Maui this summer, she made friends with another little girl at the pool. She’s Steven Dahl’s niece.”
“You say the name like it means something to me.”
“He’s on Whiskey Tango Foxtrot.”
I frowned at her. “Wasn’t that a movie with Tina Fey?”
“You know who Tina Fey is, but not Steven Dahl?”
I hunched my shoulders as I leaned forward. “Can we get to the point soon? I have to pick up Dani from school.”
She held her hand up. “Regardless, Steven and I began dating. And it was wonderful for a while. He is very interested in starting a family.”
My gut started churning again. “You wanted to increase visitation because of a guy?”
“He made me wonder if I was missing something more.”
Of course she was missing something. The fact that Jessica treated Dani like a pretty doll she could take down when she was in the mood to play with her had always frustrated me. But she had never seen motherhood the way she should have.
Some of it might have stemmed from how her own mother had treated her. Jessica had been a pageant kid and had graduated to television as a teen. Pretty, shiny things had always been her main focus. Not to say she wasn’t a decent person under the gloss, just a very self-involved one as of late.
I swallowed. “And are you?”
“I’m not built to play house, John. You know that more than anyone.”
“No, staying at home always made you crazy.” I lifted my chin. I wouldn’t sugarcoat it. Not now. Now it was about what was best for our daughter. That was me.
And Macy.
Jessica laughed, but it sounded a little sad. “Sometimes I wish I was built for that. That it could be enough for me. Because I see the way Danielle talks about you. There’s a light there that I wish was there for me.” She folded her hands together to mirror mine. “But there’s not.”
“She loves spending time
with you.”
“Yes, I know. I make sure of that, don’t I?”
I looked down at the chipped Formica tabletop.
“I’m well aware I’m more the fun aunt than her mom in her eyes.”
I opened my mouth to refute it, but the truth was so stark and cutting, I couldn’t.
She reached across the table to cover my hands. “I’m not taking her away from you, John. The more time I spent with Steven and the way he talked about us becoming a family, the more I railed against it. I barely knew him, and he had this crazy fantasy about who he thought I should be.”
“Macy loves her so much. I didn’t mean for it to happen, but I’m not sorry. Watching them together makes me—” I cut myself off. I didn’t need to be cruel.
“Wish I’d been the same?”
I lifted my gaze to her. “No.”
She slipped her hand away and slid it back to her side of the table.
“I’m sorry, Jess. We barely worked for the short time we were together. Macy’s the woman I’ve been looking for all my life.”
Her eyes shimmered and she gave a half laugh. “Well, that’s that, isn’t it?”
“I’m sorry.”
She shook her head. “The best part of you was always your clear and linear thinking. I used to envy it because I’m so not that woman. The only clear path I’ve ever had was to a soundstage. For Jessica Kyle to be a household name. And I might have the chance to do that.”
I leaned back in my seat. “And what does that mean for me and Dani?”
She lifted one long, ringed finger with a dagger of a nail. Jesus, that was a weapon. “I don’t like this Macy person.”
I had to look down and press my lips together. “That could be a problem. I’m going to marry her.”
Date her.
Date her.
Holy shit.
I lifted my head to find Jessica’s eyes comically wide. “What?”
“I mean—”
“No, you didn’t. You meant that. You’re going to marry this woman?”
“I…” My heartbeat thundered in my brain and all the spit dried up in my mouth, but then a breath tumbled out. “I love her.”
“Well, obviously. You wouldn’t marry a woman if you didn’t love her. Or knock her up.” Her gaze narrowed. “Did you knock her up?”
“God, no. Macy’s not the kind of woman who takes motherhood lightly. If at all. But she loves Dani. I have no doubts there. She just has some baggage. But we all do.”
“You have an irreplaceable ex-wife.”
“Sure. We’ll go with that.”
She raised one golden eyebrow. “Regardless, this woman is going to be in my daughter’s life. I need to know she’s good enough.” She lifted her chin. “For you too, John. We may not have worked together, but I still love you.”
At my started look, she laughed.
“Not that way, darling. More like as a mostly wonderful memory, and of course you did give me Danielle. I’ll never regret that, no matter what you may think of me.”
“I know you love Dani.” As much as she could love someone.
“I do want to see more of her. A daughter should know more than vacation destinations with her mother. That much I do want to change. But that’s more like maybe part of winter break. Next year. This year, I have a new film, possibly the start of a series if things work like we think. It’s a Netflix series, which seems to be the way things are heading.” She reached for my hand again, excitement filling her eyes. “I may be on the cusp of getting everything I’ve ever wanted.”
Relief flooded my system.
I ached a little for my baby girl. No matter what Jessica said about changing her ways, I knew that her career would always be more important than Dani.
Macy was just as driven, but she’d never once made Dani feel like she was a burden or had to be shoehorned into her schedule. And even if Macy never wanted to have a child with me, how much she cared for my little girl would always be more than enough.
Hesitantly, Gina came over to our table. “I didn’t want to interrupt.”
Jessica accepted the water with lime gratefully and took a sip. “Surprisingly delicious.”
Gina gave me my Coke with a half smile. “Can I get you anything?”
Jessica leaned toward me. “I think I want gravy fries. This is exactly the place I should have them, is it not?”
“We make the best in the county,” Gina chimed in.
“Perfect. My trainer will kill me, but I don’t care. It’s time to celebrate.”
“Burger with the works for me.”
“I’ll go put that in.” Gina winked at me and spun on her heel.
We hashed out a schedule around her new movie and over plates full of carbs. The noises she made over the gravy gave me a few flashbacks of our life before. When we were good. When our values hadn’t clashed yet.
She used to tell me all about her dreams for the future. And I’d listened. I’d always listened. She’d never cared about mine.
Right now, I was sort of glad about that. Because then I’d never have met Macy.
It had taken me a damn long time to get moving when it came to her. But I never had any doubts she was for me.
My watch buzzed a reminder, and I quickly dropped the money for lunch on the table. “I’ve got to go get Dani. Do you want to come with me? I guarantee she has a Christmas list to show you. I’ve gotten three different versions of it. One text, one email, and one handwritten.”
Jessica laughed. “She emailed me one too. Even posted it on her Instagram.”
“I really wish you hadn’t set that up for her.”
“Really? Pretty sure you wouldn’t be with that waspish woman otherwise.”
I had to laugh. That was probably the most appropriate word to describe Macy I’d ever heard. She did have quite the sting. But she also loved fiercely and would defend her people until the end.
God, I loved her.
Jessica blotted her lips then pulled out a compact to fix her flawless face. “Besides, our daughter loves to play matchmaker. We’re lucky she didn’t go Parent Trap on us.”
I choked on my fry. “Jesus, no.”
She gave me that haughty look I would never miss in all my days on this earth. Then suddenly, there was a touch of worry. “Will Danielle be excited to see me?”
“Always.” I slid out of the booth and held out her wrap for her. “Let’s go get our daughter.”
Eighteen
My ordinary day ended with the café door opening and my boyfriend strolling in. Except he wasn’t alone.
Somehow I’d just bought myself a one-way ticket straight into my past.
As my fingers clenched around the twenty in my hand, I kept breathing. What else could I do?
“Macy? My change?”
I barely heard Mrs. Coy. I certainly didn’t react to her. How could I, when I couldn’t look away from the sweet family scene happening right in front of me?
John and Jessica having an animated conversation. John shaking his head with a smile. Then Dani letting out a little squeal and rushing across the room to throw her arms around her mother. Jessica idly stroking Dani’s braid—a braid I’d put in her hair after school—with glossy nails that had probably never had coffee grounds or anything untidy underneath them.
I lifted my hand and studied my own manicure. Oh, yeah, that’s right. I didn’t have one. Because I had my hands in soapy water half a dozen times a day, and I was brutal on any polish. But I still could braid Dani’s hair just fine. I could still laugh with her and take her to school and field her embarrassing questions.
Like on the way home today, she’d asked if it felt good to tongue-kiss, because she was convinced tongues were slimy and she’d rather eat worms.
At the time, I’d evaded and tried to act like yeah, it felt good, but only in a committed relationship. Then I’d backtracked and said it was okay to kiss someone even if you weren’t committed, as long as you wanted to, and you liked the
m. That kissing could be fun, but it was important to set boundaries. Fumbling through every damn word but being so careful I didn’t unintentionally fuck up Gideon’s kid.
All the while, Dani had frowned at me as if I was making no sense. I probably hadn’t. I wasn’t a mom. Probably never would be.
Some people were cut out for it. In this town, it seemed as if everyone was.
For some reason, I kept falling for kids I could never have.
I didn’t care about the man. He’d just helped me break my dry streak. It wasn’t as if I had actual feelings for him—
A tear splashed on the back of the hand gripping the twenty and I stared at it in shock as it burned my skin. Like fire. Like if I watched, a hole would open up in my skin like the pit opening up inside my chest.
“Macy?” Mrs. Coy’s voice gentled as she reached out to touch me and I jumped back as if she’d hit me with a bucket of blazing hot water.
I could feel more tears trying to gather, the process almost painful because I didn’t usually fucking cry so easily, dammit. I wasn’t that person. I handled my shit. It had been a long, tiring day and I was running on empty, but I didn’t normally weep as if my heart was breaking.
What heart? No one in town thought I had one. I’d almost convinced myself.
Then John looked away from Dani and his gaze caught mine. For a second, just one, his smile softened. Something that sure as fuck seemed like genuine emotion shifted over his face and my pulse slowed, the panic receding, a calmness dropping over me.
There was an explanation. There had to be. He’d gotten that strange call that had niggled at me all day, and it had obviously been Jessica. There had to be a reason why he hadn’t told me.
I’d spent too much time with them, gotten too close, for this to happen again.
Then Dani grabbed her mother’s hand, tugging it toward her father’s, and I couldn’t watch anymore because I didn’t care how this horror movie scene ended. I was done watching.
Done participating in my own eventual heartbreak. Because, surprise, that eventual day was here.
Right now.
“Here you go.” I shoved the money back at Mrs. Coy without bothering to make change. “Your drink is on the house. Enjoy it. Have a lovely day.”